Warning: long rambling stories ahead. I am bored and waiting to get through my first day back at work since before Christmas. You've been warned!
I've been going to the casino pretty regularly for the past few years. Before that, I played occasionally. I exclusively play slots. I view it as a night out - first with friends back when I brought $50 and played penny denom minimum bet spins and prayed to win $20, and then eventually shifting my mindset to playing higher bets and denominations. I hit my first jackpot handpay a couple of years ago. I hit $3700 on a $27 bet on a Geisha machine. I've hit a few other jackpots here and there, culminating with my biggest jackpot ever this past summer. I hit $12K on a $50 bet on a Pompeii slot machine.
Well, the long story short is that I have fallen out of love with gambling. I have somehow managed to have a positive ROI on gambling. I track my withdrawls and win on a spreadsheet. To put it bluntly: I have been extremely lucky over the past few years. I know that slots are not a viable way to win money in the long run, so I made a decision a few months ago to "retire" from gambling at the end of 2020.
I went to my local casino last Wednesday. It just so happens when I hit a jackpot that I usually do it within the first half hour or so I'm at the casino. Well, it happened again. After going up $600 or so on another slot machine (I don't remember the name), I went to one of my most hated/favorite old school slots - Zeus dollar denomination. One of my worst moments in all of gambling was a few years ago. I got a bonus round on the Zeus dollar denomination on max bet of $45 a spin. I was BEYOND excited. I've seen Youtube videos where people have won tens of thousands of dollars in that exact scenario. Much to my shock, I won nothing. In that game, you don't win anything for triggering the bonus. So I actually *lost* $45 on getting the bonus. I cashed out and left immediately.
Anyway, last week I hit a modest $4500. It was exciting...but not as exciting as I thought it should be. I was cool, calm, and...detached. The wins didn't mean much to me, and the losses mean absolutely nothing. My wife and I are in the EXTREMELY fortunate position that losing $500 or so every week or two at the casino is affordable. I'm not ignorant to how lucky we are to be in this position.
After getting paid out, I played a bit longer. But that hand pay drove home the realization that I had a few months ago: it was time to stop gambling. If I can't get pumped about a big win like that, and if I'm not even phased a little bit by losing, it's just not worth gambling any more. I used to go for entertainment, but even now gambling doesn't provide that much.
As I sit now, I am up roughly $18K over three years of slots. Not bad, but not life changing. Enough that I bought my wife a Burberry and Louis Vuitton handbag on separate occasions. The rest if stashed in savings or in an investment account somewhere. But I am 100% committed to being done. At least for 2021, and probably longer.
If anyone is interested in hearing my thoughts on how to win...I don't have any insight to share. It's luck. I got lucky. I know I got lucky. The usual tropes about setting win and loss thresholds is good advice. Sometimes I chased payouts and hit them. Sometimes I chased and lost. But I managed to hit more than miss, and for that I'm lucky. And thankful.
Anyway. I don't have a major takeaway or anything. I don't have many people I can talk about this with in my personal life, so I figured I'd share a bit of my story here.
If you do gamble, please do so responsibly. Good luck, and try to have fun. If you're not having fun, it's probably not the right way to spend your time or money.
EDIT:
I just wanted to say to anyone who reads this in the future that I appreciate the nice responses and PMs from people. It's nice to share a positive experience with others! I sincerely hope that if any of you choose to play in the future, you choose to do so responsibly. Gambling can be a hugely problematic lifestyle for some people. Stay safe. (end of preaching here).
I also want to take a second to address some comments from some people about slots being skill based. This is 100% false. The concept of slots being skill based in any way is demonstrably untrue with three seconds of reasonable thinking. If we accept that there is a hypothetical slot game which is based on skill and not pure luck, what are the consequences of that? First of all, this information would leak out. There would be no way to contain it. If one person can solve the system, another an as well. Subsequently, someone would write a book on the subject. Think about all the poker and blackjack strategy books out there. These are games where skillful play can increase your odds of winning. Last I checked, there aren't any books or Supersytem-level analyses from prominent individuals willing to stake their names and reputations on publishing a "slot technique" book. There's a reason for this. And also - think about this: casinos still carry blackjack tables for a reason: they still have an edge to win. If there is a surefire way for individuals to win when playing slots, casinos would 100% for sure take these games out of circulation. Casinos are not in the business of giving away money. Any claim there is a foolproof way to win money playing slots does not make sense when critical thinking is applied to the circumstances.
Slots are not like card games. Finding and playing only games where there is a "must win by" progressive is not the same thing as skillful play. That's more akin to something like card counting in blackjack. Many people who design slot machines and engineer the software behind the scenes have posted on Reddit and elsewhere that wins are based on random number generators running behind every spin. There is literally no skill involved - you win or lose each spin based on pure random luck.
I am saying this because there are a number of people who come to this subreddit to look for ways to cheat the system and get easy money. I see posts like this fairly often, and I'm only browsing this subreddit occasionally. Gambling is not, and should not, be a way for anyone looking to make a quick buck. If you're looking to get an edge playing slots because you need to pay bills or make a quick buck, you are already in serious trouble. Do not buy into the delusion that you can get an edge or guarantee a win. People saying this are snake oil salesmen who do not care for you or your well-being.
Anyway. I'm going to stop monitoring this post. I'm still open to receiving PMs or messages, but I've had my fun with this so far. I could do with fewer trolls, but this is the internet. I knew what to expect. Bon chance, everyone!

Building a PC is actually more entertaining than you think. However if you don't like to do research about a part's specs, then you might not find this helpful. This is how you will truly value your PC, this way you will look at your PC and know its worth, instead of looking at a box shape with some lights.
This guide is useful when building from scratch, since it will go through all parts one by one in the best possible order to greatly reduce the amount of times you have to go back and change parts. (You might not even have to go back and change parts at all).
If you need to upgrade and/or still looking for parts, skip to the respective section for the part, you will profit aswell from reading this guide.
"The most important part is to HAVE FUN!" -Waffler11
​
Before we start, there are a some things that you have to be clear about:

1. This guide will not Build the PC for you. This is a guide for you to know what to look for and which parts are most suitable for your build.
2. Read every single thing you don't know about each part's specs, obviously you don't have to go crazy with all things. I will be mentioning things that YOU NEED to look for, but the more curious you are the better.
3. This will help you easily determine most incompatibilities and help you build everything part by part so you don't have to go back to a specific part and change it over and over.

​
Organization

1. Google for your preferred web page for building PCs. I don't want to seem like promoting a Webpage in particular, but PcPartPicker worked great for me and they give you warnings regarding incompatibility. (Other websites might do the same).
2. Ask yourself: "For what am I building this PC". To run a game in particular? perhaps to have the best of the best? who knows? Only you. It is based on this that you will build your PC and estimate a budget (notice how I said estimate a budget, because it will vary as you learn more about PC parts).
3. Once you know what you want your PC for, you will have to preplan. This is having an idea of what GPU you need to run certain games, and is actually the most notorious part of a PC, so think of one, but might not be the definitive GPU (you might even want to change GPU brands).
4. What if you want to choose the Monitor first? No problem at all, you can also choose your desired GPU based on the Resolution and Refresh Rates you wish to play. In this case if you want to know which monitor will be the best for you, scroll down to the "Monitor" part of the Guide. (Keep in mind that prioritizing the Monitor means you have to try to keep the GPU that can run at the desired Resolution and Refresh Rates while also keeping in mind any bottleneck from both GPU and CPU)

Notice: Some RGB counterparts will be more expensive, so if you want a lot of RGB on your PC, you know what to expect on that budget. More on this as the guide goes on.
​
First Part: CPU
Forget about that beautiful case you saw somewhere or those cool shaped RAMs or the flashy Motherboard, CHOOSE A CPU FIRST.
How To Choose A CPU For Your Needs

1. First of all, know your options, Intel and AMD are both very good, check out for those 2.
2. Please take your time to read about the CPU specs. Things to look for are Cores, Threads, Base Clock, Boost Clock and their general performance in your trusted benchmark webpage. All these specs differ from Generation and Model.
3. You don't have to worry between AMD, Intel and Nvidia CPUs and GPUs not working properly together or being incompatible, they will work smoothly in any combination.
4. Consider for the future about Single, Dual and Quad Channel. This is for the RAM, I suggest you read about these now and choose a CPU which supports these Channels. Having more than Single Channel will increase the RAMs brandwidth, leading to increased Memory Read, Write, Copy and Brandwidth.
5. Stock coolers usually comes with a stick thermal paste already applied as well as some coolers from other brands that you but some may not have the paste applied, so its good that you read if they will have it already applied or not.
6. Thermal Paste: Keep in mind that eventually you will need to reapply paste if you move the cooler, if you notice an unusual increase in your temps or after a few years. In which case you can get a good Thermal Paste, they are are relatively cheap, make a big impact on your CPU temperatures and are easy to apply. So there is no harm getting a Thermal Paste, just make sure you get a quality thermal paste. And yes, some reduce temperatures better than others but also the way you apply it and the amount you apply helps reducing temperatures, look for the best way and quantity.

Notice: You don't necessarily have to prioritize the GPU over the CPU, this is just in case you plan on only playing less demanding popular games like, CS:GO, LoL, Valorant, etc. they don't require the best of GPUs out there so you can go for a better CPU.
​
Second Part: Case
Cases comes in many sizes, the 3 most popular ones are: Full Tower, Mid Tower and Mini-ITX. Check out each of these case's sizes and spacing. Some cases of the same size category will vary in sizes, and some times not fit the motherboard of the specific size category. For Ex: An ATX case might be smaller than most ATX cases and an ATX motherboard might not fit properly, so also checking the cases's dimensions where the motherboard will be placed, it is important to be aware of these scenarios.

1. Keep in mind the size of your GPU (since it takes a lot of space) to make sure it fits on your case. New Gen GPUs are being manufactured in a bigger size.
2. It's time to choose the manufacturer, they will mostly vary in Aesthetics however keep in mind, you should probably want to make sure the case has good "Airflow", the name itself tells you what it is, but look it up if you are not sure. Best way to make sure the case has good airflow is to check reviews... multiple reviews, and good ones where they will specify what room temp they had during the test so you get an idea.
3. Make sure you get a modern case, you won't regret it but you might want a modern case so you can use all of the motherboard's ports and not waste a single penny also when upgrading the motherboard, since you are more likely to change the motherboard before the case (this is another reason why the case is the second part).
4. Check what's in the box for the case you want to choose, it might not come in with enough fans than you expected, or maybe it won't come with some of the things you see in some pictures.

​
Third Part: GPU
You probably did not expected this but, there is nothing complicated about GPUs.

