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Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across.
Sun Tzu, Art of War
Everything was for tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. The present was only a bridge and on this bridge they are still groaning, as the world groans, and not one idiot ever thinks of blowing up the bridge.
Henry Miller, Tropic of Capricorn
I was wrong! Blow the bridge! Blow the fucking bridge!
Tugg Speedman, Tropic Thunder
Hello again GME Gang! It’s been a while since I last ranted at you, but I know we’ve been in some very good hands here at WSB with all the great DD folks have posted over the past few weeks. So no need for CPT Hubbard to go for 11 again on the Thumbscroll Dial (until today, that is). I’ve enjoyed a lot of these posts very much, so thank you on behalf of myself and the attention-deficient Rocket Children for continuing to deliver that 100% Chaff-Free GME-grade Wheat at such a feverish clip.
Now, I am going to get to Hong Kong’s Lamest Outlaw and his disconcertingly vacant eyes here shortly. But first I want to take you on a journey back to Christmas Eve, in the year of our lord 2020—a heady time in all our lives. We were all so young and innocent then, weren’t we? Fresh off the run up to 22. Blissfully oblivious that we were living in the last moments where the question What is The War of 1812? was the only acceptable Jeopardy question for the answer: The Last Time the Goddamn U.S. Capitol Was Stormed. This was also before we all became irresponsibly overleveraged in Cathie Wood’s Ornamental Gourds ETF. It was a wondrous, confusing time.
But before we get too off topic, let’s all hop in my 1985 DeLorean (purchased with proceeds from my Jan 15 calls – thanks RC!), fire up the ol’ Flux Capacitor, and get that shit to 88 because something happened that evening that is Worth Pondering—particularly in light of recent events. And just as a friendly reminder: even though you’re going back in time in a DeLorean, no one here has to deviate funds away from GME shares to Save the Clock Tower and you are under no obligation to fulfill a scenario where you wind up making out with your Mom (unless your Mom is Cathie Wood like mine—in which case maybe just some quick over-the-clothes stuff).
On the Subject of How It Once ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas
So what in the holy fuck happened on the night before Christmas, Captain? Well, while all you Gentiles were sleeping soundly after lying to your children about benign home intruders and before gorging yourself on the teat of late-stage capitalism, me and the rest of the Chosen People were up late eating Chinese food and thinking about tendies (self-hating Jew Joke! Ba-zing!). But then: when out on the electric twitter machine there arose such a clatter, I sprang to my phone to see what was the matter. And what to my wondering eyes did appear, a mysterious tweet from a Rich-Ass Viking who had a lot of fucking interesting things to say about this whole GME situation that’s what.
This tweet, buried as a reply to a tweet sent by Mr. Rod Alzmann (@RodAlzmann or u/Uberkikz11), simply said: “Merry Christmas. Shhh.” But it included this screen shot:
[**Image Deleted Due to the Mods - check the link below where someone transcribed it - I'll try to add later**]
Now, this tweet to Rod, sent late at night and likely after a strong Mead or three, was very promptly deleted. But your intrepid cub reporter saw this here tweet that night with his own two eyes—seeing as I am a degenerate GME addict and devoted follower of Mr. Rod Alzmann (Hi Rod!). And I took screenshots, of course, like any responsible records custodian might. And so did the dude who wrote a somewhat-overlooked WSB post on this, which included the most pertinent text of the message if you are having trouble reading it here:
https://www.reddit.com/wallstreetbets/comments/kk0omp/christmas_miracle_gamergate_2020_gme_shorts/
Now, what are we to make of this? At the time, I thought it was very interesting. But I did not give it too much attention seeing as how the internet is overcrowded with anonymous weirdos claiming to know more than they do about all sorts of subjects (and now I feel your judging eyes…). Also, there was some very good commentary in that WSB post from some sharp folks about the screenshot author’s questionable use of the shorthand PE/IB—given that private equity and investment banks wouldn’t apparently be involved in a behind-the-scenes transaction with the short funds like what was being discussed there (don’t ask me, I just string together silly words here). But maybe you poke around his Twitter a bit and see for yourself.
Still, plausibility assessments based on preferred nomenclature aside, it seemed to me that some version of that conversation had to be taking place behind the scenes in a situation like this—given the batshit insane short interest, the funds supposedly involved, and the rapid rise in SP coinciding with RC’s share accumulation, December 21st amended 13D filing, and new status as a GME Insider and Board member (just love saying all that in a row, don’t you?).
So the Viking’s screenshot tweet, and the very likely possibility that shorts are in so deep that they’re attempting to negotiate peace with large shareholders behind the scenes, stuck in my tiny little baby brain as a pretty plausible set of scenarios. And from the look of it, it seems like some funds were at least willing to discuss offering these shorts a Golden Bridge away from Certain Fucking Destruction on the open market. And if the words on the screenshot are at all aligned with reality, these short funds have no good options.
