Section Zero: Background
Hello all, happy hoildays! I stumbled upon this subreddit not long ago and have enjoyed the commentary and experiences everyone's shared. Wanted to add another perspective from a mid-30s first-gen American. I've had some missteps regarding careers and finances, but I feel like I'm in a slightly better place now. I tried YNAB in the past but I wasn't consistent enough with it. These days I use Mint to monitor my finances and have a "Finance Friday" each month to review all my accounts and spending. I currently live with my partner TJ and his dog RR. We do not combine finances, but he has been unemployed since March. I have helped him with some bills and basic necessities here and there until he finds his next job or career.
My current financial goals are to just maintain a status quo and not get any debt until pandemic times are over. Then I will focus on a house remodeling fund and savings for taking care of my parents.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances? My parents taught us about money from a frugal perspective. They are immigrants who worked in food service/factories. There was always this “save save save” mentality. Even when they started their own small business, we saved like there was no tomorrow. In high school, my calculus teacher bought us all “The Millionaire Next Door” book and had us read it as an assignment - that was my first structured introduction to finances.
Did you worry about money growing up? No, there was always food on the table and a roof over our heads. I knew that our extended family would support us if needed.
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? Yes. My dad didn’t finish the high school-equivalent in their country, while my mom did finish high school, but no college. My older and younger siblings took a different path in life after high school. I am the first and only in my family to graduate from college. My parents covered all tuition for my two bachelor degrees with the agreement that I support them fully during their retirement and send them gifts/extra money whenever I can. I feel very lucky and privileged that they were able to provide that education for me.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net? 24 when I went on a work holiday abroad. My family was always available to help when needed, but the experience abroad helped me stand on my own feet. As an adult, I also inherited that “save” mentality and put a lot of my earnings towards savings. I didn’t date until my 30s, lived frugally, didn’t go out to eat/hangout with people, shopped thrift stores, and had very few hobbies. I am starting to “live a little” now though.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? Aside from the tuition, my parents have helped with a down payment for my first house and living costs during periods of unemployment.

Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance
If the place I was working at offered a 401k, I would always contribute up to the company match. I started my IRA in my mid-20s and would try to contribute the yearly max. I've stopped that the past 2-3 years though. My Other Brokerage is some play money, but I got tired of staring it and switched to index funds. I haven't contributed anything to it in a few years.

401k: $34,127 (5% company match on contributions)
Brokerage: $22,421 ESPP
Roth IRA: $40,615 VTIVX
Rollover IRA: $15,760 VTTHX
Other Brokerage: $7,235 VTI
Coinbase: $1,286 ETH (mostly just playing around with it)

Equity if you're a homeowner
Purchased my first home for $382,000 with 20% down, right before lockdown earlier this year. Perfect timing, right?? I plan to live here until my retirement. My parents contributed $15k while I used most of my savings for the rest.

Current Equity: $80,371

Savings account balance: $3,073
Checking account balance: $7,800
Credit card debt: I charge everything on my credit card for the points, then pay it off each month using my checking account balance.
Student loan debt: Traditionally no student loan debt as mentioned in Section Zero.

Section Two: Income
Income Progression (listed as gross income with cost of living area):
High School

$11/hour MCOL - Helped with small family business.

College and first “career” job

$12-19/hour MCOL - I did events/banquet serving after classes and had an internship doing software administration.
$22/hour MCOL - Junior web developer. I realized after a year that programming was not my calling.

Mental health break

$12/hour LCOL - Work holiday abroad. I got a steady banquet server job for that whole time. It was enough to live minimally in a hostel, do weekend trips, WOOF and figure my life out.

College (again) and second “career” job

$12-15/hour LCOL - Decided to go back to school for a different bachelor's degree. While pursuing that degree, I worked at hotels and events as a banquet server again. I also did “search engine evaluation” whenever there were tasks available.
$36,000/year salary LCOL - Software administrator at a casino after graduation.
$39,000/year salary LCOL - Systems analyst at same casino. I left after 2 years, feeling disillusioned with the casino industry. I moved back home with my parents until I could get back on my feet again.

Third “career” jobs

$20/hour HCOL - Entry level advertising role. I was applying to all types of office jobs and that was my only bite.
$45/hour MCOL - Cold-called from a global company who needed someone with my software administrator experience from the casino job. It was an 8 month contract. Although I was starting to love my advertising job, the increase in pay was no question.
$65,000/year salary MCOL - After the contract ended and a few months of unemployment, I landed my current job at the same company. It is an “early career” role according to their job levels.
$66,900/year salary MCOL - Cost of living and merit increases after 2 years on the job. Pre-COVID we got a $5000 bonus each year. They have now stopped bonuses as well as all COL and merit increases.

Main Job Monthly Take Home:
Monthly Net (paid bi-weekly): $2,758
Deductions:

Taxes: $1214
(Pre-Tax) Insurance (Medical, Dental, Vision, Life) + HSA: $822
(5% Pre-Tax) 401k: $256
(10% Post-Tax) ESPP: $514

Side Gig Monthly Take Home:
No side gigs at the moment, but I am thinking of signing up on Upwork.com and doing Excel/data entry projects to help pay the mortgage.
Other Income: TJ’s friend will be staying with us for a month in January, who will pay rent of $800 including utilities. Depending on how that goes, we may take on a roommate in the spare bedroom long-term.

Section Three: Expenses
Mortgage - when I bought the house, the plan was that I would charge TJ a portion of the mortgage costs as “rent”, but since his unemployment I am now covering it all myself.
Regular Monthly Payment: $1677.57

Principal: $501.31
Interest: $849.74
Taxes & Home Insurance: $326.52

HOA: $30/year
Retirement contribution: Nothing additional than what's been mentioned.
Savings contribution: I used to do $50-100/month, but since COVID I’ve stopped contributing to my savings account.
Investment contribution: None at this time.
Debt payments: $100/month towards TJ's credit card balance of $2,307.
Donations: $10-20/month, usually towards Omaze or Planned Parenthood.
Utilities:

Electric: $45-65/month
Water: $60-90/month
Sewer: $30/month
Garbage: $26/month
Natural Gas: $30-80/month
Xfinity internet: $60/month

Cellphone: On my parents plan.
Subscriptions:

LinkedIn: $29.99/month for TJ’s job search - he’s found it very useful.
Amazon/Netflix/Hulu: We piggyback off family and friends’ accounts.
Nintendo Switch Online: 19.99/year
Costco: $60/year

Gym membership: Pre-COVID I did Orangetheory for a year. I started to pick up free exercise equipment from Craigslist this year, so we have a small garage gym now and utilize YouTube exercise videos instead.
Pet expenses: $10/month. TJ has stockpiled some Costco canned dog food before unemployment, but once that runs out I will likely cover the costs. We also started to make homemade dog food to help supplement.
Car insurance: $460 every 6 months. Car is paid off.
Regular therapy: I will start in the new year. Not sure what the costs are yet, but I will use my HSA to pay.
Vitamins/Medications: $20/month
Groceries & household items: $75/month
Miscellaneous (eating out, house purchases, gifts, etc): $100/month

Section Four: Money Diary
Monday
6:30am Neighbor starts up their truck. We joke that it's our natural alarm clock. They idle for about 15 minutes before heading off. I go back to bed.
9am My real alarm goes off. I put the electric kettle on for some morning tea. While it's boiling, I do my morning routine: drink glass of water, take synthroid, use bathroom, brush teeth, quick shower. I then make tea - Jasmine Pearl English Breakfast with dark forest mix. I started ordering loose leaf tea in large amounts back in March instead of small bags or single serving packets. Seems more economical since I drink it daily. I let the dog out into the backyard so he can do his morning routine.
9:30am I go through my daily tasks for work. They entail checking processes and reports to make sure they ran successfully overnight. I then answer some emails and catch-up on Slack channels.
12pm Lunch is leftover roast chicken and quinoa from Saturday. I heat it up in the instant pot. Love that thing! Almost every meal of ours involves the instant pot. We hardly use the stovetop. We then walk the dog to the business park across from our neighborhood. There's a very short trail that runs along a drainage creek by the business park. It's quite muddy, but has a nice woodsy feeling. Over the summer, we saw sumac trees there as well. Free sumac spice!
1:30pm Department meeting on Zoom. Our director announces his resignation on the call. Everyone is shocked! Layoffs were announced for next year but this was not a part of it. I think it's a good move for him and he doesn't have to have this worry of layoffs over his head.
3pm I meet with an engineer from another team and talk about a data source they are in charge of. He helps me out in understanding it and we identify most of the fields that I need for a project I’m starting.
5:30pm I check in with my partner. He's been watching LinkedIn tutorials on internal recruiting, job coaching and general computeoffice skills. It's a career change that he wants to make - something where he can talk to and help people. He doesn't have a bachelor's, only an associates, and hopes these tutorials will get him a leg up in the job search. I sent him some entry level HR admin roles the other day and remind him to apply. I then heat up leftovers: homemade chana masala and rice. I add some butter and coconut milk to thin it out, so there's enough for both of us.
10:30pm I take some magnesium, vitamin D and Airborne. I say goodnight to the dog who sleeps in the office. Then I say goodnight to TJ. He sleeps in the spare bedroom on weeknights due to his snoring keeping me up. I'm a light sleeper while he is a pretty deep sleeper.
Daily total: $0
Tuesday
9am I check Reddit Secret Santa. My match seems like a really good person. Not sure what to get, but most likely will purchase something off their wishlist. I wish I was more creative with my gift giving.
11am Meeting with business stakeholder. She submitted a few changes to an existing data process about a month ago. I make the change while on the call and have her test. Success! Marking it off the todo list. I love when we can finish things directly on a call.
12:30pm I come out of my office to make lunch. I notice my partner is not home. I check my messages and see that he's stepped out to pick up a few things. I ask for celery, carrots, and kombucha. $17. I make a quick charcuterie board for lunch: Costco salami, cheese, homemade hummus and Triscuits. It's a simple, fast meal that’s always in our rotation.
2pm My partner is back and we take the dog out for a walk and quick round of disc golf at a nearby park. We mask up and play only a few holes. Disc golf is a pretty frugal activity, you only need 2-3 discs to get started. TJ remarks that my throws are getting better, but then again they weren't great to start with. We talk about Christmas/Birthday gifts on the way back home since he was born on New Years Day. He mentioned snowshoeing but asked to not spend that much. I'll do some research!
5pm I think about personal career projects. Should I put up a portfolio of projects somewhere? I decide to try and pull some Yelp data. There’s not a lot of data points that I was interested in. Regardless, I tinker with it for an hour. TJ asks if I'm hungry. I said not so much, but felt thirsty. Maybe some ginger soup tonight?
7:30pm Dinner is served - ginger carrot soup made in the instant pot. We eat some rice crackers with it. Lately I feel like we've been eating more vegetarian dinners. It definitely helps stretch our food budget. We end the evening by finishing Fargo season 3 on Hulu.
Daily total: $17
Wednesday
1:30am I'm woken up by the dog. He's been sneezing a lot and wheezes at random intervals. TJ doesn't have the money for a vet visit but I've offered to pay as long as he calls to make the appointment. I give the dog some coconut oil, rub his belly until he seems better and go back to bed.
7am Garbage day. We usually put it out the night before but I forgot. I get up to go, but TJ handles it. I think, at least. I'm too sleepy to pay attention and go back to bed.
9am I wake up and rinse some dishes that have piled up and put them into the dishwasher. We both grew up in households that had a home dishwasher, but forbade from using it. It was drilled into us that hand washing saves more water, unless you had a restaurant/industrial dishwasher. I think with modern home dishwashers, that's changed, so I wanted to try it out with our dishwasher and monitor the water bill. Don't have any dishwashing pods or powder, so I put some OxiClean in it.
12:30pm I overhear TJ on a call with a recruiting agency. It seems to be going well, lots of laughing. I heat up some taco lasagna that I freezer meal-prepped last month.
2pm Collaborate on a project at work with an engineer. My manager put me on this project since I was asking for an assignment on a more technical team. I'm learning tidbits here and there, but I don't feel like it's structured enough.
5pm I do an Orangetheory-At-Home workout and try to break a sweat. It's not the same as going to their studio.
6pm Charcuterie for dinner. Our fridge is full of store-bought and homemade pickles that go super well on a charcuterie board.
Daily total: $0
Thursday
7am I wake up tired. The house has been feeling more cold, which woke me up a few times. We keep the temp at 72F during the day, at night around 68F since we thought the bedrooms keep the heat in pretty well. My mistake!
9am I do my usual morning routine and login to work. My team mostly spends the morning sending each other emojis.
11:30am Lunch today is mini quiche, frozen chicken and veggie entree, and hot dogs. Not the most cohesive meal, but it fills the belly.
12:30pm TJ heads out to his mailbox that's 30 minutes away. He is still waiting on his tax return and a 401k withdrawal. His taxes had to be filed by mail for some reason, then the IRS office shut down due to COVID. So he wanted to see if it arrived yet at the mailbox. He also takes the dog to the vet's urgent care on his way. They didn't have any regular openings available until the end of the year, and the dog seemed to be getting worse. I give TJ $40 to mail a gift package to a friend in France and also reiterate that I'll cover the vet bill when he gets it.
4:30pm I pay some bills, my favorite activity (not)! Sewer bill: $59.44 (billed every 2 months). Geico bill: $459.60 billed every 6 months. Then I follow up with my mortgage officer over email. I had sent her some documents for a refinance quote last week, but haven't heard back. Rates keep dropping, so I'm told, but what does that really mean? I do some research on realestate.
5pm TJ messages me and says he'll be back for dinner. I ask him to pick up some Popeyes via drive thru since we both don't feel like cooking today. Popeyes is currently our fancy “going out to eat” food. $24.17 for a 4pc dinner meal and a 2pc dinner meal.
Daily total: $583.21
Friday
8:30am Busy morning at work. My phone is buzzing with emails and Slack messages. I try to answer them while I make tea.
10am Zoom Department happy hour. We reminisce about our director and then play those Jackbox party games. Some of them are hard!
11am TJ asks if he can make me anything for lunch. He suggests savory oatmeal, quick and easy. I tell him that I really appreciate him making meals/doing chores/etc without me prompting. We've been having conversations about "house project management" and mental load because I did most of the chores or I had to continually remind/tell him to do it. I'm really happy to see us progress on this front. I decide to work through my lunch break so I can end the day early. I don't often do that, but I'm ready to get the weekend started.
2pm I check on TJ in the spare bedroom and ask if the dog has been fed yet, since he was nipping at my feet. I notice something off about TJ and ask how he is doing. TJ is depressed about his personal life, career, finances. He doesn't know what to do, spends half the day meditating and reflecting on past trauma. I've been prodding him to get a therapist but he is confused about his insurance. He makes an appointment with a primary care doctor first. I feed the dog some homemade dog-friendly beef stew.
4pm My mom swings by the house (but doesn't enter). She currently works at a school who distributes free USDA food boxes since March. There's often many boxes leftover that would go to waste, so she will grab a box for us. Onions, potatoes, beets, turnips, eggs, cheese, butter, frozen veggies and frozen chicken. She also brought her vintage pasta maker. I asked last week if she ever used it these days and her reply was “no, feel free to have it”. I love pasta and noodles and figure it would be great to make it ourselves as a frugal hobby.
8pm We catch up on Mandalorian and watch silly Youtube videos before heading off to bed.
Daily total: $0
Saturday
9am I open up my web browser and look at Craigslist and NextDoor for free stuff. I've been scouring for free landscape rocks, pegboards, and wood for house projects. I had this grand ambition to redesign our backyard. It faces our neighbor and currently the fence is pretty low. They can see into our kitchen and bedroom and we can see them. But y'know, COVID and going from dual income house to single income means it all has to be put on hold. So I've been looking for free items in the meantime. Over the past months, I've gotten planter pots, plant cuttings, a raised bed, stepping stones, all from free listings. I don't see anything worthwhile so I go and make some tea.
11am I look at Amazon and make some purchases for Reddit Secret Santa. A foodie kit, DVD of their favorite movie, and some cute pens for their writing hobby. $54. I hope they like it!
12pm TJ heats up leftover stir-fry for lunch for us. I put on some Binging with Babish and we watch how to make pasta. We have a plan - TJ makes the pasta, I make the sauce. Perfect date night activity at home. We watch some more videos on pasta and noodles to educate ourselves.
4pm I start prepping veggies. Big batch of onions, canned tomatoes, ground beef and butter in the instant pot. Meanwhile, TJ works on the pasta by following Babish's instructions.
7pm We gorge on fresh made pasta and bolognese sauce. It's so good! We end up watching Fargo.
11pm Usually I'll be in bed by now, but it's a Saturday and not tired yet (probably because of all that pasta). We play some Kirby's Dream Course on the Switch.
Daily total: $54
Sunday
10am Quick walk around the neighborhood with the dog. He's on a new routine now with the medicine he's taking. It seems to be helping his breathing issues.
11am The pasta maker and flour is still out since we didn't clean up yesterday. There's some old pie crust in the fridge so I roll it out with the pasta machine for mini quiches. (Sally's Baking Addiction blog is my go-to place for her all-butter crust and quiche recipes btw). TJ helps by mixing up the eggs.
3pm I play some Genshin Impact (GI) on my phone while TJ plays Starcraft in the office. I don't usually play gacha games, but the Zelda BotW-style of GI appealed to me. A gacha game is a game with randomized characteitem boxes that you use real-money to purchase a “pull” or to spin the wheel. I know the gacha parts of the game can be a real money sink if you get addicted to them, it’s almost like gambling. My main team is Fischl, Bennett, Barbara and Noelle. I level up to AR 22 and look up free-to-play tutorials for the game.
6pm There's some leftover pasta from yesterday, enough for both of us. I throw in some roasted beets to round out the meal. We watch more Fargo while eating. Almost done with Season 3!
10pm I find a tour operator who offers a small, socially-distant snowshoeing tour up on the mountain. I reserve for two people - this will be TJ's Christmas/birthday gift. $75. Off to bed for another workday.
Daily total: $75
Weekly Total: $689.79