1. Look for features about each GPU brand and model, there are brands and model with their own features that is why I can't list them to you, depends on what brand you choose.
2. You have already chose a Brand because you knew which one would run the game you want to play, or maybe you changed brands and models. Either way, now it's time for you to look about the specifications: Base Clock, Boost Clock & Memory Size. (I want you to look at this because they vary depending on Brand, Model and Series and they give you an idea on which you would rather choose)
3. Now you most likely already decided your Brand, Model and Series for the GPU, check out the Display Connectors and keep that in mind, we will need this for the monitor.

Notice: The more Memory Capacity the GPU has does not mean better performance.
​
Fourth Part: Motherboard
Ah yes, the motherboard, remember the CPU you chose? and the case you chose? here is where you will be limited to your motherboard choosing. (choosing the right motherboard might take awhile specially with all the features one motherboard can have and all the different variations). Also you might come across SLI (for Nvidia) and/or CrossFire (for Radeon). Before you get hyped, games need to be SLI/CrossFire compatible and not to mention that sometimes it will not work with different GPUs Architecture. So instead of spending money for this feature in a motherboard and for 1 extra GPU, your best choice is for a single high-end GPU. (Also with the amount of power and performance on the new gen GPUs, SLI and CrossFire are less worth.
*IMPORTANT: Please read motherboard specs and features, literally anything you don't know, look up what it is, this is critical for building a PC. Looking for everything will also let you easily identify incompatibilities. Some motherboards does not include Sound Card and/or Wi-Fi cards.

1. First, and I mean it, first you must make sure that your motherboard fits the case, motherboards commonly come in mini ITX and ATX, look those up in google and make sure which size is the one for your case (obviously you will realize a mini ITX motherboard can actually be used on a mid tower or bigger).
2. Now you will choose a motherboard with the right Socket depending on the CPU you chose.
3. Now make sure that the motherboard's BIOS is up to date with the CPU you chose, or you will get firetrucked up yours. Pro Tip: google "Best motherboards for [CPU of your choosing]".
4. Another important thing to consider for a motherboard, if it supports Dual Channel & Quad Channel.
5. Great, with all those 4 filters, you can freely look for a nice looking Motherboard for your PC build and read the specs, yes please read them you won't regret it. Specially since I almost bought a motherboard dedicated for custom water cooling, I was about to pay extra for nothing.
6. Some other important things to look for in a motherboard are the amount of VRM and their quality. The amount of Memory Type and also how much Memory Speed is supported, the storage drives slots available. Another lesser thing to look for in a motherboard, is that each motherboard brand offers their unique features, check them out if you feel like and see which one you like the most.

Notice: Wi-Fi Cards are not mandatory, they are more of an option.
​
Fifth Part: RAM
There is more to look for a RAM than you might think, don't just look for a RAM based on the amount of GBs it has. RAM comes in different Memory Type and have different Memory Speed and CAS Latency, check out what role both of these terms play in a PC to choose your preferred one.

1. You can buy individually RAM usually comes in pair, properly named as "RAM Kit", which some are 8GB (2x4) or 16GB (2x8) or 32GB (4x8) or 32GB (2x16) etc. If you still haven't figured it out, let me explain: Ex. we have 16GB (2x8). The "16GB" is the total memory capacity, this total memory capacity is divided into 2 different RAM sticks, each one with 8GB capacity. (Think carefully which kit you choose, since your Motherboard has limited RAM slots).
2. Which RAM to choose? one that does not exceeds the Motherboard's max Memory Capacity and that is the right Memory Type for your motherboard while also making sure the RAM can run with the CPU. Another pro-tip: google "best ram for [CPU of your choosing]".
3. Remember about Single, Dual and Quad Channel. Be sure to check if both the motherboard and CPU are compatible with Dual Channel and/or Quad Channel.
4. Once you have chosen a RAM brand, and want to increase your RAM Memory Capacity, you have buy the same brand of RAM and RAM Model.
5. You can freely choose the RAM's Aesthetics you like the most (also, RAM can be more expensive just because they have RGB). There is a catch though, look up if any Brand's RAM model has any known issue with certain motherboards or CPUs. Since looks might be deceiving.

​
Sixth Part: Storage
Probably the simplest part, SSD is a lot more faster and expensive than the HDD, so much faster that if you have an SSD and you don't install windows on the SSD you must really enjoy looking at your OS booting up.

1. SSD is faster for gaming, yes, game loading times is not mainly determined by GPU, its by storage drives. But SSD gets expensive as you get more Storage capacity, so you can have SSDs and HDDs both in the same motherboard, if your motherboard has the designated storage slots for the drives.
2. Look for these terms: Form Factors for Storage Drives, SSD, HDD, Write/Read speed, Random write/read IOPS.
3. Check special features for each individual storage drive from each brand.

​
Seventh Part: Cooler
This will be long because of all the different things to cover.
First of all, Search what OverClocking a CPU is. You don't need to know how to OverClock yet, as it also depends on which CPU you chose, but if you are interested in OverClocking, I recommend you learn how a CPU Clocks and Voltages works together, then you learn how to OverClock.
Answer these questions:

		Does your CPU comes with a stock cooler?
	Yes		No
	Do you plan on OverClocking your CPU?		You must buy a Cooler
Yes		No
Highly recommended to buy a Cooler		You don't need to buy a Cooler

(If you are reading from mobile, there is a table that won't properly show. The table determines whether you should buy or not a cooler based on your plans)
*If you don't want/need to buy a cooler you can skip to the next part*
There are Air Cooler and Water Cooler (AIO). AIOs are water coolers already built that will only require screwing to mount and do not take up much space, perfect for RGB builds. However, AIOs might not fit your Case and some Air Coolers are not compatible with your motherboard.

1. First choose if you are going with Air Cooling or AIO, both are good ways to cool the hottest of CPUs, so don't think Water is worthless or Air is worthless.
2. Check out which cooler you like the most and take these into consideration: How much they can cool the CPU during load and idle times while considering how much noise (dBA) they produce the harder they have to work to cool the CPU. (The amount of noise is personal preference, if you want a quieter place or don't mind the little noise)
3. After choosing one, make sure it fits your case and/or it is compatible with your motherboard. Best way to check this is looking for Reviews, Youtube videos for the specific case and cooler or asking on Reddit or the Cooler's webpage might provide that information. (Yes, if you know the measurements of the case and the Coolers it should fit, but there could be some exceptions or a little piece from the inside which will block the cooler, best bet is the 3 previous suggestions).

Notice: I do not talk about custom water cooling, there is no specific way to install it so you would have to carefully measure and get the individual parts. Also installing such cooler is a lot harder very expensive and you would have to really enjoy working hard to give it maintenance. I would suggest you stick with traditional coolers.
​
Eighth Part: Power Supply Unit
Hopefully the webpage you chose to build your PC is able to estimate your fully built PC's Watts consumption, from this estimate you will choose a proper PSU. Before we go on, forget anything you read about PSUs, this part has a lot of mixed "opinions". Once you read more and more about PSU you can have your own opinion about PSUs.

1. Look what are the differences between a Fully Modular, Semi Modular and Non Modular PSU. (Fully Modular becomes more expensive, but opens up for more compatibility and any future parts upgrade, this is a very important thing to consider, however you might not need a Fully nor a Semi Modular PSU).
2. It is important to check the PSUs Certification. Any Certified PSU is a safe choice, you might want to read why PSU are certified and what each type of certification means.
3. Now like any other part, PSUs also comes in with different features depending on the brand and their different models. Also keep in mind the most important things to look in a PSU is the amount of output pin slots and the size of the PSU will fit your case.

​
Monitor
You sure have one in mind, but listen carefully, read about every terms in a monitor, know what those 1ms Response Time and 144hz Refresh Rate you often see on the specifications mean.

1. Be mindful when choosing a Monitor Size, a 27" 1080p monitor looks like it has less Resolution than a 24" 1080p monitor, and this is because of the PPI. Look up what that is and then you can have an idea of what would be the ideal Monitor Size and Resolution.
2. There are 3 different panels for monitors: IPS, VA, & TN. Each of this panels offer different functionality. It is something important to take into consideration.
3. Now, if your GPU has an HDMI 2.0, to fully take advantage of your GPU, get a Monitor with an HDMI 2.0, maybe your GPU has DisplayPort 1.4, which offers more bandwidth than HDMI 2.0, then you would want to consider buying a monitor with DisplayPort 1.4. Look all about the different Video Connectivity Protocols. Keep in mind that you don't need to have the exact same protocol on both ends, for Ex.: You can connect the DisplayPort cable, from the 1.4 on your GPU into the 1.2 into your Monitor and work fine.
4. Again, each Brand and their models have different features and design, look around which one you like the most.

​
That is all about the crucial parts of a PC, you can then add another GPU, or another case fan, or a toy, even a toy, like an anime figurine or whatever, seems to be trendy now a day.
Hopefully you found this useful in any way possible, and I would be a very proud to know you read everything just to build your PC, your "Baby" if you will.
​
I'll leave these useful web pages that I personally think you should know about while building a PC.
CPU-world.com - Use this to check out all information about a certain CPU. (Don't let the weird names and numbers scare you)
Pangoly.com - A website to Build your PCs and is also very good when you want to compare different part options.
Obviously you can also use YouTube and Reddit for reviews and/or specific questions, comparisons and statistics.
​
Please consider leaving any kind of feedback, if there is something that should be reviewed/changed on this guide, do let me know so I can work on it ensure this guide as flawless as possible. Other than that comment anything you did like, as always following this subreddit's rules, I will be more than happy to read all comments/questions. I would also appreciate anyone else answering other users questions as you would be helping me out while I am busy on something else.
​
Message for this post: Some may have felt let down by the guide, most of you appreciated it and I did not expect this guide to blow up like this. I personally made this from my own experience and my goal was to encourage people to research everything themselves when building a PC. when I did it myself, I enjoyed it very much. The title seems misleading yes, it is a lot of "google this and that" and less of a glossary for you to know what each thing is. But I am not going to leave it like this. Thanks to all the feedbacks I have been getting in the comments, all the incorrect points and other points I missed, I will fix them and soon enough this guide should be good for anyone reading this. I ask you to not stop commenting out these important details, let us together finish this guide, after all I started to grow fond of the buildapc subreddit and I want the best for everyone here. Thank you all for the support and critics.