Yet it seems like they are still playing hardball to negotiate the carat on this generous bridge offer they’re getting. Why? Maybe they’ve been getting high on their own supply for so long and they don’t know how to see this situation for what it is. Who knows? Maybe there is no Ryan Cohen and we’re all living in a simulation. But if the recent low-rent anti-GME articles and market manipulation efforts we’re seeing are any indication, these overleveraged short fuckers seem to think they’re going to be able to spin out of this hold and drive the SP back down to even smaller peanuts than it’s at now by sheer force of will (and some deployment of well-honed tricks of the trade amirite?) to emerge unscathed. Or even victorious? I dunno—it’s their delusional fantasy sequence.
But do you know what this scenario reminds me of? And this is just coming to me so please bear with me as I’m not showing this to my editor before we print (I haven’t seen this movie in ages – don’t know what made me think of this!). Fuck it, I’m just gonna start riffing here. The shorts trying to thread this needle, against all odds and logic and common sense, reminds me of that hilarious scene in Dumb and Dumber where haplessly delusional Jim Carrey thinks he has a chance with Mary Samsonite Swanson. But the scene is funny because he really doesn’t. Have any chance. At all.
Now, I know this is a 1990s movie originally released on VHS that we haven’t seen it or even seen it referenced in ages. But now that you’re thinking of it again after all this time, doesn’t it remind you of this too? I know, I get it: You’d have to have fucking peanuts for brains for it not to.
(https://twitter.com/ryancohen/status/1350877969816956934?s=20)
On the Subject of the Continued Internet Bumbling of Mr. Justin Dopierala
Now that screenshot came to mind this past week when something kind of weird happened while we were all enjoying our quick rocket ship ride. And yes, we are briefly going to talk again about Seeking Alpha’s second finest pro-GME author (always been more of a Dmitriy man myself) and recurring CPT Hubbard character, Justin Dopierala (and no, Angela, I do not want to have like 10,000 of his babies).
Last Thursday, after we were all virtually high-fiving one another and counting our future Lambos, Mr. Justin Dopierala, head of Domo Capital and longstanding uber-bull GME shareholder and author at Seeking Alpha (last seen arguing pithily with our own Rod Alzmann about the conservative nature of Rod’s holiday earnings projections. Hi again Rod!), made it known that he sold all of Domo Capital’s 500,000 shares for around $42.50—at the very top of the run up last Thursday morning.
Now, Domo Capital’s business decisions are none of my goddamn business. And there are plenty of market opportunities right now. Shit, I hear there is even a new Cathie Wood Gourd ETF coming online soon that people are really excited about and that I’m sure Justin’s clients would find intriguing. But Domo’s decision to sell seemed curious given a few things: (1) on Wednesday, when the rocket is mid-flight, he got a twitter follow from Gabe Plotkin, head of Melvin Capital, which he promptly tweeted about with a “get a load of this fuckin’ guy” vibe (oh the sweet, intoxicating arrogance of tendie victory, I too love it so); (2) he had also tweeted that day comparing GME’s rise to Apron’s short squeeze that lasted 4 days—where he also stressed to his followers that Apron had a much lower SI than GME; and (3) he then promptly deleted all of these tweets and almost everything else GME-related on Thursday after apparently introducing 500,000 shares of liquidity into the height of a stressed market up and through the Thursday reversal and down into his own personal tendie town.
Now, after seeing all this, I mouthed off a bit to Justin on the electric twitter machine because that’s kind of my thing. And if you are familiar with my prior ramblings, you know that he and I go way back. In response, Justin talked a bit of shit about your intrepid cub reporter here in a comment on Dimitry Kozin’s October 21, 2020 article about a possible sony revenue share deal or something, the comment section of which has become the preferred SA water cooler over there. (And I can’t link that because Thems The Rulez). And Justin hurt my little feelings a bit with his very sharp denial. And by all means have at it over there to check out his comment about why he sold if you give a shit. That is if Justin hasn’t deleted it yet. Free country and all.
But to summarize, on the subject of treacherous coordination with Melvin Capital, Justin said he would not could not in a boat and he would not could not with a goat. And I for one believe him. And do you know why? Because even though Justin seems like a very smart guy in some ways, he’s also a well-known internet bumbler who blurts out things to his internet friends that a person with better self-control would keep to themselves. And so I do not think he is capable of pulling that off or keeping a secret like that. Also: he said he didn’t so I am more than willing to give someone the benefit of any doubt in that area and you should too. I think we keep Hanlon’s razor firmly in mind here about never attributing to malice that which is explained by stupidity. That is unless, of course, you’re Andrew Left and you’re actually trying to convince people that you didn’t realize there was a US presidential inauguration planned for the same time you announced your Super Important TeeVee Yammerfest ‘21 about GME not being a good candidate for an imminent short squeeze no way no how not if my name isn’t Andrew Left short seller expert extraordinaire and Hong Kong’s Most Misunderstood Ethically-Minded Businessman. You can ascribe the fuck out of malice to that one.