Food + Drink: $41.17
Fun / Entertainment: $75
Home + Health: $59.44
Clothes + Beauty: $0
Transport: $459.60
Other: $54.00

Section Five: Reflections
Aside from the car insurance bill, this was a typical week for me, COVID or not. We make the majority of our meals at home and usually splurge on drive-thru/delivery once every other week. I may have overspent on the Secret Santa gift, but I don't often give gifts out to friends. It's not something our family does either. For TJ’s Christmas/birthday gift, we usually talk upfront about costs. I’ve gifted him fancy restaurant experiences the past 2 years, since we can share that experience, but obviously can’t do that now. Snowshoeing is a nice change of pace.
The conversations with TJ this week have given me thought on how to approach him differently about finances and working together in a relationship. I’m still unsure about the future financially, particularly as my parents near retirement age and that TJ has pulled out his 401k to pay his debts. I don't know if I can support both my parents and TJ together, so I am finding ways to upskill and/or side hustles without becoming a workaholic or bogged down by stress.
Writing this money diary was also the first time where I really paid attention to my past income and current income. I might be contributing too much into ESPP that could go towards the 401k or mortgage instead? I also seem to have been underpaid for what I did in past jobs, even in a LCOL area.

[Spark of Divinity] Part 28

Discord Server | Spark of Divinity - Home Page | Patreon
Check out the new story directory for other stuff on Reddit Serials - there are tons of great fiction here, and you might find something you really like :)
If you don’t follow my main sub or just aren’t familiar - the end-of-life for all of my stories like this is publication as a novel on Amazon, and I’ve got six out to date :D This week, I did a relaunch on my space opera/scifi series! If that interests you, check out this thread for more information!
When we left off, Terra and Alice had just left Heracles behind in the alley. Despite attacking Terra, he seems oddly conflicted about her war with Gaia. With him fading into the distance, they set their sights toward Fortune and Fate.
I sighed. My hand stroked back and forth across the skin of my neck, trying to work some feeling back into it. Or to work some feeling into it besides pain, rather. I was feeling that just fine.
Alice hurried along at my side, clutching her clipboard and pen. One of her braids had fallen loose of its pins during the commotion of my encounter with Heracles. It dangled along her face, bouncing with every step. “You’re sure you’re all right, mistress?”
“I’m fine.”
“We could stop, return to Avani for a spell. You could rest. Heal your-”
“I’m fine, Alice,” I said, biting back something sharper. “We need to keep moving.”
Besides, the looming white glory of Fortune’s home was right there in front of us. Right there. If I had to turn around and leave it behind me, I might scream from the frustration.
I froze, my eyes widening. Something was close - something small, something marked by the tiny scritch-scratching of claws on stone. Something like-
Alice yelped as the tiny white shape shot from around a corner. Her hands pulled up, shielding her face from the new threat.
I laughed, steeling myself. Claws dug into my legs a second later.
And then the fox sat perched on my shoulder, its face a thin inch in front of mine.
You survived.
“Surprised?” I said, forcing myself to relax one muscle at a time.
We are. But Master is amused. He laughs.
“I’m glad to know I’m entertaining, at least.”
Alice shrank back, still looking decidedly unsure about our new companion. “Is that thing...coming with us?”
“If it wants,” I said, turning back for the building. “I’m assuming Inari’s going to show up at some point?”
Likely.
“Wonderful,” I muttered, screwing up my face at the thought of the god poking his nose into my business again.
More than just him, probably. Fortune seemed to be popular - or if not popular, at least needed. From what they’d told me back when I first signed Toby on, I needed the approval of Fortune and Fate to meddle in mortal lives. Or at least, their understanding.
They were aspects, anyway. Avani and Ebb had sequestered me away to keep me from interacting with other gods. Fortune probably wouldn’t do the same.
“Mistress?” Alice’s carefully measured voice slipped across the edge of my awareness. I’d stopped walking. Apparently, she’d finally noticed.
I kept twisting, ignoring her while I inspected the outfit Toby had devised for me. “I’m too conspicuous. I look like- like I just escaped from a-”
“Somehow, I suspect whatever you’re about to say will be wildly inappropriate for someone of your status,” Alice said, straightening her glasses.
I snorted. “Never stopped me before.”
“You never wanted favors from Fortune and Fate before.”
“I guess. I’m not going to stop being me, though.”
She sighed, wrinkling her nose and looking away. “You might try.”
“What was that?”
“Simply remember your manners, mistress,” Alice said. “I presume someone at least began teaching you those, before realizing it was an exercise in futility.”
“Fuck off,” I mumbled, turning my eyes back to my clothing. If we were going to be around other gods...this was a bit of a problem. I stuck out like a sore thumb, thanks to Toby’s creative tailoring.
I pursed my lips, holding my hands up ever so slightly. Everyone else seemed to have some level of control over themselves. Fortune was running around changing from man to woman, dammit. I wasn’t asking for much. It wasn’t like I wanted to eliminate all his hard work. Just...disguise it.
I breathed in slowly, still burning at the motion. Heracles really fucked me up. I’d have to find a way to get back at him for that. But for the time being, I put that aside, holding the image of myself in my mind. A cloak would be nice. But, at the same time, with everyone here taking on some sort of semblance of modern clothing…
A whisper of air danced against my skin. Fabric brushed my cheek, my hair. I opened my eyes.
Alice stood a few paces away, her eyes on me - and an amused, smug smile on her face.
Elation shot through me as I moved, feeling something move with me. There was a new addition to my wardrobe. If this had truly been some sort of fantasy realm, I’d have called it a ‘cowl’. Given that everyone was dressing closer to normal humans, ‘poncho’ was about as good as I could do. It draped across my shoulders, falling from neck to waist in drab brown waves that hid most of my cleavage and midsection.
“Better,” I said, satisfied, and reached up to pull the hood over my head. The fox squeaked in my ear, sliding under the fabric and slinging itself around my neck as usual. Part of me wondered how it had stayed put while another layer was added. Part of me didn’t really give a shit. The no-fucks-given part won handily.
“Feeling better?” Alice said, holding a hand out as I stumbled forward again.
These fucking feet. They were going to be the death of me. “I’m fine,” I said, waving her off. “We’re right here.”
The fact I’d already lengthened my feet helped, too. I didn’t have metal to work with, but ‘wood’ was a broad category. It had only been a few changes so far, but already, my steps were more sure, more confident. All I had to do was find the right mix, and maybe I’d be walking like a normal human being instead of an arthritic, amputee grandmother.
Alice let her hand fall as I passed, falling in alongside me.
The golden spire of Fortune’s home rose taller and taller, filling the sky until at last I turned a corner. Just like that, the alley opened up, stretching from side to side into a courtyard wrapping the building in cobblestone paths.
There were other gods here, too. Fucking wonderful. None of them were paying me the slightest mind, which probably had something to do with the fact that my tits weren’t hanging out anymore. So that was a plus. I crept forward, wishing I had a decent pair of pants to go along with the new shirt. The rest of me was normal enough, but the legs were weird.
“Slow and steady,” I whispered, trying to ignore the sweat rolling down the small of my back.
“Relax, mistress,” Alice said, leaning forward to smile at me. “You’re like...a dryad, really. It’s not all that unusual. The children of the forest dwell around some of the Earthmother’s lands.”
“A dryad? Well, that’s just great,” I muttered, hurrying my steps along. “How many dryads trip over their own feet?”
Alice didn’t reply. And even if I was sassing her, it did make me feel a little better to know I wasn’t a total oddity. Taking another deep breath, I forced my limbs to relax, my legs to stretch out more naturally.
Maybe it worked. Maybe I was just kidding myself. But no one stopped me as I slipped through the grand doors into Fortune’s temple and-
Stopped.
My eyes wide and round, I looked from side to side, drinking it all in. Her domain had been normal enough before. Gaudy, yes. Ostentatious, yes. But normal. This?
This was like a gambling addict’s dream, the physical embodiment of foolishness and greed. Lights hung from the ceiling in multicolored, garish waves. A bar pressed against one wall, the backstop covered in multicolored glass bottles and neon signs. The rest of the room was filled with machines pressed side by side, close enough a person would struggle to walk through them. A blackjack table sat in the corner, a deck of cards still waiting on the corner.
The only thing that seemed truly out of place was the chess board set up in the very center part of the room. Everything else looked like it’d been ripped straight out of a Hollywood casino set. That? No. That was different - even before you saw the rows of chairs set up reverently around it. But, well, these were the gods.
And this was why I was here. Maybe Fortune had known. Maybe this was all intentional. It seemed like the aspect’s style to toy with me.
“Back so soon?” With my scan of the room complete, I wasn’t surprised in the least to hear the voice cut across my senses - smooth, and female, and as rich as I’d ever heard. Fortune sauntered out from behind a slot machine, her hammered-brass eyes locked on mine and a grin plastered across her cherry-red lips. “I heard you died, darling.” She winked at me, her grin widening. “Oh, I knew better.”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, feeling a blush spread across my cheeks as she stepped past. “Uh. Gaia really tried, but...it didn’t stick.”
“No, it did not,” Fortune said, taking a seat at the bar and leaning on one elbow. Her chin came to rest on her outstretched palm, her fingers tapping against her face. With a start, I realized that Fate stood in the shadows behind the counter. He just...waited, as somber and rigid as ever.
A pair of fingers snapped. I flinched, looking back to Fortune. She chuckled, low and soft. “Pay attention now, dear.” She tilted her head to one side, inspecting me. “I didn’t expect to see you so soon. I presumed you’d hide, rather than pay your debts.”
My bemusement at her appearance and the state of her temple vanished in an instant. “My debts? I don’t owe you, Fortune.”
“You toyed with the life of a mortal, minutes after awakening,” Fate said. His voice rolled across the gaudy room like the tolling of a bell. “There are consequences.”
“I picked a prophet,” I snapped. “That’s allowed. It has to be. It’s bullshit otherwise. Besides, Toby is mine now. How big of a deal can it possibly be that I needed to get his attention?”
Again, Alice quivered at my side, silent. I turned away, exasperated. She was perfectly happy to nitpick and meddle when it was me sitting around. Put her in front of any of the aspects, though, and she turned into a sniveling puddle of obedience. She was my arbiter, wasn’t she? Assigned to help me? Shouldn’t she actually make that a priority, instead of kowtowing to the arrogant asses?
“Yes, I’m sure you meant no harm,” Fortune said, watching me from across the room. “All the same.” She shrugged. “If you weren’t here for that, well. What can Fate and I help you with, Mistress Terra?”
I almost winced. Almost. I caught myself at the last moment, wrangling my face back to a neutral expression. There was a lot of weight in that name - and in the title she’d attached to it. A lot of obligation, and a lot of derision. It was all her way of letting me know she had the upper hand, I was sure.
So be it. I folded my hands in front of me, tucking the edge of my cowl against my palm and pulling it straight. “I’m here for your help, ma’am.” God, the word burned on my tongue. But beside me, Alice gave a tiny, approving nod. I turned slightly, pushing her from my field of view. “I know...we didn’t start off on the best of terms. But I’d like to make it up, and, well.” I shrugged. “I can’t do that if I’m dead.”
“I suppose you’re not incorrect,” Fortune said, raising one carefully sculpted eyebrow.
In other words, I was right. She could just say it. My fingernails dug into my palms, carving white lines against my flesh. “Helping me helps you,” I said instead, locking eyes and doing my best to stare her down. It...wasn’t really working. She hadn’t even blinked.
Inari’s fox whuffed gently in my ear, then scurried free of my hood. It leapt to the floor, dashing across the tile toward Fortune - and climbed straight up her dress.
She...smiled. Her expression softened a hair, and she held a hand out for the fox to climb onto. Idly, she scratched at its ears with her free hand, pulling it closer against herself. The damn thing whickered.
Traitor.
Its golden eyes glanced back to me, though, and I knew better. It was Inari’s, and that meant it was probably just as manipulative as Inari was. I was still expecting him to come strolling through the door at any second, ears pricked and ready to meddle. Maybe this was his way of apologizing for letting me get tortured nearly to death. In his own twisted mind, maybe this was just how he repaid that debt. The thought of trying to untangle what he was after was simply too much for my tired mind to process.
But Fortune was smiling. And I couldn’t waste the opportunity Inari had bought me.
“I want to deal,” I said. I stepped forward, steadier than I’d been since waking up, and let my hands fall to my sides. I held Fortune’s gaze with my own, setting my jaw stubbornly.
“I have a proposition for you.”
Part 29