I want to preface by saying I'm just one of MANY MANY omni-crafters out there, and an active seller in the MBs (The MANY MANY is key), and I can use undercutting tactics that vary wildly. Whether that's 1G, 1K, 10K, or 100K at a time.
This has been bothering me recently as there seem to be great masses of craftesellers out there who just don't seem to get it.
What makes matters worse, some of these people go beyond and demean and harass other competing sellers due to this fallacy in their views.
I'm making it a point to share my views because I was actually confronted by one of these sellers in game, for these very wrong reasons.
Lot of what I'm about to say are very basic concepts but I still see many fail to understand them.
If you're in the camp of any of these thoughts below, this post applies to you.

1. "Undercutting by more than 1g is a path to tanking/crashing the markets."
2. "You have nothing to gain by undercutting more than 1g because your only purpose is to be on top of the seller list."
3. "I hate undercutters who tank the market. It ruins the economy."
4. "It's easy for prices to fall, but takes a very long time for prices to rise. Be patient in undercutting!"
5. "I'm going to act on my hate and belittle/harass these undercutters, whether in game, or in message boards."
6. "Majority of undercutters must be botters."

​
1) "UNDERCUTTING BY MORE THAN X GILS TANKS THE MARKET & RUINS THE ECONOMY." HARDLY.
I don't get this popular notion that undercutting products on MB in excess of 1G or 100G at a time is effectively "Tanking the markets", or even "Ruining the economy". Crafters/Sellers seem to throw these phrases around VERY loosely as if a single person or a few groups of people can "crash" a market or "tank" an economy. No matter how one tries to "tank" the price of an item, the market price will ALWAYS bounce back very quickly when those few goods listed at unsustainable prices are gone, provided that SE has not intervened (e.g. intro to new & better gears). Nobody, I mean nobody has the time nor the will to sustain selling products at a unworthy profit margins, or even at losses to artificially keep the prices low. Those are just few blips on a radar. That's it. No need to panic.
​
2) PURPOSE OF UNDERCUTTING.
Many seem the believe that the SOLE purpose of undercutting is to get ahead in the line. So they ask, "Why undercut for more than 1G and hurt everybody in the process???" This thought process is flat out wrong. There is more to it than that. Try to ask yourself, "Why is that person undercutting at those levels?" Their purpose can also depends on what the current competing prices are. Please understand the basic, really basic concept of supply & demand before getting upset at these sellers.
If you listed an item for 100k, and I come in and list an item for 70k, don't just get pissed off at me with irrational thoughts, but ask yourself, "Why did he/she list it at 70k?" Perhaps it's because the cost of producing that said item was only 10K. Perhaps, the barrier to entry being low (low crafter lv. requirement). The combination of aforementioned possibilities may lead me to desire selling mine quickly at a normal profit margin and get the hell out of that market before it gets flooded with other sellers. Last thing I want is to risk sitting on an inventory trying to make as much as possible on this sale and risk competing against 50 other listings very shortly.
Some of you to my surprise, seem to not understand that the price you list your items at impacts the buyer's demand, which also impacts the sellers' ability to sell. So no, undercutting by 1G is not always the right answer.
​
3) WHY THERE IS NO "ONE SIZE FITS ALL" METHOD OF UNDERCUTTING (1G, 100G, 1K, 10K, 100K).
Here's why you cannot judge other sellers based on the way they undercut their competition. The method you should look at when undercutting other competition is dictated by the situation in its entirety, and one size does not fit all. Look, it's a total waste of time to CONTINOUSLY undercut by 1G, when the markup on current price is 100%+ above cost of materials (Especially, trying to compete against MB botters 1G at a time). If, for example, the cost of materials are 60K to synth an Exarchic gear, and I see the said gear listed at 250k, you're damn right I'm not wasting my time playing the pennies game with other botters/sellers (battle not worth fighting) once they see an opportunity and flood this market. You bet the supply of that item will very quickly be flooded. Many times with botters' listings, whom so many of you vehemently want to get rid of. You're actually encouraging botting by prolonging these inefficient markets.
​
4) WHEN UNDERCUTTING BY 1G COULD MAKES SENSE.
Undercutting by 1G may make sense when the current markup of items is already at a healthy margin above cost of materials. This is the point of price equilibrium where the seller's desire to produce/craft/synth more of those items equals the rate of buyers looking to purchase that item. This is also the point where botters are not nearly as interested in monitoring that item, as they flock to more lucrative markets.
​
5) TIMES OF MARKET INEFFICIENCIES (OVERPRICED GOODS) ARE SHORT LIVED.
When products are being listed (Notice, I didn't say "sold") at unhealthy high price levels (e.g. listing calfskin caps/shoes at 2M when a calf leathers are selling for 1M), we're far from that point of price equilibrium and it's now an inefficient market. It's a waste of time for everyone to compete against botters for 1G undercut in those markets because those botters are heavily monitoring those items now. You're not going to win the undercut by 1G battles without a lot of luck and timing.
​
6) HOW TO DISCOURAGE BOTTING?
Counterintuitive to what some of you may think, I believe that the most effective way to drive out MB botters is to discourage them from abuse of an inefficient market (overpriced goods). They do that by diverting their resources to maximize profits by capitalizing on these overpriced listings with an unfair competitive advantage (with bots obviously). The way to counter the rise of botting is to keep the prices at efficient levels, and sometimes artificially lowering it to drive out the botters, at least temporarily.
​
7) MOST MMORPG MISSES ONE KEY PRINCIPLE ELEMENT OF ECONOMICS, AND THAT'S SCARCITY.
Unlike many RL markets, there is no prolonged scarcity in most MMORPG, including FFXIV (Except housing market, but that's another matter). This is a key factor everyone should understand. Scarcity in items in game discourages player masses from playing and kills many hopes, and developers are keenly aware of that to avoid it. With that said, the materials that supply the crafting of goods is not finite, therefore the weapons/gears crafters can supply in theory, is infinite.
Subconsciously, all players in the game will know this, and many buyers in the market are smarter than what some sellers think. Unless some buyer is in the minority of being ultra-wealthy, I can almost guarantee that most buyers look up the price of materials to have friend craft for them before splurging on weapons/armors from MB. Scarcity leads to irrational purchases, but because we don't have that in FFXIV markets, buyers are more rational. For that reason, heavy markups are not sustainable for a long period of time.
What this means, is that you & I really don't have a whole lot of competitive advantage against other MANY MANY max/omni/crafters with pentamelds on all slots. What this means is, don't expect to keep your listing at crazy markups in the MB for a long time and not expect to be met fiercely with competition very soon.
​
8) THINK BEFORE YOU GET PISSED AT UNDERCUTTERS.
To the crafters/sellers who get pissed at other sellers for undercutting by larger increments (10k-100k), try to understand the entire picture. At the end of the day, the only thing that determines price is supply & demand. Simple as that. I'm not talking about one-off sales from an unusual seller. Ask yourself if the current price is at an unhealthy high point. I'd personally rather sell something at 30% profit margin 10 times a day, then to sell one at 80% margin once every 5 days.
NOBODY is going to be able to sustainably tank the markets. Please stop spreading this nonsense. Prices can rise just as easily as it can fall. The direction of the price is just a byproduct of that supply & demand levels. As long as there is a demand for that item (which only SE can eliminate), no one person, or a few is going to effectively change that market.
Occasionally, sellers get lucky with timing and sell at large profit, but over a long course, it's healthier to set realistic expectations of your margins. That leads to a more rational understanding towards your competition and their undercutting tactics.
​
9) FINAL THOUGHTS
At the end of the day, all sellers use their own experiences and expertise to play in the market that they deem most profitable for themselves. You may take what I say with a grain of salt, or possibly have a bit of takeaway from anything I've said. I just want to shed some light on my views and hopefully I'm not in the heavy minority to have this though process.
I'm not looking for a lengthy back and forth argument with anyone here at this point because I don't think I have much more to add to what I've already said. Ultimately, we can agree to disagree but**, unless you have absolute proof of someone else's tactics as being against SE's ToS, do not confront or harass other sellers in game.**

I posted my first master plan for the offseason a few months ago, and thought now would be a good time to circle back and take another pass at it with a few pieces now off the board. I’ll go through the first few sections more quickly this time to spend more time on the FA decisions we’ll have.
My plan here is to start off with a base assumption of what our roster will look like after arbitration and before signing any free agents, and then go over 3 different ways we could choose to round out the rest of the roster. This type of post gets to be really long even when just introducing a single option, so I’m going to reveal just 1 free agency plan today, and then will share similar posts in the upcoming days with the other two options I’ve come up with.
Let’s dive in!

Payroll

You can read my previous post that I linked above to get the full picture, but to same some time I’ll just summarize my conclusions from last time by saying the estimate I came to for expected payroll in 2021 was somewhere between $130-$150 million. I’ve cooled on that a little bit, I’m still more optimistic for now than some other writers who have been using $120 million as a ceiling estimate, but I do think that the $140+ million range is probably too aggressive and not all that likely anymore. I still think $130 million is within reason, even if it feels closer to a ceiling than a floor, so I’ll move forward with that number as a target for now. We may be able to push a little bit past that, particularly if there are some market inefficiencies the FO convinces ownership to capitalize on, so I don’t think it’s necessarily to use $130 million as a hard and fast cutoff, but we’ll roll with that as our target number for now.

2021 guaranteed contracts

Summarizing quickly again, the non-arb guys that have guaranteed contracts (Donaldson, Sano, Pineda, Kepler, Polanco, and Maeda), give us a base salary of just under $56 million to start off with. However, remember that Maeda’s contract has a bunch of incentives that he’s likely to capitalize on, probably raising his total salary by $4-6 million. As a result, let’s bump that $56 million mark up to $60 million. We will also have to add a bunch of players that’ll be on the roster making minimum salary, but we’ll get to them later.
Given our target of $130 million, we’re left with $70 million after our guaranteed contracts.

2021 arbitration

We have 7 players in arbitration this year. Below is the same table I posted in my previous rendition, with a few minor adjustments to my salary estimates based on predictions I’ve read from other sources since last time. Most of them are pretty close to the previous number, the only major difference is bringing Garver’s estimate down after seeing pretty much everyone be notably lower on it than I originally was.

Player	Arb year	Salary estimate
Byron Buxton	3	$5,000,000
Taylor Rogers	3	$5,000,000
Eddie Rosario	3	$10,000,000
Jose Berrios	2	$6,000,000
Tyler Duffey	2	$2,500,000
Matt Wisler	2	$1,500,000
Mitch Garver	1	$2,000,000
Total	$32,000,000

I still feel everyone on this list is a pretty easy decision. I’m letting Rosario walk and inking everyone else on the list. We’ve talked a lot about Eddie in the sub at this point, but to sum up the general consensus again, it’s just hard to justify keeping him at his expected price when we have Alex Kirilloff and Brent Rooker looking likeviable options while saving nearly $10 million.
I’ll also note that the non-tender deadline is December 2nd, so we should know within the next week and a half if the Twins will be bringing back Eddie or not.
At these price points, we would add $22 million to our payroll and lose Eddie to free agency. Our running total is now at $82 million and we have $48 million left to play with.