No, even though I really have no idea, I think the most likely thing that happened there was that Gabe Plotkin, Master of the Universe, Head of Melvin Capital, and Acolyte of Perennial Most Ethical Business Man MVP candidate, Steven Cohen—got into Justin’s head when Plotkin followed him on twitter during the 57% (at one point 94%) day last Wednesday and then Justin got a bit chippy about it.
And this is the real reason I’m bringing this up.
Because I honestly care very little about the Nervous Investing Habits of the Wisconsin hedge fund voted most likely to prompt a Mr. Roboto reference. No: I think that Gabe Plotkin sent a message with that follow. Without even ever having to say it directly. And I think that after GME’s huge run and getting a little overexcited while working the twitter machine, Justin maybe had a chance to relax with a warm glass of milk that night and reflect on that message. Which I believe was: I’m watching you, motherfucker. And the only reason I’m paying any attention to some shitstain Wisconsin pseudo-fund on a day like today when I am getting my ass fucking torched is because I want you to know that if this GME shit blows up on me, I’m going to fuck your ass up. I will remember the name Domo Capital forevermore. And when you least expect me, I’ll be there. Now: your move, motherfucker.
And once I realized what might have happened there, that made me feel kinda bad for Justin if he felt that way. Definitely a puss move because fuck you Plotkin I drink your fucking milkshake, right? But bad because that’s a mean message for a business colleague to send, Gabriel. Shame on you if that's how you roll like a big New York bully and scaring our poor Justin like that. And if you just wanted to follow him to shoot the shit or swap listicles and Star Wars Prequel memes with a respected contemporary—even in the very midst of getting fucking annihilated while short GME—well Justin has a totally different account for that and he’s not allowed to access it during work hours.
On The Likelihood That The Most Heavily Shorted Stock in History Is Not Being Subject to Continued Market Manipulation When A Steve Cohen Acolyte Is Losing His Fucking Shirt
Have you heard about Steve Fucking Cohen? The guy who looks like he’s tip top of the list of the premier Hollywood casting agency’s rolodex for Saddest Dipshit Still At the Strip Club After Everyone Else Has Already Gone Home? I’m sorry, that’s mean and my mother told me to always be kind to the truly hideous looking because they’re probably still beautiful on the inside (spoiler alert: he’s not!).
Get a load of this guy:
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2014-01-02/why-sac-capitals-steven-cohen-isnt-in-jail
https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2020-09-02/controversial-hedge-fund-billionaire-steven-cohen-takes-on-hollywood
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/steven-a-cohen-among-the-million-dollar-donors-to-trump-inauguration-2017-04-19
https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/11/steve-cohen-trump
https://nypost.com/2015/06/17/billionaire-steve-cohen-bros-out-with-guy-fieri/
Are you back? I’ve missed you. That was scary, wasn’t it? But allow me to TL/DR all that for you who decided to avoid all that unpleasantness: the dude just has all this bad luck and keeps finding himself into these really awkward situations where someone could potentially question his commitment to ethical business and life practices as well as adherence to the laws of the United States and it’s just not fair and nothing’s fair and Nice Guy Steve Cohen Is The Victim Here So Just Stop Right There Mister I See What You’re Doing. He's also bros with Guy Fieri. Cool.
But why am I talking about a guy who would so clearly pass Billy Madison’s Final Question about Business Ethics without even breaking a sweat?
Because Steve Cohen once had a young Ace Protegee that he loved very much. With the name of an Archangel, so tender and pure. And one day this young man decided he wanted to Prove Himself and Leave Steve’s Nest. And thus was born Melvin Capital, seeded financially by Steve Cohen but named after famed Crooner Melvin H. Tormé, which Gabe’s esteemed mentor Steve would play in his office, over and over, all those years ago.
Now let’s fast forward a bit because I’m boring myself with all that fucking Cohen reading (the bad Cohen—don’t you dare get anyone confused here). As I was saying: Gabe Plotkin, head of Melvin Capital, has by all accounts gotten himself into a bit of a pickle here being so deeply short GME. Lots of people have analyzed and overanalyzed it, and I’m not going to do it again here; that dead horse is well and truly beaten. But to bottom line it: we’re all just staring down what is essentially an unprecedented math problem that will, at some point, resolve itself. And if it revolves itself in favor of the Good Guys, then the Bad Guys will lose a Fuck-ton of Money. That’s your money block quote, WSJ, so fuck off and stop calling me.