Just add another table

Two Facts You Should Probably Know

Here are two facts you should probably know:
Fact the first: When a human being is driven into a corner, you should never underestimate the levels of stupid and dangerous they will resort to in order to escape.
Fact the second: If a deal seems too good to be true, it is.
Normally, I wouldn't be the kind of guy you should be taking advice from. If I wrote an autobiography, it'd be called "Jesus Wept." But in this very specific instance, I have some valuable experience. It started, as most tragic stories tend to, with a series of short-sighted mistakes.
About a decade or so back, I was a few years out of college and trying to build a life for myself. I was single, educated, and driven - all the qualities someone needs to succeed in life. Well, not the "single" part, but you get the idea. I had prospects, some real potential - but, like Oscar Wilde once said, I can resist anything except temptation.
Yeah. I was an English major.
I didn't get hooked on meth or porn or anything like that. No, my vice was the thrill of chance. Gambling was the greatest rush I'd ever experienced - just giving up control, letting the gods of probability and randomness decide your fate. I got hooked, kept going to those damn casinos night after night. Looking back, I was naive, I was foolish. It'd take an idiot, blinded by a lust for sensation, to not realise another crucial fact: the house always - I repeat, always - wins.
To make a long, painful story short, at the tender age of 24 the local pit bosses had taken me for all I was worth and then some. As a result, I was indebted to some unsavoury characters who were not all that keen on giving me some leeway on the money I owed them. I managed to pull together just shy of a hundred dollars in a week doing odd jobs, but that was a fraction of a fraction of what I was in for.
At the time, it seemed like a better idea to just piss away what money I had at a local bar rather than carrying on my sad little exercise in futility. So that's exactly what I did, and by virtue of a few gallons of the cheapest spirits you can possibly imagine, I can't remember a great deal of what happened after that.
Next thing I know, I'm waking up in a puddle behind the bar, having been turfed out for making an ass of myself. The electric buzz of the neon signs above my head felt like I was taking a power drill to the frontal lobe, while the cold, filthy water below my face helped to sober me up a smidgen. Just enough to make me aware.
It was right then, in my lowest possible moment, that I met him.
"Hey there, buddy," He said, his voice pleasantly cheerful and melodic, "You look like you need a helping hand. Thankfully, I've got two."
There was a gentle tug on both of my shoulders, pulling me upright. He leaned me against a wall; I could finally take a better look at him.
To begin with, I wondered if I was hallucinating. He seemed so strange, so out of place.
My Good Samaritan was about six and a half feet tall, but he was built like a pack of uncooked spaghetti. A long, lean, string bean of a man. That being said, the black-and-white pinstripe suit he was wearing still somehow managed to be form-fitting, like it was just painted directly onto a featureless body. Above his collar - fastened to the top button and held in place by a large and ugly bow-tie - sat a pale, grinning head with black hair parted in the middle.
Truth be told, my initial thought after properly taking in the sight of him was as follows: holy shit, I died in that puddle, and this is death himself come to collect my pathetic soul. Sadly, that was not the case, I was, in fact, still alive.
"There we are, pal, that's a lot better, isn't it?" He said, kneeling down on his long, rail-thin legs to look me in the eye, "We'll have you feeling like a million bucks in no time. Never fear!"
While back then I just assumed that it was my drunken mind playing tricks on me, I remember his eyes seeming strangely...yellowish. They had a kind of jaundiced sheen to them, like sclera and iris just melted together into a single, formless mass. Eyes like goddamn egg yolks.
"It's always such a shame to catch folks in a pickle, such a shame," He said, largely to himself, I think, "Whatever happened to helping people out, you know? It's a good feeling."
"Who are you?" I managed to choke out.
The kind stranger smiled and turned his sulphuric eyes towards me.
"You're asking the wrong person there, amigo, I'd tell you if I knew. Honest!" He replied with a laugh, "What's your name, though?"
"Nate," I said, wondering if I was about to vomit or not, "Nate Wilson."
"Oh my god, that's such an awesome name!" The stranger said, as the sudden explosion of interest on his face told me that he wasn't faking his misplaced enthusiasm, "Nate Wilson. It has a ring to it, don't you think? God, what a great name. You're a lucky guy, Nate. Lucky to have such a great name."
"Uhh, thanks, I guess."
There was a long, awkward silence after that. I sure as hell didn't know what to say, and the stranger seemed more than content to just stand there and stare at me, grinning like a freak. It felt like it was my responsibility to break that irritating silence.
"Look, I really appreciate you helping me, buddy..." I began.
"Wait, you consider us buddies?" He asked. His tone was, at that stage, ambiguous.
"I mean, you saved me from breathing alley-water, so I guess so, yeah."
This might seem hard to believe, because I definitely didn't believe it at the time, but the stranger literally jumped up into the air and whooped loudly. A grown man, behind a dive bar, doing that. It was like something out of a strange dream that your one boring friend always wants to tell you about.
"This is fantastic!" He said, grinning ear to ear like he'd just won the fucking lottery, "It's so wonderful to make new friends!"
He extended a spindly arm towards me, his hand open and his spidery fingers outstretched.
"Put her there, friendo." He said.
And because that night wasn't weird enough already, you better believe I did.
"That's what I'm talking about," He said with another childish cackle, pulling me to my feet with disarming levels of strength, "Through the power of friendship, anything is possible."
Sure, he may have spoken like his only experience with the outside world was watching Saturday morning cartoons, but he seemed innocent enough. A benign weirdo, just trying to help people along his way. Though I must admit, the fact he was reluctant to tell me his name was somewhat of a red flag for me.
"Now, I'm going to be completely honest with you, Nate," He began, his amber gaze turned downwards in what might have been embarrassment, "There was a reason I followed you out here. It wasn't just a stroke of good luck."
My heart immediately sank. I knew he was too good to be true - this was when he stabbed me, cut me up, wore my skin as a suit and turned the rest of me into a makeshift lasagna. Nobody was ever that happy at that hour of the night if they had all their psychological ducks in a row.
"Well, if you're being honest," I said, swaying on my feet, still too drunk to defend myself, "Would that reason happen to be my murder?"
He seemed shocked at first, then began to laugh.
"Do you think a murderer would be this friendly?" He asked.
"Molestation, then?"
"Jesus, no way, Nate. You're a good-looking guy, don't get me wrong, but you're not really my type."
"Then what does a guy like you have to do with a guy like me?" I asked, the needle on my internal emotive scale creeping from 'curious' to 'irritated.'
"Well..."
He paused again, as though searching for the proper words. He was looking at everything but me.
"The bar," He finally said, "How much of what happened in there do you remember?"
"Somewhere in the margin of nothing, I think." I said, now leaning against the wall for support.
"You were talking to the bartender. Loudly," He said, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, "I wasn't eavesdropping, not at all, I just happened to overhear. You were talking about some kind of...money troubles."
I'd almost forgotten about them myself, but the second he said it, all the memories came barreling into me like some nauseating tidal wave. I'd ranted and raved, screamed at the top of my lungs. Debt. Debt. Debt. I got belligerent when I felt they weren't showing me enough sympathy, and when I got belligerent, I was rightly thrown out on my inebriated ass.
"Oh, don't worry about those," I said, my cheeks reddening with shame, "That's not your problem. I'll deal with it."
"But Nate, you didn't sound like you could deal with it."
"What the hell is it to you?" I snapped back.
The stranger stopped talking, and began reaching into his jacket. I got a sudden flash of paranoia that he worked for one of the casinos, and he was going to put a bullet between my eyes.
"You're my best friend, Nate," He said, "And friends are meant to help each other out of sticky situations, aren't they?"
He produced a stack of bills from a pocket inside his suit, and passed it over to me.
"Will this be enough?" He asked.
It was at this point that I was most open to the idea of this all being some crazy dream. With the ferocity of a madman, I quickly counted the money this total stranger, calling me his best friend, had handed to me.
Twenty-fucking-grand. It could bail me out, and then some.
"Holy shit," I said, though I can't remember if it was out loud or in my head, "I...I can't possibly accept this."
"Please do," He said with another ear-to-ear grin, "You need it an awful lot more than I do."
A sober me might have been too proud to indulge him, but - funnily enough - drunk me had a far more realistic take on my level of desperation. I was a desperate, desperate man, trapped in a corner.
Fact the first: When a human being is driven into a corner, you should never underestimate the levels of stupid and dangerous they will resort to in order to escape.
"But why?" Was the only question I could summon.
He smiled and shrugged.
"Because I like you," He said, "And I like helping people."
"But you've only just met me."
"So what? A friend is a friend is a friend. Why overthink it?"
I collapsed back against the wall, holding the stranger's twenty grand. It was a way out of my dire situation.
"I'll pay you back. Every penny, with fucking interest, I swear to god." I said.
The stranger laughed.
"No need. I've got no shortage of money. Just take it and bail yourself out, okay? Then promise me you'll stop gambling."
There were big, swollen tears running down my burning cheeks. The stranger's kindness was baffling, but it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever experienced. He was a true Saint in flesh and blood.
"I'll never gamble another penny." I said.
Without another word, I lunged forward and hugged him. A long, warm, tight embrace. By the end, I could feel his emaciated limbs wrapped across my back.
"Thank you so much." I whispered, my tears dripping onto the shoulder of his suit.
"What are friends for, right?"
When I finally prized myself off of him, I just couldn't stop laughing - it was nerves, probably. The stranger watched me, a kind of eccentric joy burning in his big, yellow eyes. He seemed to like just observing.
"Oh, one more thing," He said, reaching into his jacket again, "A little something I wrote up in the bar, just to help you out."
He passed me a piece of paper, folded into the size of a pamphlet. I didn't even think to check it at the time, I just shoved it into the pocket of my filthy coat and carried on thanking him. I needed that money, lord knows I did, but I couldn't just take it without giving something in return.
"There must be something you want, man," I pleaded, palms open in deference to his generosity, "Anything. I owe you my life, man, you just name your price. I can't thank you enough."
The stranger grinned and stroked his narrow chin in contemplation.
"Now that's an irresistible offer," He said, almost jokingly, "You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Wilson. Leave it with me, okay? I'm sure I'll think of something."
He began walking away after that, whistling - of all things - "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows" as he did so.
Now I was laughing again. Half out of giddiness, half in acknowledgement of the sheer strangeness of the events transpiring around me. Right then, as I sat outside a shitty bar, covered in dirty water, my own tears, and more than a little puke, I was the luckiest human being on the planet,
"What do you give to the man who has everything?" I said aloud.
The stranger looked over his shoulder at me one more time, his odd eyes meeting mine.
"Almost everything, Nate," He corrected, "Almost everything."
And just like that, the stranger was gone. Almost funny, isn't it? How someone like that can have such a profound impact on your life, then just up and disappear just as quickly. Like a comet, just trailing past. You only catch its light for a brief instant, then it's dark again.