League minimum salaries

Let’s address the guys that are likely to make the team and earn minimum salaries next year. I’m using $600,000 for now, the actual number may be slightly off in either direction, but $600k works as a round estimate. Here’s some fair debate here with who you may prefer to have, i.e. Wade over Cave or Stashak over Thielbar, but it all calculates out the same.

Player	Salary
Jorge Alcala	$600,000
Luis Arraez	$600,000
Jake Cave	$600,000
Alex Kirilloff	$600,000
Ryan Jeffers	$600,000
Caleb Thielbar	$600,000
Total	$3,600,000

Those 6 players add $3.6 million to our running total, putting $85.6 on the books and leaving $44.4 million to spend.

Roster so far

Before we take a look at free agency, let’s take a quick look at the roster as it stands this far to get an idea of what types of players we need-

Position	Players
Catcher	Mitch Garver, Ryan Jeffers
Infielders	Miguel Sano, Luis Arraez, Josh Donaldson, Jorge Polanco
Outfielders	Max Kepler, Byron Buxton, Alex Kirilloff, Jake Cave
Starting pitchers	Kenta Maeda, Jose Berrios, Michael Pineda
LHP relievers	Taylor Rogers, Caleb Thielbar
RHP relievers	Tyler Duffey, Jorge Alcala, Matt Wisler
Total	~$85,600,000 (18 players)

Based on that, in my opinion our team needs are-

• Utility/backup infielder
• Bat (there’s some flexibility here with the potential to move Sano to DH, Kirilloff or maybe Donaldson to 1B, and so on)
• 2 starting pitchers
• 2-3 relievers, at least one of which being LHP

Just looking at the numbers in quantity, signing the above with 2 relievers would bring our active roster to 24 players. I’m not too worried about rounding it out, as guys like Cody Stashak, Brent Rooker, Randy Dobnak, and so on could easily fill out the rest of the 26-man roster out of spring training. Just depends on how free agency goes and what how the roster ends up being constructed.
At any rate, again, our payroll sits at $85.6 million, leaving $44.4 million to spend on our needs above. From here, I have 3 potential plans to fill out the rest of the roster. I’ll leave you with just the first option for today, and hope to get #2 and #3 up before the non-tender deadline on the 2nd. If these get good reception, at the end I’ll post 1 more summary comparing my 3 plans and seeing which I think the Twins should ultimately take.
Here’s option #1, what I’m calling the Bauer Plan.

The Bauer Plan

In this scenario, Trevor Bauer is our top priority. I still really can’t get a sense of what Bauer may want to do, be it 1 or 2 years with a really high AAV, a huge long term deal, or something anywhere in between. For the sake of our discussion, we’ll go with the short term/high AAV as that’s likely the only way Twins are serious contenders for Bauer. Even if we say that, I’m still unsure what we’d have to pay to get him, but it’d likely be around $30 million per year. I don’t think that would go much lower, but there’s potential we’d have to go even higher. But, the Twins would probably have to stick firm to $30 million per year as an absolute ceiling since we only have $44.4 million to play with and a number of holes we need to fill. At the end of the day, in this hypothetical, we’ll say we’re able to pull it off and step #1 is to sign Trevor Bauer for 2 years and $60 million.
Subtracting Bauer’s year 1 salary of $30 million from that, we’re left with just $14.4 million to fill out the roster. Considering Nelson Cruz could potentially make that much by himself, that unfortunately means we have to part ways and let him sign elsewhere. There’s just not enough money to go around. Shifting focus elsewhere, I’ve IDed 3 guys that would be my next priorities to sign-

1. Tyler Clippard- 1 year, $2.5 million. With Cruz departing, yes we will need to try and replace the bat, but it also becomes even more important to protect late leads. As such, a solid bullpen arm is one of my top priorities after signing Bauer. Clippard had a good season for us and doesn’t give me any major concerns at this point. He’s a perfect fit considering he figures to sign a short term deal not worth all that much money, and his reverse splits give us a de-facto lefty we need. I also like keeping him around as the consistent veteran that our guys can learn from. In the Bauer Plan, we don’t have much money to spend on the bullpen, so it becomes really important that guys like Alcala and Stashak step up, and Wisler repeats his great season. Clippard would be the most experienced reliever in the bullpen at this point and helpful to keep around on that front, even aside from his own production. Clippy is likely going to be a player I sign in each of my scenarios, I just don’t see any reason not to bring him back between his production, cost, and intangibles.
   
2. Tommy La Stella- 2 years, $14 million. Giving $7 million to a single player eats up a lot of our allotment after signing Bauer, but La Stella is another guy that seems to fit too well to pass up. He’s quietly hit very well over the past few seasons, and plays 2B, 3B, and a little of 1B if needed. He by no means replaces all of the production we lose from Cruz, but he’s the best bat on the market that would reasonably be in play if we don’t have the money to go after a bigger name such as Michael Brantley. I love La Stella as he’s one of the few players on the market we could realistically sign that I’m entirely comfortable filling in for Donaldson at the plate for an extended period of time if Donny winds up on the IL again. My plan would be for La Stella to get consistent at bats across 2B/3B/DH and occasionally 1B, and if needed slot in at 2B or 3B regularly if we lose someone to an injury. His defense leaves a lot to be desired, but the offensive production and defensive flexibility that includes covering one of our most at-risk positions is a big allure to me.
   
3. Rich Hill- 1 year, $2.5 million with incentives. I think Hill is another nice fit in this situation. With so little money left to play with, it’s attractive that we could likely get Hill for just a few million. I would target a similar contract to what we signed him for last season. He’s cheap, but I also like the upside. He was just hitting his stride at the end of the year following his recovery, starting to pitch very well. Yeah, he’s old, but he looks like he still has some left in the tank, and there won’t be a need to offer him multiple years. With a lot of experience in front of him in the rotation in this situation between Bauer, Maeda, Berrios, and Pineda, his veteran presence is maybe a little less important, but still would be an asset. He fits in as a good option with how this scenario has played out.
   

Pausing for a quick recap. We started with $44.4 million on the board, and just spent $42 million of that on Bauer, Clippard, La Stella, and Hill (potentially a bit more depending on what incentives Hill hits). We still need a backup infielder and another reliever. I think re-signing Adrianza can cheaply and easily take care of the former, so let’s sign Adrianza to a 1-year, $2 million deal. I’m open to making that a 2-year contract at the same AAV as well, as Adrianza would give us everything we need in this scenario (great defender able to slot in anywhere in the infield). There may be another option out there, we’ve seen Kike Hernandez get some attention here before, but Adrianza would figure to be an easy guy to keep around without having to pay too much, so he’s a good option here.
All of that puts us at or above our budget already, so we’re really scraping pennies together at this point. But I think it’s worth noting that if we sign Bauer, that could be a sign that we’ll willing to go past the $130 million cap. Even if that’s the case, I don’t think that necessarily creates enough room to go get Liam Hendriks or Brad Hand, though I’d love to if it’s an option. But assuming it’s not, I think Sean Doolittle would be a very “Falvine” signing. I’m not very excited about him at all as a player anymore, but he’s the exact type of personality that our FO would seem to love to bring into the clubhouse. Coming off a lost season, he could be had on the cheap, so we’ll estimate and sign Sean Doolittle for 1 year, $2 million.
That gives us 24 players on our active roster. We’re already over budget, so to spend as little money as possible, I’d stay in house and give Cody Stashak and either Edwar Colina or Brent Rooker (or a similar player) the final 2 roster slots, adding another $1.2 million to our bill. This one could come down to a spring training battle or just however we think our needs play out as we approach opening day.
Let’s recap all that quick-

Player	Contract
Trevor Bauer	2 years, $60 million
Tyler Clippard	1 year, $2.5 million
Tommy La Stella	2 years, $14 million
Rich Hill	1 year, $2.5 million with incentives
Sean Doolittle	1 year, $2 million
Cody Stashak	$600,000 (min)
Colina/Rooker	$600,000 (min)
Total (2021 only)	$45,200,000 ( incentives to Hill)

The squad

Here’s how our full active roster stacks up-

Position	Players
Catcher	Mitch Garver, Ryan Jeffers
Infielders	Miguel Sano, Luis Arraez, Josh Donaldson, Jorge Polanco, Tommy La Stella, Ehire Adrianza
Outfielders	Max Kepler, Byron Buxton, Alex Kirilloff, Jake Cave, Brent Rooker
Starting pitchers	Trevor Bauer, Kenta Maeda, Jose Berrios, Michael Pineda, Rich Hill
LHP relievers	Taylor Rogers, Caleb Thielbar, Tyler Clippard (honorary LHP), Sean Doolittle
RHP relievers	Tyler Duffey, Jorge Alcala, Matt Wisler, Cody Stashak
Total	$130,800,000 (+ incentives to Hill, perhaps a total around $134 million)

That’s not a bad ball club. I like the offense here, despite losing Cruz. The infield would be one of the most imposing in the league at the plate. Donaldson’s health is going to be a risk factor no matter what, but I really like signing Tommy La Stella as a guy we can play around the infield and great insurance if someone gets injured. There’s not a lot of insurance at all in the outfield if Buxton were to go down again, as we’re already relying on Kirilloff or a Kirilloff/Rooker platoon in left. We would have to get by putting Kep in center and Arraez in a corner, or giving regular at bats to LaMonte Wade in a short term basis The nightmare situation is if Donaldson AND Buxton are out at the same time, or god forbid we lose another starter on top of them. At that point we’re stretched really thin and would be asking a lot of our rookies and bench bats to help keep us afloat until the starters heal up.
The big strength of this club would be the pitching staff. Bauer, Maeda, Berrios, and Pineda would be one of the absolute best top 4 arms in the league. I think Hill provides a lot of upside out of the #5 slot, but something I didn’t touch on before is that he’s a pretty safe bet to max out at around 120 innings. We don’t have a great plan here to sub someone else into his place if/when he goes down, so we’d have to hope that someone like Dobnak, Smeltzer, or perhaps Jhoan Duran can hold down the fort in Hill’s absence. That’s a gap we’d have to figure out how to handle.
As for the bullpen, I think it’s decent, but not nearly as safe as I’d like it to be. I love Tyler Duffey, but he’s our only true shutdown guy in this situation. I’m very comfortable with Clippard, but beyond him, there’s not much margin for error. Going with this plan requires Taylor Rogers to have a great bounceback season. We would also need Wisler, Thielbar, and Stashak to follow up their solid 2019s with another good performance. Jorge Alcala could be the X-factor. He has all of the stuff to join Duffey as a big time shutdown arm, and if he does this scenario looks much less scary. I just think it’s asking a lot of him to get there this quickly. But, all this is the tradeoff for spending the big bucks on Bauer and not having enough to spend on a bigger reliever than Clippard. Still, as previously mentioned, it’s not entirely out of the question for the FO to push payroll up to the $137+ million mark and sign Liam Hendriks, Brad Hand, or even Trevor May instead of Doolittle. Any of those guys instead of Doolittle would make me feel a lot better about the bullpen. I just can’t feel like that’s very likely, though.

