Welcome to the week 14 Official NFL Power Rankings! With circus catches and beatdowns alongside great games, there was plenty to discuss even before a MNF Scorigami that might already be airing on ESPN classic. 32/32 Reporting

#		Team	Δ	Record	Comment
1.		Chiefs	--	12-1	The Dolphins gave the Chiefs all they could handle in the first quarter of Sunday's game, but the Chiefs once again proved that when they are focused, they are the most dangerous team in the NFL. Travis Kelce, the NFL's leading receiver currently, had another monster game showing why he's a future hall of famer. However, after having five 10+ point wins in the first eight weeks of the season, the Chiefs last five wins have all been won by one score. Will this trend ultimately matter come playoff time? It's hard to argue with results, as the Chiefs 12-1 record is the best record through 13 games in franchise history. The ultimate barometer for the Chiefs is this week as they travel to play the Saints, hopefully with Drew Brees. Many questions will be answered in this clash of two top five teams.
2.		Packers	+2	10-3	There always seems to be one Lions-Packer game a year that ends up being some kind of adventure. Rodgers and Adams were as good as ever but the Lions kept on lingering throughout the game. Mason "Silver Fox" Crosby nailed an insurance 58 yard field goal with 3:30 to play and made a touchdown-saving tackle on the immediate kickoff. Aside from Crosby, the special teams really leave a lot to be desired, especially after the hands team almost allowed a onside kick recovery (c'mon y'all I don't need Bostic flashbacks). Packers officially won the division game and are now the projected 1 seed, which is pretty neat ngl. Onto a Saturday game I guess?
3.		Bills	+2	10-3	For a team that was searching desperately in 2019 for a signature win, the 2020 Bills have found them everywhere they turn. This team has had one of the toughest schedules in the league, but except for a couple games they've shown up every time they've had to. This is the second-best team in the conference. The Bills bandwagons are circling now. Josh Allen's extending his baseball glove-sized hand. He says "get in nerds, we're goin' to the Super Bowl."
4.		Saints	-1	10-3	This loss = Hurts. Dennis Allen seemingly had no answers for the rookie QB and then Miles Sanders piled on as well. "All the things we didn't want to allow happen, happened in that game." This was Sean Payton's post-game assessment and it's fair. Taysom Hill had an acceptable statline but it hides how sloppy he looked on the field. The defense struggled with its assignment to contain Hurts and keep him from getting outside the pocket - a worrying sign considering the next QB on the schedule.
5.		Steelers	-3	11-2	The Steelers schedule has been insane. 6 days between NYG and DEN. 14 days between HOU and PHI. 10 days between JAX and BAL. But with that BAL game, the Steelers played them, WFT and BUF in 12 days. 3 games in 12 days. The team is out of LBs and OL. This has been a challenging season for everyone, but this is unprecedented. The Steelers have 8 days until CIN, then 6 days until IND. 10 out of 16 games played with an irregular schedule? You can argue the drops are kicking their ass, but this schedule has been brutal. No wonder they've lost 2 straight.
6.		Rams	--	9-4	Imagine only scoring 3 points in a game.
7.		Colts	+1	9-4	Kenny Moore is a player underrated by national media but massively valuable to the Colts. GM Chris Ballard made re-signing him a priority after his breakout 2018 season. Moore has been a reliable performer throughout his tenure as a Colt and added an exclamation point with his insane one-handed interception on Sunday.
8.		Titans	+1	9-4	Derrick Henry had his second 200+ yard 2 TD game against the Jaguars on Sunday. The performance made Henry the 7th player to rush for 1,500+ yards and 14+ TDs through 13 games.
9.		Seahawks	+1	9-4	Nothing cures suicidal thoughts losing like playing the Jets, baby. Sunday was never much of a game, as it was all Seahawks all day. Russell Wilson threw for 4 touchdowns, Jamal Adams broke the single season sack record for defensive backs, and Geno Smith got to play a full quarter against the team that drafted him. What a way to get over a bad loss to the Giants. Up next the Seahawks will take on their final NFC East opponent of the season; Football Team.
10.		Ravens	+2	8-5	This ranker is a brown man, writing about how Lamar Jackson lost 20 pounds dropping some brown, dropping a TD to Brown, to go ahead against the Browns. They go for two. So in response, K-hunt ties the game, 42-42. In response, the Llama sets up the GOAT to nail a 54-yarder, 16th game winner of his career! To say nothing else of the game -- 9 total fucking rushing touchdowns, tying a record held since two defunct teams played each other before anyone on reddit was born... and Jackson runs for a MNF QB record 124 yards -- but still gets all the clutch plays done with his arm, with this middling group of receivers. The even greater news amidst all this is that the schedule doesn't look so bad in the closing stretch, and inspired play like this past Monday from the offense will ease the burden of the Ravens' gradually depleting secondary. Best wishes to Trace McSorely who made an extremely commendable effort to set them up for Lamar's return.
11.		Browns	-4	9-4	Did you bet the over? The Browns and Ravens combined for 89 points in an absolute rollercoaster of a game. While they did not win, the Browns have shown they are contenders. With two games to go a real shot at the playoffs is on the table. The Browns will face the Giants in another prime time game.
12.		Buccaneers	-1	8-5	The Buccaneers pulled off a 26-14 win over the Vikings, bringing their playoff chances to 94%. Vikes kicker Dan Bailey channeled his inner Gary Anderson to win the Bucs' game ball on an 0/3 kicking performance with an additional missed XP. Rookie Antoine Winfield Jr. played a disruptive game against his dad's former team and is looking like he has the potential to be one of the league's next great safeties. With only interim coaches to close out the remaining three games of the season, the Bucs should have smooth sailing into the Wild Card round.
13.		Dolphins	--	8-5	There are no consolation prizes in the NFL, but a single score loss to the best team in the league while the backup waterboy is lining up in the slot is about as close to a one as you'll ever get. While he was able to pull off the win, even Patrick Mahomes couldn't keep this ball-hawking defense from getting a hold of the ball, often. And at some point, if people don't start talking about Xavien Howard in the DPOY conversation, he's just going to go intercept the damned award himself. Hopefully, the long, long list of injured Dolphins get well soon.
14.		Cardinals	+1	7-6	A monster day from Haason Reddick and the defense finally put the Cardinals back on the winning track. Breaking a franchise record with 5 sacks was one thing, but getting all the turnovers was huge. Hopefully the offense feeds off of it and has a good week in preparing for a big game with Philly that has huge playoff implications. It will take a complete team effort to beat Philly with Jalen Hurts starting fresh of a win against the Saints.
15.		Raiders	-1	7-6	The Raiders looked really bad against the Colts, just like they have for the better part of the last 6 weeks. Luckily Gruden finally made the call to fire Pauly G, something fans have been calling for for the past 2 seasons. Only time will tell if it's too little, too late. Every game from here on out is a must win if the Raiders want to make the playoffs.
16.		Washington FT	+3	6-7	Washington is finding ways to win instead of finding ways to lose. The offense was not able to score a TD so the defense went ahead and spotted them 14 points. Chase Young notches his first TD and continues to prove his worth as the 2nd overall pick as a game wrecker.
17.		Vikings	--	6-7	Dalvin Cook became the first back to rush for over 100 yards against the Bucs in over 20 games, but the Vikings were unable to convert long drives into points as Dan Bailey went 0/4 on field goals and extra points. Couple that with some questionable officiating, the Vikings' banged up front seven generating zero pressure on Tom Brady and plenty of self-inflicted wounds and it all adds up to a real tough loss that knocks the Vikings down from wild card favorites to playoff long shots.
18.		Bears	+5	6-7	The Bears finally snapped their six-game losing streak by rolling over the Texans without much difficulty. Trubisky attempted one throw longer than 20 yards.
19.		Patriots	-3	6-7	Los Angeles, is a land of contrasts - In a span of four days the Patriots' hopes for a postseason were revived and then unceremoniously squashed. Run Defense, Offensive Line, Cam and the Receivers, There just are too many holes to cover up with week to week coaching, this team needs some reworking over the offseason. The Pats end the season with the division as always, lets hope to fuck someone’s season or seeding up. And also the Jets.
20.		49ers	-2	5-8	The 49ers defense did their job, holding the Washington offense to a total of 9 points, but the offense had two takeaways brought back for touchdowns and could not recover. The team looks to right the ship this week against the Cowboys.
21.		Broncos	+5	5-8	Drew Lock put up the third-highest passer rating in team history — behind a couple guys you may know. In the battle of 4-8's, the Broncos somehow managed to not blow a sizeable fourth-quarter lead and emerge victorious. Winning the game but losing The Hunt for a Better Draft Pick. Will the team remain in purgatory? Stay tuned.
22.		Giants	-2	5-8	It’s a real joy to watch the rest of the teams in the up-for-grabs NFC East secure wins, with one being against a top-5 team, all while watching your team play so poorly they start setting franchise records. At least we can say the hype was fun while it lasted, right?
23.		Falcons	-1	4-9	Outplayed by a team whose most impressive win is a tossup between the Bengals, Jaguars, and Jets? Check. Outcoached by special teams ace Anthony Lynn? Check. Ten point lead blown, two interceptions with under five minutes left, double check. Good thing age is just a number for the 32nd youngest team in the league.
24.		Panthers	-3	4-9	I'm not sure where the Panthers go from here. Coach Rhule has said that he isn't going to do the team and fans a disservice by beginning to evaluate players, which means that we're going to see more of Teddy Bridgewater (who is 0-7 in one score games this season) crumble at the end of the game. Playing at Lambeau in primetime in December is one of the hardest things a team can do, and it's not going to be an easy test for the Panthers, who so far have shown that they can't win close games, nor can they defend the pass (23rd in passing defense). It's going to be tough sledding, but hopefully Jeremy Chinn can continue his torrid pace and run his way into DROY.
25.		Eagles	+3	4-8-1	Jalen Hurts delivered the spark the Eagles needed to upset the Saints and spread 'quarterback controversy' all over the city of brotherly love. While the season remains a disappointment, the dual running threat of Hurts and Sanders could be interesting to watch going forward, and the NFC Least remains wide-open with 2 divisional games left on the 2020 menu.
26.		Lions	-1	5-8	Even with a loss, Interim HC Darrell Bevell showed that his Lions are here to compete. This game was never out of hands, and the Lions kept it close the entire time. There are still plenty of woes on Defense, but the Offense continued to ball out as expected. With two TD's coming from the run game (Swift and Kerryon), there is already something to look forward to next year. Lately the team has been able to trust the run on short yardage and redzone carries and it has helped the team with consistency in the red zone. Unfortunately, Aaron Rodgers is a QB that can carve up a weak secondary... so that didn't go great. There's around a 1% chance of the Lions getting a playoff spot, not unheard of, but it'll be tough if Stafford's injury progresses and we lose him for the season. #DefendTheDen
27.		Chargers	--	4-9	First of all, props to Falcons Twitter for this gem before the game, and it played out exactly as expected. Both teams did their best to try giving it away at the end, but the Chargers ended up on the winning side this time around. The Chargers had their hiccups again but there were improvements across the board; Justin Herbert's 81.8% completion percentage is his highest of the season, the defense came away with 3 INTs, and special teams probably had their best day. The Chargers get a short week before a Thursday Night tilt in Las Vegas.
28.		Texans	-4	4-9	The Texans are lucky that Paxton is the Texas AG, otherwise they would have had the biggest blowout loss in the state this past week.
29.		Cowboys	--	4-9	The Red Rifle won his revenge game, the defense forced multiple turnovers, and the Bengals were held to 3.4 yards per carry. All that, and the Cowboys still come out of the week with a top 5 draft pick. Honestly, Sunday couldn't have gone better. Now, the only question is whether this was the team turning the corner and the beginning of a strong finish to the season, or this was just a perfect moment of the Cowboys finding a shittier team with serious injuries issues and just doing what should happen in that scenario.
30.		Bengals	--	2-10-1	Giovani Bernard hadn't fumbled since 2013 before his 1st quarter fumble on Sunday. So what does he get for his troubles? A spot on the bench thanks to Zac Taylor. Giovani was one of the only veterans who spoke out in behalf of Taylor and the current coaches when multiple articles were released with "sources" saying that Taylor had lost the locker room last month. You have to question the benching for multiple reasons as the directionless Bengals continue to flounder to blowout losses. Just another reason why this should be Zac Taylor's last season as head coach in Cincinnati.
31.		Jaguars	--	1-12	This one felt more as expected. Perhaps it was in former GM Dave Caldwell's plans— no, wait, hear me out. Adjusting tinfoil hat; Based on the moves taken this offseason to seemingly dump talent from the Jaguars in attempt to amass more draft picks, perhaps the former front office of the Jaguars were banking on this season not being played, due to pandemic reasons. Sure, this may sound farfetched, but I'd like to hear a more reasonable explanation for fielding such a disaster as this team, this season.
32.		Jets	--	0-13	The Jets have now scored on 7 consecutive opening drives, the longest streak in the NFL. After climbing to an early 3-0 lead, I watched Peter Sawkins make an excellent cranachan custard slice on The Great British Bake Off.

Fire Emblem Fates is perhaps one of the most divisive FEs to have ever come out, and while the story, characters and such-and-such remain a constant point of debate among long-time fans (and really, a matter of subjectivity), I've seen nothing but praise for a lot of Fates' gameplay, especially in Conquest where it has some of the best maps in the series + really well-designed gameplay balance that is fun regardless of your skill level. But something I feel like isn't really talked about much about it is My Castle, which IMO is literally one of the most fun hub menus I've ever seen in a game like FE, and while there's a lot that could be better about it, I wonder partially why a lot of what made it work didn't carry over to 3H's design philosophy.
Now for those who don't know, My Castle is the unilateral "hub world" between maps and missions of Fire Emblem Fates, that you end up going into between missions to restock on items, create a castle through prop and building placement, and generally act as the menu to which to tweak with your inventory as much as possible. It comes up as early as Chapter 3 of Fates before the route split, and while I agree the in-universe reasoning is dumb, I feel it's easily made up by the fact that My Castle is completely out of the way to the main story and really there to encourage you to use it either as a base of operations or choosing to engage in it's many mechanics... of which there are a lot.
Feeding your units to give stat boosts, lottery, betting items in the arena, buying and registering Einherjar cards, dressing up your units in accessories, inviting your troops into your quarters... it's really not emphasized a lot, but due to Fates' My Castle updating based on the time of day, I suddenly find myself logging in to see what I missed and sinking in a ton of hours getting sidetracked by the numerous updates I soon find myself registering, and it really begins adding up overall. I have as a whole 551 hours in Fire Emblem Fates total, and a lot of it was from this mode alone.
But what truly made it fun was twofold: one, the ability to visit other castles as part of the game's socialization mechanics. Being able to harvest items you'd normally not have, bet the local units on arena resources, challenging the local castle to invasions of their map, recruiting their soldiers as einherjar... not only did it spawn an entire challenge run of playing Fates as a result (My Unit runs, where you recruit soldiers to fight instead of the units the game gives you), it also really compounded with the general mechanics of Fates as a whole and made it ridiculously addictive. Like I said, I've put 551 hours into this game for My Castle alone, and it's some of the most goddamned fun I've had with what's basically a glorified hub menu in quite a while.
But the best part is was that it respected your interest gauged in the system by making it completely optional. You don't care about the other stuff and seek to use it simply to upgrade weapons and move onto the next map? By all means, go ahead! You moreso interested in tailoring and perfecting your castle and invading others all the time? Go for it! Want to dress up your Avatar in swag and make them look cooler? Go ahead! What truly sold Fates for me is how much so much of the content wasn't stuff that you needed to do to complete the game, but was there to reward the player for investing into it as a result. That's a major reason why I love the game; it felt like it respected the players' initiative by letting them engage with the mechanics when they wanted to at the pace they wanted to than making it mandatory, and thus liable to have a lot of the fun seeped from the mechanics as a whole.
Now, could My Castle be improved? 100%. It could've used a much better story justification for why it exists, and it could've always benefited from a Info menu to expand on the characters like in the Tellius games, so in terms of that it isn't the best hub menu in the series. However, even given that, I'd still argue My Castle as the most fun hub menu in the series, and of a lot of games I've played; it's not forcing players to go through it to experience the most of the game, but is exceptionally rewarding to those who are interested in it, and believe me, I genuinely do think FE could learn a lot of Fates' design philosophy in making a fun and mechanically-interesting hub menu.

EDITED TO REFLECT 1/8/2021 GAMES
I think we can all agree that this NBA Season has been an absolute shitshow so far playing and betting-wise. I myself have decided to only do player props now, because of how bad the beats are on spreads, money lines, and oveunder.
I was, however, intrigued by all the underdogs winning so far this year, and decided to compile a spreadsheet to track potential earnings and ROI if you strictly bet on underdogs to win this whole season. Here's how I went about it.
- I found this page and used the average of all the ML's on each team for each game
- Money won from each bet will be based on putting $10 on each game
- All money lines are from the final line right before tipoff
- When the favorite wins, that will be -$10
- EDIT: If the game is a tossup like -105 (PK) to -105 (PK), I will not include it. I'll only include games where there is a clear cut negative on the favorite and positive on the underdog.
Now, let's get into some interesting statistics.
DECEMBER:

Favored Wins	Underdog Wins	Underdog Win %
40	25	38.46%
$ Put In	$ Won	$ Gained
$650	$509.80	$110.28
Highest ROI Day	$ Lost	ROI
117% on 12/27	($399.52)	17.0%

​
JANUARY (As of 1/8)

Favored Wins	Underdog Wins	Underdog Win %
26	33	55.93%
$ Put In	$ Won	$ Gained
$590	$645.40	$391.66
Highest ROI Day	$ Lost	ROI
143.3% on 1/2	($253.74)	66.4%

​
SEASON TOTALS (As of 1/8)

Favored Wins	Underdog Wins	Underdog Win %
66	58	46.77%
$ Put In	$ Won	$ Gained
$1240	$1155.20	$501.94
	$ Lost	ROI
	($653.26)	40.5%

Some other fun facts:
- Every day so far in January has seen a positive ROI
- Christmas day was the only day where every single favorite won
​
DISCLAIMER:
I am not saying to bet the underdog every day in the NBA, because things will probably change as the season goes along, but just wanted to show the absolute insanity that is going on right now.
​
Let's go make some money and BOL!