Using the stranger's money, I paid off my gambling debts in full, and still had a little left over. I swore to stick to my promise, for my own sake and his. In the ten years that've passed since that day, I haven't gambled a cent.
Once I was all square with the house, I finally took a moment to check the piece of paper that he'd left me with. At first I only sort of skimmed it, and it didn't make a great deal of sense to me: just a list of dates from 2007 to 2017, each accompanied by a sentence fragment. It was only when I sat down and took a long, hard look at what those fragments actually were that I realised the stranger couldn't possibly have been human.
No, he was so much more than that.
It was a list of instructions, specific down to the days, minutes, hours, and seconds. Where to be and what to do in order to maximise success at that given moment. He'd left stock tips for companies that didn't exist, but would come into existence exactly when he'd predicted they would. He'd left exact instructions on which house to buy, and how to get it at the best price. Clothes to wear, jobs to take, friends to make.
Fifth of October, 2009. Go to Starbucks in town. Meet Jessie O'Brien. 3:51:17 PM.
Two years later, Jessie O'Brien became Jessie Wilson. The stranger had even engineered me meeting the love of my goddamn life, precise to the exact second we'd first make eye contact.
I invested in the right stocks and pulled out of the wrong ones, avoiding company deaths and market crashes like some financial Houdini. My capital skyrocketed and my personal wealth just grew greater and greater.
Eighth of June, 2011. Buy House 10 Aspen Way. Don't Rent. 6:14:43 PM.
And so I did. Jessie and I moved into that big, gorgeous house once our honeymoon was over. We were wealthy, healthy, and deeply in love - but something was missing, something the stranger had accounted for, too.
Seventeenth of August, 2012. Conceive child with Jessie. 8:31:19 PM.
Our little girl is called April. The stranger picked it, not me. She's four now, and I love her with all my heart.
The stranger, a man who I'd known for less than an hour, had steered the entire course of my life in the best possible direction, out of nothing more than the kindness of his heart. He'd saved me, he'd saved all of us. Even though it'd been ten years since that day and I was drunk out of my mind at the time, I remember every detail vividly.
That's why, as I was walking down the street this morning - my arms full of grocery bags - when I heard someone singing "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows" a few feet behind me, I recognised the voice instantly.
"Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together!" His melodic voice sang, his tone screaming joviality, "Brighter than a lucky penny, when you're near the rain just disappears, dear, and I feel so fine!"
Without a moment's hesitation, I turned to face him. It looked like that strange, strange man hadn't aged a day in an entire decade. He even wore that same pinstriped suit that he had on the first night I met him.
"Just to know that you are mine." He finished the verse with a smile, and threw open his arms.
"Jesus Christ," I said, my face cracking into a smile impossible to hide, "It's actually you."
"The one and only, baby," He said with a laugh and a grandiose hand gesture, "How's Jessie, by the way?"
I opened my mouth to answer, but he raised a hand, as though to politely silence me.
"I'm sorry to drop in after - gosh, has it really been ten years? Jeez Louise, time really does tend to get away from me," He said, "Anyway, the reason I'm here is because I finally figured out what I wanted from you."
"Beg your pardon?"
"Ten years ago, you said you owed me something, anything," He replied, though I almost heard it back in my own voice as he said it, "I couldn't decide at the time, but I think I know now."
"Oh, of course! That's wonderful to hear, man," I said, my heart filled with a sudden trepidation, "So, uh, what is it you want?"
The stranger gave that same ear-to-ear grin that he was wearing back behind the dive bar in 2007.
"Well, I've thought about it for a long time, amigo, and I've finally made my decision," He said, "I know what I want from you, Nate."
He paused to take a step closer to me. His eyes were just as golden in the daylight.
"I want your name, Nate."
I almost laughed to begin with, but I soon realised he wasn't joking. He was deadly serious.
"My name?"
"Yes, Nate, I've always loved your name, it's so wonderful," He said, wringing his hands with glee, "See, I've never had a name myself, and it's always left me feeling a little left out, you know? I've wanted a name for so long, and I decided just recently that the name I want is yours. I think it'll fit me just right."
This man had given me my entire life. He saved me from getting killed by casino sharks back in '07, and every wonderful success I'd had since I owed entirely to his decade-long itinerary. With all this in mind, who was I to turn him down this last batshit crazy request?
If he wanted to go around calling himself Nate Wilson too, what right did I have to stop him?
"Sure thing, buddy." I said with a smile.
He leaned forward and embraced me, almost crushing the groceries against my chest.
"You have no idea how happy you've made me."
"It's the least I can do after all you've done for me." I replied.
The stranger - or rather, Nate Wilson - extended another spidery hand towards me.
"Let's shake on it." He said, his voice elated.
And I did.
We went our separate ways after that. I walked home, and he ran off into the city, singing and cackling with mirth. It brought me some peace of mind to know that my debt to him was finally repaid, and that some simple token gesture was all that I needed to do it.
When I arrived back at 10 Aspen Way, I saw April playing around with her toy lawnmower in the front yard. I smiled and called to her, but she didn't respond. She was too wrapped up in her fictitious duties.
I made my way inside with the groceries. Jessie was in the kitchen, cutting up carrots. Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows blasted out of the radio. Today just kept getting weirder and weirder.
"Hey, babe," I called to her, putting the groceries on the kitchen table, "You'll never guess who I ran into this morning."
Jessie didn't respond. She just carried on chopping, and hummed to the tune.
"Babe? Everything okay?" I asked.
Still no response. At this point, I was beginning to get a little...worried.
With a peculiar heaviness to my every movement, I walked over to Jessie, and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder.
It just went straight through. Straight though her goddamn body - like she was a hologram, or I was. I recoiled with a short, sharp yelp, and fell against the kitchen table. Again, no response from Jessie.
What the hell had happened?
"Honey, I'm home!" I heard a familiar voice call from the hallway outside.
Jessie suddenly perked up, turning her head towards the noise.
"Hi, sweetie," She said, "You were a while out there. I was beginning to get worried."
The stranger walked into the kitchen, a smile stretched across his waxen face.
"Sorry about that, honey-bunny," He said, "I met an old friend in town. We had a little catch-up."
As he said that last part, he threw me a sickening wink with one of his piss-yellow peepers.
"Huh," Jessie said, "Anyone I know?"
She leaned forward and gave the stranger a kiss. The kind of kiss she always gave me.
"Nah," The stranger said with a chuckle, "I don't think you've ever met him."
I felt like my mind was going to implode. Nothing going on was making any kind of goddamn sense. The whole world had gone crazy.
April called from outside, something about the grass.
"You mind taking over the carrots for a sec, babe?" Jessie said to the stranger, "I better go check on April."
"No problem, honey." He said, taking the knife from her hand and giving her another kiss.
Jessie left the room, leaving just me and the stranger, all alone. I quietly fumed, and he chopped carrots.
"What the fuck is going on?" I finally asked him, when I'd gained the modicum of composure required to do so, "What have you done, you crazy fucking weirdo?"
He carried on chopping the carrots. His eyes never left the chopping board.
"My name is Nate, stranger," He said, "I'd really appreciate it if you called me by it."
In my state of fury, I tried to grab him by the shoulder and turn him to face me. I could actually touch him, but he wouldn't budge. It was like trying to move a mountain.
"That's my name. This is my house. And that's my wife," I said to him, rage and confusion rendering my voice a crackly mess, "I want you out of here and out my life."
The stranger chuckled.
"See, that's where you're wrong, slick. All that changed hands," He said, "This is Nate Wilson's house. Jessie is Nate Wilson's wife, and this is Nate Wilson's life. And, by the terms of our recent deal, I'm Nate Wilson. And you, good buddy? You're nobody."
"I won't accept that." I yelled, slamming my hand down onto the kitchen countertop.
Without another word, Nate Wilson rammed the knife through my hand. There was no pain, no blood. It just phased through, as though I no longer even existed.
"Word to the wise, stranger, reality marches on regardless of whether you accept it," He said, as I pulled my hand away from the knife, "Everything you have, everything you've tricked yourself into believing you earned, you got from my instructions. You never owned this life, stranger, you just rented it from me, piece by piece. Now, it's mine, and there's not a thing you can do about it."
He stuck the knife into the chopping board and turned around to me.
"Except, of course, leave, and let me, my wife, and my daughter get on with our lives. Do you understand, stranger?"
I stood in crushing silence for a minute or two.
"But can I see them again?"
"Sure you can, you can see them any time you like, but only I can see you. Just like, up until around an hour ago, only you could see me. It doesn't feel good, does it? Being nobody. Being nameless."
The gravity of it all was finally closing in. I fell onto my ass and began to cry.
"God, I was so fucking stupid," I said, "How did I fall for all this?"
Nate Wilson shrugged and ate a piece of carrot.
"Don't blame yourself, buddy," He said, "I was waiting for centuries before I found someone who I could interact with. It isn't your fault you happened to be that person, or that you had such an awesome name at the time."
"My name..."
"You were only going to waste it, friendo. If I wasn't there that night, a heavy would have broken your legs the next day, you'd have gotten into painkillers, and OD'd a few months later. Nate Wilson becomes gravestone fodder. What a waste that would have been, huh?"
"But what do I do now?"
"What I did, stranger," Nate Wilson said, eating another piece of carrot with undue relish, "Ask around, find someone you can talk to. Might be this afternoon, who knows? Sure, could be a week, month, year, decade, century, but I'm an eternal optimist."
"A century?" I said, trying to ebb the stream of tears flowing out of me, "I can't wait that long."
"You'd be surprised, pal. Patience is something you'll learn, being nameless. When you finally do manage to wrangle yourself a name, you'll appreciate it a little more this time. You'll make something of yourself."
Fact the second: If a deal seems too good to be true, it is.
"So is that it?" I asked, "Is that all you have for me?"
Nate Wilson nodded.
"I'm afraid so, good buddy," He said, "But you seem like a nice enough guy. I'm sure you'll figure something out. You can always depend on the kindness of strangers, don't you know."
As the man who had just stolen my entire existence carried on hacking up vegetables, I left the room, walking out of the kitchen, through the hallway, then out of the house entirely. I stole one last look at Jessie and April, my - no, his - family, playing on the lawn, totally carefree. All smiles. They'd never even know that I was gone.
Perhaps it was better that way, no heartache.
I whispered a goodbye that they'd never hear, and closed my eyes in a pointless attempt to shut off the tears I knew would be coming either way. I set off into the city after that, walking alone, in search of something - hell, anything - to call myself.
And that was that. The story of my un-naming. Perhaps Nate was right, perhaps it was his life all along. Maybe he'll live it better, live it kinder. He might be a better father, a better husband, a better Nate.
I don't feel so attached to that name anymore.
But, if you know all this now, that means one good thing: you can read what I'm writing. If you can read my words, perhaps you can hear them? And if you can hear them, perhaps you can reply.
If so, I hope to hear from you soon. We have a lot to talk about, you and I, a lot to discuss. I think I can do some great things for you, dear reader, dear friend. I'll help you out of any bind you need, and I'll barely ask for anything in return.
Barely anything at all...
X