Closing thoughts

All in all, I could go either way with this plan. I obviously love the rotation, but things just get really tight, really quickly if we commit to $30 million a year for Bauer (that’s not even starting to look at what that could mean for possible extensions to Buxton or Berrios). Despite losing Cruz, I think we retain a pretty good offense under this plan, though it becomes even more critical that Donaldson and Buxton stay healthy. Those two along with the bullpen is the deciding factor here. If Donny/Buxton avoid missing significant time, and Alcala steps up, Rogers rebounds, and Wisler and Stashak have another good year, then this team probably comfortably wins their 3rd straight division title. But on the flip side, things could unravel quickly if the bullpen has even just a few cracks and our offense deals with some injuries.
Overall, I think this is a good demonstration of the tradeoff of signing Bauer. Are you willing to add an elite starter at the expense of adding risk in the offense and bullpen? In this case, if it were to happen, I’d definitely be excited but couldn’t help but have my reservations. Without giving too much away for my upcoming plans 2 and 3, I think at the end of the day there’s going to be a safer way to polish off this team, missing out on Bauer but being able to bring in 2 significant players for the same cost. As such, I can’t sign off on this as my ideal perfect world plan. But if the Twins are willing to open up the checkbook and make all of the moves above, plus add a significant reliever, then that starts to look like about as good of a team as you could put together.
Thanks for the read! I’m really enjoying putting together all of these hypotheticals. What do you think about the Bauer Plan?

So I wanted to just go ahead and share my "brute-force" build to reach at least 4BC easily. I've been posting it in the comments of posts asking for help often, but may as well elaborate on it a bit, and have a convenient link to link to whenever anyone asks again.
Why follow this?
Because it's simple to understand, simple to follow, and you have a lot of room for errors. And also I feel I've got some experience in the game seeing as I can regularly clear 5BC easily (lately, because of farming for outfits, I've started doing "no flask" 4BC runs as well).
You can also read the many comments down below saying it got them to 3,4, even 5 bc.
Note that this build is "cheat codes" only until 4BC, because it heals damage you take, but you can't heal malaise as easily. It's still pretty amazing at 4/5BC too, it's just not auto win.
Before we start, of course maximize your chances of winning, such as filling out your legendary forge, and your flask upgrades. It really does make a difference.
So, here's the cheat sheet, and I'll elaborate further below:

Heavy Crossbow, any shield, powerful grenade, tonic with 15% heal affix. Everything into survival. EVERY SINGLE SCROLL. I don't care if you're dying in one hit just do it. Necromancy (replace at Hotk with Vengeance), Ammo x2 (it's for bosses) OR Disengagement if you're comfortable parrying bosses, third slot take whatever you like (replace at Hotk with Dead Inside) Don't spend any money you don't have to, save it for food shops. PQ -> Promenade -> Prison Depths -> Ossuary -> Concierge -> Stilt village -> Forgotten sepulcher -> Time keeper -> Castle -> Hotk. Enjoy a free win. 

So, let's get down to it.
Heavy crossbow - It one shots just about everything short of elites and bosses. Any single mob you see just whip this bad boy out and kill him. Don't worry if he is in the middle of attacking you, the heavy Crossbow fires off a "small" shot first that stops the opponent in place and makes sure he gets hit. Note that this weapon is rather slow, and while it "stuns" your target, anyone not your target WILL fuck you up. So if there's an inquisitor pew pew-ing you, don't attack yet. The heavy crossbow has some issues with multiple targets which we'll get to in a moment. Just single out an enemy and fuck his life up. Roll up to him, press the attack button and watch him die. Don't be scared. If buying in the shop, aim for the one with 2 survival scrolls or the "first shot pierces/shots pierce all enemies" affixes.
Any shield: Honestly your only choice for second slot is either a shield or Hokuto's, and since we are running survival that means hokuto's is out. Get comfortable with a shield, and parrying. You don't have to be the parry king, but it's always nice. Practice on 0BC if you have to, it's really not that hard compared to like Dark Souls PvP. I hate parrying in Dark Souls and I love it here. The ! above the enemies' heads in 90% of cases lets you know exactly when to parry. Something like the rampart is great because it generates a force field, but any shield will do, however try and get a survival only shield so you don't have to waste money rerolling tactics or brutality stats.
Powerful grenade: Now we're getting into the meta game. If we have a weapon that will destroy any single target, but has issues with multiple, what do we do? We get skills to remedy that. The powerful grenade will most of the time one shot everything around you. If you are in a position where you cannot single an enemy out, just pop in and throw this. Watch everything die. Also if an explosive bat gets close to you and you don't have the time to shoot him, the grenade is instant and will save your life.
Tonic with 15% heal affix: Since we're going full survival the tonic will heal us 25% each use, but that's not that much is it? That's why you should reroll it until you get the 15% heal affix. Note that on 5BC I'm seeing the affix basically every single time, but at lower BC's, due to the lower gear level, it may not be on, so aim for it if you can. This is your "mini-flask" and a VERY IMPORTANT thing to note is that it RESETS whenever you use your flask. So always use this first for healing, then the flask. It also resets in-between biomes. So always use it at the end of a level if you have it available, no matter how much hp you are missing.

But how do I make sure I get this build and still be able to get achievements?

Get the merchandise category blueprint from the graveyard. I believe you need 20 items total unlocked for achievements. Make a custom mode run and disable everything, then unlock only the 3 items we want and all the shields (if you have free spots at the end, disable the non-survival only shields). That should be around 10 depending on how much stuff you have unlocked. Then just unlock melee weapons you are comfortable with and deployed traps until you have 20. This will ensure that when you select "ranged" in the shop you will always get to pick a heavy crossbow, that when you pick "grenades" you only get the powerful grenade, and when you select "misc skills" you will only get the tonic.
Now, for the scrolls:
Do yourself a favor and put EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. into survival. That means all the regular 3 choice scrolls, and scroll fragments, go into survival, any 2 choice scroll with survival goes into survival, and if you find an assassin's scroll (brutality and tactics) just pick whichever will give you more HP. Don't try to do anything weird like "I'll stack brutality for mutations scaling" it doesn't work nearly as well.

But I have very low HP.