And so, we come to the last part in my series, where we will leave any pretense of academic results and delve deep into personal experience. This is, after all, a part about putting medieval slinging into practice, and since I was the one putting it into practice, it will lack what we call statistical significance.

About me

The first topic would be the man behind the sling.
To keep this short and as unlike YouTube face reveal as possible, the relevant facts are these:

• I live in central Europe
• I’ve been active in local re-enactment scene for about 10 years
• place of choice for re-enactment is Kingdom of Hungary
• time of choice is 1300, right as the Arpad interregnum ends
• I’ve been slinging daily for three months, as of February 2021

It‘s really hard, you guys

This is the first thing that struck me. I‘ve read about how hard slinging is, so I was reasonably prepared, but it was still a little surprising to see just how bad the skill floor for a sling is.
It took about a month of daily practice to get to a point where I was comfortable enough in my skills to want to use it anywhere near other people, like an audience - we’ll get to that.
The most shocking thing was probably the sheer difference between where bow and crossbow start versus that of a sling, which is why this is a chapter of its own.
The second thing that struck me was both how physically demanding it was and at the same time was not. You’d expect that slinging somewhat large rocks would put something of a strain on your arm, but it turns out that muscles are the least of your problems – you will feel the burn, but it’s not that bad.
The strain on your joints, on the other hand, specifically wrist and elbow, is considerable, about on par with full-speed sword fighting. Which is somewhat apt, as both are about imparting circular motion to objects at their base level, and a sling with a baseball ball loaded in it is not that far in weight and weight distribution from a mace. It’s not a crippling strain, but it is pretty noticeable over an hour-long session, and if you go from sitting at your computer straight into slinging rocks without warm-up, you will have a bad time.
Comparing these two levels of strain to bow and crossbow is interesting as well. A crossbow has very little strain in any fashion associated with it – maybe if you have a heavy direct draw or stirrup crossbow. A bow, on the other hand, is physically much more demanding – the joint strain is about on par with sling, albeit in different direction, but the demand on your physicality is much higher.
I have a 60 lbs bow and if I shoot it rapidly, I can get to about 20-30 shots before I have to stop for a bit. I’m not sure where my sling limit is at, but it’s well over a hundred at least, which makes sense since I’m not faux-lifting a 30-kilo weight every time I sling a rock.

Choice of ammunition

I’ve used rocks of varied sizes, tennis balls and baseball balls.
For practice, use baseball balls, no contest. Tennis balls are a tad too light to give you proper feedback when you swing a sling around, and it’s even worse with a staff slings. They are also closer to medieval-size rocks in weight, which is important if you want to reconstruct medieval slinging with any degree of accuracy.
Rocks are heavier than baseball balls, but you can’t use them everywhere. They are also a pretty scary ammunition type, since you start at a rock the size of a tennis ball and go up from there, to keep things period-accurate.
I managed to fumble one rock - slightly smaller than my fist - a bit higher than I wanted to and it crashed through a tree branch a finger thick without significantly deviating from its path. I absolutely believe the disappearing rabbit story that is immortalized on slinging.org forum.
As for incendiaries, I haven’t done any experimenting in that area. I might eventually, but not before I manage to set something up with firemen and after I check what the legality of various mixtures is around here. Don’t hold your breath.
That said, I do wonder if making a chain mail sling would be viable for use with these. Worst case scenario, I’d end up an owner of something as cool as chain mail sling.

Picking your targets

This is the big one, the one that eludes pretty much everyone who doesn’t actually go out there and sling.
There are plenty of references to supremely accurate slingers out there, and many have taken that to mean it’s difficult but not that difficult to match a bow in accuracy.
That is not the case.
Looking at David and Goliath, many take it as a story of accurate slinging, but let’s compare that to Robin Hood or William Tell.
To showcase Robin Hood being accurate, he splits his arrow in two. Only he doesn’t, because that’s a product of mistranslation from a time when longbow was no longer used of older texts, he instead splits a small wooden stick, about a thumb’s width, in two.
William Tell’s apple shot is, in contrast, actually contemporary, and Tell was so unsure of being able to make it he prepared a second bolt to assassinate the guy who ordered him to do it if he failed. It bears mentioning these are medieval apples, and significantly smaller than what you can find in Tesco these days – about the size of a tennis ball, if that.
David, on the other hand, needs divine help just to shoot a guy in the face.
The difference in what is considered an amazing shot is pretty telling:

• crossbow: 5 cm
• bow: under 2 cm
• sling: 10-20 cm

This seems to indicate that sling’s angle of dispersion is possibly twice or more of that of a bow or crossbow. If anyone has some solid datasets for this, I’d be very interested in compiling them and then contrasting them with traditional archery competitions.
Either way, this means sling can’t pick weak spots in armor in most hands, while bow and crossbow can – and that starts to be especially important in 1300 when coat of plates begins to spread and face stops being uncovered, even on some infantrymen, thanks to visor-ed helmets.

You will need two styles

One underhand and one overhand.
While it could be argued that these two are necessary to get you better odds of hitting uncovered bits of someone with a shield – underhand to hit shins or generally under the shield, and overhand to hit chest from above – these only apply at a relatively short distance, about 15-20 meters or less.
While you can theoretically sling at people that close, it’s generally a bad idea to do so, since they have swords, axes and maces in hand and don’t like you, and 20 meters is not a very long distance to sprint. You may get a guy, but not his five friends, and that assumes you hit and hit well enough to immediately drop them.
The real reason is your slinging platform. If you are in a shield wall, you can easily ask the guy in front of you to make a small gap to underhand through with no risk of hitting anyone, and with some shields (e.g. “viking” round shields with gaps under them, heather shields and so on), that gap making may not even be necessary.
If you are in front rank of a shield wall, you may even be able to sling without moving your slinging hand in front of a shield, and into the line of fire.
Overhand slinging, on the other hand, is for slinging from a wall – low release point of underhand makes it impractical at best. It doesn’t let you be in a tight formation, though, but we already covered that in part 2.
You could, in theory, use it to sling from the back rows, like a bow or crossbow, but you need to be very confident in your ability to not hit your friends, and your friends need to be very confident in said ability as well. You can sometimes solve this issue with the right terrain elevation, but beware return fire if you do that.
Of these two, overhand is probably more important, since defending the walls is when your sword and spear are useless initially, and angling overhand up is easier than angling underhand down. The downward angle you can achieve with overhand release is surprisingly steep, the one I managed with a figure eight style was a slope of about 70 degrees.
That said, you’re not a medieval soldier, you’re a hobbyist slinger. Learn one of each, because why not? Your life doesn’t depend on it these days.
As for what specific overhand style, they all have their good and bad bits. Helicopter lets you only poke your head and hand out, figure eight gets you faster rate of fire and so on. The differences are so small they probably don’t really matter outside of highly specific and therefore rare situations.

What you wear is what you sling in

These few chapters will be all about how different things you may or may not wear affect your slinging – in general, the effects are surprisingly small.
That said, especially when it comes to armor, you must be sure that the thing you are testing is accurate enough to period gear, rather than just some stainless steel helmet you bought online. Not only are there differences in quality and amount of protection, the cut of the things actually matters.
Most period armor, be it a helmet, chain shirt, gambeson or plate, was tailored to a specific individual, because you need to make it by hand anyway, so you might as well. The munitions-grade, low-quality stuff was not as well made, but unlike modern “reproductions”, the corners that were cut on it weren’t ones that were critical to functionality.
What I’m trying to say is that no, you can’t really sling in mail and gambeson ensemble that is so poorly fitted you can’t raise your arms above head level – but that is a fault of the reproduction, not of the actual medieval armor. And these traps are everywhere: helmets that don’t fit right and reduce your vision to nothing, shields that are far too heavy or far too light, or fitted with improper grips, plate mittens that don’t overlap in the right direction and so on.
So, before you test some theory, make sure your testing props are the right ones. Okay, rant over, on to the fun.

Medieval clothing

Same as slinging in modern clothing. There are details that differ, sure, but they are so minor (sweat absorption, thickness of fabric, inner and outer clothes as opposed to just a shirt) they don’t really matter.
Just about the only exception to that are some of the fancier clothes, usually for nobility, that have extremely wide sleeves. They are not for slinging in, but then and again, they are not for doing anything in – except looking imposing – so we can safely ignore them.
There is a final addendum – those among you who know medieval clothes are already aware, but… cloaks. They are not for moving in, fighting in or doing anything in. You can do so in a pinch, but you’d be better off to discard said cloak.
Cloaks are traveling clothes meant as winter jackets and raincoats, and occasionally as ceremonial garb. Use them outside of that, and you will have a bad time.
Also, hoods are fine for slinging in, but they aren’t worn the way you think they are where they cover your peripheral vision.

Gloves

First thing that needs to be said is that the period use of gloves to not damage your hands by splinters or labor wasn’t a thing. Most of the people did manual labor, and therefore had leathery hands – you can see those even today with some professions – and those don’t need gloves as much as we do. Early medieval period reenactors should be especially vigilant in this, mail mittens weren’t a thing yet and leather gloves were exception, not the norm, to wear in battle.
That said, some mercy is to be extended to reenactors, because ungloved hands aren’t particularly safe from blisters and swords, but we must keep in mind it’s a modern concession to health, not a period practice.
There is no drop in accuracy or speed when wearing leather gloves, and the effects of plate gauntlets are minor at best. The worst issue is that some of the plate gauntlet models have overlapping plates that could snag your finger loop a little, and that’s a minor issue, easily fixed.
That said, there are some gloves that would get in the way – integral mail and padded mittens have bits hanging off of your hand even when you slip your hand out of them, and mittens in general usually don’t let you sling at all.

Shields

It is possible to do, you can even reload your sling without exposing any of your bits to the enemy. That said, your rate of fire will suffer fiercely.
What’s worse, it affects your form. You can’t step out and you have to have your left arm out there, either stretched out or braced against your chest (former for lighter shields, latter for heavier ones), statically – if you do not do this, you will be not covered by a shield for some periods of time, while being shot at. All of it will mess with your form.
This is where underhand comes in really handy – unless you step during it, you can do all of the motions behind the shield with almost no effort.
From personal experience, underhand felt a little off, but was serviceable in its accuracy, figure eight suffered quite a bit and had the added issue of a different startup motion, since shield was in the way. The figure eight style I use also has my hand moving down and right to left on release – right to where the shield is if I have my shield hand stretched out. All of these factors were solvable by making slight modification to where I held the shield or how I moved the sling, but they did have to be solved.
How much a shield throws you also depends on the shield, a buckler was almost unnoticeable, a heather shield, not so much.
Still, if you are being shot at by disagreeable crossbowmen over yonder, these are all known as details. At most, you will be more likely to choose underhand as your style of choice.

Helmets

I have tested this in great helm – specifically a replica of Bolzano great helm – and a generic replica of a kettle hat. Both had a padded cap, a crevelliere/skull cap and a mail coif under them, in total clocking at 7 kg with great helmet and about 6 kg with the kettle hat.
And I found out… that helmet doesn’t really matter. This was especially surprising with my kettle hat, because it has a pretty wide brim, but it didn’t even interfere with my figure eight.
That said, if you already know how to sling, then helmets may well interfere with your style. I’ve seen some videos of slingers that moved their hands around what would be helmet-occupied space, and some of you lean quite far forward on release – something that is inadvisable with 7 kilograms of steel on your head.
There is also increased strain on muscles that attach your neck to your back. This doesn’t even require you to sling, and can lead to hell of a migraine if you decide to suddenly start to wear a heavy hat without getting used to it. I noticed that my accuracy fell off because of this at about 30 minutes initially, but I’ve gotten to about an hour by now.
If your helmet happens to have a narrow visor, such as a great helmet, you will also not be able to track the start of your projectile’s path. This didn’t affect my accuracy, it was just a bit disconcerting at first – then I got used to it and it was business as usual.
All in all, if you are someone who has trained in helmets, you will have no significant problems when slinging in them. About the only exceptions to this are helmets with heraldic figures (e.g. lion, tower) on top of them, but those are for tournaments – what on Earth are you doing slinging in them? Unscrew that lion and put the poor thing down.
And as an aside, if you are outside in cold weather and move around, your breath condenses on the brim of your kettle hat helmet or on your face-plate, creating a mini-rain eventually. This has absolutely nothing to do with slinging, it’s just a neat detail.

Armor

The armor tested was thick, standalone gambeson (~3-4 cm thick), padded legs with plate knees and helmets described above. I wasn’t able to do tests in chain mail, once the pandemic situation gets resolved and I will be able to see people I want to make it, I will let you know how it went. I do have experience with wearing chain mail, though, it’s just that I don’t currently have easy access to one.
With that in mind, the effect of armor is noticeable, but not drastic. Armor is heavy, though not as heavy as some movies, books and – what’s worse – schoolbooks would have you believe. I don’t know who put the thing about 70 kilos of armor at Lechfeld into our history schoolbooks, but I wish to yell at them, and possibly make them wear 70 kilos of armor by layering four chain shirts over them.
Accuracy of slinging, whether staff or standard sling, remained unaffected, what was slightly lowered was the exit velocity of the projectile. No matter what you do, fact of the matter is you are wearing added weight on your arm, and that will slow you down.
The effect of armor slowing you down on account of having to bend it at the joints was almost unnoticeable – I attribute that entirely to having a very good replica armor, I have no doubt that there are replicas that would affect you badly out there – I have owned some of those in the past.

The curious case of towel slings

After testing some of them, I’ve found out a few things about these emergency measure slings.
First of all, they are not as good as your standard slings, but they are good enough. The area where they are slightly lacking is, to the surprise of no one, accuracy.
The reason for this can be twofold.
First issue is the width of the towel, make it too wide and the sling releases kinda late – this can be fixed with making sure your towel is no wider than diameter of projectile plus about one half.
The other and harder to solve issue is that of weight. The release end of the sling is, on the more chunky sling models, usually made thinner as it goes forward – you could do this on towel sling, but even if you do, you will still need quite a substantial amount of fabric and that means more weight.
That means your projectile may well get tangled into it.
However, I discovered that the larger and heavier the projectile gets, the less this matters. If this finding holds up to repeat tests (feel free to do them and share the results), we just found out the exact reason why you don’t see towel slings in pre-medieval era: they would be awful to use with lead shot and small rocks that were used at the time.
Another possible solution, or at least mitigation, is to twist the release cord. Clearly, there is a lot of room here for further discoveries, and should I run some tests, I will keep you posted.

Staff slings

Staff slings are terrifying.
I don’t have anything that would allow me to accurately measure exit velocity of a projectile, but by sound and feeling, I estimate that staff sling projectiles I release are about three times faster than those I release from a sling. My standard sling is 75 cm, my staff is 26 cm sling, 91 cm staff (which is about the shortest you can make them) and hook that is 45 degree angle with the same diameter as the staff, 2,5 cm.
Or to put it another way: I had a pouch sling I was using for a month before the leather was worn through and broke. I made a staff sling with a pouch from the same leather – it broke on my tenth shot.
Part of this is because I’ve been fencing with swords for a decade and a half, so my swing is pretty damn good, while my slinging is still not where it should be, but still.
The crucial thing to realize is that the place where I am right now – good at sword swinging, mediocre at slinging – is where everyone without significant prior slinging experience would be in a medieval army. This means a staff sling is an excellent device to use for those without much slinging experience if accuracy isn’t as important as putting rocks out there.
That said, accuracy of a staff sling is a difficult matter. You can regulate speed of your swing to a degree and a different starting guard will give you different arcs with similar swing speeds (tested with low Vom Tag, high Vom Tag and behind the head Posta di Donna), but the ability to control your shot is nowhere near that of a standard sling.
What’s worse, the distance and the arc also depend on the shape of the staff and length of sling, something which you can’t change easily. I tried using slip knots, but they were unable to withstand forces of a full-power swing.
And a final nail to the coffin of accuracy is that the staff sling’s release angle changes with the projectile weight. When I switched from a baseball ball to a tennis ball, tennis ball released about 5-10 degrees sooner.
On the positive side, once the staff sling is calibrated, i.e. the sling lengths are set, there is not much you can do to screw up your shot. I handed my staff sling to a friend of mine and he managed to achieve accuracy similar to mine on his first swing.
Another good thing about these is that the angle of release can be anything you please, up to and including almost straight down – you could question if you really need a staff sling to hurl stone on tops of heads of people under a wall, but you can do it if you want to.
This also means that the idea I had in part one, the one about having a sling you could use as a stand alone as well as tie it to a staff is probably bust. You’d have little reason to do so if you are a skilled slinger, and you’d have to carefully make sure you have the right lengths of staff and sling, which seems like more hassle than it’s worth.