There's something stalking the plains of West Texas

I inherited a five hundred acre ranch along with two hundred and fifty head of cattle out in West Texas from my great grandfather who passed it down the line until it eventually ended up in my hands, it was his pride an joy.
Growing up he told stories of the cowboys who rode out west settling land and setting up homes for their families, I was always awestruck at the surreal descriptions of their day to day lives and how the rugged cow pokes and the horses they rode upon were able to keep towns fed and their eventual start of rodeos and riding competitions that are still held today.
Originally my father was left with it after my grand father had passed, he moved us into it when I was still young along with my mother and my sisters, Allison and Angela. It was your typical ranch lifestyle growing up, My father would walk into my room at 4:30 in the morning waking me up to go help him feed the cattle and chickens along with the other animals we had at the time, My two younger sisters eventually were brought into the loop when they were a little bit older but were always treated like princesses but when I failed a simple task like cleaning out the barn there would be severe repercussions ranging from a beating with the belt to not getting dinner but my sisters would always sneak me some food and my mother would always try to justify why I would be the only one receiving the harsh punishments, I guess looking back on it now I understand why he was so hard on me.
We had a few extra ranch hands that helped keep everything running, I remember one of my favorite people to work with was this older gray haired guy called Pete, he had a thick handle bar mustache and looked like your typical cowboy. He'd always always have a cigarette between his lips and told stories about the natives that lived here long before us and the spirits that supposedly haunted the land, My father however didn't like it due to the fact I'd have nightmares after but the stories were what I always looked forward to when I got out of school and done with my chores.
I never really experienced any "Paranormal" events, the only thing that I had witnessed that truly left me in complete awe was when My father and I found a mutilated heifer that was torn completely in half strung up in one of the trees out in the pasture, it wasn't uncommon to find a dead cow or two but the way it was strung up in the tree defied all logical explanation.
My father was prepping me to run the ranch as a grew older but teenage me had different plans at the time. I had enlisted in the military my senior year of high school, this had pissed my father off so bad that he told me not to bother coming back once I had graduated boot camp, they were harsh words but I was used to it. When writing home I'd always get letters back from my mother who would give every detail on what happened that day or what was going on in town it always kept me in high spirits.
Before the sad events of 9/11 nothing to serious or crazy was going on in the world and the unit I was in cleaned rifles and parking lots for the majority of the time. I remember receiving a phone call from my father the day it happened, "Son, you stay safe and come back in one piece.", that was the only call I received from him for the next couple of years.
I had done a few tours over in the middle east and Afghanistan before I decided to get out, In that period of time I got married to my lovely wife Kate and had two kids of my own, two daughters, Madison and Kimberly they grew up with their mother for the most part. It was a strained relationship thanks to the constant moving and the fact I'd be gone for six months at a time, she was left to care for them while I was gone but we managed to make it work.
She was ecstatic about the news that I was leaving the military, it was around that time I was told about my father who was fighting stage 3 lung cancer. I packed the family up leaving North Carolina and headed down to Texas. We spent the remaining hours of my fathers life by his side. We talked about the crazy experiences we'd been through and how being a parent was one of the most hardest things in life.
when I was the last one in the room with him he told me something that I didn't completely understand until now. "Son, the ranch is a huge responsibility and everything you have experienced in life has lead up to you taking care of it. What ever you do, don't leave it no matter what happens Chris. Promise me that." He spoke as tears swelled in his eyes "I promise." I held his hand. His grip was weak it was no longer the hard and calloused strong hands he'd worked hard with, he eventually passed leaving behind the ranch in his will.
The will stated the ranch and it's assets would go to the eldest child of the family, that happened to be me. My younger sisters didn't care much, they had moved to different states and had families of their own and were doing quite well. Everyone came down to the ranch after my fathers funeral.
It was a typical Texan wake, there was tons of alcohol and barbecue passed around that night in honor of the hard man that was my father before leaving back to their homes. My sisters were the last to leave, they said their goodbyes leaving my family alone on the five hundred acres of open Texas plains. That was twelve years ago.
The ranch itself consisted of a two story house and a small living area for a few ranch hands on the eastern side of the property as well as a large barn and a few chicken coops and a horse stable on the south side of the house, the rest was just open arid planes filled with plenty of wildlife.
I spent most of the day tending to the livestock and helping out with the repairs to the horse stable, something had torn a few of the thick metal bars on one of the stalls from it's housing, one of the ranch hands said it was some kind of dog that had done but I just brushed it off as some wise ass telling ghost stories to the new guys or one of the hands were baked when doing the rounds and had slammed into it with something. "Take care boss!" One of the ranch hands gave me a quick wave as he headed towards a beat up ford with the rest of the ranch hands, "I'll see you all in the morning, eat a large breakfast we have a lot to do!" I yelled towards the group, they had just gotten paid and were probably going to go spend their allowance at a bar or some casino up in Oklahoma.
My two dogs, Maxim, a tan lab mix and Zeus, a spotted border collie ran around trying to round up a few cattle that had strayed to far from their herd as I took off my worn work gloves setting them on the hood of my old truck, Maxim, Zeus load up!" the two dogs came running over jumping into the bed of the truck. After a few minutes of driving I pulled up to the house.
After putting the dogs up I headed inside the house, Kate was making supper to a country tune "How's work?" She asked dancing over to me "Good, had to fix up the horse stable." She spun back around dancing back to the stove "where are the kids?" I asked noticing the lack of complaints about not having good cell service "They're still cleaning out the barn and chicken coops.".
"Honey wake up, there's something in the barn." My wife shook me violently waking me from a deep sleep "Wha... What?" I blinked a few times trying to wake up, Her red hair was a mess "There's something in the barn!" She hissed clutching my wrist with a death grip.
I quickly got dressed pulling on a jacket and my old pair of work boots. I walked over to the closet grabbing my father's lever action 30-30 along with a flashlight "I'll go check it out, stay inside." My watch showed it was 3:26 a.m. as I made my way down the hall, " Dad what was that." Madison stuck her head out of her room with a pair of head phones dangling from her neck "Go back in your room." I replied just as Kimberly exited her room "I'm scared." her voice trembled as she walked out into the hallway "Go into your mother's room." I responded quickly, they both ran into the room talking in hushed tones as I continued down the hallway towards the stairs.
Maxim and Zeus were going berserk, they were barking and straining hard against their chains trying to get to the barn, the animals we had near the house were also in a panicked state, I clicked on the flashlight it's dull orange glow illuminated the dirt path leading towards the barn. What little remains from a few dead chickens lay in front of the the barn feathers and blood were soaking into the ground, something had pulled the door open breaking the latch securing it shut.
I raised my rifle slowly entering the doorway, inside were stalls lining each side of the walls running to the back of the barn, inside were a few dairy cows I had bought a few weeks earlier. Their distraught cries filled the barn as I made my way towards the back, as I got closer I noticed a blood trail leading to one of the stalls. With a steady hand I pulled the stall door open revealing a wounded dairy cow, she had a large gash running from her hind quarter to the middle of her sternum, her entrails hung out as she lay breathing heavily in great distress as blood began to pool around her body.
I knelt down beside her resting my rifle on the stall wall placing my hand on her head "What did this to you girl?" I spoke quietly, something slammed the door shut behind me causing me to damn near jump, I scooped up my rifle and aimed it at the door "If you're out their make yourself known or you're going to get shot!" I yelled trying to keep my composure.
There was no response, I flipped the latch and swung the door open sweeping the area for any potential threats but only found a set of foot prints in the dirt covered floor leading back to the entrance, they looked K-9 in nature but were too large to be any dog or coyote that I've ever seen.
I ran back into the house slamming the door shut and locking it, "Honey, call the sheriff!" I quickly made my way back to the bedroom, Kate had her phone in hand and was talking to a dispatcher "Something broke into our barn, yes, yes please send a deputy out as soon as possible.".
I grabbed my truck keys and cellphone "I'll be back, don't let anyone inside." I grabbed the Glock-19 that I kept on the night stand and handed it to her "What's this for?" She asked confused "Honey, something got one of the dairy cows and I think it's going to get more." they were really scared now "Don't leave!" Kimberly cried "Listen, You shoot anyone that's not me or the sheriff.", "Don't leave the house, lock all the doors and windows." I gave Kate a quick kiss and headed back to the living room.
I took Maxim and Zeus off their chains and lead them to my truck opening the passenger door letting them in the cab. I slid into the driver seat and started the truck, it's large V8 engine shook the cab as it idled in the cold December air. I put the truck in drive and headed out towards the pasture to check on the live stock closest to the farmstead. After driving for a few minutes my phone rang, it was Kate "The sheriff is on his way over, what do you want me to tell him when he gets here?" Her voice was tense, I thought for a moment before answering "Tell him to meet me near the fishing pond we drink at, it's the one on the western side of the pasture, he knows what I'm talking about.", there was a small moment of silence "Alright, please be careful." she hung up the phone.
The only sounds in the truck now were coming the two panting dogs and the low hum from the radio. After a few more minutes of driving I arrived at the fishing pond a large cluster of oak trees were lined near the bank on the opposite side, the head lights from my truck illuminated a small herd of cattle bunched up near the bank of the pond, they were all letting out distressed calls as they began to move towards my direction.
The hackles on Zeus and Maxim's necks were sticking up, both of them were emitting deep guttural growls, their eyes were focused on something off in the distance, I followed their gaze but I couldn't see what they were seeing. I exited the truck leaving the dogs inside with the windows cracked cautiously making my way towards the bank. The herd was walking around me when I spotted it, two large yellow eyes piercing through the darkness at me. I glanced at one of the cattle hurrying by for a split second, it had a large chunk missing from it's right flank and a large jagged claw mark running down its rib cage. The dogs were barking wildly in the truck now as the cattle began to run in a panic, I could hear the sound of heavy foot steps getting closer and closer as I began to backpedal towards the truck.
I could barely make the outline of it as it closed the distance on all fours, adrenaline was burning through my veins as I raised the rifle and started firing at it, time seemed to speed up as I cranked the lever feeding in a new round after every shot "Why the fuck did I bring a lever action rifle?" I cursed to myself for not bringing my AR as I ripped the driver side door open trying to get in, before I was able to get a foot in the door Zeus and Maxim jumped out hitting the ground running at full speed towards the creature, "Get back here!" I yelled to no effect as they circled the monster. It was in full view now it's figure illuminated by the headlights of my trucks, it looked like a massive humanoid dog on two feet with large sharp claws.
The creature swung at Maxim and Zeus trying to get them to back off, huge plumes of smoke came from it's mouth and nostrils with each swing but they didn't budge. Zeus latched onto its hind leg causing it to let out deep cry, it swung back it Zeus sending him tumbling off into the brush this pissed off Maxim.
Maxim latched onto it's left biceps shaking his head like a deadly game of tug o' war, I continued firing into the creature's chest before he swung Maxim into my lane of fire, I immediately stopped firing fearing I'd shoot my dog. That's when I saw the flashing red and blue neon lights from a sheriff's vehicle bouncing off of the tree tops. The creature swung at Maxim hitting him on the side, this caused Maxim to yelp and release the creatures arm.
"What in gods name..." the sheriff said awe struck by the scene "Fucking shoot it!" I began firing again, one of my rounds hit it in the eye causing to stumble backwards. The sheriff began firing on it now but it seemed to make little difference as the creature got down on all fours and ran back into the darkness, "When I got called out here I wasn't expecting this." he let out a breath.
A few hours later a black SUV pulled up and two men wearing black suits asked me a series of questions regarding the event "Are you sure it wasn't a coyote?", "Have you been drinking this evening?", "Are you sure it wasn't a pack of feral hogs?" I had the same response to all of their questions, "No." they went on for another two hours before they finally questioned my wife and kids along with the sheriff, they took the only copy of the dash cam footage from the sheriff's truck and eventually left, A helicopter flew over the house out towards the pasture with a huge spot light on it circling the area for a few minutes before leaving. We sat at the dinning room table near the kitchen talking about what had transpired in the past few hours, none of us could believe it. "I've never seen anything like that before in my life." the sheriff exhaled as he took his cowboy hat off placing it on the table "Neither have I, whatever that thing was it's still out there." I responded, looking out the window towards the the moon lit pastures.
In case you were wondering Zeus and Maxim are doing fine, they were a little banged up but after a few days they were back on the job rounding up cattle like nothing happened, I hired a few more ranch hands to do nightly inspections around the pasture to make sure the cattle were not being harmed, so far it has been working. The guys were also telling me about seeing strange lights hovering over the property, I don't even want to think about what that could entail.

Weekly Events Thread 12/30/19 - 1/5/20

Please, feel free to add any events below! Check out the Events Calendar and Visitor's Guide for more info!

Looking to meet up with people? Check out Meetup St. Louis.

New Year's Eve Events

Ballpark Village
- Ballpark Village is ringing in this New Year with added entertainment featuring the region's best DJ's along with the Pop 2000 tour hosted by Chris Kirkpatrick of *NYSNC with performances by O-Town, Ryan Cabrera & LFO's Brad Fischetti.
Brennan's Work & Leisure
- Brennan’s Work & Leisure and Anti-Agency invite you on a space odyssey to celebrate the New Year, 2020.
- Once aboard the ship, enjoy a premium bar selection, heavy appetizers of the future by Chef Josh Galliano (Companion Bakery, The Libertine) and interstellar desserts by Pastry Chef Tai Davis. Groove to the night's soundscape provided by DJ Black Guy, then step into the Zero Gravity Live Feed Photo Booth to send evidence of your journey back home.
- All passengers must report to the orbiter near midnight for a live music performance, projection show and champagne toast to the New Year. Dress: modern cocktail attire / space shuttle launch
Casino Queen
- Casino Queen invites area residents to partake in one of St. Louis’ biggest parties of the decade during its New Year’s Eve celebration on Tuesday, December 31. Guests will enjoy a specialty buffet, live DJ cranking out the tunes on the casino floor, a countdown to midnight with party favors for all and exclusive prize giveaways throughout the evening.
Chase Park Plaza
- Dress to impress for 7th Annual New Year's Eve Ball at The Chase Park Plaza. The celebration takes place in the legendary Khorassan Ballroom and will feature musical performances of DJ Greasy, Lamar Harris & The L, and a Frank Sinatra tribute.
- Also, the event will have a premium open bar, passed hors d'oeuvres, a balloon drop, and a champagne toast at midnight.
Downtown NYE Bar Crawl
- Take your tribe into the New Year at the 2020 NYE (New Year’s Eve) Bar Crawl taking place Tuesday, December 31, 2019 at many locations in St. Louis
- Washington Ave Venues (List Can Change)
  - Lucas Park Grille (1234 Washington Ave)
  - Flannery's (1324 Washington Ave)
  - Rosalita's (1235 Washington Ave)
  - Hair Of The Dog (1212 Washington Ave)
  - 314 The City Bar (1137 Washington Ave)
  - Missouri Bar & Grill (701 N Tucker)
  - OveUnder (911 Washington Ave)
- The Landing Venues (List Can Change)
  - Big Daddy's Landing (108 Morgan St)
  - Morgan Street Brewery (721 N 2nd St)
  - The Lou Eats & Drinks (710 N 2nd St)
Evangeline’s Bistro and Music House
- On New Year's Eve, Evangeline’s Bistro and Music House will host live music of all genres beginning at 6 p.m. until 12:45 a.m. The restaurant's full menu is served until 10 p.m. with a complimentary appetizer buffet from 10 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. and a champagne toast at midnight. No cover; cash bar. Tuesday, December 31, 6 p.m. to 12:45 a.m.
From Skybar & Union 30
- Your evening begins with a three-course, prix fixe dinner at the swanky Union 30 restaurant in Hotel Saint Louis, where options include a 30-ounce tomahawk ribeye, a 24-ounce dry-aged sous vide pork chop, or king crab legs. The $125 price includes admission to the NYE Blast at FORM Skybar on the 14th floor, which will host the Kim Massie Band, an open premium bar, and an appetizer buffet. There’s no charge for the prime view of the fireworks show at Kiener Plaza
Four Seasons
- In one of the most picturesque locations in all of Downtown St. Louis, meet us in the exclusive Sky Lobby to ring in the New Year. Recreating the eclectic energy of New York City, join us to watch the ball drop under the stars at midnight and move your feet to Spanky's Dueling Piano!
Gateway Arch Riverboats
- Ring in the new year with a view of the magnificent St. Louis skyline at this party cruise hosted by the Gateway Arch Riverboats. Featuring an elegant three-course dinner, open bar, DJ entertainment and a midnight champagne toast, the fun kicks off at 9 p.m. Reservations required.
Helium Comedy Club
- Ring in the New Year with an evening filled with laughter courtesy of Ryan Niemiller! Skip the chaos of the bars and enjoy a special night with food and drinks from the comfort of our restaurant, bar, lounge, and showroom.
Hollywood Casino
- Put a little Great Gatsby in your New Year’s Eve celebration with the Roaring '20s New Year’s Eve party at Hollywood Casino.
Hyatt Regency
- Ring in the new decade with two ballrooms with live music and fun at Hyatt Regency St. Louis at The Arch’s Ultimate New Year’s Eve Party. The celebration will include a delicious dinner buffet, an open bar, photo booth, party favors and live music throughout the evening from Groovethang and Broseph.
The Last Hotel
- Celebrate the last day of 2019 at The Last! Join others in the Lobby Bar + on their fabulous Rooftop and toast to the New Year in style.
Molly's in Soulard
- Get ready to party! Molly's In Soulard has one of the THE BEST New Years Eve parties in STL. They've got: 5 open bars, Two balloon drops, Champagne toasts, VIP buffets, VIP tables, and cabanas
POP & Baileys' Chocolate Bar
- One of the more appropriate places to ring in the new year and decade is POP, Dave and Kara Bailey’s bubbles bar and restaurant in Lafayette Square. This year, POP and Baileys’ Chocolate Bar (located upstairs) have teamed up to provide an all-inclusive celebration on December 31. The all-inclusive celebration begins at 9 p.m. Food stations include appetizers from POP and specialty desserts from Baileys’ Chocolate Bar. Tickets include beer, wine, bubbles, and cocktails, including chocolate martinis and dessert cocktails.
Powell Symphony Hall
- Music Director Stéphane Denève and the SLSO bring 2019 to a close at the BMO Wealth Management New Year’s Eve Celebration. Enjoy an evening of music and surprises at St. Louis’ best-kept secret. Bring family and friends together for this musical celebration you’ll remember throughout 2020.
Tin Roof
- Out with the old and in with a new decade. Celebrate with Tin Roof at their NYE "End of a Decade" Black and White Ball. Dress up in your best or come as you are and catch the best live music and DJ's around.
Westport Social
- Celebrating NYE at Westport Social means you can play like a kid while partying like an adult. For just a $25 cover, guests can play the full range of games at the Westport Plaza watering hole while also indulging in a balloon drop and champagne toast at midnight and dance to live music.
Wheelhouse
- Another year in the books and there’s no other holiday party like Wheelhouse NYE. And nothing is better than closing out 2019 and starting 2020 with you, your closest friends and WH doin’ what they all do best, wild out.