That doesn't matter. If you kill your enemies before they can touch you you don't have to worry about HP. When you start taking off 15% of timekeeper's HP in one shot, you will understand. Whenever I end up very much screwed over due to scroll distribution and have a more "balanced" build I always get fucked up bad, whereas with max damage you can ignore most of the mechanics because the boss will be dead in 10 seconds anyway. And you're rolling survival anyway, you have a lot of HP baseline.
An example is here: In this video I easily no-hit the giant on 4bc, while basically not doing anything special. I just parried, activated skills and spammed LMB. Now, this is not with this build, but that is just to prove a point that damage >>>>> HP.
Note that this also means rerolling your heavy crossbow if it has like, 2 tactics scrolls on it. That's just wasted stats. And just in general, whenever you go in the shop to buy the crossbow, buy the one with 2 survival scrolls. Your ideal goal is to have 2 survival from all 4 pieces of gear and, preferably, the necklace. When comparing gear, take the one with better scroll distribution.
The items listed don't have that much "affix synergies" with each other, so you can mostly ignore them, except the mentioned 15% on the tonic, and "first shot/all shots pierce" on the crossbow. Combining Affixes is great usually, but this build doesn't really have a way to "trigger them". Your best bet is like "poisons/bleeds" on your shield with your heavy crossbow dealing extra damage to bleed/poison, or if you get a good affix on the crossbow, but don't count on it.
Mutations:
Necromancy: Your bread and butter. This bad boy is what makes this a "brute force" build. At 15 survival, which you should have before or at least AT the first boss depending on your BC level, it will heal you 0.51% HP per a killed enemy. Basically all the levels have at least 100 enemies, that makes this mutation worth half a health bar per level, aka basically AN ENTIRE FLASK . At 25 survival, which you should have before or at the second boss, again depending on your BC level and forge upgrade level, it will heal you 1.01% HP per enemy. That makes it worth YOUR ENTIRE HP BAR PER LEVEL. It doesn't matter if you're low on HP, you will heal back up very soon. There's a LOT of enemies in dead cells.
Replace it at the hand of the king(or time keeper if having trouble) for vengeance. You won't get much healing in the hand fight (there's like 5 mobs if you're on 1bc or up). The "- damage taken" part of vengeance doesn't scale with brutality, it is always 60%, so it doesn't matter that we're not running brutality. It will help prevent you being combo'd to death when you inevitably panic during Hotk fight.
Ammo x2: So you may be wondering "why? it never runs out of ammo!". And I'll tell you: Bosses. It's not fun waiting for your meager ammo to come back. Without this you can shoot like 5 shots and then you're shooting blanks. Sure you could get a "enemies drop arrows" affix but those are pretty rare in my experience, so may as well be sure.
One very important thing to note however is that parrying gives you back all the arrows stuck in the enemy. So if you are comfortable parrying bosses (has to be done quite often however), you should instead take Disengagement . It is the perfect mutation for when you're panicking, and will definitely save you from death more than once.
Third slot: The joker. Take whatever you like/enjoy. It could be the Yolo mutation (in that case take it first though), extended healing, gastronomy or maybe "what doesn't kill me". Whatever you like.
But replace it at the hand of the king (or time keeper if having trouble) for Dead inside. You could try to take dead inside earlier, but food healing is very nice so I recommend against it.
General tips:
SAVE YOUR MONEY! You probably aren't paying attention to them, but there are food shops in some areas (ossuary, ramparts, graveyard, Stilt village, I may have missed some). They contain tasty healing food and, more importantly, FLASKS YOU CAN BUY. If you're on 3BC and you are neglecting healing because "if I heal now I'll definitely die later on when I run out of flasks", food shops are your best friend. Note that the flasks are very expensive, so that's why you should not be buying items willy nilly, and it's why you should try to find a "get gold as well as a cell" affix on your necklace. The amount of gold this affix gives you is not insignificant and will definitely help. If you get enough no-hit doors you can potentially buy TWO flasks per run. That's 50% of what you have baseline at 3BC. DO NOT NEGLECT FOOD SHOPS.
Cursed chests: Scrolls are the single most important thing in this game. Take every cursed chest you can. The smart thing to do would be to leave enemies alive in levels where you know there's a cursed chest (ossuary, forgotten sepulcher) and then come back to them later on when you're cursed. You don't want to be facing the boss while cursed, or have to go through a trap corridor. They also give you a lot of gold both directly and through the weapon you will get from them.
No-hit doors: Try to get these, your life will be WAY easier because they give out good gear and a lot of money.
Route: The route I recommend is also the one that used to have the highest amount of scrolls in 1.4. That is no longer true, but if you're struggling and just want to win, no reason to send you up against conjunctivius and the giant to get slaughtered, not to mention heavy crossbow isn't really the best vs them. The route is:
PQ -> Promenade -> Prison Depths -> Ossuary -> Concierge -> Stilt village -> Forgotten sepulcher -> Time keeper -> Castle -> Hotk.
Don't skip prison depths. Even a single scroll is very important especially if you get no rifts (floor runes that lead you to a long trap corridor but give you a scroll and an amulet).
BOSS TIPS
Concierge: If you are near a corner, stop all dps on him. His "scream" is triggered by him losing HP. It is very easy to get yourself stuck in there while he has a forcefield on and then you're fucked. Just roll through him and THEN start attacking. Push comes to shove, use the tonic to get out without too much damage.
You can attach the homunculus on him when he screams and goes invulnerable. It still attaches and will start doing damage as soon as his shield goes away with no extra effort on your part. Damage is damage.
As soon as he starts jumping, the fight is basically over, because he'll just loop his "fire on the ground" which you jump over, and his jump which you roll under, shoot him, then run away and repeat.
Time keeper: Hopefully you will kill her before she can do anything. This is a very fast paced fight otherwise. Try to trigger her melee "sword attack". Then just roll through, shoot her from behind, then roll through again and repeat. It's the easiest attack to exploit. You can kinda see me doing that in the video below except I parry instead of roll, which does stop the attack chain.
Parries are amazing here, so if you are having issues with her, you can start learning how to parry if you don't know already. If you parry successfully your parry "timer" resets so if you "parry" the first shuriken just spam the parry button and you'll parry all 5. Nice damage.
If you're REALLY having problems with her, swap to the "HOTK" build I mentioned in mutations. Should make it much easier, but remember to swap back to normal build afterwards.
Hand of the king: An easy way to dodge the "3 hit combo": Roll through him, double jump over his attack, then roll through him again. Cooldown on roll isn't short enough (at least in my experience) to roll all 3 consistently. You can parry if you're ballsy, but this is a 100% safe method that never fails once you get the timing down.
When he starts throwing balls at you, just run away from them and jump on one of the platforms. It's not worth it trying to dodge them manually, and personally they have janky timers.
You can recognize the big ground pound because he'll start walking towards the middle, and particles will start flying up. When he jumps, so should you. Remain on the ice for a while and then double jump up. Should be no problem.
Roll through his charge, parrying prevents damage but you still get pushed.
4 AND 5BC
So like I said, the build is no longer an insta-win on 4 and 5 BC, because you now have Malaise to deal with, which you can't cheat quite as easily.
Now I assure you, the build is still amazing, and if you like it, you can win 4 and 5 with it. Some tips I can give would be the following:
Abuse enemy teleportation! Enemies teleport to you on 4 and 5 bc, and it actually makes things easier most of the time. Trigger an enemy with homunculus or the powerful grenade from afar, and wait for them to come alone to you.
Swap Ammo x2 for the alienation mutation. Yes, this makes you take 15 curse. This basically means YOU REALLY HAVE TO PLAN OUT when you're taking cursed chests. Basically, any level with a cursed chest, leave any (easy) enemies you can alive, then come back and VERY CAREFULLY kill them. Engage them with a powerful grenade from afar, and if by some miracle any survive, just wait for them to teleport to you, and the heavy crossbow will do the job. Easy enemies would basically be grenade dudes, those small running ninjas stuff like that. 15 curse = 6 bars of malaise taken off per curse which is basically why we're taking this. Swap before time keeper for ammo x2 or disengagement as you prefer.
Change up the route as needed. I shiver thinking about sanctuary, ESPECIALLY sanctuary when cursed. However, if you're high up on malaise or low on health (though doubtful with this build), and short on money due to buying a flask in ossuary, a trip to the sanctuary after the concierge for the cursed chest can be just what you need.
Get extended healing as the "Joker" slot. You face A LOT OF ELITES on 4 and 5BC, and while the proc rate for this is pitiful, it's better than nothing. Since we're already swapping before time keeper to throw out alienation, swap this at that point for "Dead inside". You've got one level's worth of food left, so not that important, it massively increases your malaise bar, and most importantly the food still heals your malaise even though it doesn't heal your HP.
Consider swapping the tonic. 1.6 update brought an AMAZING new skill called "Ice armor". It prevents any hit once. THIS WORKS EVEN WHEN YOU'RE CURSED!!! As we are no longer that concerned about our HP, and more about preventing malaise, popping Ice Armor whenever you see you're in a rough place may be just the thing you need. If you're on consoles or mobile and don't have the 1.6 update, you can try the wolf trap, it's pretty amazing and a lot more offensive.
Pinch pennies even more. On 4 and 5 bc, the small food in the food shops (whose importance I emphasized on already in the main guide) gets replaced by a malaise cure. That is very important, and you should be buying this as well as a flask. So save your money a lot and spend basically all of it in the food shops. "Get gold as well as a cell" becomes even more important.
Play way more carefully. Ok so this one is pretty fucking obvious, but because how OP the build is at regenerating health, you basically can face-tank all the way through to 4BC. That becomes impossible to do because of malaise. As obvious of an advice as this is don't get hit. This means use the grenade from afar a lot more, abuse the teleportation mechanic etc.
Don't be afraid to use the flask just to clear malaise. Your HP is basically not a big deal being survival based with necromancy. Malaise is the real problem. Don't hit 10 malaise and die just cause it's a "waste" to use the potion at full HP, ESPECIALLY if you are before Ossuary where you can get another one.
So to sum up: Very high single target damage due to stacking survival and using heavy crossbow, a powerful grenade to help out against many enemies, tonic and necromancy for insane regen during the level, high HP despite being a "glass cannon" because the build is survival based. All you have to do is win.
Please let me know if this build worked for you :)
Thanks for reading.
Edit#1: Added in Disengagement as an alternative to ammo x2. It's only for people comfortable constantly parrying bosses though.
Edit#2: General editing to make a few things clearer and added in an emphasis on the "shots pierce" modifier for the Crossbow.
Edit#3: Added in the "4 and 5BC" part.
Edit#Final: So apparently I've been banned for "multiple violations of the content policy" whatever that is. I'll just leave this guide as is then.
tl;dr there's a cheat sheet at the beginning.

Writing this out after I just got my Dratini for 2800 coins. Keep in mind I haven't paid for coins once. I started on this one machine near the left that wasn't paying out, but causing me to break even, and so I went to another machine. In the second row of slots from the left wall is a slot machine that says 'Out of Order'. The machine below it. Always play that one!
I'm playing Fire Red as part of filling out the Gen 3 pokedex on Pokemon Emerald. I play everything on 2 GBA SPs with the link cable and everything. Already beat leaf green and got Suicune. What's more important though, I got Porygon on there, without spending so much as a penny on my coins. I simply get the coin case from the loser who lost all his $$, walk in, talk to some people, get my 50 coins, and sit down at the right machine and start winning!!
The machine will sometimes line up the first 2 7s for you, but it'll never line up the third one. However, this machine is possible to line up that third 7 way more so than any other machine, leading me to believe that different machines have different odds. Your only focus should be on the 7s. They pay out 300 coins a pop and it's a very efficient way to rack up coins quickly without wasting money.
Odds are determined by whether or not it's possible to line up that third 7, as sometimes it'll stop short of the 7 by one frame or move past it by one frame. I have very good perception and I noticed it deliberately force my 7 out of the winning spot to make the game a bust!!!
It's all about timing the 3rd 7. There are either 1 or 2 of a certain frame (whether it be a pokemon, a cherry, an R, or a 7). This is what you want to practice with. Getting that third 7 timed beautifully.
MAX EFFICIENCY So then, what are you going to be doing those 8-16 games you aren't racking in 3 7s in a row (My Average that I'll show in a minute)? Your going to just keep focusing on 7s, but if a cherry comes up, maybe try to line up a second cherry while your waiting for those 7s (There are 2 cherries on the first 2 boards). Or let's say you get 2 Rs. Rs can be important, too. While 7s pay out 300 coins, Rs pay out 100 coins, which is a nice bonus to boost morale. Also, if you get two of a certain pokemon, try to line up a third if you can see it rolling on the board.
The purpose for these extras (Aside from R which serves more as a morale booster while also completely closing the gap on coins you've spent), is to make up for the coins you're always putting in the machine. The smart gambler always bets 3 coins. 1 coin the middle row counts, 2 coins the 3 horizontal rows count, and 3 coins the diagonals (Or basically every lineup will) count.
Try it for yourself and let me know how you do. Like I said I've got Porygon on Leaf Green, this is how I got Scyther and Pinsir in B/Y while I was filling my dex in Gen 1, and I just got myself a Dratini.
Playing this team with Dratini -> Dragonite, Mewtwo (Lvl. 10 when Traded Over), Shiny Charmander (Lvl.5), Shiny Squirtle (Lvl. 5), Pidgeot, which I caught as a Pidgey, and Bulbasaur (My starter).
I have the gen 1 dex completely filled (151/151) Gen 2 just gotta beat Crystal for Celebi (Gold I got 250/251) and I'm working on Gen 3 and in order to get the Legendary dogs from Gen 2 you gotta beat FLG 3 times with each starter!!
Message me for any more Pokemon related tips. Have a great day guys!