Slinging in battle

There are three skills you need in battle that are rarely trained, be it with slings or with other ranged weapons.
First is rate of fire, and to be more precise, rate of fire under specific conditions. Maybe you are a slinger with a shield in the front ranks, maybe you have a staff sling and squat up and down to pop up over the top of a wall and pelt the besiegers – all of these have specific bits to them that make them different from just standing at a range and going at it.
I don’t think people would necessarily train for these back in the day, but they would gain experience in the field and pass on tips and tricks – tips and tricks they then failed to write down and pass to us. Training for these circumstances is the only way to glimpse what slinging in them may have looked like.
Second skill is shooting at moving targets – often at targets running straight at you. This is where underhand is superior to overhand styles, since its lower release point means it will intersect more space that can potentially be occupied by a human (especially in a shield wall 10 people wide and 3 people deep), as opposed to overhand that flies over people’s heads for a lot of its trajectory.
There are probably several dozen observations about this, style-specific or otherwise, and it’s something that we should keep in mind when discussing military slinging.
Third skill is rapid target acquisition while on the move. Some styles can perhaps be used while running or jogging, others should at least bet rained to be used with as little stop time as possible. Stop running, pick a target at a random distance, hit it, start running again.
As an unofficial fourth skill, we have formation cohesion and situational awareness, these are, however, not specific to slinging and belong to a more general battlefield skill set.

Slinging in re-enactment

As usual, first rule of anything in re-enactment: don’t be an asshole.
That said, I’m operating under local re-enactment rules for steel battles, which are that you should have a gambeson and a good helmet as a bare minimum.
Slings can be very powerful, and even something like a tennis ball can be very bad for you when it hits a face at full speed – that means you need to limit yourself to relatively light ammunition and slow down your release velocity.
Slowing down release speeds should be trivial once you have some practice under your belt. About the only time you can afford to go full blast with your lighter ammo is when all of the enemy opposition happens to be wearing helmets that protect their faces – visor-ed bascinets or great helmets are fine, kettle hats are not, unless they happen to be late German models with visors and bevors.
Ammunition choice is pretty much limited to tennis balls or baked potatoes (potentially other vegetables as well? More research is needed). Former is lighter and can be reused, latter is heavier, can’t be reused and splatters in a manner that threatens people hit with it with some small potential for potato-in-the-eye incidents – and also looks pretty cool from the spectators’ point of view. Both can be painted gray to look like rocks, but even if you don’t, people in the audience will understand why you aren’t pelting each other with actual rocks.
Staff slings represent a category of their own, and when it comes to them, I’m leaning towards not allowing them at all under a certain distance – maybe 30+ meters? We don’t know enough about them to be able to tell, really.
A final note is this – you have an audience when you’re re-enacting, and you must always, always keep in mind that should your sling miss and nail a toddler behind the enemy lines in the head, your ass is on the line. Always watch your backstop, and observe how your ammunition of choice bounces. And only showcase rock slinging if you are confident in your ability to not send it wide.

Final conclusions

And so we come to an end.
This last part was all about testing things in practice, and as far as that goes, it was an unmitigated success. While there are no theories that were overturned and no drastic surprises, there are many details that surfaced, and several theories were confirmed.
The simple sling was, during the medieval period, in the same place bolt-action rifles are today: not entirely useless in a battle, but decidedly obsolete in most applications, with a few niches where it is still the best tool for the job. Fittingly enough, both the medieval sling and the modern bolt-action rifle use larger ammunition than their more common counterparts: assault rifles and bows and crossbows.
Staff sling shared the fate of its brethren, but managed to avoid several deal-breakers of a classic sling – namely, it was a lot easier to use, sacrificing some of its accuracy to accomplish this. The niches of its use remained the same as those of the sling, and it probably reached parity with it: there was about a 50/50 chance that, should a sling be used, it would be the staff variant.

Where to now?

As I have said right at the start, the entire field of slings is under-researched, so there’s a lot of room for improvement.
I have already managed to find some illuminations of mounted sling use, as well as someone who claims his father was able to use it, something that I was very skeptical of at the start. It seems that mounted slingers were perhaps a feature in areas north of the Black Sea – but it is too early to tell.
There are also several new avenues for experimentation open to those of you that want to go for them, be they two-handed slings, relationship between length of staff and length of string in staff slings, comparing staff sling velocities to standard slings or even an almost-entirely unexplored possibilities of towel slings.
Then there is the potential for actual, live tests of slings in reenactment battles, albeit with a wimpier ammunition, that also have potential to reveal a thing or two.

Good bye for now

And that is all for now.
I hope that this series helped you in some way, whether it was in learning something new about your hobby or in giving you a place to start in the unexplored waters of medieval slinging.
I now return to blessed anonymity and will continue to gather data and practice my slinging. Who knows what exact area will strike my fancy next? I’ll keep you posted. (It’s probably gonna be the mystery of mounted slingers, honestly)
Sling you in the next one.

I used average Vegas player props and odds to estimate scoring totals for some highly debated players going into week 15.
Totals are based on: TD = confidence * 6pts, Rec = 1PPR, Rec/Rush yards = 1pt per 10 yards.
It’s not perfect, I didn’t compare TDs for TE, receptions for RB, and had to estimate yardage for Barber and Lindsay using ESPN (not all data available through Vegas betting).
-Gage-
TD: +118
Receptions:

• 4.5 -30o +0.5u

Receiving:

• 54.5 -12o -14u

Total: 2.7 + 4.5 + 5.4 = 12.6
Risk: -21
-Davis-
TD: +75
Receptions:

• 3.5 +34.2o -67u

Receiving:

• 39.5 -13o -13u
  
• 40.5 -13o -13u
  
• 41.5 -5o -18u
  

Total: 3.4 + 3.5 + 4.1 = 11
Risk: +14.6
-Sanders-
TD: +95
Receptions:

• 3.5 -30o 0u

Receiving:

• 49.5 -12o -12u
  
• 50.5 -15o -15u
  

Total: 3 + 3.5 + 5 = 11.5
Risk: -22.5
-MVS-
TD: +103
Receptions:

• 2.5 -94o +52u
  
• 3 -25o +12u
  
• 3.5 +8o -39u
  

Receiving:

• 41.5 -20o -9u
  
• 42.5 -24o -7u
  

Total: 2.9 + 3.5 + 4.2 = 10.6
Risk: -8
-Keke-
TD: +125
Receptions:

• 4.5 +15o -45u

Receiving:

• 48.5 -15o -15u

Total: 2.6 + 4.5 + 4.8 = 11.9
Risk: 0
-Gurley-
TD: +37
Rushing:

• 26.5 -16o -11u
  
• 28.5 +2o -28u
  
• 30.5 +17o -52u
  
• 33.5 (ESPN)
  

Total: 4.3 + 3 = 7.3
Risk: +17
-Ahmed-
TD: +75
Rushing:

• 42.3 (ESPN)

Total: 3.4 + 3.8 = 7.2
Risk: NA
-Lindsay-
TD: +84
Rushing:

• 50.7 (ESPN)

Total: 3.2 + 4.5 = 7.7
Risk: NA
-Barber-
TD: +53
Rushing:

• 34.5 -13o -13u
  
• 38 (ESPN)
  

Total: 3.9 + 3.4 = 7.3
Risk: -13
-Jonnu-
Receptions:

• 2.5 +10o -40u

Receiving:

• 21.5 -10o -20u

Total: 2.5 + 2.1 = 4.6
Risk: 0
-Irv-
Receptions:

• 2.5 +5o -35u

Receiving:

• 24.5 -10o -15u

Total: 2.5 + 2.4 = 4.9
Risk: -2.5
-Higbee-
Receptions:

• 2.5 -30o 0u

Receiving:

• 26.5 -13o -13u

Total: 2.5 + 2.6 = 5.1
Risk: -21.5
-TD Rankings-
RB:

1. Gurley +37
   
2. Barber +53
   
3. Ahmed +75
   
4. Lindsay +84
   

WR:

1. Davis +75
   
2. Sanders +95
   
3. MVS +103
   
4. Gage +118
   
5. Keke +125
   

-Reception Rankings-
WR:

1. Gage 4.5 -30o
   
2. Keke 4.5 +15o
   
3. Sanders 3.5 -30o
   
4. MVS 3.5 +8o
   
5. Davis 3.5 +34o
   

TE:

1. Higbee 2.5 -30o
   
2. Irv 2.5 +5o
   
3. Jonnu 2.5 +10o
   

-Receiving yard rankings-
WR:

1. Gage 54.5 -12o
   
2. Sanders 50.5 -15o
   
3. Keke 48.5 -15o
   
4. MVS 42.5 -24o
   
5. Davis 41.5 -5o
   

TE:

1. Higbee 26.5 -13o
   
2. Irv 24.5 -10o
   
3. Jonnu 21.5 -10o
   

-Rushing yard rankings-
RB:

1. Lindsay 50.7 (ESPN = 90% of prop)
   
2. Ahmed 42.3 (ESPN = 90% of prop)
   
3. Barber 34.5 -13o
   
4. Gurley 30.5 +17o
   

-Overall rankings-
RB (No receptions):

1. Lindsay
   
2. Gurley +17
   
3. Barber -13
   
4. Ahmed
   

WR:

1. Gage -21
   
2. Keke 0
   
3. Sanders -22.5
   
4. Davis +14.6
   
5. MVS -8
   

TE (No TD):