Now: picture yourself as a Steve Cohen acolyte that just bought a $44M Miami Compound and who cannot stop talking about how co-owning the Charlotte Hornets is worth it just for the courtsides alone bro once basketball is a thing again and so what if Michael Jordan keeps calling him Gary it’s close enough. Are you feeling the most financially secure that you have ever felt in your young rich life right about now? Or might you be a wee bit worried that you’ve pursued an investment thesis so reckless, so irrationally and intentionally destructive of equity, that even Melvin H. Tormé himself must be rolling in his fucking grave that you would ever dare put at risk your ability to continue being Michael Jordan’s Gary?
And so here is when I again link my good buddy Jim Cramer’s Great Unveiling of the Tactics Deployed by Short Sellers hoping to change the narrative and construct a “new truth” to suppress the SP in the face of, oh, let’s just say: a very promising turnaround story in a high-growth industry by an e-Commerce Canadian Genius who does not fuck around and who knows what he’s fucking doing and aims to sell more and better video games experiences to crackhead video gamers and there’s a million things he wants to do but just you wait, just you wait.
Is this plot that hard to follow?
And I’ll also say this: I know fuck-all about monitoring order flows or how funds continue to create synthetic shares to short shit into oblivion. But I’m just stepping back and thinking of the broader narrative and tactics on this. Spit-balling here again—bear with me. Now, if you were massively short a security while paying out your ass in borrowing fees for the privilege of entering the most crowded short trade in the market and you’re now opposite a massive business turnaround story, Ryan Cohen, numerous institutions, funds, retail whales, Norwegian HNW Freemason Consortiums, and the energy behind the Finest Rocket Children Ever to Grace Planet Fucking Earth—and you’re taking it in the ass week after week here—Do you then play this straight? Do you set aside all of these illegal and deceptive short tactics Jim Cramer candidly outlines in that video even though they’re impossible to enforce and are in fact not enforced? That Jim basically says you’d be professionally negligent if you were short and didn’t do this shit because fuck it whosgonnastopyou? And now you fucked up and that steamroller is barreling down upon you and there are all these things you could theoretically do try to get yourself out of this jam if you were That Kind of Person? Do you set this all aside and, at least in Jim’s view, tie one hand behind your precious ethical back? On the most heavily shorted stock off all time where you are bleeding Real Life Big-Boy Money? Just buying and selling you know, just a job, honest living, nothing much to it, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, can't get too carried away with it.
Or is it something a little bit fucking different than that?
I don’t know. I’m not in the industry myself. And I would never accuse anyone of doing anything so clearly contrary to the values upon which their professional career as Master of the Universe was built. So Gabe: chill. Don’t follow me or something on twitter man, since for all I know that’s Plotkinese for I Hope You Don’t Mind Sleeping With This Severed Horse Head in Your Bed Motherfucker. It’s just money, dude. You seem pretty well taken care of. But man would I be sweating if I were short right now staring down the barrel of your new neighbor Ryan Cohen’s whims and patience and polite Canadian manners and ambiguous emojis that we all lose our shit for. I mean, fuck man: are you ok? Don’t forget to exercise and eat well during all this. Maybe switch to green tea or something. And remember: you’ll always—always—be Michael Jordan’s Gary.
But here is where we return to our good friend Andrew Left from Citron Research.
Do you remember the excitement you felt this past weekend? I’ve never seen WSB so jacked. People were coming out hot on Tuesday—an uptick day! The new phone book’s here! The new phone book's here! What luck to be free of Gary’s tomfoolery for one fine day. And then GME spiked right away—reaching a high of over $45 that morning.
But then something happened. We all know what it was. But here is where any SEC lookie-loos need to close those Pornhub links and pay closer attention. Because in the moments before the Citron tweet that morning about Andy’s upcoming BuzzFeed Listicle call on Why GME is Scary Investment GRRRR, total short shares available dropped from 1.2M to 0. And a $300K put bet was placed on a weekly with a strike price well over 10% out of the money at the very moment that GME’s price was accelerating rapidly. (H/t u/FatAspirations). That’s some WSB-level shit right there.
And yet they pull it off! GME immediately shoots down nearly 30% intraday, and eventually climbing abck up above 10%, making us all feel a little weird and like ungrateful millennial brats for feeling so shitty about a 10% day. But we all know what fucking happened, now don’t we?