Anheuser Busch Brewery Lights
- November 22, 2019 - December 30, 2019
- Brewery Lights is a family-friendly event, open to all ages at no cost. Guests can attend every Friday through Sunday, from 5 to 10 p.m.
- Join others when they Flip The Switch on November 22nd with St. Louis Blues Captain, Alex Pietrangelo.
- Witness and experience the magic of more than a million twinkling lights during the 34th annual Brewery Lights at the Anheuser-Busch St. Louis Brewery! Guests are invited to stroll down Pestalozzi Street to marvel as the brewery is turned into a remarkable holiday experience with something for everyone, including a Kids Zone.
Candy Cane Lane
- December 2019
- Every holiday season, the neighbors of this Saint Louis Hills street transform this ordinary lane into a winter wonderland that most of St. Louis knows as “Candy Cane Lane.” Hundreds of strands of Christmas Lights are strung, inflatable snowmen and Christmas trees are blown up, wreaths are hung, and even sand displays are made. Every year, hundreds of family-packed cars drive down Candy Cane Lane to see the wonderful Holiday sights.
Disney on Ice Presents: Celebrate Memories
- January 2-5, 2020
- Your favorite Disney stories come to life at Disney On Ice presents Celebrate Memories, coming to Enterprise Center January 2-5! Sail along with Moana on her high-seas adventure and dance with Woody, Buzz and all the Toy Story friends. Feel inspired when love wins in Frozen and dreams come true for the Disney Princesses. Share the excitement and make new memories the whole family will treasure forever!
First Fridays at the St. Louis Science Center
- January 3, 2020
- Learn the real science behind science fiction and mingle with others interested in the geekier side of life. Each month, First Friday features a different theme, hands-on activities, pub-style trivia, engaging presentations, photo opps for showing off your costume, and food and drink specials.
Garden Glow at the Missouri Botanical Garden
- November 23, 2019 - January 4, 2020
- Garden Glow features a million lights surrounding visitors with a spectacle of unique installations amid some of the Garden’s most iconic locations. Enjoy interactive photo opportunities, traditional holiday music and festivities, delicious food and drinks and more as the Garden is transformed around you into a winter wonderland.
- Santa will visit Garden Glow from 5 to 8 p.m. on Monday and Tuesday nights from November 25 through December 17. (Note: Garden Glow is not open on Dec. 9.)
History Made: St. Louis Blues Exhibit
- Running until January 26, 2020
- History was made on June 12, 2019. It’s a date that will forever live in St. Louis sports history. On that day, the St. Louis Blues hoisted the Stanley Cup for the first time. On Tuesday, Oct. 1, 2019, the Missouri History Museum, in collaboration with the St. Louis Blues, will open History Made.
- Featuring more than 20 artifacts on loan from the St. Louis Blues from the historic playoff run and the Stanley Cup Finals, History Made tells the story of the underdog team that took home the NHL’s highest honor and united its community in the process.
Holiday in the Park at Six Flags
- November 23 - January 1, 2020
- A dazzling winter spectacular featuring more than a million glittering lights, holiday entertainment, delicious seasonal treats, visits with Santa and many of our popular theme park rides. Combine holiday traditions with a thrilling family experience that is uniquely Six Flags.
- Six Flags St. Louis extends its season and will be open weekends and select weekdays from November 23 through January 1, 2020 for this one-of-a-kind magical event.
- A unique mix of holiday cheer with some of your favorite coasters & thrill rides makes Holiday in the Park a family tradition like no other. Meet Santa Claus in the North Pole or jump on Mind Eraser or Roar for a mid-winter rush. Then you can roast marshmallows near a cracking wood fire before you catch one of our many holiday shows.
Holiday Spirits Holiday Pop Up Bar
- November 29, 2019 - January 9, 2020
- Looking for somewhere new to get your party on this Holiday Season? For just a few weeks only, Oaked will be providing the very best in holiday-themed libations, good food, and an immersive atmosphere.
- Housed in a historic brick building with almost 6,000 sq. feet of space (excluding the outdoor heated patio & bar), featuring 3 bars, and 2 levels of fun. Once inside, you’ll be transported to a Winter Wonderland and treated like family. Santa Claus will be on hand to spread holiday cheer and greet our guests as they arrive.
- Oaked is located at 1031 Lynch St. St. Louis, MO 63118
Kwanzaa: Festival of the First Fruits at the Botanical Garden
- Kwanzaa is a Swahili term that means “first fruits,” and this contemporary African-American holiday centers around the feast table of the harvest. A Kwanzaa ceremony highlights a day of storytelling, craft and jewelry displays, and authentic African drumming and musical performances.
The Loading Dock Ice Rink in Grafton, IL
- November 23, 2019 - March 8, 2020
- It’s that time of year! The Loading Dock Bar & Grill in Grafton is gearing up for the Grand Re-Opening of their Ice Skating Rink on Saturday, November 23rd. Each November The Boatworks is transformed into a Winter Wonderland offering ice skating, s’mores tables, and a full menu and bar, that is sure to entertain adults and kids alike.
- The rink will be open Friday, Saturday, & Sunday through March 8. 2020 with extended hours during Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. Special events this year include a visit from Santa and a New Years Eve party.
Miracle Christmas Pop Up Bar
- November 25, 2019 - December 31, 2019
- Venue: Small Change 2800 Indiana Avenue St. Louis, MO 63118
- Miracle is a Christmas-themed pop-up cocktail bar that serves holiday cocktails in a festive setting. With kitschy holiday décor, professionally-developed cocktails and the nostalgic energy of the best office party you’ve ever been to, Miracle is sure to get even the grouchiest grinch in the holiday spirit.
Polar Express Train Ride
- November 29, 2019 - December 30, 2019
- Guests will take a real train ride from St. Louis Union Station to the 'North Pole' and discover the magical journey of one boy's search for the real meaning of Christmas. The Train Ride departs from St. Louis Union Station for a 45-minute adventure to the North Pole. The train ride is promised to be filled with magic, songs, and cheer.
Soulard Farmer's Market
- Wednesday - Saturday
- 8:00 AM - 5:00 PM
- Soulard Farmers Market is located at 730 Carroll Street in St. Louis, Missouri, a half mile north of the Anheuser-Busch Brewery. The market is open Wednesday through Saturday, year round. They feature locally grown and shipped in goods, including: produce, meats, cheeses, spices, gourmet kettle corn, flowers, baked goods, and general merchandise. There are also several different eateries that have many food options, which allows customers the convenience to grab a quick bite to eat and a drink while shopping.
Steinberg Ice Skating Rink in Forest Park
- November 15, 2019 - March 1, 2020
- Steinberg Skating Rink is the largest outdoor ice skating rink in the Midwest, offering public skating all day, everyday—including all holidays. Your skate admission is valid for all day. You may arrive at anytime during business hours & skate as long as you like.
Up on the Rooftop Holiday Pop-up Cocktail Experience
- November 29, 2019 - December 31, 2019
- Go "Up on the Rooftop" for a whimsical holiday cocktail pop-up experience with extreme decor and delicious seasonal drinks, small plates and more. Three Sixty at the top of the Hilton at the Ballpark overlooks the downtown lights and the glowing Gateway Arch. Cozy indoor spaces and outdoor patio fire pits.
Wild Lights at the Saint Louis Zoo
- November 29, 2019 - December 30, 2019
- Wild Lights at the Saint Louis Zoo offers a chance for you to stroll through an enchanting holiday experience.
WinterMarkt at Urban Chestnut
- November 30, 2019 - December 21, 2019 (Saturdays Only)
- Usher in the holiday season with a “traditional” European WinterMarkt at Urban Chestnut’s Midtown Brewery & Biergarten. Eat, drink, and be merry with local vendors on hand for holiday shopping
Winter Wonderland at Tilles Park
- November 22, 2019 - January 2, 2020
- 5:30 pm - 9:30 pm
- Enjoy a stroll through more than one million twinkling lights at Winter Wonderland. Tickets are $6, not including MetroTix fees. Pre-registration is required. Dogs on a leash, cameras, strollers and wagons are all welcome. Desserts, hot chocolate, and other beverages will be available for purchase. Also, be on the lookout for a special visitor from the North Pole until 8:45 pm!
Winterfest at the Arch
- November 23 - January 26, 2019 (Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays)
- A favorite St. Louis winter tradition for all ages, the fourth annual Winterfest, presented by Bank of America and World Wide Technologies returns to Kiener Plaza and features a community ice rink, a Winter Market shopping district, reserved Igloo seating with Sugarfire table service and more exciting events than ever before.

Sporting Events This Week

Attractions Around the Area

Recurring Outdoor Activities

Big Muddy Adventures – STL Riverfront Adventure
- Big Muddy Adventures was established in 2002. They are the first professional outfitteguiding company providing access to the wild wonders of the Middle Mississippi and Lower Missouri Rivers.
Hidden Valley Zip Tour
- ZipTour zip lines take about 2.5 hours to complete. Tours run from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Riders are assigned to tour groups which are escorted through the course by two safety guides.
Hidden Valley Ski Resort
- Running until March 1, 2020
- Always check the Snow Report before coming out to Hidden Valley for updates on snow and tubing conditions. Skiing, snowboarding, and tubing are weather-dependent activities and conditions and hours are subject to change without notice.

Recurring Events on the Mississippi River

Gateway Arch Events

Comedy This Week

Live Music This Week

SoFar St. Louis
- Experience the Gateway to the West with Sofar! From The Grove to Cherokee Street to The Loop, they're reimagining live events through curated, secret performances in intimate settings. Come mingle with touring acts, local and international artists, fellow music lovers and our imaginative hosts.
St. Louis Symphony Concert Calendar
- Celebrated as one of today's most exciting and enduring orchestras, the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra is the second-oldest orchestra in the country, marking its 140th year with the 2019/2020 season and its first with Music Director Stéphane Denève. Widely considered one of the world's finest orchestras, the SLSO maintains its commitment to artistic excellence, educational impact, and community connections – all in service to its mission of enriching lives through the power of music.
This calendar includes the following venues.
- Blueberry Hill Duck Room
- Delmar Hall
- Halo Bar
- The Pageant
Other Live Music Venue Calendars