1. Higbee -21.5
   
2. Irv -2.5
   
3. Jonnu 0
   

Hey everyone!
I want to know how everyone would rank all eleven Scream killers from worst to best & why? This list will be controversial, so please let me know your thoughts.
This list isn't based on facts, popularity, or other polls. For me, I used seven factors to rank the killers. I used kills (uniqueness & count), intelligence, plan, motive (being specific & their overall reason), treachery, character (acting & role), & surprise as factors to determine who I think are the worst & best killers. Please don't downvote just because your killer isn't my favorite. Here is my list, & feel free to leave your opinions in the comments below & your ranking.
11. Charlie Walker (Scream 4):
I'm pretty sure most fans think Charlie is THE WORST Scream Killer in the entire franchise, & to that I retort, I think you are 100% correct! All the other ten killers on this list are WAY better than him in every way, shape, or form. I don't think I even have to explain why he's the worst, but I'll do it anyway.
There’s not much going for Charlie as his character sucked. He was so uninteresting throughout the whole movie, & I just didn't care for him. He was just there. He was bland, boring, & uninteresting. Culkin's acting was probably the worst of all the killers. As a killer, Charlie is one of the dumbest killers in the entire franchise. Jill easily manipulated him, & he was whipped around like a dog. The only good intelligent thing he did was making the murders all traceable to Trevor. I wasn’t shocked when he was the killer as I suspected he was it when they first showed him. Charlie also had a wack plan. He was just going to follow Jill's plan & look at how that turned out. He got whipped, hard. Also, his motive REALLY sucked. We don't know why he killed who he did, but it was hinted in the movie that Jill seduced him & convinced him to murder his classmates for fame. That's wack.
I think the only pro I can give him is his kills. Behind the mask, Charlie is pretty cool as he is one of the most brutal killers of the entire franchise, stabbing Robbie & Olivia brutally. That’s the only credit I can give him.
10. Stu Macher (Scream):
I know many people will bash me for this & say things like, "You're putting Stu at the bottom? He’s the original!” Well, after rewatching the Scream series, I realized Stu isn't that good of a killer.
Stu might be the dumbest killer to come out of the Scream franchise. He relied on his accomplice Billy & was just following orders. He was just the muscle, & THAT’S IT! He's just there because Billy needed someone to get the suspicion off of him. I honestly guessed he was the killer from the first scene he was in. He was very obvious to me. He also didn't have a plan. He was just there & just followed Billy's orders like the lackey he was. Also, the execution of the plan really sucked. Stabbing yourself before killing Sidney was very stupid of them to do that. Also, his motive, while kind of understandable, really sucked. He was just peer pressured, like Charlie. It's possible, though, that Billy manipulated Stu to kill Casey, dumping Stu for Steve, or it's just that Stu wanted revenge, so that's "understandable" to a degree. However, it’s just that Stu seemed very unintelligent, just following orders from his accomplice.
You may be wondering, why does Stu rank over Charlie? It's easy—his character. Matthew's character is just so interesting. He was funny, charismatic, & I felt like Stu was very interesting. Matthew Lilliard killed it, literally. Matthew's performance was impeccable throughout the whole movie. One pro I have to say is his kills, with him infamously killing Casey & Steve in that iconic opening & him putting Kenny on the roof of Gale's car was badass. That was awesome.
I thought he was unintelligent, dimwitted, & was just the muscle. However, Matthew's character & acting are the best out of any Scream killer I have ever seen. He deserved an Oscar for that!
9. Billy Loomis (Scream):
Yes, Billy was the original. Skeet did nail the performance. He should be #1, right? Well, to be honest, I rewatched the Scream series & realized that he's just not that good of a killer.
Honestly, I thought Billy was just like the average killer. Vengeful, angry, aggressive, & basic. First of all, he had the least kills than Stu. He had only three kills & his kills weren't unique. Using a garage door was cool as hell, but his kills are pretty tame & non-brutal with Himbry's non-bloody stab wounds & Tatum's simple yet effective garage stab. Also, Maureen's murder was offscreen, so that hurts him even more. He has one of the least kill counts of the entire franchise, which is crazy considering he's the movie's big bad. Also, his surprise factor is one of the low points. Being very obvious would trick the audiences into believing he can't be the killer, & it worked on most, but Billy has this aura that just oozes "I'm a killer." This hurts him because Sidney even suspected him for the majority of the movie until he got stabbed. His intelligence was very on par with Stu's as they stabbed each other before they finished the job. That was very unintelligent of them, & it was BILLY'S IDEA! I do think successfully avoiding the law for a year was pretty smart, & framing Cotton for the murders was pretty smart too, but killing again a year later just was dumb.
A great thing about Billy is Skeet Ulrich. Skeet's acting was terrific, & Matthew & Skeet's performances are triumphs. Skeet's reveal stole the show along with his creepy performance of a killer. I think the switch from a cool & caring boyfriend to a psychopathic killer was really amazing. Although he isn't as established as some of the other roles, nor does he have a lot of screen-time, he was a cool character that I liked & wished I saw a lot more of him. He also fooled Sidney & manipulated her into not only sleeping with him but caring for him too. He betrayed not only her but Randy, Tatum & maybe even wanted Stu to die too. His motive was kind of understandable, as well. I'm not condoning his actions, but I understand where he is coming from. He killed Maureen because she broke up his family, killed Himbry to get people out of the house, & he killed Tatum to stop Sidney from leaving the party. I don't know why he wanted to kill Sidney, but he probably saw Sidney like her mother & wanted to kill her, or maybe Roman convinced Billy that Sidney should learn what it's like for her parents to suffer just as he suffered. I also think his main reason was that he wanted to break up the Prescott family for ruining the Loomis family.
8. Beth (Scream: Resurrection):
Some may be asking, why does she rank over Billy? It's easy-her kills. She was one of the most unique killers using weapons such as a knife, syringe, bone saw, fire, alcohol, trash spear, gun, & ax. Although she has an average number of kills of 7, many of them were original, brutal, & unique. She is also one of the most treacherous killers in the entire franchise. She betrayed her whole friend circle, including Marcus, Liv, Amir, Kym, Manny, Shane, & her accomplice Jay, which gives her high treachery points. She was really talented at manipulation. She also killed people who cared about her. Killing Manny & Shane were horrible, but Amir was just cold. Her role was also very interesting as we never saw a goth type killer before, so that was a cool role, & Beth is easily ONE of the BEST parts of that season. Her part was very interesting, & I wish we saw more of her. I figured out she was the killer in Episode 3 with lighter for me personally, but I think she was surprising to most, so I have to give her credit for fooling some people who watched the series. I honestly think those are all the pros for her because, frankly, she has A-LOT of weak points.
First off, her motive really sucked. It was ABSOLUTE TRASH. She easily had the WORST MOTIVE in the entire franchise. Her reason was that she was born evil, & she wanted to become a better monster than Jason & Michael. That's so narcissistic of you talking about some of the greats in horror. Nobody will recognize Beth. At least, Charlie had some reason to get fame, as he was pressured, but Beth takes the cake for the worst. Although Beth didn't come across as very smart, she's intelligent that half of the killers on this list. She was manipulative but reckless & only did things to further her own agenda. She knows her way around horror movies & integrated herself into Marcus's life. I give her intelligence points for killing Jay as she is aware of self-preservation, but that's it as far as her intelligence goes. Also, her plan was very confusing to me. She wants to prove to everyone she's the best killer. How are you going to do that if you get away with the murders? She had no plan. She just went with Liv inside the library to find the killer, which I thought was weird. She had no endgame. Yes, she framed Jay successfully, but Marcus, Liv, & Kym know that Jay was alive, & there was a Ghostface recording Jay, which made no sense considering if you are going to frame the guy, then why are there stab wounds on Jay's chest? Who killed him? There would be an ongoing investigation. She had one of the worst plans in the franchise. Also, nothing against Giorgia Whigham, but damn, she sucked as an actress in the show. When Beth revealed herself to be the killer, her lines were SO FUCKING ANNOYING. I didn't care for any of the Season 3 cast members, but although Beth was the most compelling & captivating, the actress who played her could have been written better lines & could have been more convincing.
7. Mrs. Loomis (Scream 2):
I know many people are rolling their eyes at my list, but I'd like to tell you exactly why Debbie is 7th. She’s an intelligent woman who recognizes self-preservation. She killed her accomplice not only due to him being crazy with the motive, but she planned on framing him for the murders, & she didn't want the chance of getting caught or killed. She created an alter-ego & alias so no one could ever find her, lost weight, cut her hair, & look like a different person for no one to recognize her. Her motive was also one of the best ones in the entire franchise. Her main reason for killing is to get revenge on Sidney & the other murder spree survivors for killing Billy. Although it was mainly Sidney, I’m pretty sure she believed that everyone who survived in Billy’s spree was responsible for her son’s death, which is understandable. Also, she killed Randy because he made fun of Billy, which is understandable to a degree because anyone who “bullied” or bad-mouthed their child would most likely hurt them. I think it’s still an excellent motive to kill Sidney, Randy, & the others. Her plan was almost successful. She should have just shot Sidney, & then she would have gotten away with it, but except she just stayed too long talking. Framing Mickey & changing her looks completely was reasonable & practical. However, during the final showdown, she should have shot Sidney. She couldn’t even fool Cotton, who would never do anything to hurt Sidney. She had a good plan but didn’t fulfill it to the fullest extent. Another great thing about Debbie is Laurie Metcalf’s portrayal of Debbie. I didn’t like her before she revealed herself, but after, Laurie was excellent. Although I wasn’t fond of her character, the acting of the character was a great highlight. She was very convincing as a mother who had to kill her son’s killer, & I think Laurie was exceptional. Lastly, I think that she was the most surprising killer in the entire franchise. When Debbie revealed herself to be the killer, I was dumbfounded. I thought she was such a minor character that I didn’t even consider her being the killer. This will forever change my perception of the characters that are revealed in Scream.
Some cons of her are that she’s easily one of the worst characters in the Scream franchise. She’s so minor in the film, & we basically know nothing about her except she is a journalist. I found her character unimportant. Also, she didn’t betray anyone. Now yes, she betrayed Mickey, but that was it as far as betrayal goes, which is a weak point for her. Another con is her kills. She only killed one person in broad daylight, & it was very sloppy of her to do that, dragging Randy into the van & stabbing him. She was also very clumsy in costume, always tripping over people, & she wasn’t really in the outfit that much, aside from Randy’s murder, Sidney’s attack, & Gale’s chase scene. This hurts her because she isn’t in the movie as much either.
6. Mickey Altieri (Scream 2):
I know Mickey is a fan favorite, & I think he is a good killer, but he isn't the best. His motive really sucked & is one of the worst I've ever seen. His reason was that he wanted to get caught for being a killer, say that he's a victim of horror movies being a cause of violence, & wanted to get acquitted of all charges. Yes, it’s probably the most interesting motive of all the Scream killers, but it's very farfetched. Even with a defense team like Mickey said, there would be no way a jury would find him not guilty. Also, Mickey doesn’t seem like a smart guy. I'll give him credit for knowing stuff about horror, filming the murders, & even integrating himself to become friends with Sidney & the others, but he didn't really do anything smart. He was just so reckless for coming up with such a dumb motive, & he's an idiot for drawing too slow with a gun. Also, Mickey is one of the least surprising killers of the franchise. When he was revealed to be the killer, I was shocked, because I didn't know who he was. It took me around a minute to finally put it together. The guy was literally in a scene 45 minutes before his reveal. He's low in the surprise factor because he wasn't even in for the last half of the movie. Even though some might have been shocked, he was MIA for most of the film, making him the most likely suspect. Also, he had a bad plan. I do give him credit for improvising & being cold-blooded most of the time, but he should have stayed down! Because his motive sucked, this is a hindrance to his plan because NO JURY would believe that, & you're a fool to think otherwise. Also, since his boss betrayed him, this hinders him more because Debbie was ALWAYS planning on killing him, making his plan even worse.
Now, some pros. Mickey's kills? Fantastic! Killing Phil, Maureen, Cici, the cops, Hallie & Derek was very impressive. He also had a kill count of 7 people, killing almost every single person in Scream 2, besides Randy. Mickey was also a somewhat treacherous killer. He betrayed his own best friend, girlfriend, & Sidney too. He also had a unique diversity of weapons using his classic buck knife, car, a pipe, & a gun, which was pretty cool for an average slasher. His character was also really interesting. I was really impressed with the role Mickey had. He had this impressive knowledge of horror movies, which made him similar to Randy. Also, can I mention Timothy Olyphant acting? Despite him being a new actor at the time, he was very impressive, & I thought Timothy Olyphant was compelling as a cold-blooded killer. His acting was superb, & his presence as Mickey was very cool. Despite him being a sidekick, he definitely came through as a great Ghostface.
5. Jay Elliot (Scream: Resurrection):
I know many people hated Scream: Resurrection & hate Tyga for some reason. Please don't place him last or be biased to put him last/low just because you hate him, hate the season, hate his casting in the show, or because he's black. What I am going to talk about is why Jay is 5th. It’s his motive. To me, the foundation of a great killer is a motive & why this person is killing. Usually, horror villains go on to kill other people for random reasons. However, Jay actually had a fantastic motive, & I think he has the BEST MOTIVE out of ALL the Scream killers. It’s easily the most understandable & coherent. I really find Jay tragic as he lost his mom, step-brother, & father due to Marcus’s actions, & I really felt for him. In fact, I was siding with him more than Marcus, & it's a shame as I was rooting for Jay. I think it's better than all the other revenge for killing & abandonment motives, as, with Debbie, her son was a killer, while Deion was innocent & did nothing wrong. Jay killed Tommy Jenkins because he stole Marcus’s candy & indirectly killed Deion. He killed Avery Collins because he was a racist asshole who hated black people, & Jay got rid of one less racist in the world, & he killed Hookman because he killed Deion. I think Jay had some really savage & awesome kills. He killed Tommy by stabbing his throat & suffocating him with a plastic bag, threw Avery off a balcony & onto a metal spike, & crushed Hookman with a trash compactor. Although Jay has a small kill count of 3 people, the kills were a great highlight of him as a killer. Another great highlight was his acting. Honestly, I thought Tyga was surprisingly good as Jay. Look, he isn't really an actor, but I think Tyga killed the gangster role in Scream. It was pretty convincing & well thought out. I was very wary about Tyga's casting in the show, as rappers rarely work in horror movies, but I think Tyga worked well as a gangster, & he did it well. I thought Tyga was pretty good in the acting & was more convincing than a quarter of the franchise's killers, as some of the killers come off corny, boring, or lackluster. I really liked how Tyga played the tension between Jay & Deion well, & it's in a way where you can't be sure if it is normal sibling friction or something more sinister. I really feel bad for Tyga, because unfortunately for him, roles are very limited due to what he is represented as, as we can only see him as a gangster. I hope Tyga can get represented for more roles. Although Jay doesn't come off as smart, I think he is! I think he's smarter than half of the killers on this list. Jay is probably the sanest killer in the entire franchise. He literally planned Hookman & Tommy's death since he was a child, & it was eight years in the making, & that's dedication! He recognizes self-preservation & was going to tell the cops that Beth was the killer, but unfortunately for him, Jay was screwed by Beth, but he screwed Beth even worse than she screwed him by taking her down along with him. In a way, he killed Beth without even touching her. Revealing your accomplice even before the actual reveal takes balls & drawing it at the right moment is some serious brain work. Another great pro to him is his plan & how he almost got away with the murders. He killed the three people he thought deserved it, & two of those people were victims he planned ever since he was a child. His plan was cooked up the longest & was about 80% successful, & probably the 5th most successful plan out of all the killers. He planned to sell Beth out to the cops & already did before she killed him. In regards to the surprise factor, I didn't expect him to be the killer. I was really shocked since he was stabbed since I felt his stabbing attack was more genuine than Billy's, which it actually was. It took him off the suspect list because he was murdered & because the call to him sounded more convenient & realistic. I also like how he was a red-herring but ended up being the killer in the end. Also, I must applaud the writers for making Jay the first black killer in the franchise. Actors of color usually die first in a horror movie, but I like how they made him a villain & one of the last to die.