Standard Disclaimer: I do not take credit for the setting, this story is set in the They Are Smol universe, written by our very own u/tinyprancinghorse.
TPH has a Website, a Patreon, and also a Discord if you need more smol shenanigans.
The first Smol Detective story can be read starting Here.
The second Smol Detective story can be read starting Here.
There will be some spoilers/references to prior SD stories in this one, so consider yourself duly warned.
Additional Author's Note: I had a bout of the dreaded Writer's Block, hence the delay in getting this out to you fine folks. But in my defense I now have everything planned out, so you should get the rest of this much faster.
​
___________
​
First Chapter
Previous Chapter
Next Chapter
​
In the previous chapter:
Rory did a Throw.
Hnrahnan did a Concern.
Nefarious Plans were Started.
In this chapter:
Valentin tries to have a Smoke.
Stakes get Raised.
Zara and Rory play a Game.
​
__________
Valentin strolled around an outside corner of the team's warehouse in a Very Casual manner. It was not a manner that indicated that someone was about to indulge in any sort of Filthy Vice, no sir. Valentin moved like he had not a care in the world...until he was carefully out of sight.
He leaned against the warehouse corner and grumbled, then darted his head to look in both directions. A light dusting of snow stretched over black pavement as far as he could see, and the bitter winter wind stung his cheeks. He didn't notice the latter, because the coast was clear. Besides, their 'guest' was not supposed to be outside anyway. It should be safe as he only needed a couple of minutes to indulge. With a relieved sigh Valentin reached into his right lapel pocket and pulled out a single cigarette. His left lapel pocket gave up the lighter therein, and with something approaching religious ecstasy he flicked the lighter on and brought it up to the cigarette now held in his mouth...
Valentin started in surprise as his cigarette all but vaporized, torn from his mouth and shredded by invisible claws. "[I told you how bad that is for you,]" whispered a chirping voice from nowhere.
"Oh, come on!" Valentin hung his head. "Please, just need one. You promised you wouldn't step outside."
"[True, but then again I'm a professional liar. Don't worry, nobody can see me.]"
"Not unless they have infrared sensors." Valentin looked around in a panic as his nicotine cravings faded in the face of a much more severe concern. If The Powers That Be caught wind of a Karnakian actually on Earth...well, jail would be the least of his worries. "Get inside!"
"[I'll make a deal with you,]" replied the invisible Karnakian.
Valentin clenched his teeth. "If it means you stop trying to get yourself and me in all the trouble, then yes!"
"[I'll go back inside and stay there if you promise not to smoke until the job's over. Then you can go back to abusing your lungs.]"
"Why do you care?" he whispered furiously.
"[Because you are little and need protecting. Not to mention the smell of [tobacco] smoke makes me heave.]"
Valentin hung his head in defeat. "Fine, we have deal. Now get your tail inside!"
There was no verbal response. Instead, he felt the caress of gentle but very sharp claws on his scalp before his invisible companion vanished.
​
__________
“With respect, Daniel - and to you, sir - you don’t understand what we have here!” Chaudhari’s olive-skinned face split in a huge smile, and her hands spread out in front of her in a pleading manner to both men. The gesture made her look like a used-car salesman trying to close a deal with a pair of finicky customers.
Daniel gave a shrug of his stooped shoulders and looked towards his boss. Martin didn’t look back. Instead he rubbed his temple and regarded once more the Egg in its cradle. He was beginning to hate the sight of it, what with all the trouble trailing in its wake. “I know exactly what we have,” he snapped at her. “The data’s why I had the damn thing stolen in the first place.”
The Indian scientist shook her head, causing her perfectly coiffed ponytail to sway gently. Her pleading gesture shifted towards the Egg. “I’m not talking about the data on it, I mean the Egg itself! This is a piece of alien nanotech with none of the restrictions of any normal fabber. It’s designed to operate with no infrastructure! Of course, it only does the one thing, buuuut...”
She trailed off hopefully. Martin set his jaw as his frustration reached maximum pressure, but just as he was about to go full Vesuvius on her the penny dropped. As he realized her implication, his eyes widened and he let out a rare curse.
“Holy...fuuuck. You think we could reverse-engineer the nanotech itself?” Martin eyed the Egg again, this time with trepidation. For one moment he wondered if at last he'd bitten off more than he could chew. If the Senate ever realized the full implications of what she’d said, the xenos just might stage another invasion of Earth.
Daniel blew out a breath and gave voice to Martin’s trepidation. “I’m not sure we want to go down that road. Unrestricted nanotech is something that the xenos don’t allow even amongst themselves. We're talking a gray goo scenario here.”
Martin thought through the possibilities. “True, but those restrictions apply only to the xeno's citizenry. Certainly their governments have such capabilities, and they haven't become gray goo yet. Let’s at least think through our options. What would it take for a successful effort?”
Chaudhari stared off over Daniel’s head. “We’ll need as much analyzing hardware as possible while the Egg does its thing. Full EM spectrum at a minimum, plus microscopic samples of it during the various stages of ‘growth’.”
“We’ll want X-ray images at key points,” added Daniel. His face was now as thoughtful as Chaudhari’s. “It’ll be vital to figuring out how the nanotech moves the, well, ‘nutrients’ around while inside itself while the structure grows.”
Martin gave the Egg one final look as if daring the thing to raise any objection. “Get an equipment list together. Whatever you need, I'll get.”
​
__________
​
Christian bundled his dark blue uniform and ID badge into a small duffel, whistling tunelessly through his teeth while he did so.
"Well somebody's in a good mood," said a nearby coworker. The man was in the middle of stripping off his own uniform.
"Got a date tonight," replied Christian. "New gal in town. Her name's Zoey, she's one helluva looker." He shut his locker with a smirk and wondered just how grateful Zoey might be if the game went really well for her. Maybe they should set up some ways to signal to each other, just to tilt the odds in their mutual favor. Then she'd be very grateful indeed; maybe he could even get some hot and sweaty good times out of the deal.
Christian slung his duffel over one shoulder and headed for the exit. On second thought, he decided not to even think about cheating if Zoey was involved. He had no inkling of her competence, and didn't want to find out midway through the game that she sucked at signaling. The guy in charge of the game was maybe-kinda-sorta involved in organized crime. Of course, that hadn't stopped Christian from cheating a few times but he knew when not to press his luck.
​
__________
​
The two of them looked around the dingy back room. Christian tried to look calm and composed, as if it was perfectly natural for him to be standing next to a stone-cold stunner of a woman. Before them sat a green-felted round table ringed with well-worn leather chairs.
"This is it?" asked the aforementioned stunner. She'd hung her parka near the door and now wore a slinky blue dress that complimented her azure eyes.
"This it is," said a voice from behind them. A man that Christian knew only as 'Max' strolled through the sole door into the space. Max was a lanky fellow with a truly impressive scar that meandered up one of his cheeks. He liked to spin stories of how he'd received it, and no two were the same. Christian suspected that it was probably due to something mundane like falling off a ladder. The man fixed Christian with pale, predatory eyes. "Who's the newcomer, Chris?"
"This is Zoey, she's looking for a good game. I told her yours was the best."
"Thanks, I think." Max sketched a slight bow in Zoey's direction. "At least you're prettier than your companion. We do a standard five-card draw, minimum buy-in is one thousand."
Christian didn't miss the slight flicker of dread that crossed Zoey's face. Her voice, however, showed no sign of fear. "I can handle that," she declared.
Max smiled, but it was not a friendly smile. "I guess it's a night for new faces. Nalin found one of his own, they should be here shortly."
Within the next half hour, the rest of the players arrived. Christian gave cordial nods to the familiar faces; they were more than ‘acquaintances’ but definitely not at the level of ‘friends’...with one exception, a cheerful and round-faced guy named Akihito. He'd hit it off with Christian from the start, and he took a moment to give Christian a smile and a handshake.
Christian also took a moment to size up the other 'new face'. The guy was a shorter, more bear-like man named Rick who wore a neatly trimmed beard and a permanent hangdog expression.
The group paid up with Chris and seated themselves around the table. Christian set his duffel under his chair and hoped that Zoey would sit next to him. Alas, it was not to be. He found himself seated with Rick to his right instead of Zoey, while the latter sat across the table from him. He supposed he’d suffer through such a hardship; at least he could look at her without getting a crick in his neck.
Max set out the rules along with the chips, then performed the first deal.
It started out okay for Christian and less okay for Rick. The man’s dour expression turned to anger as his pile of chips diminished. Zoey was a deft hand in contrast, winning a few big rounds. She won one of the larger pots by bluffing on a pair of threes to the point where everyone else folded. The feat earned chuckles of grudging admiration from most of the players and a deeper scowl from Rick. Christian didn’t mind losing that round, since it meant he got a nice long look down Zoey's dress while she raked in the pot.
A few deals later, it was Rick’s turn to deal. The guy might not be great at poker but he seemed at least competent at shuffling. As Christian peeped at his hand he found himself having to really work on his poker face. A pair of Jacks looked up at him as if to say that tonight was his lucky night.
After the first betting round, Christian decided to draw two. His posture stayed casual, but inside he was jumping up and down like a loon; one of his new cards was a Jack as well. He eyed his stacks of chips and decided that there was no way he was folding, not on this hand.
Several people folded soon after. It came down to a three-way showdown between Christian, Rick, and Akihito. A few rounds of raising later and Rick folded with a grumble.
"You must have a good hand, Chris," said Akihito.
Christian responded with a casual shrug. "Only one way to find out. I raise you a hundred." He tossed his bet into the pot.
"Very well. I call," replied Akihito. He laid his cards in front of him in a smooth manner. "Triple eights."
Christian decided to be magnanimous in victory and not cackle like an evil overlord. "Pretty good! I got three Jacks." He matched Akihito's smooth layout as he put down his own cards.
Rick gave another little grumble. "Christian wins," he said. He picked up the discards and reformed the deck. He waved the latter in Christian's direction with an ironic air. "Congrats."
Akihito shook his head and chuckled while the winner half-stood out of his chair to rake the pot towards him. Christian sat down with a satisfied sigh and quickly segregated the chips into their proper denominations. Then he accepted the deck from Rick with a little nod and began to shuffle. The next few deals passed pleasantly; Christian didn't win, but he didn't lose much either.
On the fourth deal after Christian's big win, however, things went entirely to shit.
Rick won a relatively small pot, but he creased his forehead as he looked through the hands on the table. "I coulda sworn...where's the fourth Ace?"
It was Max's turn to deal, and he raised an eyebrow as he collected the cards and began to shuffle. "Whaddya mean?"
"I haven't seen the Ace of Clubs in a while," said Rick. "I think somebody's holding out."
Max rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, that's ridiculous."
Rick tapped the felt tabletop. "Just spread out the deck, okay? We should make sure."