Unravel

As far as family heirlooms go, the rug was a singularly ugly one. Nobody in our family knew who the first owner had been. Probably some very distant ancestor, as it was most certainly old, with faded colours, a spread of unnameable stains, and well-frayed tassels. I’d been told it was Persian in origin, although it didn’t conform to the normal design of such rugs. It was far too large for most rooms, and woven with intricate patterns that would have delighted M.C. Escher himself. As a little girl, it had fascinated me. The dozens of complex, looping spirals had fired my curiosity, and I longed to trace them with my finger, to follow those labyrinthine lines all the way to the centre. But my great uncle would have none of that. Whenever I made a move for the heirloom rug, he’d snatch me up and scold me, telling me not to touch it. He’d distract me with marvellous candies and sweets from different countries, and would tell me stories about little girls who did things they weren’t supposed to. All of them met with sticky ends. I suppose that’s why it came as a shock to me, when my uncle vanished and didn’t return, that I was the relative who inherited the labyrinth carpet.
It was much too big for any room in my rented flat. My uncle had become wealthy in his youth, travelling overseas and returning with great fortunes, claiming he’d won them from foreign dignitaries in games of chance and wit. Certainly, he was rich enough to own a house with grand rooms that would fit the giant carpet. When I was younger I’d believed every one of his tall tales. Apart from anything else, the man was a champion chess player of the highest order, so his stories of emerging victorious from any game he cared to play seemed very plausible. But as I’d grown older, I realised that it was much more likely my uncle was just a gambler. More specifically, the sort of gambler who cheats. His body was never found, and that bore out my theory. Towards the end, friends and relatives said he’d grown increasingly paranoid, and his dwindling wealth became his greatest concern. They also said he talked constantly of having “Just one more adventure”, which they all assumed meant going back overseas and finding some Iranian prince to swindle. Whatever the case, he was gone, along with his fortunes, leaving nothing but a carpet that I couldn’t use. So, for the longest time, the heirloom rug stayed rolled up and stuffed into the back of my garage, where it sat in a great awkward ‘U’ shape, collecting dust and moths. It wasn’t until the fire that I realised that it was much more than just a carpet.
Most of the neighbour’s house had burned down, taking the hedge, the wooden fence and half my garage with it. The fire fighters had sprayed down the side of my own home, to stop the heat and flames from spreading further while they put out the blaze next-door. Thankfully, there hadn’t been that much inside the garage; some things my landlord left behind, a few boxes of junk and garbage bags full of old clothes, a rusty bicycle I never used, and the Persian rug. I was almost relieved that the thing was gone; every time I thought about moving house, I dreaded the idea of lugging it along with me. But when I saw the lumpy tube on the back lawn, grey-brown tassels and dusty spirals soaked with sooty water, I felt a strange sense of dread and relief, all mixed together. Somehow the carpet had survived. “Don’t understand it myself,” said one of the firemen, stripped down now to just his pants and a t-shirt, “should have burned up with the rest, but it’s not even singed.” “Probably got asbestos fibres all through it,” said his colleague, a short, stocky woman with soot on her face, “might want to get it tested, could be dangerous.” “I will, I’ll get it checked out,” I assured her. After they left, I stared at the rolled up carpet for the longest time, before spreading it out on the grass so it could dry in the sun.
The morning light was kind to the carpet, picking out highlights of gold and silver thread. Still faintly damp, it seemed that the water from the fire fighter’s hoses had done it some good – it looked cleaner than it had since I was a child. It’s funny how a child’s mind works; because I swear it seemed smaller when I was a little girl, which is the opposite of what I would have expected. That morning, the carpet seemed more enormous than ever, covering the entirety of the back yard. It was still an ugly thing. The dozens of spiralled mazes did strange things to the eyes, and made me feel slightly sick if I looked at it for too long – but it had an odd kind of allure now that its threads were cleaner. Deciding to make the best of the situation, I took a scrubbing brush and a bar of laundry soap to it, then hosed it down again, to wash off the suds and grime I’d lifted away. Once I was finished, the spirals stood out starkly; a curious labyrinth of interconnecting circles, a singular path wending its way through the intricate patterns. Gazing at it, I felt something shift in my head, and right on the edge I could suddenly see where it all began – the entrance to the labyrinth. As soon as I put my hand to the threads, I knew something magical was happening. Something impossible – for as my finger began to trace the path, the carpet seemed to expand and rise, until I was standing inside the pattern, the tapestried walls of a labyrinth springing up around me. Now I understood why my uncle had always been so quick to stop me touching it.
I didn’t stay long, that first time. Shocked by the sudden, dizzy transformation, I stepped abruptly backward – and out of the maze. The carpet sprawled across the lawn, gleaming faintly, an eldritch presence that didn’t belong in a back yard in suburbia. Trembling with excitement, I went back inside the house and made a cup of tea to soothe my jangled nerves, trying to decide what to do next. Either I was going suddenly and completely mad, or that had really just happened. Either way, I had to try and go back in, there was no question. I didn’t feel mad. Impossible or not, it seemed like my uncle had known this secret since I was a child, and the fact that he’d shared it with no one meant something – though as yet I wasn’t sure what. I recalled the tale of Perseus and the Labyrinth, from a hefty book of myths and legends I’d read as a child. In it, the hero had carried a ball of twine and his father’s sword – the first to trace his path back out, the second to slay the beast that lived within the maze. Taking a ball of string from the kitchen drawer, and a knife from the wooden block beside the microwave, I ventured back outside and tied one end of the string around the remains of a tree stump in the corner of the yard. Tucking the knife into the back of my jeans, I bent down and began to trace the path. Fear and excitement thrilled through me as the world started to recede, and the Labyrinth grew up around me once again.
The walls, I discovered, were made of the same stuff as the carpet itself, and the gold and silver weft glittered in the uniform light that shone from above. Great spiral patterns scrolled across the threaded walls, while the ground upon which I stood was a white road bordered with more of the same spiralling designs. It felt springy and tough beneath my feet, but I could not have said what it was made from. As I walked, my string dangling behind me, the walls seemed to grow taller, more imposing. Soon they loomed over me, letting in very little light and leaching all colour from my surroundings. Just before my string ran out, I saw something on the road ahead of me, shining in the dimness. A golden coin. The air was chilly now, cold enough that I began to shiver. There was no wind, the labyrinth was eerily still, but just on the range of my hearing, I fancied I could hear a sound. My mind couldn’t quite interpret what it was, but it registered as something very wrong. I snatched the coin and hurried back, coiling the string around my arm as I made my hasty exit from the maze.
The coin collector gave me a thousand dollars for my find, and apologised that he couldn’t offer more. When he asked where it came from, I explained that I’d found it stitched inside an old Persian rug I’d inherited from my great uncle. Of course, I omitted mentioning that I had been inside the carpet when I found it. With the money in my pocket, I felt strangely calm. I wouldn’t have to worry about rent for several weeks and I could pay a couple of minor debts. I’d never been very good with money, and this was the kind of windfall I’d only ever dreamed about. But I didn’t quite spend all of the money on rent and debts. I kept a few of those dollars to buy a large quantity of brightly coloured string. On my third and fourth trips into the maze, I found nothing but empty and endless corridors flanked with towering, threaded walls. It became so dark that I needed a flashlight to see the way forward, and only the thinnest strip of grey sky showed far, far above me. But on my fifth trip into the labyrinth, I stumbled across something new. That sound was persistent in the distant now, barely audible, just loud enough to raise the hairs on the back of my neck. My mind had been picking at it as I walked, trying to unravel what it was, and why it was familiar. I realised that I’d heard a sound like it once before, when I was a child, visiting my grandfather’s farm. It had woken me in the middle of the night; a strange, shrill noise that was a cry for help, but inhuman. I’d crept out of bed and clambered out my window, following the eerie noise through the gates and over the fences of the farm, across two creeks, until I found the origin of the sound. A bull, impaled on an iron fencing post. Its mournful cries tore through the silence of the night as it rolled its eyes at me, mad with pain. Its body heaved and steamed as it tried to pull free of the metal stake, blood flowing freely down its flank. The sound in the labyrinth was the same, but somehow bigger, darker, and much more angry. As that memory clicked into place, I realised the corridor had opened into a courtyard, ringed by the colossal carpeted walls. Bones lay scattered all about the grey flagstones, a great mess of them surrounding an empty stone plinth. But the beam of my torch also picked out a handful of gold and silver coins, strewn near the entrance around my feet. Stuffing them into my pockets, I gave the charnel courtyard a last, fearful once-over, then left, hurriedly retracing my steps.
It's interesting, what sudden wealth can do to a person. I found several collectors online who purchased my coins – two for truly exorbitant amounts – and rented a larger place, nearer the city. It caught my eye for one very particular reason; it had one room large enough for the carpet. My explorations took up a lot of my free time now, as the further in I travelled, the longer it took me to get in and out. Braving my way past the courtyard of bones, I eventually discovered another one laid out just like it. But instead of being strewn with bones, the flagstones of this courtyard were spattered with dark stains, and the stone plinth was smashed to bits. The shrieking, undulating cry of pain in the distance became louder and louder. I was undeterred, forced onward by my greed. The maze became familiar to me, as did the weight of my new backpack full of string, dribbling twine behind me like the distended abdomen of a spider. I was grateful for my forethought; because in an instant, you could become disoriented in the maze, not knowing if you were going forward or backward. By the time I found the third courtyard, the swelling groans in the distance no longer bothered me so much. The flagstones of this one were unsullied. The plinth was intact, and upon it rested a small ebony chest, bound with bands of bronze. I knew what was inside it, before I even lifted the lid. When my eager eyes fell upon the glint of bright coins, there was no surprise, only the heady, satisfying buzz of fulfilment.
The penthouse had several rooms large enough for my carpet, but I kept it locked away from guests – and there were now plenty of those. It seems that wealth buys friends very easily, although they may not be the kinds of friends you want to share your secrets. When I’d grown tired of parties and expensive clothes, and when I’d fucked my way through most of my new companions, I realised that there was only one prospect that truly thrilled me now: accumulating even more wealth. The casinos welcomed me at first, but when money stuck to my fingers rather than leaving them, they didn’t seem so friendly. Egged on by my own success, I started to wager greater and greater sums, as though I were testing just how far I could push Lady Luck before she decided she’d had enough of her latest lover. And eventually, she did. In a single night, with one throw of a pair of Perspex dice, I lost my entire fortune. Of course, I was not as concerned as most people would have been, finding myself in that unfortunate position; I ran straight back into the Labyrinth. Still dressed in my red, watered silk dress, my heels were discarded at the entrance, and I padded barefoot through the corridors. The noise of the wounded creature was just an irritation now, no longer something to fear; only a distraction from the pull of the wealth ahead of me. But something was wrong. I was well past the third courtyard, seeking the fourth one that I knew must exist, when I realised I’d forgotten my backpack. The walls loomed around me, black and threatening – and somewhere nearby, anger and pain mingled in the terrible shriek of the beast, echoing through the curving passages. Just as real despair began to creep down my spine, I realised that ahead of me was an opening. This courtyard was full of dead leaves, completely still in the stale, breathless air of the labyrinth. Piles of them were heaped up around the familiar shape of a stone plinth. Weeping with relief, I saw the unopened ebony box atop it, and I ran through the orange and brown drifts, kicking them out of my way in my eagerness to crack open the lid and survey my new fortune. But this time I was surprised. No coins greeted me. Instead, I found a small bronze knife, its handle inlaid with mother-of-pearl, and a message carved inside the lid of the chest. I would swear the crude characters did not belong to any alphabet I knew, yet I could clearly divine their meaning:
With a cut, the way is revealed
I swore then, loudly and profanely. As if in response, the mad scream of the wounded beast echoed through the maze – closer now, close enough to make me afraid. But I didn’t know which way was out; the leaves had settled, and the walls all looked the same. I chose one passage at random, running for a full ten minutes through those identical corridors before confusion set in. Was I going deeper into the maze, or was I leaving it? Pushing onward, I reasoned that I’d know soon enough – either I’d reach a fifth courtyard, or I’d find my way back to the third. When instead I emerged back into the courtyard full of leaves, I screamed in frustration. Twice more I ran off, twice more I came back to the courtyard of leaves. But was it the same courtyard? What if the fifth courtyard was also full of leaves, and also contained an empty box? What if the sixth and seventh did too? I had no way of knowing. Dimly, I registered that a new sound now accompanied the mournful, maddening howl in the distance. A faint rumble, as though something huge was moving through the maze. Frightened, I tightened my hand around the blade of the little bronze knife, cutting my palm. As I yelped in pain, bright blood spilled from my flesh. No, not blood; thread! It spooled to the ground, looping into a pile, then shot off into a corridor, and I knew it was showing me the way home. The rumbling was thunderous now, and a faint breeze, the first I had ever felt within the carpeted maze, stirred my dress. The trickle of blood slowed, then stopped.
The blood thread carried on only a few hundred metres, and so I cut into the meat of my palm again – deeper this time. Four more times I opened my flesh before I followed the red trail into the third courtyard, the one where I’d found the box of coins. I could feel the ground trembling under my feet now, a steady, pounding shudder in time with the rumble growing ever less distant. I pricked the pulsing vein at my wrist with the knife, just enough to let out a steady stream of blood – and then I ran, the path of thread flowing and racing ahead of me. When I reached the courtyard of bones, the nearest wall shuddered and deformed, with a deafening roar from the other side. It shook again, then again, before the beast stopped trying to rip its way through the seemingly impermeable carpet. The thunder resumed, the flagstones jumping under my feet. I was weak now, but the entrance was close. My vision swam, and the roaring rage of the beast rang inside the vault of my skull. I stumbled back from one wall as it rocked under my hand, the thread bulging as something tried again to force its way through. The height of the walls was shorter now, so I knew the exit was very near. But my left foot no longer felt right; with every step, I sank and listed, as though the ground had grown soft. I looked down. It wasn’t the ground that had grown soft; it was my foot. Threads spooled from my toes, the flesh itself unravelling into the same stuff as the labyrinth. My veins were thin strings of red wool, my sinews glittered gold and silver. Cursing and weeping, I pushed on. I had no other chance. I heard a great rip as something gave way in the fabric of the maze, but I limped and dragged myself steadily onward, clawing my way along the wall as my leg unravelled to the knee. And then I was lying on the floor in the artificial light of my penthouse, a mess of ragged threads dangling from where my knee had once been. But I was safe. I was alive. I tried to stand, but something pulled. A single thread was still linked to the carpet, and it was being tugged from the inside. Screaming, I grabbed the thread and pulled back, but it spooled through my fingers, burning a line across the bloody flesh of my palm as it tore through my grasp. Past the knee and up my thigh, my skin continued to spool away as the beast inside the carpet yanked it inside with superhuman strength. Weeping, I realised that I couldn’t win. As the last threads of my leg spun away, I cut through them with the bronze knife.
The prosthetic fits me well enough, and I’ve adjusted to life with one leg. But I still have nightmares about the labyrinth. The penthouse is gone, along with all the clothes, the shoes and the friends who weren’t really friends. Only the cursed, persistent, ugly carpet remains. Today I filled it with scrap lead and bound it with wire – and tomorrow I will row out into the sea until my arms can’t take anymore, then I will toss the evil thing into the ocean, where I hope it will never be found again. I have a feeling I’m wrong. I have a feeling it’s going to turn up somewhere were someone will find it. Probably someone who isn’t very good with money. Someone who really needs a break. If that someone is you, then I advise you to be very careful. And don’t forget your string.

CANADA DAY 150 EVENT THREAD!

Hey /Vancouver,
Here are some events going on for Canada Day. Some may’ve been found in my other threads like “Bands in Town” and “Food Event Threads”, but here it’s all mashed into one and hopefully easily digestible thread. Normally I separate these type of threads by day, but because there is only one Canada Day I’ve separated it by city. Please note if I left out any city (Aldergrove, Abbotsford, Langley, Maple Ridge, and Pitt Meadows) it’s because I’ve deemed you too far away and urge you to come back to civilization.
I know there are events happening all around July 1st and spilling into the 2nd/3rd but… this is only for July 1st.
Burnaby
Canada Day Celebration @ Edmonds Community Centre – FREE

Ideal for the whole family. Activities, face painting, music, arts, and crafts. This runs from 11am-4pm, enough time to check out Swangard.

Canada Day Celebrations at the Burnaby Village Museum @ Burnaby Village Museum - FREE

From 11am to 4:30pm use the backdrop of the 1920’s to help bring in Canada Day. There will be games for kids, entertainers, parade, and birthday cake.

Concert & Fireworks @ Swangard Stadium – FREE

Starting at 5pm join people at Swangard stadium for a concert featuring Will Stroet (CBC KIDS), Kokoma, and Side One. It’ll be hosted by Barenaked Ladies member, Steven Page.

Coquitlam
Celebrating Canada’s 150th Birthday @ Town Centre Park – FREE

From noon to 10:30pm meet at Town Centre Park for bands, moving entertainers, adventure park, Food Trucks, Merchants, and Fireworks.

Canada Day Skate @ Poirier Sport & Leisure Complex - $2 including rentals

From 1:30pm to 4:30pm come to Coquitlam and skate! Normally they’re closed for the Holiday but today they’re open. I suck at skating and was made fun of by my last date for trying it, so I’ll never put on skates again.

Delta Region
Picnic @ Diefenbaker Park – By Donation

From 10am to 1pm enjoy by donation Hot Dogs, Birthday cake, and drinks. There will be live entertainment, streetside community kitchen and face painting.

Celebration @ Kirkland House – FREE

From 12pm to 4pm enjoy the music stylings of Delta Police Pipe Band. Featured attractions are rides, games, races, and whatever a silk zoo is. Also TRACTORS! TRACTORS! TRACTORS!

Canada Celebration @ Chambers Park – FREE

From 5:30pm to 10:45pm gather around for Food Vendors, Live music, and fireworks! For some reason it says to bring blankets but it’ll be hot out…. Oh, to lay on them.

New Westminister
Canada Day Celebrations @ Queens Park – FREE

From 11:30am to 3:30pm enjoy celebrations at Queens Park. Including arts and heritage workshops, community group presentations, and diverse performances.

Canada Day Celebrations @ River Market – Free

From 12pm to 10pm enjoy live music, craft market, balloon twisting, face painting, family portraits, and fireworks at 10pm. Also ReUp BBQ.

North Vancouver
Canada Day Parade @ Grand Boulevard and 13th Street – Free

Breakfast at 7:30am at the Lion’s Club, but at 10am the parade starts around Grand Boulevard.

Celebrating Canada 150 @ Waterfront Park – Free

After the parade between noon and 4, waterfront park will be hosting a slew of activities including concerts, beer garden, food trucks, and fireworks.

Canada Day @ Grouse Mountain - $44.95 – Assuming you need to buy a pass

Celebrate Canada day at a unique location. Be part of a Guinness world record, take selfies, temporary tattoos, yoga, good, and axe throwing. From opening to closing, enjoy your time at Grouse Mountain.