Some flaws are he didn't betray anyone except his family, which consisted of Marcus, his father, mother, & Beth. Also, in regards to his character, we don't really see much of it. However, I like his gangster role in Scream. I've never seen anything like that before, which was really inventive, but I wish he were in the show more instead of just 30 minutes. Unfortunately, Jay wasn't really surprising, at least to what I have seen online. However, he gets points for me, not expecting him to be the killer as I was shocked. I really hope we can get the representation of more actors of color in horror productions.
4. Piper Shaw (Season 1):
Piper was honestly a good killer in my mind. Some pros are her kills. She has a relatively average number of kills with a total of 6. She had cool kills with killing Will, Nina, Tyler & Riley. Also, she’s one of the most intelligent killers of the franchise. She spent years in an orphanage, yet she became one of the smartest killers out there. She made people believe that Brandon’s child was a boy & almost framed the sketchy Seth Branson. She also created another highly intelligent killer, the heinous Kieran Wilcox. The only foolish thing she did was not bringing any firearms to her final showdown. Usually, in the last act, killers use guns to kill their victims, but Piper didn’t get any guns to kill Emma or Maggie, even though she knew Emma had a knife behind her back. Another great pro of Piper is her plan. It was almost successful & is probably one of the most successful plans, ranking in the top 3. I think Piper had a really great motive as she was left in an orphanage where she was abandoned by Maggie & became jealous of Emma's life. The reasons for killing specific people were “understandable.” She killed Tyler, Nina, Riley, & Will to torture Emma, killed Deputy Roberts to frame Seth Branson for the crimes & Grayson because she wanted to get the witnesses/partygoers out of the party. Another great thing about Piper is the number of people she betrayed. She betrayed Audrey, Emma, Noah, Brooke, Jake, & Clark. Lastly, a great thing about Piper was her surprise factor. I thought she was one of the most surprising killers in the franchise. I wasn’t shocked when she took off her mask because I could tell it was Piper at the dock, but I wasn’t even sure who the killer was until Episode 9. I was always bouncing between Seth, Piper, & Kieran. I give the writers props for making her being “attacked” & eliminating her as a suspect. All & all, these factors make her a really great killer in my mind.
Like Jay, we never really saw her character all that much, but I did like the reporter role she had, & like Jay, Piper was just not someone I was whole-heartedly invested in whenever I saw her. She was kind of a background character like him. I think Amelia is great, but the acting Piper had before & after her reveal was not good. I think it was because of the cringe-worthy lines she was given. She was clearly supposed to be an obnoxious, snarky reporter trying to find the truth about the Brandon James storyline, but the dramatic lines about sexism & coffee kind of turn me off a bit. Also, after her reveal, her acting was kind of corny. Again, it isn’t at all Amelia’s fault. I just think if she were given better direction & lines, her performance would be better.
3. Jill Roberts (Scream 4):
I hear many of you screaming at me right now. “Jill isn’t #1? She almost got away with it!” I am a Jill supporter. She is literally the best female Ghostface killer we have so far. She’s just not the best in the franchise. I honestly wasn’t a fan of her character. I thought as a final girl, Jill was a pretty bland character. It was cool seeing her as Sidney’s cousin, but I just found her character to have no emotion, & I found her to be kind of bland. Also, I was not a fan of Emma Roberts’s acting. I thought Emma Roberts didn’t work as a final girl, & she didn’t work as a killer character. I found her lines to be pretty bitchy & corny, although some may like that. I just found her explaining her motives, & talking about being a star felt very corny. I think it’s because, throughout Emma’s career as an actress, we always see her as the bitchy cheerleader bully, always whining over things. Honestly, I feel, like Tyga, it’s shameful for both of them, considering since both of them are famous high-end people. The fact that we see them for their typical roles, Tyga as a gangster & Emma for bitchy teen roles, we cannot see them as something else. I hope both of them can get more representation & be represented for other roles. One last con of Jill is her motive. I’m going to be specific here. She didn’t have the best motive, & here’s why. Her main reason was that she was jealous of Sidney’s life & wanted to become famous by killing people & becoming the next final girl. I just thought that her primary motive was pretty greedy & not coherent at all. She’s way better than Mickey, Charlie, Billy, Stu, & Beth’s primary motive, but it’s just that her killing just because of jealousy over her sibling was wack. She should be proud that her cousin was a star. Also, her killing people for particular reasons was kind of all over the place, but it was okay. She just wanted to kill Sidney just because she got a better life than her. It’s pretty typical, as we’ve seen that with some of the killers already. She killed most of the people for personal reasons. She murdered Trevor & Jenny as Trevor cheated on her with Jenny, killed her mother because she thought she loved Sidney better, which was a pretty wack reason to believe that. Although some “fair” motives are killing the two cops because they were obstacles in her mom's way, & killing Charlie & Trevor to frame them was okay.
You may be wondering, what makes Jill be in this spot? First off, Jill’s kills were pretty cool. Her calling & killing Rebecca inside the garage was pretty cool. Her killing the cops was nice as it was more swiftly than Mickey’s cop scene, & she killed them in a matter of seconds. Also, she stabbed her mom through a damn mail slot, & that reveal of her getting stabbed was pretty cool. Also, who could forget her shooting Trevor’s dick? She also had a very great kill count of 7 people. That’s a lot compared to more than half the killers. Another great thing about Jill is that she’s one of the smartest killers in the franchise. She came closer to killing Sidney even more than the other killers. She also almost successfully made people believe Trevor & Charlie were the killers. Her self-inflicting wounds was pretty cool. The only hindrance to her intellect is the fact she didn’t successfully kill Sidney. Another great thing was her plan, & as said before, she had the BEST PLAN out of everyone in the franchise this far. Jill came close to killing her primary target, she fooled people believing that she was the perfect victim, & she even fooled people after her death, assuming the gang will tell the police about it. I’d say the only small hindrance is what she would do after realizing Sidney woke up. What was she going to say to the police? That Trevor & Charlie came back from the dead & killed the gang? No, there would be fingerprints all over Sidney & the others, & she would most likely be caught. That’s the only hindrance in her plan, but other than that, she’s #1 in regards to that. Another great thing about Jill was the number of people she betrayed. She’s the most treacherous killer we have thus far in the franchise. She killed anyone who ever loved her, including her mother & friends who actually did care about her. She fooled the police department, Sidney, Gale, Dewey, Kirby, etc. She never cared about anyone other than herself & she’s the EVILEST killer in the franchise thus far. One last great thing about Jill was the surprise factor. Now here’s the thing, I figured out Jill was the killer when she said she lost her phone, but going from a general sense, she’s one of the most surprising killers in the franchise. She made it pretty convincing that she was the next Sidney, & even the trailers did, but they pulled a 180 on the fans by making her the killer. The attack was a pretty cool way of making it look like she was innocent. Even though she’s not the best killer, she’s the most treacherous, evil, & best planning maker killer in the franchise thus far.
2. Roman Bridger (Scream 3):
Roman gets a lot of hate. Roman’s usually very low on many people’s list, even called the worst Ghostface killer behind Charlie, which baffles me, & I think they give Roman too much shit while praising other killers very highly for bullshit stuff compared to Roman. Please don’t put Roman on your list just because of a movie. Yes, Scream 3 is arguably the worst out of all the Scream movies thus far, but I love the movies in general, & if there’s one thing great about Scream 3, it’s Roman Bridger. There is no denying Roman’s skills as a Ghostface killer, so let’s get to them. One great thing about Roman is his kill count. He killed nine people in just one spree. Roman had some really cool kills, too, despite them not being brutal. The phone call to Cotton was pretty cool & him spying on Christine in the shower was very badass. Him also exploding the house was pretty awesome & him killing three people in just three minutes was just god-like, killing Tyson by breaking his back & throwing him that high off a balcony & that cool line while slitting his father, John Milton’s throat, was badass. Roman isn’t some copycat copying the order of murders or killing people of similar roles. He killed people by order of a damn script & that was cool. Another great thing about Roman was his intelligence. He is easily the MOST INTELLIGENT out of all the Scream killers. Roman is the ONLY killer to work alone BY HIMSELF (with technically Kieran as he was helping Piper), & it takes a lot of doing things by yourself without an accomplice, even faking your own death & claiming your innocence. Another great thing about Roman is his bulletproof vest. If you are going to kill people, protect yourself. Most of the killers died by being shot in the chest, while when Roman was shot in the chest, he didn’t die! Also, he has a magic voice changer that could imitate other people’s voices. Now yes, it’s a big stretch & unrealistic as hell, but I love it. Having a mastermind of a franchise having a voice changer that can make it seem like it’s anyone is cool as hell. This was long before the TV series's phone apps, which gives him very high points for doing that. He also basically created this whole franchise, & he was inches from killing Sidney if she didn’t also use the bulletproof vest. Also, Roman even made Billy gullible & basically created him as a killer too. Roman’s motive was also really good. I mean, he’s this abandoned kid thrown out by his mom, & his mom even denied that he was her son, & Sidney had the life he should have had. In regards to targeting specific people, he killed Cotton, Christine, & Sarah to lure Sidney out of hiding; Steve was in the way as he was the bodyguard of the house, Jennifer, Tyson, & Angelina were killed because they were in the house & got in the way, & Milton was to frame Sidney & the fact that he was Roman’s father. It’s unknown why he killed Tom but as far as that, him killing the eight was fair. Roman also betrayed a lot of people in the process of his spree. Roman killed all the nine people he worked with, his cast, crew, & father, just to hurt Sidney. Also, another plus side is his character. Now yes, Roman isn’t really in the movie & didn’t really stand out. However, I liked his role as the director. He was just an obsessed director trying to get this movie done. That was pretty interesting as the killers we’ve seen in the films & series aren’t directors but are horror fans, students, or reporters. It’s cool to see a change of types of roles in the series. Another great thing was Scott Foley’s acting. I enjoyed his acting before the reveal, as he played this laid back & very defensive director trying to get his reputation fixed & getting this great movie released. Some parts could come off corny, but I found it to be pretty interesting. After his reveal, I like the monologue he provided & the fact he was the mastermind of Ghostface. Not to mention, Neve stabbing him with an ice pick is actually a real scream by Scott Foley, as Neve missed the padding, & Scott ended up with a scar on his back. Props to him! One last great thing about Roman was his surprise factor. I liked how he was a suspect, so no one could believe that he was the killer. I also like how he was a background character, not really in the movie, as that combined maintained his innocence, even faking his death too.
Despite Roman almost killing Sidney, his plan really sucked. No one would ever believe that Sidney Prescott killed her own mother, & no one would ever think that she would kill those nine people just for losing her mind. Now yes, Roman could have successfully framed her for Milton's murder, but there would have to be people to realize that she wasn’t working alone, & what was she going to do with Gale, Dewey, & Kincaid? I just thought his plan was very convoluted. I think it’s better than half of the killers on this list, but it’s just as complicated as hell. Also, unfortunately, the kills weren’t really brutal. I praise him for murdering Cotton, Tyson, & Tom epically, but it’s just that they weren’t really bloody, & some parts were tame. However, I can’t fault him as during the 2000s, the very unfortunate Columbine Massacre happens, thus prohibiting the gore in horror movies to be in numerous amounts, so they had to tone the amount down for the film. I bet if that didn’t happen, Roman would have some of the most brutal kills in the series.
1. Kieran Wilcox (Season 1 & 2):
My favorite killer in the entire Scream franchise thus far is The Lakewood Slasher himself, Kieran Wilcox. You may be wondering, why is Kieran in this spot? Well, Kieran easily has the best kills in the entire franchise. Kieran has the highest kill count in the entire franchise of OVER A DOZEN PEOPLE. Yes, Roman killed many people per spree, & I bet he would kill more if there were a second, but Kieran has the HIGHEST KILL COUNT of his entire career as a serial killer. Another great thing about his kills. He's the MOST DIVERSE KILLER. He used many diverse & various weapons such as a buck knife, noose, fire-poker, scythe, bear trap, corkscrew, wine bottle, clothing iron, glass mirror, coffin, drowning, pitchfork, & a gun. Another cool thing is that he is the only killer to kill in 2 sprees. No one else can claim that meaning. He is almost the MOST BRUTAL killer of the franchise, killing his victims physically & mentally by playing mind games on them & psychologically torturing them. Another cool thing about Kieran is that he is the ONLY killer in the franchise to kill an ANIMAL! A living, breathing creature! He killed the pig & ripped out its heart, & also it’s hinted that he killed his neighbor’s dog. Who can argue with Kieran’s Kill Game? Most brutal, diverse, & highest count. Another great pro about Kieran is his intelligence. He’s one of the most intelligent killers in the franchise. It takes a serious intellect to avoid being caught for two seasons, especially with all of the impressive stuff Kieran did. He was also the MOST SLY killer the franchise has ever had. He worked painstakingly around the clock & is very tech-savvy with setting all those cameras & technology up. He was a master lock picker, hacker, crime scene fixecleaner, sneaker, even standing on Audrey's bed to paint in blood while she slept in her bed. The only reason he got caught was just because of a verbal slip-up. He is extremely elaborate, as seen by how he hung Haley like a doll & somehow got Jake up on the catwalk for his body to fall from the banners onto Brooke during a meeting. Another cool thing is that Kieran is another killed to do everything BY HIMSELF. Despite him working with Piper, he worked alone with no accomplices or any helpers regarding his 2nd spree. Another great thing about Kieran was his plan. Kieran had the best execution in his long game plan. He could have gotten away with the murders if he didn't avenge Piper. This guy worked tediously & lived a double life so effortlessly. Framing Audrey & Emma were very cool, & he almost got away with it too. The only reason he got caught was that he didn't expect Eli to be there, & the fact that he had a verbal slip-up to Emma. Other than that, he has one of the best plans in the entire franchise. Kieran also betrayed a lot of people during his run as a serial killer. He betrayed & Emma, Audrey, Brooke, Jake, Noah, Stavo, Hayley, Zoe, Kristen, Maggie, Miguel, the FBI (from SEASON 1), & the entire police department. He even killed his own father & cousin in cold blood. It is also most likely possible that he even murdered his MOTHER & STEP-DAD in the car crash just to get to Lakewood to kill his father. He killed more family members than any of the killers thus far. Kieran was also a great character. Yes, he's blander than the rest of the Lakewood Six, but I found his character cool as this shady loner with a troubled past. I enjoyed most of the scenes he was in too. I like the darkness he had around him in the first two seasons, & in the second season, we get to have more character development around him & see more in his backstory. In fact, I think Kieran had the best character development out of all the killers. I think it's because he is the only killer to be in two seasons, & he also has the most amount of screen-time out of anyone in the series. I like how believable Amadeus Serafini was as a killer, & I think the killer reveal was his best scene out of the entire series. He has great range, & I thought he was the most underrated actor the series has had. He was very creepy & menacing as a killer, with the sinister smile, & moving & talking. In fact, I think he's the most scariest & sadistic killer we have thus far. Another cool thing about Kieran is that he is the ONLY killer to live after his reveal, before his fortunate/unfortunate demise in prison, & he is the only killer to be caught & sent to jail after. That was a historic first in the series thus far. One last great thing about Kieran is his surprise factor. I was honestly pretty surprised that Kieran was the killer. In Season 1, I suspected him to be one of the killers. However, it ended up being false because when Piper was revealed in Season 1, that cleared his name in the end & dismissed the fact that he was the killer. In Season 2, I always just took him as part of the main cast, & I honestly didn't think that the show-runners would make one of the Lakewood Six, the killer. I always thought Emma's Dad or Eli was the killer, not him.
I think the only con I have about Kieran was his motive, as I thought Kieran didn't have the best motivation, but not the worst one. He only killed because he wanted revenge for Piper's death, his accomplice, who, along with him, murdered Emma's friends & tortured her mentally. He also wanted revenge against his dad for partying & doing drugs & sending him to Atlanta. I thought it was the worst out of all the abandonment motives. I do give him points for killing the nine people during his second spree for framing Audrey & Emma & killing Rachel to stop people from knowing he was one of the killers, but other than that, him trying to help Piper & killing his dad for a small reason felt a bit off. All & all, I think Kieran is the best killer we have so far, as he displays all seven characteristics I listed in a great fashion & nails it.
What is your list, & why? What characteristics/categories are you using? If you want to use mine, what would your list be & why? Please let me know in the comments. Thank you, everyone, so much! I hope you & yours are well during this time.
TL;DR: My list is Charlie < Stu < Billy < Beth < Debbie < Mickey < Jay < Piper < Jill < Roman < Kieran. What's yours & why?