With an exasperated sigh, Max complied. His put-upon air evaporated as he began sorting through the face-up cards, pulling out the Aces. He went through it four times, but was only able to find three of the Aces.
Sure enough, the Ace of Clubs was nowhere to be seen.
Max's face set into a frown. "Everyone, hands on the table, now. Keep 'em there."
A staccato series of thumps sounded through the room as everyone complied. Christian felt a little pang of fear, but quashed it with equal suddenness. For once he was innocent, and he wondered with some curiosity who was the guilty party.
"Here's what we're gonna do," said Max. "Starting with me, we're gonna each stand up in turn and keep our hands out and visible. Move real slow." He pushed himself up with slow care, keeping his hands up and out. "See anything, Harry?"
The guy to Max's left looked down at the now-empty chair and the floor under it. "Nothing."
"Okay. Now you stand."
As Harry obeyed, a new and horrifying thought struck Christian. He glanced across the table to Zoey, whose face was set in an impassive mask. Surely she wouldn't be stupid enough to cheat? But what if she was? He'd brought her, after all. Max would not be too happy with him.
The knot of tension in Christian's stomach cinched tighter as the wave of standing players inched its way oh-so-slowly towards Zoey. She didn't so much as glance at Christian the whole time, instead she kept her cool and indifferent expression. Her face didn't so much as flicker when it was her turn to stand...and revealed nothing.
Christian blew out a silent and relieved breath as the wave continued its way around the table to him. When it was his turn, he imitated Max's caution as he stood up slowly. His heart rate was just about back to normal. Once they'd found the cheater they could get back to playing cards...
Rick and the man to Christian's left both yelled simultaneously. "What the hell?"
Forgetting to move slowly, Christian spun and stared down in utter panicked disbelief at the Ace of Clubs sitting neatly in the center of his own seat.
Rick surged to his feet, his face contorted in anger. "I knew it! You damn cheat!"
Before Christian could so much as draw breath to protest he found himself staring down at a pistol held in Rick's mitt-like hand. A pistol that was aimed right at Christian's heart.
Max settled a hand next to his hip. "Rick, I'm only gonna say this once. Put that fucking thing away..."
Rick didn't pay the slightest attention as he continued his ranting. "What about your ladyfriend over there? She in on it too? I bet you got some signals set up, eh?"
"I didn't-!" began Christian.
Two sharp successive cracks sounded out, and for one moment Christian thought himself a dead man. But instead it was Rick's eyes who went wide with shock. The bear-like man looked down at himself, his gun slipping from suddenly nerveless fingers as a pair red blotches spread out and across his chest.
Christian whipped his head towards Zoey, who stood with that same emotionless expression and a pistol of her own pointed at Rick. Before he could even scream another protest, multiple bloody holes erupted in Zoey's chest simultaneous with the sound of rapid gunfire. Her now-boneless body toppled inelegantly backwards before Rick's own corpse could even hit the ground.
Max bared his teeth as smoke wafted from the muzzle of his now-drawn pistol. The players all stood in a frozen tableau around the table as they each tried to parse the carnage they'd just seen.
"God. Damn. SHIT!" Max roared as his furious gaze swung towards Christian.
"I didn't!" yelled Christian, gesturing at the Ace on his chair. "I didn't put that there!"
Somehow that declaration was the signal for 'everybody panic.' Christian stood like a stunned ox as the room filled with lot of screaming, flailing limbs, and running around. A tug at his shoulder snapped him out of his trance, and he turned to see Akihito. The man's face was no longer cheerful as he yanked again at Christian's arm. "WE GO! NOW!" he screamed.
Christian's self-preservation instincts kicked in, and he managed to beat Akihito in a sprint out the door.
​
__________
​
Max sighed as he sat down on his heels next to the woman's body. Her blue eyes stared lifelessly upwards. Her mouth hung open as a trickle of red dripped downward from one corner of her mouth. The blood mingled on the floor with the gore oozing from her shredded torso.
"Alas, poor thing," he intoned. "Such a sweet rose of summer, come to spread her cheer to these poor wintry climes only to be cut down in her prime by a cruel and fickle fate..."
Zara's eyes ceased their death-stare towards the ceiling and focused on him. "Oh bite me, Max."
He grinned. "Anytime you want, darlin'. And anywhere you care to name." He stood and reached down with one hand to help Zara to her feet.
Meanwhile Rory already had Christian's duffel on the table and unzipped. He sorted through it while humming a happy tune, unconcerned with his own seemingly bullet-ridden chest. "Ah!" He pulled out a white ID badge.
Max let go of Zara's hand. "Seriously, are you okay? That was a damned good flop you pulled. So good, in fact, that you just about gave this poor old heart of mine a serious stoppage. For a moment there I wondered if I'd used real bullets by accident."
"Eh, I've done better," replied Zara. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Rory rummaged around under his own chair and retrieved a small black case with a slot on its side. He set Christian's ID card within it and touched his ear. "Hey Silk, you reading me? Yeah, you should be able to scan it now."
The case emitted a faint whirr while Rory's expression turned from happy to put-upon. "Yes, I'm fine...I told you I'd be fine! It was just a couple of squibs, they're perfectly safe!" He rolled his eyes as the person on the other end continued their harangue. "Look, just scan the damn thing, wouldja? Lemme know when you're done."
Max strolled over to Rory. "Somebody on your crew wants to be your mother, eh?"
Rory sighed. "Only if my luck holds." He stuck out his mitt. "Thanks again for helping us out."
"No thanks necessary," replied Max as he shook Rory's hand. "The money is quite nice, but frankly I'm just happy that I got to see the master in action. You did a center deal to give Christian that third Jack, didn't you?"
"Yep." Rory's smile was as smug as a cat who's just knocked something very fragile and hideously expensive off of a counter-top.
"God. Damn. I was looking right at your hands and I still couldn't see it." Max held up a finger. "In my defense, I did see you flick that Ace onto his chair when he stood up to collect the pot."
Zara walked around the other side of the table with a duffel bag of her own. She unzipped it and pulled out a pristine dress, a shirt and jacket of Rory's size, and a few large stacks of cash. She began stripping out of her own ruined clothes, revealing quite a bit of skin along with the now-empty packs of fake blood strapped to her midsection. She yanked off the packs and bundled them into the duffel along with her original and ruined dress, leaving her clad only in a bra and panties.
Max tried and (for once) succeeded in not ogling a near-naked woman. Zara was easily young enough to be his daughter, which quashed any erotic feelings on his part into something more akin to a wistful longing to be young again. He distracted himself by pulling the stacks of money towards him and and sorting them into smaller and equal piles.
Meanwhile Rory started undressing himself as he argued with his unseen comrade. "I know it's an explosion close to the skin! But, and here's the important part, it's a very small explosion."
Zara smirked as she helped Rory out of his shirt and jacket, then out of his own blood-pack undergarment. All the while he continued to protest.
"I'm not gonna argue about this any more! Are you done? No, I mean with the card! You know, the thing we're going through all of this nonsense for?"
Max looked across the table at Zara. She'd just finished pulling on her new dress. "You guys must have something big in the works," he said.
She glared at him in sudden suspicion. In response Max mimed zipping his mouth closed, locking it, and throwing away an imaginary key. Then he grinned again. "Hey, I'm gettin' paid enough to not be curious. I just want you two to be careful, alright? Look after this schlub." He nodded towards Rory.
Zara's glare softened. "We will, and I will. Thanks."
The door to the back room swung open a crack and Akihito slipped in.
"Our boy all set?" asked Max.
Akihito nodded. "Last I saw he was running home as fast as his feet would take him. I don't think he's realized yet that he left his stuff here."
Rory gave another exasperated sigh as the black case let out a soft beep. "Okay, Silk...okay, yes, I hear ya. You sure you got all the data you need? Good, tell Big O that we're on our way back." He pulled the ID out of the scanner and tossed it back into Christian's duffel. "This is all yours."
Max reached over and zipped up Christian's duffel, then handed it to Akihito who in turn accepted it with a little bow of his head. Meanwhile, one by one the other players also slipped in through the half-open door. By the time Rory finished dressing, the rest of the original group stood ringed around the table.
Max looked around at the assembled group. "Good job, everyone." He motioned to the stacks of money. "You all earned your pay. One stack per person. Akihito has one last bit to do, and then we're finished. We reconvene at Francine's place in two hours, and I'll make sure she breaks out the good stuff." His scarred face smiled at them all in turn. "The first round's on me, but after that it's outta your own pockets. Ya buncha degenerates."
​
__________
​
His feet gave the beige carpet quite a workout as Christian Murphy paced back and forth in the living room of his modest apartment. Once he'd gotten over the adrenaline shock of watching someone fucking die while in bad-breath range, he'd realized that his uniform and ID badge were smack-dab in the middle of an active crime scene.
Christian rubbed a hand over his mouth as he wondered just what might happen. If Max decided to just split and leave the bodies there, the police would be paying a visit soon enough. They'd find the corpses along with his duffel. Hell, they might be ringing his doorbell at any moment.
Even if that never happened, he'd still need his ID to get back onto base. He'd have to get a replacement. Maybe he could claim that he'd been mugged? Or maybe he could sneak back to the location and see if he could snag his stuff before it became state's evidence. Either way, he had to decide now. If he reported a theft before any report of shooting or murder, that would count in his favor...
His frenzied musing ceased as the doorbell rang. Christian sidled up to his front door, taking care not to put his body directly in front of it. He risked moving in front of it just long enough to glance through the peephole.
Akihito stood on Christian's front stoop, glancing from side to side in barely-controlled fear.
Christian cracked his door open. "What the fuck?"
Akihito shoved a familiar duffel bag towards the just-opened entryway, and in surprise Christian let the door swing open wider to admit the offering. Christian's duffel thumped to the carpet next to his feet.
The unexpected visitor kept up his side-to-side scanning. "I must have dropped my wallet, okay? I snuck back in there to get it and saw nothing but some blood stains on the floor. Got my wallet back and saw your bag, I figured you'd want it. And this is it, understand? It's my last favor. No more sticking my neck out. From now on I don't know you and you don't know me."
"You didn't see Max?" hissed Christian.
"No. Maybe he was off chopping up the bodies of those two idiots, just so he could burn them easier. Just lay low, okay? Like I said, from now on we're all strangers to each other." Without a glance back Akihito turned and walked away.
Christian shut the door and regarded the duffel at his feet with something akin to sexual hunger. "Oh, please be in there..." He dove for it and unzipped the top with alacrity. "Please...," He dug one hand into its depths, moving it over the bulletproof fabric of his uniform. He sagged in relief as his fingers encountered a familiar square of plastic. Christian pulled out his ID and regarded it with an emotion akin to hunger.
He'd somehow gotten free of the whole mess. His superiors were not very forgiving, and he knew that if they caught wind of his infidelities they'd be very harsh with him. So all he had to do was say nothing and wait for the garbage pile to fade away into the distance.