Port Coquitlam
Pancake Breakfast @ Lion’s Park - Free

From 8 – 11am enjoy a pancake breakfast and a fishing derby for the kids.

Canada 150 Celebration @ Castle Park - Free

From noon to dusk enjoy children activities, paint a tile for the Canada 150 Mosaic, Talent Showcase, Food Vendors, and community market place. Oh and fireworks.

Port Moody
City of Port Moody presents Canada Day @ Rocky Point Park – Free

City of Port Moody will have a Canada 150 Zone (Games and such), performance by the Canadian Rock “legend” Trooper, and Fireworks.

41st Annual Golden Spike Days @ Rocky Point Park – By Donation

I think this is the exact same thing as above, but with beer.

Richmond
Canada Day in Steveston @ Steveston Village – Free

Full day street party from 10am to 10:30pm. Musical performances, Steveston Salmon Festival, Shopping, and Fireworks. Performances from bands like Wintersleep, Youngblood, and DJ Seko.

Celebrate Canada 150 @ Richmond Nightmarket - $3.75

Nightmarket should be open on a Saturday, and they are planning something but haven’t posted it yet. So enjoy it!

Surrey
Largest Western Canada Day Celebration @ Bill Reid Millennium Amphitheatre – Free

Make maple shaped cookies, win prizes, face painting, sample food truck offerings, play board games, rides, and zipline. Headline by… Hedly and Magic! Fireworks at 10:30pm.

Senior’s Strawberry Tea @ Cloverdale Recreation Centre – Free

Strawberry Tea & Cake for seniors. I care about my older audience.

Dominion Days Festival @ Historic Steward Farm – Free

Enjoy live music, dance performances, carnival games, and crafts. The theme will be 1899, so get into your Tardis and travel back in time.

Surrey’s Heritage Rail @ Cloverdale Station - $5, $10, and $15

Take a ride on BCER 1225, a restored interurban railcar. The 1225 leaves from Cloverdale Station travelling through the farm lands to Sullivan Station, passing across Highway 10. Each ride is approximately 55 minutes round trip, and includes commentary along the way.

Vancouver
Canada Day Fireworks at Coal Harbour - Free

Celebrate Canada Day Fireworks at Coal Harbour. Expect them to be around 10:30 and don’t forget to tune into Rock 101 to hear the official soundtrack.

Canada Day @ Canada Place – Free

Highlighted in my other events this is a huge event with music with Sam Roberts, Hey Ocean! Dragonette, and FEFE over two days. Food trucks will be there, citizenship swearing in, and much much more.

Canada Day Cookout @ Olympic Village - $10 - $59

From 11am to 7pm enjoy more food trucks, DJs, and Bands at this giant food truck festival.

Disco Party @ IE Creative - Granville Island – FREE

From 10:30 to 5:30pm shake your Canadian Bacon to some disco.

Canada Day Block Party @ Waldorf - $20
*Block Party at the Waldof
Drumming Circle @ Creekside Park – Free

Trying to break a Guinness world record for largest drumming circle! Join in on Canada Day. It’ll be from 10am to 12:30pm with drumming starting at 11pm.

Canada Day @ Sunset Community Centre – Free

Hosting entertainment for kids including face painting, music, ride, and dance performances. Between noon and 4pm.

Canada Day Britannia Community Services @ Grandview Park – Free

From 12:30pm to 3pm include live music, speeches, community booths, face painting, and a GIANT inflatable slide.

Canada Day Kensington Community Centre @ Renfew Park – Free

From noon to 4pm enjoy live music, games, crafts, and carnival food.

Canada Day Run @ Pacific Spirit Park - $40

Take part in a Canada Day run from 5k to 10k.

OWN CANADA DAY @ Caprice - $Free if RSVP

Maybe you prefer to go out clubbing on Canada Day?

Canada Day @ Royal Canadian Mint – Free

Celebrate Canada Day between 10am – 5:30pm and get the new 1-dollar coin and strike their own Canada 150 themed token. The limit is 5 1-dollar coins and two free token strikes per guest.

Canada Day @ Robson Street – Free

The Robson Street Business Association is doing a huge street party filled with entertainment, music, treats, giveaways, and sales from local businesses. Noteworthy things: Cupcakes @ 2pm, ball hockey tourney at 4pm, and festive jar of bacon @ Earls for 1.50!

The Nite Show – Canada Day @ Venue – Free if you’re on the list

Club out Canada day at Venue.

Canada Day Boat Party + Fireworks + Dinner + Entertainment @ Abitibi - $70

400 person boat, 2 levels. Fireworks, buffet and DJs. Board near Edgewater Casino.

Canada Day Live Swing and Jazz @ Kino Café – Free

Swing dance at Kino Café, it’ll start with Oh-Canada at 3:30 and ends at 5:30.

The Ultimate Canada Day and Night Party @ Plaza of Nations - $120 - $180

More boat Canada Day party with DJs, and a boat…and stuff.

Poutine Party @ The Cobalt - Free

Free guest list with EMAIL RSVP. Get a free Monarch burger poutine and complimentary duffin donuts at the bar! Then dance and dance and dance the night away.

Canada Day Boat Party @ LCU Nightlife/Plaza of Nations - $35

Moar boats and music.

Minecraft Canada Day @ River District Centre – FREE

If your between 7 – 15 bring your PC to the community centre and help build a huge Canadian Flag in minecraft.

Canada Day Pool Party @ Drai’s Beach Club - $25

No boat, but rooftop pool in downtown Vancouver. Do people actually go into the pool at these parties?

West Vancouver
Picnic @ John Lawson Park – Free

From 2pm to 10:30pm bring some food and join in on the fun. Citizenship Ceremony, music, Soulstream, and Fireworks.

Celebrate Canada Day @ Horseshoe Bay - Free

Join Karen Fowlie for a special Canada 150 celebrations with free concerts. From 7pm to 10pm.

Going to Vegas in July - I've been doing my research so hope this can help others.

I'm going in July and have done some research.
Plenty of this is from the sidebar, but other notes are from many of other sources.
The Vegas Degenerate Tour ( . ) ( . )
Things to do:

Drugs
Hookers
Bellagio Fountains (free)
Mirage Volcano Show (free)
The lounge at the top of the Mandarin Oriental - Super Classy with amazing night time views, sexy patrons and great cocktails
Wet Republic - Rent cabana 2 months in advance
Las Vegas Helicopter Night Flight with VIP Transportation £65pp
Grand Canyon Skywalk - Apparently Expensive and not that good - you have to take a bus to get there and it is $30 each. Go to Grand Canyon south instead.
The Strip Gun Club Range
Sapphires pool party - strippers pool party!!!
Fremont Street Experience at night.
Container Park, which is a few blocks east of the Freemont St. Experience, a 2 foot recycled steel praying mantis (acquired from Burning Man) spits giant fireballs to the beat of music A LOT. Lots of half naked men and women. LOTS (free)
Ghost Bar at the Palms has amazing views. Check Groupon for deals. Happy hour 8-10pm
Stratosphere rides
Stratosphere bar at the top. Happy hour 2 hours after open
High Roller observation wheel. Get a car with the open bar.
Monte Carlo minus 5 Ice bar. Everything is made out of ice! Bar, glasses, seating - everything
RiRa Irish bar with live music and good Guinness after 9pm
The Foundation Room at Mandalay Bay, live music and amazing strip views
Strip clubs: Spearmint Rhino, Hustler Club and Crazy Horse--those are our top 3 Rhino and Horse are high end and classy
Top Golf location, just behind MGM. 5 levels of golf driving range, mixed with music, food and drinks. There are also 2 pools, free to use.#
Dig This drive diggers and bulldozers.
Spa in the ARIA is amazing with good treatments.
Alibi show http://alibitheshow.com/ This experience throws the audience into an exciting adventure around the streets, restaurants, bars and other real-life locations on the Las Vegas Strip.
BARE POOL AT MIRAGE: Go on Monday. At Bare, experience palm tree-enclosed seclusion as you relax and enjoy European-style sunbathing at Bare Pool at The Mirage. Read more https://jackcolton.com/las-vegas-dayclubs/bare-pool-mirage/
Ride in a stuntplane! Actual vomiting everywhere http://www.skycombatace.com/
Best price supercar rentals https://www.vegasluxuryrides.com
Lake Mead boat rental boatbound.com
Absinthe at Ceaser’s Palace amazing offensive comedy show http://www.ticketmaster.com/Absinthe-tickets/artist/802082
There is so much free stuff going on up and down the strip though that you can just do all the free stuff and not spend a dime. From street dancers, people singing, or pictures with a grown dude wearing a diaper.
Eclipse cinemas downtown for an over 21s only luxury cinema experience with cocktails and good food.
The Linq promenade is a very nice area
Treasures strip club: have a nice buffet and steak to go with your titty show http://www.treasureslasvegas.com/
VooDoo Zipline at Rio Groupon $44 for two
REAL BODIES at Ballys Groupon $35.50 for two

Tips:

Hotel picker https://farm1.staticflickr.com/770/21800142824_6dddea1786_k.jpg
$50 a night dining credit at ARIA somehow - research
Do the $20 checking tip trick. Slip a $20 in between card and ID and ask to see if an upgrade is possible.
Get player’s cards - sign up for the Player's Club (free) in each casino, they will usually give you some sort of incentive
Buy water at a supermarket and keep at hotel
Taxi from Airport request avoid the I-215 Airport Tunnel and go via Strip
http://www.tix4tonight.com for tickets on the night
Drinks are ALWAYS cheaper inside the casinos on Fremont than outside
Harrah's has a "Million Dollar Pull" where you just go up and play a slot machine for free with the chance to win $1 million. Even if you don't win a million, you will always win something.
If you want to go to top of the Stratosphere go to the desk to the right of the entrance and say you want to go to the bar. You won't have to pay the $15 to go to the top.
Marketing manager for the Aria https://www.reddit.com/usetedistkrieg
Have the clubs pick you up in their limos because all the cab/ubelyft/limo drivers get a kick back on anyone they drop off to the clubs and same with the VIP card guys! So if you don't use the free limo ... THE CLUB HAS TO CHARGE YOU A COVER!!! If you use the clubs FREE limo service they can sometimes wave that cover charge!! (that's like $20 a person!)
Check for Groupon deals.
Make sure you all download the Uber and Lyft app. Both offer new user signup credits. Free rides.
A $400 Pre-Authorisation charge for resort fees and ‘amenities’ was taken as expected upon check in. I would recommend UK visitors to take a Cash Passport MasterCard (available in Thomas Cook and other travel agents)

Clubs

Hosts contacts list for all major clubs: https://jackcolton.com/
You can view hotel discounts at up to 30% as well as VIP table service for nightclubs at: www.VegasJames.com for strip clubs at: www.StripperKing.com
XS Encore
Hakkasan MGM
Light inside the Mandalay Bay
Tryst Wynn
Vegas local youtuber and bouncehost Jacob Orth to hook us up with limo service to the Hustler club
Places we personally recommend from experience:
Hakkasan
Omnia
The Light
XS
XS does a nightitme pool party
Gold Spike nightclub / hotel in Downtown is a bit more ‘Hipster’
This list offers plenty more clubs to check out (many of which don’t require a cover).
http://www.vegasvip.com/nightclubs.html

Food

Alizé Tasting Menu - get groupon for discount £350 > $200
Sage in the Aria has a highly rated tasting menu
Aria buffet one of the best
Joël Robuchon in MGM is crazy silly expensive but amazing food 16 course taster $425 each without drinks https://www.mgmgrand.com/en/restaurants/joel-robuchon-french-restaurant.html
Guy Savoy at Caesars Palace a little cheaper 9 course tasting for $260/person or a $350/person 14 course tasting https://www.caesars.com/caesars-palace/restaurants/guy-savoy#.WI8vkRuLTIU
é by Jose Andres inside Jaleo inside Cosmo. Only 8 seats, reservations by email only ([email protected]) starting 3 months prior to the res date, 23 courses. $190/person(?) without alcohol pairing
Raku in Chinatown does amazing 8/12 course tastings for $70/100 a person
The tasting, or "seasonal discover menu" at L'Atelier is up to $165 per person
Eiffel Tower restaurant is a Must for dinner!!!!!!!! Fantastic view of the strip
Good steakhouses serve food at the restaurant bar and the bartender has seen some shit. So much more fun for a party up to three and the service is over the top.
Delmonico's in Venetian at the bar. The cocktails and food were amazing.
Mushashi's dirty show (Japanese steak with a naughty show for the girls.) Midnight to 4am happy hour.
Secret Pizza. A secret pizza place. Needs research! Inside the Cosmopolitan
Bachi Burger – also to reunite with a previous memory. I still think this is one of the top 3 burgers I’ve ever had. The oxtail chili cheese fries are recommended by others to be a “must”, but I personally prefer the truffle fries.
Monta Ramen – I’m a huge ramen fan and I understood this was the –best- ramen place in Vegas.
Sweets Raku – in the same complex as Monta Ramen. They have some neat desserts that they make right in front of you, lovely experience.
Wicked Spoon Buffet at the Cosmo. Everything was really good and the deserts were awesome.
Brunch @ Bacchanal Buffet, Caesar’s Palace – This was awesome! We had the groupon deal and it was impressively cheap. Midway through our meal they switched to their lunch menu so we got the best of both worlds there.
Gordon Ramsey’s Burgr – onion rings were incredible. The burger was pretty good as well.
Earl of Sandwich - I could seriously eat these every day.
Studio B Buffet @ M Resort
The "Heart Attack Grill" lets you eat free if you weigh over 350 pounds.
Marriage Can Be Murder - This is a dinner / theater / murder mystery / whodunit show at the D downtown. Includes tasty food, extreme audience participation and likely embarrassment. You may be called upon to dance, or play a character in the murder mystery. Comes with tasty food, cocktails available.
For dinner, I highly recommend BLT Steak House in Ballys Hotel and Red8 in The Wynn - if you are a food lover, BLT’s is particularly worth the extra!

Sex/Swingers Clubs (Or; no, you filthy pervert - what's wrong with you?)

The Red Rooster http://www.yelp.com/biz/las-vegas-red-rooster-las-vegas
The Green Door http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-green-door-las-vegas
Couple's Oasis http://www.couplesoasis.com/main/

Drive:
Drive along east CA down US-395 and crossing over to Nevada after Death Valley is one of the greatest drives I have ever done.
Guides:

Edited to include corrections.

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