So what can we say about ol’ Andy? Now, many of you know Andy as the dumbshit who shorted TSLA until he was ground into little bits of dumb dumb dust and made to look ever so foolish over and over again until he finally cried drunk uncle and flipped to being long TSLA and now he’s cool to you or whatever. Or you might know him as the guy who puts out really shoddy research that often, by pure happenstance, drives a new narrative to control the orderflow and SP on a WSB-beloved security like PLTR? You know the guy I’m talking about. Once in hot pursuit by Hong Kong fuzz, an International Man of Obviousness with a face that says: why yes, I will have another vodka tonic thankyouverymuch. That’s him.
Well, just like future call-back candidate for the role of Frightened Inmate #2, Mr. Steve Cohen, Andy is also but a Caveman—frightened and confused by your modern concepts of “ethics” and “rules.” No! No!—He’s a straight shooter! Devoted to rooting out obvious frauds, like Lukin Coffee and TSLA (Do not fuck with Elon or my Hot Mom’s ETF, Andy). And like the aspirations of Antoine Bugle Boy when he entered the blue jeans market, Andy saw an overcrowded short trade here based on an overly simplistic and obsolete short thesis about GME and said: “Me Too!” And as this thing is ripping to the stratosphere, Andy starts ringing his dumb dumb twitter bell and saying hear ye, hear ye—Inauguration Day and time it shall be for all my Big Brain thoughts about GME!
Nothing weird about that. No sir.
So Andy Citron or whatever the fuck his name is will be putting out some dumbshit video or something today in what seems to be a pretty clear attempt to scare my poor Rocket Children and get those pesky computers to high frequency this shit to drive the SP down to more acceptable loss levels (cause let’s be honest: they’re still taking a fucking bath here) for Mel Tormé’s namesake hedgefund and all the other cretins that are dug into short position here. And they’re gonna try to scare ya’ with the color red! And they know that no one here likes the color red.
But do see what’s going on here and who we’re dealing with. This really ain’t rocket science, Rocket Children. The dude actually tried to claim he forgot about the Inauguration. In 2021. He has not been in a coma, to the best of my knowledge. But you do look a little bleary eyed, Andy. Must have been all that staying up super late working on those last few bullet points to fill out the powerpoint on that GME listicle of yours, eh sport?
Conclusion: On the Subject of Patience and The Arc of The Universe Bending Toward Ryan Fucking Cohen
In my youth there was a period of time where I went out on boats that would drop crates into the waters of the Arctic. Bundled inside them were raw pieces of meat. In the coming days the boats would head back out to the frigid seas, hook the floats bobbing upon the waters, and pull the crates up. Packed inside would be many crabs. They were so delicious & made a good price at market. The difference between the crate that was empty and the create full of bounty was a mystery even the great physicist Erwin Schrödinger pondered at much length.
But the hearty fishermen of my youth already knew the answer long ago. Why did the trap fill up? Time. In time, all traps fill. In time, all things pondered shall be revealed.
--The Fucking Viking, That’s Who
Now look, you all know I have a soft spot for Ryan Cohen. Hell, we all do. He’s a good dude. And the man has played this flawlessly so far. He really has. The fact that we are all sitting here with Ryan Cohen having successfully negotiated three seats on the Board—a bloodless coup as my man Rod Alzmann says—here in January? It’s amazing. His vision for GME is dialed-the-fuck in and extremely exciting. This misunderstood business is on the threshold of an exciting turnaround with Ryan Cohen at the helm. And though I was very much looking forward to the potential repercussions of a vote being called at the annual meeting and what that might mean for the short-term share price, this result is infinitely better. Whatever their motivations, that Board and George Sherman saw the writing on the wall here and accepted the Golden Bridge that Ryan offered them. And Ryan Cohen has done everything he’s set out to do here. And he’s clearly been having fun while doing it. Read up on the guy at some point if you haven’t–there’s lots of good DD out there on him, obviously. And while you’re reading and thinking about Ryan Cohen, think also about guys like Steve Cohen (no fucking relation) and Gabe Plotkin and Andy Left and how lucky we are that we get to roll with RC against that motley crew of fuckwads.
And do you know what? I’m guessing that RC, and maybe even the funds being discussed in that screenshot, have been very patient with Mr. Plotkin et al in recent weeks. You don’t go around bankrupting hedge funds willy nilly, you know--bad form and all that old chap. People tend to remember that. And guys like Steve Cohen and Gabe Plotkin seem like they play for keeps. So now you try to build them a Golden Bridge to cross—maybe not their preferred route of travel, but could be worse and all that, right guys? But for whatever reason it seems like the natural instinct here on the short side is fight over flight. And these short FUD tactics are getting increasingly ridiculous to help slow down the inevitable march toward the detonator right next to that bridge. So relax everyone! And let’s not fool ourselves: All those Masters of the Universes are well aware of the math problem they’re all facing here and they must have a vague grasp of the odds that this goes off in one direction over the other. And what that could mean for the size of their money pits and how many sports teams they can buy this year. Shit, I assume Steve Cohen is counseling his young acolyte about how many sads he himself felt deep down in his man heart on that fateful day in 2008 when he lost $250M on a short when Volkswagon squeezed to infinity—a sadness that he will continue to draw on when his agent finally finds him a role that calls for it.