Happy Tuesday, Barkada --

The PSE closed up 35 points to 7281 ▲0.5%.

Shout-out to Discord user @LoafieBear for showing some love to MB's memes! Also to PHinvest user kyusiwanderkid for their question about how to avail of the AC Energy stock rights offering (SRO). To make a long story short, I'm not sure yet how someone can take part in the Phase 2 portion of the SRO, except that you'd have to take part in Phase 1. When more details are available I'll be sure to cover this in greater detail!
Also a big thank-you to Twitter user Aoi Ikeda (@AoiIkeda3) for translating MB into Japanese! Domo arigato! That was a really cool thing to see.

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• [UPDATE] Megawide [MWIDE 9.25 ▲0.98%] rumors swirl that it may have lost “original proponent status” on NAIA Rehab project... the rumors started from a Bilyonaryo article posted yesterday based on a radio interview given yesterday to DZBB Radio by MWIDE’s Managing Director, Louie B. Ferrer, where Mr. Ferrer reportedly said: “Yung balita namin, mabilis rin na-revoke ‘yung OPS namin [Our news is, our OPS was also revoked quickly.]” In this context, “OPS” refers to “original proponent status”, which is the holy grail of the “Swiss Challenge” procurement scheme used by the Duterte administration to facilitate the “Build Build Bulid” program. When a bid is given the OPS tag, that gives that bidding group an incredible advantage: they’re given the chance to counter-match any better offers that the government may receive. No other group has that right.
  
  • MB: For all the noise that MWIDE has been making against Bilyonaryo, and about all the “crab mentality” who are looking to tear them down, it certainly appears as though their bid has encountered some rather serious problems. If these reports are true (and at the time of this writing, there are no corroborating reports from other media outlets), it likely means that MWIDE has lost its shot at the (cursed) rehab project. Is the administration clearing room for another bidder? After the NAIA Consortium (featuring most of the country’s tycoons) and MWIDE are set aside, there aren’t that many houses left that could feasibly get the job done...
• [NEWS] Apex Mining [APX 1.75 ▼2.78%] suffers massive COVID outbreak at Maco Mine in Davao de Oro... the outbreak has infected 69 employees and contractors, and caused 338 contacts to go through contact tracing and be self-isolated. APX has put its Polyplex Dormitory and Senior Staff House on “lockdown”, and will operate the mine at reduced capacity until the mine can be verified as “COVID-free”.
  
  • MB: Human welfare issues aside, investors have to be concerned about this “lottery of sadness” approach that the mining industry has adopted as its default setting to deal with the COVID pandemic. Feels like the safety sliders are all set to MIN (a/k/a lowest cost, highest MT volume), and the mines just sort of white-knuckle it until one of them blows up with a huge outbreak. Investors are probably happy to ignore the potential risk of this approach while things are going well; it’s only when mines shut down or are significantly hobbled that some ask questions about whether this could have been done differently. Additional outbreaks increase the chance of an outside agency stepping in to provide industry-wide policy changes that could further pinch profits.
• [NEWS] Axelum Resources [AXLM 3.79 ▼0.79%] discloses board of directors compensation scheme... in an interesting look into how the board of a public company is paid, AXLM disclosed its compensation policy for directors yesterday. According to the release, AXLM directors earn cash in three ways: first, they earn ₱150,000 per month in a monthly allowance (plus 13th month); second, they earn ₱50,000 per day for attending board meetings, to a maximum of ₱300,000 per year; and last, the Chairman divides up 2% of AXLM’s net income before tax between the various directors as “additional compensation”.
  
  • MB: First off, you can bet that the board will make sure it meets for more than 6 days inthe year to max out that per-diem. So between the allowance and the per-diem, AXLM director base pay is ₱2.25m per year. AXLM’s 2019 net income before taxes was approximately ₱855m, so 2% of that would be ₱17.1m in discretionary bonuses that Chairman Romeo Chan can dole out to himself and the remaining 6 directors. If that bonus were split evenly (that’s a big IF), that would be an additional ₱2.85m per director, for a total compensation package of ₱4.1m per year. That doesn’t include compensation for executive positions at the company (Chan is CEO, Raperoga, another board member, is COO). To borrow a trope from sports, a strong, balanced, and effective board is 70% of the reason for the company’s performance, while a bad board is 100% of the reason. Good board members do a lot of complex work that should not be taken for granted. It’s just interesting to take a closer look at these payment schemes to get a feel for how they’re paid!

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Hello. I finally broke down and started watching the show recently after numerous people told me I should. I had not read the series but I have read other Cornwell work so I'm familiar with the style. You know. Vomiting blood, everyone being dirty, shield walls, the question of magic, and naming things basically whatever he feels like. I jotted down some thoughts after each episode. I'd like to share them with you now. Some notes have been amended as the season went on. I corrected any spelling as I went on (and looked up stuff) so what you see may not be the original note in that regard.
1. "What are you gonna do, kill me?" -boy who was killed. You'd think not taunting Danes would've been on the list of things he was taught.
Hey look its Mathew Macfayden. I guess its not a live action adventure tv series unless you can get someone who is much more famous than the rest of the cast to die importantly early on.
At first I thought that young newly minted Uhtred running into battle was a dumb plot device but no, he's just consistently an idiot.
The uncle is about to kill this kid isn't he? -Okay, I wasn't far off.
"This kid stabbed me, I think I'll keep him" is a great character and culture moment.
Ubba looks like Joe Walsh of the Eagles.
Is that Nick Nolte playing Ragnar's dad? -Nope. Rutger Hauer.
This Storri guy looks so familiar. -Well, whatever he looked like, it sure aint him based on his wikipedia. -I figured it out later. He looked like one of the ram guys from Carnival Row.
I asked my daughter if I could throw her in a river to show her my love. She said maybe. I'm pretty hopeful.
Nothing says romance like stabbing a loved one to prevent suffering.
Well done Ragnar. Also, Ragnar is now well done.
You really think you can just waltz into a town full of your enemies and they wont even notice you? -Okay actually he does that a lot.
2. I'm betting this plan is gonna fail. Ubba's crazy after all. -Yup, it failed. -And it kept failing. -Wait, why did it keep failing? At some point they should've realized here.
You know, it seems more likely to work to offer to trade info BEFORE you shoot the guy but desperate times and all.
Hey its the Priest guy. And now I see how he's gonna get involved with the royals on this side. Write a joke here later once I figure out why he looks familiar. -Oh, it's Quirrell. That makes sense.
Why does Odda look and sound so familiar? -I'd like to pretend I'm surprised that I remember this guy from an episode of Highlander 25 years ago but too many people would call BS.
Oh, so that's why Ravn called Ubba the tall one. Haha. Subtle. I see you Guthram. Looking like a poor man's Ian McShane over here.
Oh hey there Jason Flemyng. Guess you're gonna be our next important actor death.
One of those archers barely winged him. I'm just saying.
Wait is this the same Ubba from Vikings? -Yes it is. Mostly.
Oh look..an important sword. And the "i'll pay you more than I agreed to" character moment. Remember this is the good guy. I do like that the stone isn't perfectly centered on the pommel. If this was a book, Cornwell would've noted it's slightly crookedness like once every four times he drew the sword.
3. Haha Aethelwold you dumb bastard. You really didn't see this coming? Like they weren’t gonna plan for it?
Leofric looks like English John Krasinski. Imagining this show in an Office style format is hilarious. He'd nail that role, too.
You know, Brida never did specify what the curse was that Storri put on her and now we've got this misscarraige happening. I wonder if it's related.
The person in the hood is clearly Ragnar. -Yup. Of course it was.
Hahaha the attack with Uhtred on the wrong side of the shield wall was a nice touch. Leofric is my favorite character now. -Okay, I dont wanna talk about it.
Ragnar is very understanding of this promise but Brida is not. Does she just completely forget that Ubba tried to kill Uhtred? Surely this won't cause any strife going forward. -Oh hey, look, zero strife caused lol -None whatsoever
4. So Mildreth is the honey and the debt is the stick. Alfred's clever, I get it.
This dude looks like they put out a casting call for a fat guy who looks like they’ll steal from you. -Ha! Called it!
When it said Wereham I was eating bacon and it was a weird moment.
Okay, I've now passed the point where I'm gonna look up this little shit so I can hate him in other things. -If you are not casting Brian Vernel to be a hate sink in your movie or show, you are wrong. -I just went back and watched his scene in Force Awakens and its so much better now.
You know, usually when a show tells you all about the dangerous weather its the protagonists who get screwed by it, not the other guys. This is a refreshing change.
Well I guess I know what's gonna happen if Ivar goes to Ireland in Vikings now.
And today Father Selbix learned that he is a red shirt. I feel like he was in several episodes just kinda standing there as another priest but I cant be certain. Either way, he gonna die. -Ha! Got that one.
So Ubba's gonna return and Uhtred's gonna run and the hostages are gonna get killed for one of those reasons. -Nope, not quite. I guess we did need a scene of Ragnar being on his side.
Guthram is surprisingly interested in the religious stuff. Even if it is a ploy. -Oooh....he didnt torture the priest! He just went straight to the kill. I sense a weird respect in a way?
Go Uhtred! Light the Beacons! Gondor calls for aid!
5. “Come with me, the weaseliest character in this show, for safety!”. Why does that always work?
Goddammit Alfred. Never split the party. Man needs to play some DnD.
How long did you make that poor man yell “better than barley” before you said cut?
Uhtred rolling into camp with big “I’m the main character of course the rules didn’t apply to me” energy. Though I’m not sure why they’re shocked he’s alive. The beacons got lit.
Big buddy cop energy here with Uhtred and Leofric. “Your kid has a tiny dick” is just an amazing insult.
“Why are you at every meeting?” is a really solid question. Uhtred just everywhere.
“You’re the next to die” feels like one of those things that’s supposed to be bullshit but ends up true anyway. -And it is.
“When I was like 9 I stabbed a guy who killed my brother and dad and it worked out for me so of course I can go by myself and set everything on fire. Why would you expect anything else?” -Okay he was 10.
Is Odda the Elder really that good a guy? People keep saying it but he didn’t drown this shithead every day for 20 something years. That’s every day he committed an evil act. -Hahahaahahaha. He made up for it.
Leofric and Woldhare’s confusion on what to prepare for is hilarious. But it really does make Odda look shitty and over his head so they nailed the episode’s theme here.
An unwinnable fight against the toughest guy in the show. But honestly we haven’t seen Uhtred do much 1v1 combat either. Army saves him? -Yes but no.
I feel like there’s some nods to the Hector vs Achilles fight from Troy in this matchup. The scrambling for weapons and shield dropping and such really seem similar. It’s a good nod. That was a great fight.
Oh shit. He hamstrung Ubba! And gave him the cool death, too. Swell guy. Surely the other Danes will appreciate that...nevermind.
Okay, that visual of the army silently appearing from the dark and enveloping Uhtred was fucking dynamite. Just amazing. That’s gotta be my favorite visual in this show. It’s gonna be tough to top.
This little fuckstick is gonna take credit isn’t he? -Yup.
Uhtred about to do something stupid I bet. And he charges into a church in the early middle ages. I’m sure that’ll go over well. -It didn’t.
Wolfhare with that cool old guy energy with this nat’s dick speech. -Well that didn’t last.
Aethelwold has now upgraded from little brat to hilarious little brat. That rant was amazing.
“I’m going drinking and whoring” is not the best line of communication in a marriage for the record. Also “I love tits” is such a weird hilarious end line there. Improvised?
Leofric with a solid grasp on not crapping where you eat. Sadly no one figured out how to do that in real life til well after. -I have no idea how to look up when that actually happened.
I’m barely fat and I would've known not to run for it. English nobles get touchy about taking things from their forests. It’s like 20% of their mythology.
6. Hitting kids with rocks is a great start to an episode.
If you’ve ever been the roommate to a couple, you know how Leofric feels here. Just let me leave with my food so you can fight, dammit.
Uhtred not paying the weregild is a total bitch move. Yeah, kill the guy, but pay for it. That’s the job, man. I’m with Mildreth on this one.
Aethelwold being in the party is so obviously a problem that I can’t imagine it going right. -Well...it wasn't his fault to be fair.
Brother Asser? Really? That’s gotta be made up. -Apparently not. Seems he’s the reason we even know any of these names.
Iseult. Sure. I mean she’s been dead for 200-400 years but why not?
Leofric is spot on pointing out how stupid it is that Uhtred keeps saying his real name while they’re undercover.
“Real danes!” is such an amazing line delivery.
This king is an idiot but also hilarious. -And died hilariously to boot. -Damn dude just lied over and over.
Skorpa is just unsettling. Not in a vicious killer way but like a sex cult way.
I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t see the double cross coming. I bet Skorpa whispered some threat about killing her later. -Nope. It was plot points. Tanks Skorpa. -Well...I mean..he did it anyway I guess. Half credit?
That “you’re as much a warrior as you are a king” line is just a tremendous backhanded insult. -He does keep surviving battles though.
Uhtred is a terrible husband.
“It would take God’s intervention for him to beat me.” is just such a badass line. Leofric can have my children. -Not over it.
7. Get you a homie who’ll fight you to the death for your religion that he doesn’t even believe in.
“We’re about to die so let's take shots at the queen”. I’ve met her, I understand.
She ain’t havin nun of that. I’m sorry, this was a seriously terrible moment in her life and I should be respectful. But also she also just told that guy she didn’t feel him while he was raping her and thats badass in a messed up way.
I appreciate the tiny continuity of Leofric saying “I have your sword” as they go for the boat. I don’t think there’s any way he does but someone clearly noted that there’s no way Uhtred did so they used 2 seconds to keep it together. More shows and movies could benefit from this mindset.
And Alfred is the priest. Man Uhtred really does show up at every meeting.
“Pagan witch has cures for character ailments” is such an old trope but I guess it does have its roots in literally this time period.
Guthram being excited to learn to read is adorable in a weird way.
This entire episode is just “Leofric predicts disaster”.
The way the Queen said “muddy puddle” made me go see if she was on Peppa Pig. -She wasn’t.
Showing proper crying complete with snot running down the face would make Cornwell proud. Man loves bodily fluids.
Beocca knew exactly what happened with Iseult and really tried to God-splain that shit.
A battle plan of leading people into marshes and then killing them in the mud is honestly pretty solid. Mud is like the 3rd best English weapon of war.
It’s interesting that of all people, it’s Brida/RagnaGuthram who first recognize that Aethelwold is not actually an idiot.
“I think I accidentally killed your son, so lets bang” is one of the weirdest comeons. Luckily for her it works when Uhtred, dick of Uhtred is doing the thinking.
Okay, with Wolfhare clearly defecting I think we’re supposed to think Wolfhare was the one who let the Danes into the city but that doesn’t check out. -Well, he did defect. RIP cool old guy character.
It’s not like Brother Asser is wrong in his views. He has a legitimate gripe here. Uhtred did show up, fuck shit up, lie, and betray his King.
Oh yes. Yes. Everyone watch this little shithead betray them.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE. -I still feel this way.
Mildreth is totally right with her “get outta my face ho and stay missing me”.
Father Beocca getting mouthy with Skorpa is just amazing. And Alfred too! Ha! Go Father.
“I’ve baptized him twice” is a great callback. This show seems really good at these kinds of details.
Guthram’s hair is fabulous. It bears mentioning as we near this battle.
This battle looks great with all the order and chaos. Clearly some CGI but it looks really good.
No. Dammit. Not like that. That’s so cruel. A character like Leofric should die in active combat, not bleeding out like that. That’s just heartbreaking. And no breathing before Iseult is right behind. -And both were handled well after. Props to Father Beocca and Aethelwold.
I guess Uhtred parkouring the shield wall is consistent with him walking into every other enemy camp this season. Kinda broke the realistic tactics we’re using but I’m sure the source material is guilty of it too. Coughtoo many people dueling on battlefieldscough.
Hey Guthram got baptized. For whatever that’s worth. That interest did pay off I guess. And now Uhtred ends the season with Hild (whose horse did NOT wanna participate in the dramatic shot of them riding away) and that other guy who’s name I missed. Like a weird Road Warrior type ending. Are the other Wessex based stories going to be in the next season or do we strictly follow these guys. -It’s Halig.
And that’s the season. A pretty good show. Lots of dirty mucky combat and dark humor to be had for all. I’m definitely gonna get into season 2. Thanks for reading!