But my point is: the longs here can afford to be patient and let this play out. When this thing moves, the Viking’s Schrödinger crabs will only be in one pot. And I’m guessing that pot is the one being held by the guy who is actually in total control here: Ryan Goddamn Cohen.
So enjoy the show today. If you’re anything like me, you’re feeling relaxed after gorging yourself on lucky space peanuts all week.(https://solarsystem.nasa.gov/news/10022/lucky-peanuts/)
And though these silly wabbits with their cumbersome FUD efforts can get a bit tiresome, I’m still very much enjoying this GME show at this point and almost do not want it to end—what with all these Sorkin-esque twists and turns and my Cohen Tweet Decorder Ring getting all this sweet action.
But just remember who Ryan Cohen is, what he cares about, and what, so far, he has told us he intends to do here. And then you might realize, as I have, that Ryan Cohen has had the Gray’s Sports Almanac here all along. This story has already been written. He’s already won. And Melvin Capital’s Schrödinger-ass crabs are dead as fuck. The only question now is: what causes that Golden Bridge to blow? I, for one, am content to wait on RC while counting my good fortune that I can continue to accumulate until whatever happens here happens. So pass the rocket peanuts.
It’s just money after all. Right Gabe?
TL/DR: Psst: a Mysterious Viking once told me about behind-the-scenes Golden Bridge negotiations that are likely taking place that give shorts no chance but the shorts seem to think they’re saying there’s a chance but there really is no chance; Gabe Plotkin, Steve Cohen and Andy Left are misunderstood Straight Shooters who probably answer typical interview questions about their own perceived weaknesses by saying “Sometimes I just care too much about doing the right thing”; and Ryan Cohen is the Goddamn Man so we can all relax and not worry so much about all this dumb short FUD bullshit, ok? OK. 🚀🚀🚀
**If you construe any of the above as investment advice without doing your own DD or at least Googling Ryan Cohen then you are a fucking idiot and may God have mercy on your soul. You too, Andy.

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Things have been busy so, I apologize for the delay. I know lots of you love these stories.
Last Friday night...Yeah, I think we broke the law...Always say we're gonna stop, whoa
Friday, or in the alternative: What part of call me was not clear?
I get to my desk at the usual time and deal with the usual bullshit. I got a SCAR 16s here on consignment because a customer of mine bought them from dealers that were less than reputable and lied about the condition of/country of origin of their merchandise. And they swapped sku's and other bullshit gun dealer things.
Trying to be a nice guy, I can charge the guy to box and ship everything back or roll them at top dollar and give him a big stack of blue stripe benjamins. I tell him I'll try and sell them for him and take my cut off the top so we're both making money. He thinks this is a great idea and manages to line up a buyer on his own. I just need to do the 4473 and cut him a check. No big deal, I don't have a problem doing a little extra work for him versus the standard dealer to customer transfer. The guy he sold it to is a semi regular customer of mine and he comes in, bangs out the 4473 and it's about a 90 minute wait on transaction time.
No big deal. Instead of packing up for the gun show, I'm selling other peoples guns. I'll pack up for the gun show tonight and get everything ready when I get home. I need to be up super early and on the road.
I get everything squared off, customer comes in to get his money and drops off ANOTHER SCAR 16s to sell because the dealer pulled a con job. Okay, I can haul it to the show in the AM. I have a SCAR 16s in FDE from him. I have a 5.7 in FDE on the arm from a buddy of mine and a 509 FDE. I'll make a package deal, FDE FN Friday all FN time. Things are looking up!
I clear off all the 4473's for the week and do an audit and I'm down about 75% inventory wise from last year. Things are tight but stuff is trickling in in drips and drabs. Hit the chickfila on my way home for a sandwich and milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard. I'm done eating and getting ready to leave when I get the call.
ring ring
FC: go for FC
1: Mr Hayden sir, can I ask a favor of you?
FC: What up?
1: Got a guy who wants my scar 16 lined up but he has to pay on a credit card. Can you run it for me? You can take a card and cut me a check?
(It's 7PM on a friday night. I still need to pack for the show. By the time I get back it will be 9PM and I still need to shower and get a decent nights sleep. I'm a glutton for punishment)
FC: If you want to get it done tonight, have the guy call me. I'm eating dinner now and I'll head back if he calls me.