Ruberiot knew, if nothing else, that he had really done it now.
Standing in front of him was a gigantic crowd of angry people, but not a single gaze was fixed on him. Rather, they were fixed on the small group that was currently rushing away from the high balcony they stood on: The Butterfly Royal family and the Magical High Commission. Corn cobs, Star Butterfly merch, and a monkey (?) were just some of the objects flung towards the departing leaders of the Butterfly kingdom, and in no time at all they had vanished inside the castle. Ruberiot stood and waited for a moment, wondering what he had done wrong to provoke this response from the people, before realizing that since the crowd had chased the Butterflies away, they were likely going to go after another target now.
Namely him.
So moving as quietly as possible, Ruberiot bolted from the stage, disappearing within seconds behind the curtain, where a whole new mess awaited him. The dozen workers that he had gathered together to create and control the giant cutouts, puppets, and other features of the song were rushing about, also wondering what had gone wrong. Once they noticed his presence, they all simultaneously turned towards him, as if silently begging for an answer.
An answer that he did not possess.
So just like with the stage, Ruberiot ran away from them into the dirtied streets of Mewni, where there wasn’t a single soul to be seen. He must have run for about five minutes until he was far away enough that he was satisfied no one would follow him. Then he fell to his knees, staining his sparkling gold outfit with mud, and panting as he desperately tried to catch his breath.
But he still didn’t feel entirely safe. Not yet, at least. He knew from the start that Star Butterfly would be angry for the “addition” he had added to her song about her secret love for the Earth boy, but he had hoped the punishment wouldn’t be too brutal. Still, he had planned to run and hide after the song anyways, until she had calmed down. But now he had the Princess and the mob of angry bystanders after him. So that made finding a hiding spot doubly important. He looked around, searching for a suitable place, but all he saw were the houses of the townsfolk, and he’d have to be an absolute idiot to attempt to hide himself in-
“Hey! Over here!” A sudden voice hissed, and Ruberiot gasped as he turned towards his right, where he saw a shadowy figure in a dark alleyway, too obscure for him to make out. He raised his double-necked guitar, fearing that he was about to be stabbed, but the person merely chuckled at the sight of this. But it wasn’t a sadistic or arrogant chuckle. It was more like one a person amused with the antics of their friend might give off. The person spoke again, and this time Ruberiot recognized their voice, but it couldn’t be her...could it?
“Follow me. I’ll take you someplace safe. Better than standing here in the streets...” They said, before running off. Ruberiot contemplated following them, knowing that if he made the wrong decision, then things could go very wrong very fast. But at the same time, if he stayed here, things could go the same way. Follow a stranger and potentially get axed murdered? Not something he wanted to risk. But stay here and get torn apart by a crowd of people? Likely to be much more painful, depending on how fast that axe was swung.
So he gulped, threw his guitar over his back, and ran after the person, trying to catch up with them. Once he did so he put on an extra burst of speed so that he was right behind them, upon which he opened his mouth, having plenty of questions of his own.
“Hey! Who are you? Why are you helping me like this?” He asked. He was pretty sure he knew who that voice belonged to, but she was supposed to be miles away at the moment. Unless, of course, she followed him… “I mean, I appreciate it, but I just want to know why.”
“I’ll tell you everything when we get to where we’re going.” The person replied. “For now, just keep your voice down. The townsfolk don’t probably hate you right now as much as you believe they do, but if they catch you you’ll likely wake up with an ungodly amount of bruises from all the tomatoes that had been thrown at you.”
Ruberiot was about to speak again, before realizing that this person had a good point. He also felt a small amount of relief that his visions of getting mauled to death by the ravenous villagers were likely nothing more than an absolute worst-case scenario, even if it still meant they hated him at the moment. For now, he decided to listen and kept his mouth shut, continuing to run after the stranger in silence.
Eventually, they left the town behind and started moving towards a dirt path that looked like it hadn’t seen any visitors in years. The stranger suddenly turned a hard left minute after this, and Ruberiot nearly fell over as he attempted to follow them. Nevertheless, he kept his balance and the mad dash continued, until he saw a huge shadow loom in the distance, one that appeared to be a dilapidated windmill. The stranger slowed down as they approached it, and Ruberiot did the same, gasping for breath again after his second long-distance sprint of the night. They walked up to the door and pushed it open, before signaling for him to follow in. He did so with only a moment's hesitation, and he felt total darkness surround him as the door was shut behind him and the draft from outside was cut off like a knife. Until, at least, several candles ignited across the room, presenting to him a run-down room, with several amenities that one would not expect to find in a normal windmill. A bed, a rack with several costumes and what looked like theatre props lined up on it, and a magic-powered mini-fridge, which explained the odd humming sound that he was hearing.
“This...is where you live?” Ruberiot asked, before he recalled that this was far from the most important thing he wanted to be answered right now. He shook his head and turned towards his savior, who was still wearing their cloak. “No. Not that. Not yet. First off...can you tell me who you are?”
“Seriously? I can’t believe you didn’t notice…” The person replied, lifting back their hood to reveal the face of none other than Foolduke, the Royal Jester of the Butterflies, smiling widely. Ruberiot paused for a moment, not about to explain how he had suspected it was her, he just didn’t think it possible, so instead he set his guitar on the ground and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, not sure what to do now that they were alone...and presumably safe.
“Well...it’s me!” Foolduke said, out spreading her arms. “Aren’t you surprised?”
“Yeah! I am!” Ruberiot said. “Just...wondering why you saved me.”
“Are you kidding? Us Royal performers have to stick together. Especially when it comes to something like this.” Foolduke said, shaking her head. “Seriously. I don’t want to be mean, dude, but you sorta botched that song day performance. It was a nice song, but as we both know, there were some things that you probably should have left out.”
“I know. But the Princess convinced me to.” Ruberiot said. “And then, of course, there were those lyrics I added myself at the end…”
“Yeah...but we’ll talk about those in a moment,” Foolduke said, before flinging off her cloak and revealing her jester outfit underneath. “For now, we’re holding up here. And before you ask, no, this is not where I live, it’s just a place I found and made my own since no one else was using it. Now...are you hungry? Or thirsty? We did just run like five miles…”
“...Do you have any corn?”
“Who doesn’t around here?” Foolduke scoffed, before walking over towards her mini-fridge, opening it, and getting some half-frozen cobs from it. “Let me start a fire going so I can boil these for us. I have to admit though, I never expected the crowd to go that crazy. I was honestly kinda afraid they would storm the stage next. It was a good idea getting out of there while you still could, and it was definitely a good thing that I followed you…”
She then turned and looked at Ruberiot, who was staring at the ground as if he had just been dejected. She tilted her head in confusion, before making a fire in the corner and putting a pot filled with water over it, throwing the cobs in, and finally sitting down on her bed.
“Are you okay?” She asked, in a rather concerned tone. “You’re looking kinda depressed there.”
“No, it’s just…” Ruberiot started, before sighing. “I feel like you’re right. I totally botched this. That song should have been simple like Queen Moons, but I just had to go and agree with Star. I just had to go with those lights and fireworks and giant puppets and revelations that I shouldn’t have ever learned in the first place! Now the kingdom might go into turmoil, nobody will trust the Royal family for a while, all because of my stupid song.”
Foolduke paused for a moment, trying to figure out the right thing to say. A second later, she smiled and lowered her head, much to Ruberiot’s confusion.
“Maybe that’s true.” She said. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you did single-handedly cause what could grow into a full-scale revolution with your song. But you know what? If I were you, I wouldn’t be focusing on that.”
“Then what should I be focusing on?” Ruberiot asked. “Because there’s not really that much for me to focus on at the moment besides that show.”
“Really...what’s your job, Ruberiot?”
“The Royal songster, of course,” Ruberiot replied.
“Yes. You’re the songster, not the town crier that bears news.” Foolduke said. “It’s not your fault that all this happened. You weren’t the one who lied to the people, or got the spellbook taken, or fell in love with someone from another dimension…” She giggled. “...You’re just the guy who broke the news to everyone via a song, because of Star. She wanted a song, she gave you a song, you performed the song. What happened afterward is not your fault. The people decide what they like, and that’s the end of it. They can’t blame you for just doing your job, especially if it was done on Royal orders.”
“You make a few good points, but I still wouldn’t be so sure about that…” Ruberiot said. “Again, I did add a few things in there myself.”
“Yeah, I know. We all know. I suspect that it’ll be the hot topic of gossip in Mewni for a few months.” Foolduke said, rolling her eyes. “Hear ye, hear ye! The princess has fallen in love with the Earth boy! Will this love continue?! Will they get married and have a child that can’t do magic, born from Star and a commoner who wasn’t born Royal?!” She shouted, in a fake newscaster voice. “And other such nonsense. Honestly, though, I didn’t think anyone cares that much about that. Heck, I think most of the crowd was still too focused on the revelation beforehand to even notice the end of your song.”
“And the part that did notice?”
“What did I say? Gossipers.” Foolduke chuckled. “No one will care about what they have to say outside of hair salons. And I think that part was pretty great, anyways. Really added something. Looks like Star wanted everything about her to be told in that song, and you delivered quite nicely.”
For the first time since leaving the stage, Ruberiot smiled and looked at the ground. “I suppose you’re right.” He admitted. “I did give her everything she wanted…”
“That’s the spirit!” Foolduke said. “I mean, this is all still pretty concerning. This crazy Ludo guy has Glossaryck, the books of spells, and who knows what else, but right now, who cares? We’re here. Not out there, and we have each other to keep company. Frankly, we shouldn’t even be discussing that stuff right now. After what just happened...I think you deserve one heck of a vacation.”
“I’m sure Star will request that I get an exile…” Ruberiot said, although this time the grin on his face stayed there, and he spoke with a greatly amused tone, much to Foolduke’s visible happiness. She had already accomplished what she had set out to do, the second she saw Ruberiot run away with a look of despair on his face. Make her fellow Royal performer happy again after the bonanza that just occurred. As a jester, she hated seeing people in a foul mood, and when it came to her fellow performers, this trait was the most important of them all.
They had been working together for the same people in the same place for years. To abandon him at a time like this was too horrible to think about.
So hopefully he would remain in this happy state for the rest of the night...
“I’m betting Queen Moon will stop her if she tries,” Foolduke said. “Now, I think those corn cobs are just about done…”
“Already? But it’s only been a few minutes! You just took them out of that fridge...and I don’t even know how you managed to get your hands on one of those.”
“Star gave it to me the second time we met,” Foolduke explained. “It was originally from Earth, but then she modified it with her wand so that it was powered by magic. Then she gave me some batteries that had magic inside them and not...not…”
“Not?”
“I forgot the word, sorry.” Foolduke apologized. “I think it was elect-something. The same stuff that lighting bolts are made out of. It’s what Earth batteries are normally powered by. I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Anyways, here we go!” She then took the cobs out of the pit and put two on two plates, handing one to Ruberiot, who took a seat in a nearby chair. They waited for them to cool down, and then the two ate in silence for a whole before Ruberiot spoke up again, sighing with every word.
“So what are we gonna do after this?” He asked.
“You can’t stay here for the night. I don’t mind.” Foolduke said. “Although I’ll have to get an extra cot from upstairs, and some spare clothes for you, since I’m sure you don’t want to sleep in that thing. Like, seriously, no offense, but what even is it?”
Ruberiot looked down at his sparkling outfit, now dirty and slightly ragged from all the running and falling he had done earlier. He remembered the conversation he had with Star, how long it had taken her to convince him to wear it. Somehow, she had managed to find a size that fit him…
“I honestly don’t know.” He finally said. “I think it’s based on some Earth musician, but I don’t think even Star was sure for certain. Regardless, I’ll be happy to get out of it the first chance I get. It may look nice and fancy, but this thing is super uncomfortable.”
“Heh. I know what you mean. Look at me.” Foolduke said, pointing at herself. “I have to wear a jester costume all day long. Eventually, your body realizes that a normal person is not supposed to wear clothing like this for extended periods of time, and it reacts accordingly. Not to mention how hot my head gets with this thing.”
She then took off her jester hat and threw it to the side, revealing a forehead that was covered in so much sweat it almost glistened in the candlelight. Ruberiot looked at the corn cob he was eating and then set it aside, now having completely lost his appetite. He really should have asked that question after they had finished eating.
“Yeesh. What a mess. I don’t even know why I dye my hair. All this sweat basically ruins it anyway.” Foolduke complained, and Ruberiot raised an eyebrow at this statement.
“You dye your hair?” He asked. “You mean that’s not your natural hair color?”
“Heck no!” Foolduke said. “But I just think I look better with blond hair. You won’t believe how much it costs, though. Sometimes it feels like half of my living expenses go towards this…”
“But if it costs that much just to dye your hair...and most of it is covered usually while you’re in that costume...why do it?” Ruberiot asked. “I don’t want to be mean, I’m just wondering why you would bother.”
“It’s like I said. I think I look best in it. And since I’m the Royal jester, I always have to be the best.” She sighed. “It’s a tiring job, jumping and making jokes all day, not to mention staying up all night writing my jokes for the next day, but I manage. I just wish I could take a break…”
Ruberiot stared at her for a moment, before his smile returned and he stood up. “Then why don’t you?”
“Huh?”
“Why don’t you take a vacation?” He asked. “You told me that I needed one. And you clearly need one as well. And in the middle of all this hullabaloo, going off for a week or two will be easy! The Royals will be so caught up in the aftermath of this song day that they won’t even notice we’re gone!”
“...You...you think so?” Foolduke asked, a sudden hopeful look in her eyes.
“Definitely,” Ruberiot said, before grabbing his guitar. “Who are the two that are the best performers in the land, beloved by all royals even those that are bland! There’s one with a hat, and one with a song, they’re the best of the best and have been friends for so looooong...oh, their names are-”
“Okay, okay, I get it!” Foolduke said, attempting (and failing) to hide her gigantic grin. “Sorry, I don’t mind, but if you play too loud then other people might hear, and we’re, uh…still hiding at the moment.”
“Oh, right, sorry,” Ruberiot said, before slinging his guitar over his back. “Just got a little excited. And you know, it doesn’t have to be just us. Isn’t there a mime in the castle as well? I’m sure that’s a thankless job! Maybe we could bring them along with us! All three of it! The terrific trio of performers!”
“Hmm...perhaps! I’ll see if I can contact them.” Foolduke said. “But for now, I think we should go to bed. Try to get some rest and recover from all that craziness. It’s dark and late, and honestly...those corn cobs should have been better.” She glanced towards her and Ruberiot’s plates, where the cobs were only half-finished. “I’ll try to get something better in the morning.”
“Nah, it’s okay, those were actually pretty good,” Ruberiot said. “I just don’t have much of an appetite right now. Still nervous and all that…”
“Ah, I get it,” Foolduke said. “Well, then let me go upstairs and get you that cot. It’s a little old and dusty, but if I shake it out then it should get rid of most of the bugs that have taken residence there...I’m pretty sure.”
“Err...thanks,” Ruberiot said, and with that Foolduke began walking towards the wooden spiral staircase that led to the next level of the windmill. Ruberiot watched her go, before something inside of him told him that he couldn’t just let her go upstairs like that. So almost moving on instinct, he jumped up, speed-walked over to her, and hugged the jester from behind, causing her to stop in place.
“Uh, what are you-”
“Thank you.” He said softly. “After that song, I thought I was truly screwed. But then you appeared out of nowhere, took me back to your home, gave me a meal, started a conversation with me...all because we’re performers for the same people. All because of the friendship we’ve built over the years. Just...thank you.” He repeated. “For being there when I was sure no one would be.”
“...It’s no trouble,” Foolduke said, feeling the smallest hint of a blush growing on her face. “What kind of friend would I be if I just left you like that? A terrible one, that’s what. And I don’t intend to ever be like that. So once we wake up, we’ll make plans for that vacation you suggested, pack up our things, and get far, far away from here for a while. And maybe pick up that crazy mime along the way.”
“Sounds great.”
“...”
“...”
“...We’re kinda in an awkward position, so could you-”
“Right, sorry, sorry,” Ruberiot said, letting go of her and backing away. “I’ll see you in a minute.”
“Might take longer than that to find bedding actually suitable for sleeping on…” Foolduke guffawed, before smiling one last time as she ascended the staircase and was swallowed up by the shadows.
And Ruberiot stared at those shadows for a moment, before sitting back down in his chair, a single thought on his mind.
‘If nothing else, she’ll still be there for me.’ He thought, before picking up his guitar. ‘I should write some songs to play on the vacation...make it as memorable as possible. For the both of us.’
With that, another small grin spread over his face, and his mind was on his friend upstairs as he placed his fingers on the strings and started to play.
The End