1: roger that, I'll pass along your info right now and let him know.
I do a few more emails from the laptop and say hi to the chickfila owner who was friends with my dad and buys guns from me. We chat for a bit and my phone does not ring. Now, gentle readers - I offered to head back at 730PM on a friday to get something done for someone as a favor to them. That should be worthy of "holy shit you are the man for coming back on your own time!" but this was not the case. No phone call means I didn't head back.
I head home, no phone call. Phone about to die. Plug it in and go into my garage and get all my gun show stuff sorted and loaded and organized. My normal display is 3 tables of merchandise stacked and racked on 2 tables. This show it's 1.5 tables of merchandise stretched out on 2 tables. Not good. My back is killing me. I get some ibuprofen and take a hot shower. Grab my phone off the charger. Bunch of missed calls, one email one VM. I return the VM.
1: Hey you must be having a good dinner at chickfila, we've been waiting here in the parking lot for the last hour!
FC: You have? Well, I didn't get a phone call. I'm home and in pajamas.
1: What? He didn't call you?
FC: Nope
1: HEY! YOU DIDN'T CALL HIM? Oh he says he just figured......
FC: No phone call means no turning around to go back to work. We'll deal with it next week.
1: Okay I'll tell him.
I'm a pretty easy to get along with guy. If you ask me a favor, I'll likely do it if it does not interfere with my life too badly. But if you ask me for a favor and you can't follow simple instructions, well then you're wasting your own time. That's no skin off my hide. Failure to follow simple directions on your part does not warrant my bad back bending over backwards to make it right. I climb into bed, I have to be up at 5AM to tank up at the truck stop, grab breakfast on the run and get to this show on the road.
Saturday, in the park. I think it was the fourth of july. People dancing, people laughing. A man selling ice cream. Singing Italian songs....
Showtime Saturday.
My back is stiffer than I'd like. I get down to the show and get loaded in and everything is set up looking spiffy. Not in my normal spot right by the loading dock, much to my chagrin. There's a line that's 1/4 mile long to get into the building. This shit is looking crazy.
Here's the deal, folks. The 4473 isn't hard. It does require attention to detail. Being in therapy with Dr Kaplan, I've learned a few things.
Old FC: Here's the clipboard, call me when you're done.
New FC: Here's the form, I'm guessing you haven't filled this out before. Start on line 9, read this carefully, 18A and 18B are two separate questions that both require answers, 21 L 2 is tricky, you need to read it ALL THE WAY TO THE END before you answer. Sign on 22, today's date on 23. STOP THERE.
With the new spiel, of the 7 forms I was handed on Saturday before noon - guess how many were filled out correctly? I'll make a break here to talk about the bullshit I had to do.
Show Hustler #1: I had a consignment mossberg built in new haven pre 1968. A guy wants to buy it and he's friends with Ray Dalio. Yes, the Ray Dalio. He tries getting me to knock $100 off but I tell him he's nuts. If he's FRIENDS WITH A BILLIONAIRE and lives in GREENWICH fucking Connecticut, you can pay my very fair asking price of about $350 on it. He relents and I give him a small discount and I give him the clipboard.
Show Hustler #2: I got a guy wanting to trade me a 44 Mag Black Desert Eagle for a Colt 1911 I have on the table. Prices are about the same. I tell him I'm not doing the work of selling two guns for the profit of one gun. He tells me I'm not selling two guns, I'm trading one and selling one. That's selling one gun! I explain two entries in my A/D book means I sell two guns, and it's easier for me to sell a NIB Colt than it is for me to sell a used Desert Eagle. Well the DE isn't used! It's unfired! It's brand new! If I didn't get it from a wholesaler, it's used. He says for me to think about it and he'll be at the show. I tell him I thought about it. He says yeah, ready to do an even trade? I say no, now I want your gun plus $1000. He calls me a clown and walks away.
Show Hustler #3: Over the road truck driver wants the FN 5.7 in FDE I have on consignment. Asks for a truck driver discount. He wants it for $1200. I've got it tagged at $1350. I tell him if he can fill out the form straight, no errors I write it at 1200. If there's an error, I write it for $1350. He says he just bought a brand new freightliner cascadia and money is tight. I tell him well we got a bet or what? He nods, I book the action.
Show Hustler #4: Guy wants my 509C. He wants to trade me for a NIB glock even up. I tell him there's no money to be made and selling a used glock gets me less money. BUT ITS NOT USED! ITS BRAND NEW! We go back and forth 9 times about how new does not mean what he thinks it means. I offer him $350 on his trade as credit knowing that $650 on a used glock in 45ACP is all the money right now. He calls me a cocksucker and walks away.