Hey everyone!
I want to know how everyone would rank all eleven Scream killers from worst to best & why? This list will be controversial, so please let me know your thoughts.
This list isn't based on facts, popularity, or other polls. For me, I used seven factors to rank the killers. I used kills (uniqueness & count), intelligence, plan, motive (being specific & their overall reason), treachery, character (acting & role), & surprise as factors to determine who I think are the worst & best killers. Please don't downvote just because your killer isn't my favorite. Here is my list, & feel free to leave your opinions in the comments below & your ranking.
11. Charlie Walker (Scream 4):
I'm pretty sure most fans think Charlie is THE WORST Scream Killer in the entire franchise, & to that I retort, I think you are 100% correct! All the other ten killers on this list are WAY better than him in every way, shape, or form. I don't think I even have to explain why he's the worst, but I'll do it anyway.
There’s not much going for Charlie as his character sucked. He was so uninteresting throughout the whole movie, & I just didn't care for him. He was just there. He was bland, boring, & uninteresting. Culkin's acting was probably the worst of all the killers. As a killer, Charlie is one of the dumbest killers in the entire franchise. Jill easily manipulated him, & he was whipped around like a dog. The only good intelligent thing he did was making the murders all traceable to Trevor. I wasn’t shocked when he was the killer as I suspected he was it when they first showed him. Charlie also had a wack plan. He was just going to follow Jill's plan & look at how that turned out. He got whipped, hard. Also, his motive REALLY sucked. We don't know why he killed who he did, but it was hinted in the movie that Jill seduced him & convinced him to murder his classmates for fame. That's wack.
I think the only pro I can give him is his kills. Behind the mask, Charlie is pretty cool as he is one of the most brutal killers of the entire franchise, stabbing Robbie & Olivia brutally. That’s the only credit I can give him.
10. Stu Macher (Scream):
I know many people will bash me for this & say things like, "You're putting Stu at the bottom? He’s the original!” Well, after rewatching the Scream series, I realized Stu isn't that good of a killer.
Stu might be the dumbest killer to come out of the Scream franchise. He relied on his accomplice Billy & was just following orders. He was just the muscle, & THAT’S IT! He's just there because Billy needed someone to get the suspicion off of him. I honestly guessed he was the killer from the first scene he was in. He was very obvious to me. He also didn't have a plan. He was just there & just followed Billy's orders like the lackey he was. Also, the execution of the plan really sucked. Stabbing yourself before killing Sidney was very stupid of them to do that. Also, his motive, while kind of understandable, really sucked. He was just peer pressured, like Charlie. It's possible, though, that Billy manipulated Stu to kill Casey, dumping Stu for Steve, or it's just that Stu wanted revenge, so that's "understandable" to a degree. However, it’s just that Stu seemed very unintelligent, just following orders from his accomplice.
You may be wondering, why does Stu rank over Charlie? It's easy—his character. Matthew's character is just so interesting. He was funny, charismatic, & I felt like Stu was very interesting. Matthew Lilliard killed it, literally. Matthew's performance was impeccable throughout the whole movie. One pro I have to say is his kills, with him infamously killing Casey & Steve in that iconic opening & him putting Kenny on the roof of Gale's car was badass. That was awesome.
I thought he was unintelligent, dimwitted, & was just the muscle. However, Matthew's character & acting are the best out of any Scream killer I have ever seen. He deserved an Oscar for that!
9. Billy Loomis (Scream):
Yes, Billy was the original. Skeet did nail the performance. He should be #1, right? Well, to be honest, I rewatched the Scream series & realized that he's just not that good of a killer.
Honestly, I thought Billy was just like the average killer. Vengeful, angry, aggressive, & basic. First of all, he had the least kills than Stu. He had only three kills & his kills weren't unique. Using a garage door was cool as hell, but his kills are pretty tame & non-brutal with Himbry's non-bloody stab wounds & Tatum's simple yet effective garage stab. Also, Maureen's murder was offscreen, so that hurts him even more. He has one of the least kill counts of the entire franchise, which is crazy considering he's the movie's big bad. Also, his surprise factor is one of the low points. Being very obvious would trick the audiences into believing he can't be the killer, & it worked on most, but Billy has this aura that just oozes "I'm a killer." This hurts him because Sidney even suspected him for the majority of the movie until he got stabbed. His intelligence was very on par with Stu's as they stabbed each other before they finished the job. That was very unintelligent of them, & it was BILLY'S IDEA! I do think successfully avoiding the law for a year was pretty smart, & framing Cotton for the murders was pretty smart too, but killing again a year later just was dumb.
A great thing about Billy is Skeet Ulrich. Skeet's acting was terrific, & Matthew & Skeet's performances are triumphs. Skeet's reveal stole the show along with his creepy performance of a killer. I think the switch from a cool & caring boyfriend to a psychopathic killer was really amazing. Although he isn't as established as some of the other roles, nor does he have a lot of screen-time, he was a cool character that I liked & wished I saw a lot more of him. He also fooled Sidney & manipulated her into not only sleeping with him but caring for him too. He betrayed not only her but Randy, Tatum & maybe even wanted Stu to die too. His motive was kind of understandable, as well. I'm not condoning his actions, but I understand where he is coming from. He killed Maureen because she broke up his family, killed Himbry to get people out of the house, & he killed Tatum to stop Sidney from leaving the party. I don't know why he wanted to kill Sidney, but he probably saw Sidney like her mother & wanted to kill her, or maybe Roman convinced Billy that Sidney should learn what it's like for her parents to suffer just as he suffered. I also think his main reason was that he wanted to break up the Prescott family for ruining the Loomis family.
8. Beth (Scream: Resurrection):
Some may be asking, why does she rank over Billy? It's easy-her kills. She was one of the most unique killers using weapons such as a knife, syringe, bone saw, fire, alcohol, trash spear, gun, & ax. Although she has an average number of kills of 7, many of them were original, brutal, & unique. She is also one of the most treacherous killers in the entire franchise. She betrayed her whole friend circle, including Marcus, Liv, Amir, Kym, Manny, Shane, & her accomplice Jay, which gives her high treachery points. She was really talented at manipulation. She also killed people who cared about her. Killing Manny & Shane were horrible, but Amir was just cold. Her role was also very interesting as we never saw a goth type killer before, so that was a cool role, & Beth is easily ONE of the BEST parts of that season. Her part was very interesting, & I wish we saw more of her. I figured out she was the killer in Episode 3 with lighter for me personally, but I think she was surprising to most, so I have to give her credit for fooling some people who watched the series. I honestly think those are all the pros for her because, frankly, she has A-LOT of weak points.
First off, her motive really sucked. It was ABSOLUTE TRASH. She easily had the WORST MOTIVE in the entire franchise. Her reason was that she was born evil, & she wanted to become a better monster than Jason & Michael. That's so narcissistic of you talking about some of the greats in horror. Nobody will recognize Beth. At least, Charlie had some reason to get fame, as he was pressured, but Beth takes the cake for the worst. Although Beth didn't come across as very smart, she's intelligent that half of the killers on this list. She was manipulative but reckless & only did things to further her own agenda. She knows her way around horror movies & integrated herself into Marcus's life. I give her intelligence points for killing Jay as she is aware of self-preservation, but that's it as far as her intelligence goes. Also, her plan was very confusing to me. She wants to prove to everyone she's the best killer. How are you going to do that if you get away with the murders? She had no plan. She just went with Liv inside the library to find the killer, which I thought was weird. She had no endgame. Yes, she framed Jay successfully, but Marcus, Liv, & Kym know that Jay was alive, & there was a Ghostface recording Jay, which made no sense considering if you are going to frame the guy, then why are there stab wounds on Jay's chest? Who killed him? There would be an ongoing investigation. She had one of the worst plans in the franchise. Also, nothing against Giorgia Whigham, but damn, she sucked as an actress in the show. When Beth revealed herself to be the killer, her lines were SO FUCKING ANNOYING. I didn't care for any of the Season 3 cast members, but although Beth was the most compelling & captivating, the actress who played her could have been written better lines & could have been more convincing.
7. Mrs. Loomis (Scream 2):
I know many people are rolling their eyes at my list, but I'd like to tell you exactly why Debbie is 7th. She’s an intelligent woman who recognizes self-preservation. She killed her accomplice not only due to him being crazy with the motive, but she planned on framing him for the murders, & she didn't want the chance of getting caught or killed. She created an alter-ego & alias so no one could ever find her, lost weight, cut her hair, & look like a different person for no one to recognize her. Her motive was also one of the best ones in the entire franchise. Her main reason for killing is to get revenge on Sidney & the other murder spree survivors for killing Billy. Although it was mainly Sidney, I’m pretty sure she believed that everyone who survived in Billy’s spree was responsible for her son’s death, which is understandable. Also, she killed Randy because he made fun of Billy, which is understandable to a degree because anyone who “bullied” or bad-mouthed their child would most likely hurt them. I think it’s still an excellent motive to kill Sidney, Randy, & the others. Her plan was almost successful. She should have just shot Sidney, & then she would have gotten away with it, but except she just stayed too long talking. Framing Mickey & changing her looks completely was reasonable & practical. However, during the final showdown, she should have shot Sidney. She couldn’t even fool Cotton, who would never do anything to hurt Sidney. She had a good plan but didn’t fulfill it to the fullest extent. Another great thing about Debbie is Laurie Metcalf’s portrayal of Debbie. I didn’t like her before she revealed herself, but after, Laurie was excellent. Although I wasn’t fond of her character, the acting of the character was a great highlight. She was very convincing as a mother who had to kill her son’s killer, & I think Laurie was exceptional. Lastly, I think that she was the most surprising killer in the entire franchise. When Debbie revealed herself to be the killer, I was dumbfounded. I thought she was such a minor character that I didn’t even consider her being the killer. This will forever change my perception of the characters that are revealed in Scream.
Some cons of her are that she’s easily one of the worst characters in the Scream franchise. She’s so minor in the film, & we basically know nothing about her except she is a journalist. I found her character unimportant. Also, she didn’t betray anyone. Now yes, she betrayed Mickey, but that was it as far as betrayal goes, which is a weak point for her. Another con is her kills. She only killed one person in broad daylight, & it was very sloppy of her to do that, dragging Randy into the van & stabbing him. She was also very clumsy in costume, always tripping over people, & she wasn’t really in the outfit that much, aside from Randy’s murder, Sidney’s attack, & Gale’s chase scene. This hurts her because she isn’t in the movie as much either.
6. Mickey Altieri (Scream 2):
I know Mickey is a fan favorite, & I think he is a good killer, but he isn't the best. His motive really sucked & is one of the worst I've ever seen. His reason was that he wanted to get caught for being a killer, say that he's a victim of horror movies being a cause of violence, & wanted to get acquitted of all charges. Yes, it’s probably the most interesting motive of all the Scream killers, but it's very farfetched. Even with a defense team like Mickey said, there would be no way a jury would find him not guilty. Also, Mickey doesn’t seem like a smart guy. I'll give him credit for knowing stuff about horror, filming the murders, & even integrating himself to become friends with Sidney & the others, but he didn't really do anything smart. He was just so reckless for coming up with such a dumb motive, & he's an idiot for drawing too slow with a gun. Also, Mickey is one of the least surprising killers of the franchise. When he was revealed to be the killer, I was shocked, because I didn't know who he was. It took me around a minute to finally put it together. The guy was literally in a scene 45 minutes before his reveal. He's low in the surprise factor because he wasn't even in for the last half of the movie. Even though some might have been shocked, he was MIA for most of the film, making him the most likely suspect. Also, he had a bad plan. I do give him credit for improvising & being cold-blooded most of the time, but he should have stayed down! Because his motive sucked, this is a hindrance to his plan because NO JURY would believe that, & you're a fool to think otherwise. Also, since his boss betrayed him, this hinders him more because Debbie was ALWAYS planning on killing him, making his plan even worse.
Now, some pros. Mickey's kills? Fantastic! Killing Phil, Maureen, Cici, the cops, Hallie & Derek was very impressive. He also had a kill count of 7 people, killing almost every single person in Scream 2, besides Randy. Mickey was also a somewhat treacherous killer. He betrayed his own best friend, girlfriend, & Sidney too. He also had a unique diversity of weapons using his classic buck knife, car, a pipe, & a gun, which was pretty cool for an average slasher. His character was also really interesting. I was really impressed with the role Mickey had. He had this impressive knowledge of horror movies, which made him similar to Randy. Also, can I mention Timothy Olyphant acting? Despite him being a new actor at the time, he was very impressive, & I thought Timothy Olyphant was compelling as a cold-blooded killer. His acting was superb, & his presence as Mickey was very cool. Despite him being a sidekick, he definitely came through as a great Ghostface.
5. Jay Elliot (Scream: Resurrection):
I know many people hated Scream: Resurrection & hate Tyga for some reason. Please don't place him last or be biased to put him last/low just because you hate him, hate the season, hate his casting in the show, or because he's black. What I am going to talk about is why Jay is 5th. It’s his motive. To me, the foundation of a great killer is a motive & why this person is killing. Usually, horror villains go on to kill other people for random reasons. However, Jay actually had a fantastic motive, & I think he has the BEST MOTIVE out of ALL the Scream killers. It’s easily the most understandable & coherent. I really find Jay tragic as he lost his mom, step-brother, & father due to Marcus’s actions, & I really felt for him. In fact, I was siding with him more than Marcus, & it's a shame as I was rooting for Jay. I think it's better than all the other revenge for killing & abandonment motives, as, with Debbie, her son was a killer, while Deion was innocent & did nothing wrong. Jay killed Tommy Jenkins because he stole Marcus’s candy & indirectly killed Deion. He killed Avery Collins because he was a racist asshole who hated black people, & Jay got rid of one less racist in the world, & he killed Hookman because he killed Deion. I think Jay had some really savage & awesome kills. He killed Tommy by stabbing his throat & suffocating him with a plastic bag, threw Avery off a balcony & onto a metal spike, & crushed Hookman with a trash compactor. Although Jay has a small kill count of 3 people, the kills were a great highlight of him as a killer. Another great highlight was his acting. Honestly, I thought Tyga was surprisingly good as Jay. Look, he isn't really an actor, but I think Tyga killed the gangster role in Scream. It was pretty convincing & well thought out. I was very wary about Tyga's casting in the show, as rappers rarely work in horror movies, but I think Tyga worked well as a gangster, & he did it well. I thought Tyga was pretty good in the acting & was more convincing than a quarter of the franchise's killers, as some of the killers come off corny, boring, or lackluster. I really liked how Tyga played the tension between Jay & Deion well, & it's in a way where you can't be sure if it is normal sibling friction or something more sinister. I really feel bad for Tyga, because unfortunately for him, roles are very limited due to what he is represented as, as we can only see him as a gangster. I hope Tyga can get represented for more roles. Although Jay doesn't come off as smart, I think he is! I think he's smarter than half of the killers on this list. Jay is probably the sanest killer in the entire franchise. He literally planned Hookman & Tommy's death since he was a child, & it was eight years in the making, & that's dedication! He recognizes self-preservation & was going to tell the cops that Beth was the killer, but unfortunately for him, Jay was screwed by Beth, but he screwed Beth even worse than she screwed him by taking her down along with him. In a way, he killed Beth without even touching her. Revealing your accomplice even before the actual reveal takes balls & drawing it at the right moment is some serious brain work. Another great pro to him is his plan & how he almost got away with the murders. He killed the three people he thought deserved it, & two of those people were victims he planned ever since he was a child. His plan was cooked up the longest & was about 80% successful, & probably the 5th most successful plan out of all the killers. He planned to sell Beth out to the cops & already did before she killed him. In regards to the surprise factor, I didn't expect him to be the killer. I was really shocked since he was stabbed since I felt his stabbing attack was more genuine than Billy's, which it actually was. It took him off the suspect list because he was murdered & because the call to him sounded more convenient & realistic. I also like how he was a red-herring but ended up being the killer in the end. Also, I must applaud the writers for making Jay the first black killer in the franchise. Actors of color usually die first in a horror movie, but I like how they made him a villain & one of the last to die.
Some flaws are he didn't betray anyone except his family, which consisted of Marcus, his father, mother, & Beth. Also, in regards to his character, we don't really see much of it. However, I like his gangster role in Scream. I've never seen anything like that before, which was really inventive, but I wish he were in the show more instead of just 30 minutes. Unfortunately, Jay wasn't really surprising, at least to what I have seen online. However, he gets points for me, not expecting him to be the killer as I was shocked. I really hope we can get the representation of more actors of color in horror productions.
4. Piper Shaw (Season 1):
Piper was honestly a good killer in my mind. Some pros are her kills. She has a relatively average number of kills with a total of 6. She had cool kills with killing Will, Nina, Tyler & Riley. Also, she’s one of the most intelligent killers of the franchise. She spent years in an orphanage, yet she became one of the smartest killers out there. She made people believe that Brandon’s child was a boy & almost framed the sketchy Seth Branson. She also created another highly intelligent killer, the heinous Kieran Wilcox. The only foolish thing she did was not bringing any firearms to her final showdown. Usually, in the last act, killers use guns to kill their victims, but Piper didn’t get any guns to kill Emma or Maggie, even though she knew Emma had a knife behind her back. Another great pro of Piper is her plan. It was almost successful & is probably one of the most successful plans, ranking in the top 3. I think Piper had a really great motive as she was left in an orphanage where she was abandoned by Maggie & became jealous of Emma's life. The reasons for killing specific people were “understandable.” She killed Tyler, Nina, Riley, & Will to torture Emma, killed Deputy Roberts to frame Seth Branson for the crimes & Grayson because she wanted to get the witnesses/partygoers out of the party. Another great thing about Piper is the number of people she betrayed. She betrayed Audrey, Emma, Noah, Brooke, Jake, & Clark. Lastly, a great thing about Piper was her surprise factor. I thought she was one of the most surprising killers in the franchise. I wasn’t shocked when she took off her mask because I could tell it was Piper at the dock, but I wasn’t even sure who the killer was until Episode 9. I was always bouncing between Seth, Piper, & Kieran. I give the writers props for making her being “attacked” & eliminating her as a suspect. All & all, these factors make her a really great killer in my mind.
Like Jay, we never really saw her character all that much, but I did like the reporter role she had, & like Jay, Piper was just not someone I was whole-heartedly invested in whenever I saw her. She was kind of a background character like him. I think Amelia is great, but the acting Piper had before & after her reveal was not good. I think it was because of the cringe-worthy lines she was given. She was clearly supposed to be an obnoxious, snarky reporter trying to find the truth about the Brandon James storyline, but the dramatic lines about sexism & coffee kind of turn me off a bit. Also, after her reveal, her acting was kind of corny. Again, it isn’t at all Amelia’s fault. I just think if she were given better direction & lines, her performance would be better.
3. Jill Roberts (Scream 4):
I hear many of you screaming at me right now. “Jill isn’t #1? She almost got away with it!” I am a Jill supporter. She is literally the best female Ghostface killer we have so far. She’s just not the best in the franchise. I honestly wasn’t a fan of her character. I thought as a final girl, Jill was a pretty bland character. It was cool seeing her as Sidney’s cousin, but I just found her character to have no emotion, & I found her to be kind of bland. Also, I was not a fan of Emma Roberts’s acting. I thought Emma Roberts didn’t work as a final girl, & she didn’t work as a killer character. I found her lines to be pretty bitchy & corny, although some may like that. I just found her explaining her motives, & talking about being a star felt very corny. I think it’s because, throughout Emma’s career as an actress, we always see her as the bitchy cheerleader bully, always whining over things. Honestly, I feel, like Tyga, it’s shameful for both of them, considering since both of them are famous high-end people. The fact that we see them for their typical roles, Tyga as a gangster & Emma for bitchy teen roles, we cannot see them as something else. I hope both of them can get more representation & be represented for other roles. One last con of Jill is her motive. I’m going to be specific here. She didn’t have the best motive, & here’s why. Her main reason was that she was jealous of Sidney’s life & wanted to become famous by killing people & becoming the next final girl. I just thought that her primary motive was pretty greedy & not coherent at all. She’s way better than Mickey, Charlie, Billy, Stu, & Beth’s primary motive, but it’s just that her killing just because of jealousy over her sibling was wack. She should be proud that her cousin was a star. Also, her killing people for particular reasons was kind of all over the place, but it was okay. She just wanted to kill Sidney just because she got a better life than her. It’s pretty typical, as we’ve seen that with some of the killers already. She killed most of the people for personal reasons. She murdered Trevor & Jenny as Trevor cheated on her with Jenny, killed her mother because she thought she loved Sidney better, which was a pretty wack reason to believe that. Although some “fair” motives are killing the two cops because they were obstacles in her mom's way, & killing Charlie & Trevor to frame them was okay.
You may be wondering, what makes Jill be in this spot? First off, Jill’s kills were pretty cool. Her calling & killing Rebecca inside the garage was pretty cool. Her killing the cops was nice as it was more swiftly than Mickey’s cop scene, & she killed them in a matter of seconds. Also, she stabbed her mom through a damn mail slot, & that reveal of her getting stabbed was pretty cool. Also, who could forget her shooting Trevor’s dick? She also had a very great kill count of 7 people. That’s a lot compared to more than half the killers. Another great thing about Jill is that she’s one of the smartest killers in the franchise. She came closer to killing Sidney even more than the other killers. She also almost successfully made people believe Trevor & Charlie were the killers. Her self-inflicting wounds was pretty cool. The only hindrance to her intellect is the fact she didn’t successfully kill Sidney. Another great thing was her plan, & as said before, she had the BEST PLAN out of everyone in the franchise this far. Jill came close to killing her primary target, she fooled people believing that she was the perfect victim, & she even fooled people after her death, assuming the gang will tell the police about it. I’d say the only small hindrance is what she would do after realizing Sidney woke up. What was she going to say to the police? That Trevor & Charlie came back from the dead & killed the gang? No, there would be fingerprints all over Sidney & the others, & she would most likely be caught. That’s the only hindrance in her plan, but other than that, she’s #1 in regards to that. Another great thing about Jill was the number of people she betrayed. She’s the most treacherous killer we have thus far in the franchise. She killed anyone who ever loved her, including her mother & friends who actually did care about her. She fooled the police department, Sidney, Gale, Dewey, Kirby, etc. She never cared about anyone other than herself & she’s the EVILEST killer in the franchise thus far. One last great thing about Jill was the surprise factor. Now here’s the thing, I figured out Jill was the killer when she said she lost her phone, but going from a general sense, she’s one of the most surprising killers in the franchise. She made it pretty convincing that she was the next Sidney, & even the trailers did, but they pulled a 180 on the fans by making her the killer. The attack was a pretty cool way of making it look like she was innocent. Even though she’s not the best killer, she’s the most treacherous, evil, & best planning maker killer in the franchise thus far.
2. Roman Bridger (Scream 3):
Roman gets a lot of hate. Roman’s usually very low on many people’s list, even called the worst Ghostface killer behind Charlie, which baffles me, & I think they give Roman too much shit while praising other killers very highly for bullshit stuff compared to Roman. Please don’t put Roman on your list just because of a movie. Yes, Scream 3 is arguably the worst out of all the Scream movies thus far, but I love the movies in general, & if there’s one thing great about Scream 3, it’s Roman Bridger. There is no denying Roman’s skills as a Ghostface killer, so let’s get to them. One great thing about Roman is his kill count. He killed nine people in just one spree. Roman had some really cool kills, too, despite them not being brutal. The phone call to Cotton was pretty cool & him spying on Christine in the shower was very badass. Him also exploding the house was pretty awesome & him killing three people in just three minutes was just god-like, killing Tyson by breaking his back & throwing him that high off a balcony & that cool line while slitting his father, John Milton’s throat, was badass. Roman isn’t some copycat copying the order of murders or killing people of similar roles. He killed people by order of a damn script & that was cool. Another great thing about Roman was his intelligence. He is easily the MOST INTELLIGENT out of all the Scream killers. Roman is the ONLY killer to work alone BY HIMSELF (with technically Kieran as he was helping Piper), & it takes a lot of doing things by yourself without an accomplice, even faking your own death & claiming your innocence. Another great thing about Roman is his bulletproof vest. If you are going to kill people, protect yourself. Most of the killers died by being shot in the chest, while when Roman was shot in the chest, he didn’t die! Also, he has a magic voice changer that could imitate other people’s voices. Now yes, it’s a big stretch & unrealistic as hell, but I love it. Having a mastermind of a franchise having a voice changer that can make it seem like it’s anyone is cool as hell. This was long before the TV series's phone apps, which gives him very high points for doing that. He also basically created this whole franchise, & he was inches from killing Sidney if she didn’t also use the bulletproof vest. Also, Roman even made Billy gullible & basically created him as a killer too. Roman’s motive was also really good. I mean, he’s this abandoned kid thrown out by his mom, & his mom even denied that he was her son, & Sidney had the life he should have had. In regards to targeting specific people, he killed Cotton, Christine, & Sarah to lure Sidney out of hiding; Steve was in the way as he was the bodyguard of the house, Jennifer, Tyson, & Angelina were killed because they were in the house & got in the way, & Milton was to frame Sidney & the fact that he was Roman’s father. It’s unknown why he killed Tom but as far as that, him killing the eight was fair. Roman also betrayed a lot of people in the process of his spree. Roman killed all the nine people he worked with, his cast, crew, & father, just to hurt Sidney. Also, another plus side is his character. Now yes, Roman isn’t really in the movie & didn’t really stand out. However, I liked his role as the director. He was just an obsessed director trying to get this movie done. That was pretty interesting as the killers we’ve seen in the films & series aren’t directors but are horror fans, students, or reporters. It’s cool to see a change of types of roles in the series. Another great thing was Scott Foley’s acting. I enjoyed his acting before the reveal, as he played this laid back & very defensive director trying to get his reputation fixed & getting this great movie released. Some parts could come off corny, but I found it to be pretty interesting. After his reveal, I like the monologue he provided & the fact he was the mastermind of Ghostface. Not to mention, Neve stabbing him with an ice pick is actually a real scream by Scott Foley, as Neve missed the padding, & Scott ended up with a scar on his back. Props to him! One last great thing about Roman was his surprise factor. I liked how he was a suspect, so no one could believe that he was the killer. I also like how he was a background character, not really in the movie, as that combined maintained his innocence, even faking his death too.
Despite Roman almost killing Sidney, his plan really sucked. No one would ever believe that Sidney Prescott killed her own mother, & no one would ever think that she would kill those nine people just for losing her mind. Now yes, Roman could have successfully framed her for Milton's murder, but there would have to be people to realize that she wasn’t working alone, & what was she going to do with Gale, Dewey, & Kincaid? I just thought his plan was very convoluted. I think it’s better than half of the killers on this list, but it’s just as complicated as hell. Also, unfortunately, the kills weren’t really brutal. I praise him for murdering Cotton, Tyson, & Tom epically, but it’s just that they weren’t really bloody, & some parts were tame. However, I can’t fault him as during the 2000s, the very unfortunate Columbine Massacre happens, thus prohibiting the gore in horror movies to be in numerous amounts, so they had to tone the amount down for the film. I bet if that didn’t happen, Roman would have some of the most brutal kills in the series.
1. Kieran Wilcox (Season 1 & 2):
My favorite killer in the entire Scream franchise thus far is The Lakewood Slasher himself, Kieran Wilcox. You may be wondering, why is Kieran in this spot? Well, Kieran easily has the best kills in the entire franchise. Kieran has the highest kill count in the entire franchise of OVER A DOZEN PEOPLE. Yes, Roman killed many people per spree, & I bet he would kill more if there were a second, but Kieran has the HIGHEST KILL COUNT of his entire career as a serial killer. Another great thing about his kills. He's the MOST DIVERSE KILLER. He used many diverse & various weapons such as a buck knife, noose, fire-poker, scythe, bear trap, corkscrew, wine bottle, clothing iron, glass mirror, coffin, drowning, pitchfork, & a gun. Another cool thing is that he is the only killer to kill in 2 sprees. No one else can claim that meaning. He is almost the MOST BRUTAL killer of the franchise, killing his victims physically & mentally by playing mind games on them & psychologically torturing them. Another cool thing about Kieran is that he is the ONLY killer in the franchise to kill an ANIMAL! A living, breathing creature! He killed the pig & ripped out its heart, & also it’s hinted that he killed his neighbor’s dog. Who can argue with Kieran’s Kill Game? Most brutal, diverse, & highest count. Another great pro about Kieran is his intelligence. He’s one of the most intelligent killers in the franchise. It takes a serious intellect to avoid being caught for two seasons, especially with all of the impressive stuff Kieran did. He was also the MOST SLY killer the franchise has ever had. He worked painstakingly around the clock & is very tech-savvy with setting all those cameras & technology up. He was a master lock picker, hacker, crime scene fixecleaner, sneaker, even standing on Audrey's bed to paint in blood while she slept in her bed. The only reason he got caught was just because of a verbal slip-up. He is extremely elaborate, as seen by how he hung Haley like a doll & somehow got Jake up on the catwalk for his body to fall from the banners onto Brooke during a meeting. Another cool thing is that Kieran is another killed to do everything BY HIMSELF. Despite him working with Piper, he worked alone with no accomplices or any helpers regarding his 2nd spree. Another great thing about Kieran was his plan. Kieran had the best execution in his long game plan. He could have gotten away with the murders if he didn't avenge Piper. This guy worked tediously & lived a double life so effortlessly. Framing Audrey & Emma were very cool, & he almost got away with it too. The only reason he got caught was that he didn't expect Eli to be there, & the fact that he had a verbal slip-up to Emma. Other than that, he has one of the best plans in the entire franchise. Kieran also betrayed a lot of people during his run as a serial killer. He betrayed & Emma, Audrey, Brooke, Jake, Noah, Stavo, Hayley, Zoe, Kristen, Maggie, Miguel, the FBI (from SEASON 1), & the entire police department. He even killed his own father & cousin in cold blood. It is also most likely possible that he even murdered his MOTHER & STEP-DAD in the car crash just to get to Lakewood to kill his father. He killed more family members than any of the killers thus far. Kieran was also a great character. Yes, he's blander than the rest of the Lakewood Six, but I found his character cool as this shady loner with a troubled past. I enjoyed most of the scenes he was in too. I like the darkness he had around him in the first two seasons, & in the second season, we get to have more character development around him & see more in his backstory. In fact, I think Kieran had the best character development out of all the killers. I think it's because he is the only killer to be in two seasons, & he also has the most amount of screen-time out of anyone in the series. I like how believable Amadeus Serafini was as a killer, & I think the killer reveal was his best scene out of the entire series. He has great range, & I thought he was the most underrated actor the series has had. He was very creepy & menacing as a killer, with the sinister smile, & moving & talking. In fact, I think he's the most scariest & sadistic killer we have thus far. Another cool thing about Kieran is that he is the ONLY killer to live after his reveal, before his fortunate/unfortunate demise in prison, & he is the only killer to be caught & sent to jail after. That was a historic first in the series thus far. One last great thing about Kieran is his surprise factor. I was honestly pretty surprised that Kieran was the killer. In Season 1, I suspected him to be one of the killers. However, it ended up being false because when Piper was revealed in Season 1, that cleared his name in the end & dismissed the fact that he was the killer. In Season 2, I always just took him as part of the main cast, & I honestly didn't think that the show-runners would make one of the Lakewood Six, the killer. I always thought Emma's Dad or Eli was the killer, not him.
I think the only con I have about Kieran was his motive, as I thought Kieran didn't have the best motivation, but not the worst one. He only killed because he wanted revenge for Piper's death, his accomplice, who, along with him, murdered Emma's friends & tortured her mentally. He also wanted revenge against his dad for partying & doing drugs & sending him to Atlanta. I thought it was the worst out of all the abandonment motives. I do give him points for killing the nine people during his second spree for framing Audrey & Emma & killing Rachel to stop people from knowing he was one of the killers, but other than that, him trying to help Piper & killing his dad for a small reason felt a bit off. All & all, I think Kieran is the best killer we have so far, as he displays all seven characteristics I listed in a great fashion & nails it.
What is your list, & why? What characteristics/categories are you using? If you want to use mine, what would your list be & why? Please let me know in the comments. Thank you, everyone, so much! I hope you & yours are well during this time.
TL;DR: My list is Charlie < Stu < Billy < Beth < Debbie < Mickey < Jay < Piper < Jill < Roman < Kieran. What's yours & why?