Okay, so 7 form 4473's with an explanation as to all the problem areas before noon on Saturday.....how many were filled out correctly?
If you answered zero, you are right! That means I won the 4473 bet. The 5.7 goes out at top dollar. Winner winner chicken dinner!
I head home and count my money. I need 9 more shows like this and I might finally be able to retire. On the way home I check web orders. Three guys in arkansas have ordered $900 22LR off my website at $150 a brick. I joke about my stash of 22LR being a brand new F350 platinum but at $150/brick that's rapidly becoming a reality.
Sunday, Bloody Sunday
Sunday is day 2 of the show. I stop at a local diner and grab corned beef hash and a short stack of pancakes for breakfast. Want to know how good a diner is? If there's real butter with the pancakes and not that bullshit country crock/margarine spread, you know things will be good.
There's butter. It's good.
A very nice Sig 229 in stainless in 9mm comes by from a guy who did business with me years ago. He traded me a Wilson CQB pistol for a Sig 226 and a Springfield Range Officer even up. I had maybe $1600 into that Wilson, I sold it for $2500 a few months later and tucked the money away. When my brother got married, our fucking gigantic family got together the night before the wedding and had dinner. I told him I'd cover it and he's like "are you sure?" and I said, how bad could it be? Not realizing his wife's family is a bunch of hungry alcoholics from cape cod who have never seen an open bar before and are total gluttons when someone else is buying. As it turns out, $2500 covered about half of the F&B, but he seemed appreciative.
Anyhow.
I sell nothing at the show all day and talk with the other dealers and swap stupid customer stories. I pack and head home and I've sold a good bit of stuff of mine and consignments. As I'm making my way out of the building, the wheel comes off the wagon.
This is not a euphemism. https://imgur.com/a/KY5vLCl
I pay off all my friends for their sales, and in the zelle memo field, I break down the transactions as such:
$69.69 - Anal Hook
$350 - Loch Ness Monster Poster
(whatever the balance was after bullshit, I can't remember) - this is from your real dad
I have lots of fun at this job sometimes.
It's just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. 'Cause that's my fun day.
Monday morning I get an email from the fellow who spent his friday night in the parking lot waiting for me. His email address leads me to believe he spent some time at Parris Island or San Diego, because who else uses semper fi in an email address name? He says he can be in after work at 1645 hours sharp and is just down the road. I tell him I'll get everything squared away for him, and I prep the 4473's on a clipboard and get everything set up.
Cleaning up files from the show, closing out 4473's. Down to 249 items in stock. 150 of them are lowers. This is not good. Must strike while irons are hot though. Gotta shear all the sheep while the wool is ready to harvest and prices are high. I have a bunch of personal ammo that will hit the market one POTUS says something stupid. That's not an if, that's a when.
Bunch of phone calls from people seeking 380 and cheap 9mm. I do my best charles bronson impression. "No dice." The emails accusing me of price gouging are fantastic. There's some other idiocy too. I won't post the whole ones but here's a few snippets from the butthurt and the unprepared as well as the idiotic.

I’m just looking for fmj for target practice. Nothing fancy. If you could do them for $400 a case of 1000 I can talk.

FC: I can get you $400/case on 1000 but it'll be foreign made non brass 9mm ammo.

Pretty much what your saying is no matter how much money I try to spend, you’re continuing your get rich quick prices. People like you are direct part of the problem. It’s one thing to make money and it’s another to try to high way rob people. Hope you’re proud of yourself.

FC: I can assure you that this isn't a get rich quick situation. I spent plenty of money investing in half a million rounds of ammo about FOUR years ago during the Trump slump and I'm just getting around to realizing profits now. I am not getting rich, nor am I doing it quickly. I hardly think that any investment that takes 4 years to realize a gain is quick.
(No response back)
Subject: Used Ruger 10/22
Message: I’ll give you 175 for it.
FC: Deal. Can you come by today?
(new message, no subject)
Message: I can come by Tomorrow or Thursday.
(I try calling him. VM box is full)
FC: Great! Lets get it done. Your VM box is full. Tomorrow is better.
(new message, no subject)
Message: I can come tomorrow but I only have 150 I can spend at the moment so I’ll probably wait a few days.
FC: What happened to " I’ll give you 175 for it." a few hours ago?
(new message, no subject)
Message: My bad dude. I have a kid I don’t know what to tell you. And I’m pretty sure I said Wednesday or Thursday. If you really want it gone that bad I don’t see what the big deal is.
FC: I was just expecting you to have $175 ready if you said you wanted to deal......So, will Wednesday or Thursday work this week? Bring me cash and your concealed.
(new message, no subject)
Message: No cwl. But you don’t need one for a private sale. I can have your cash.
FC: No CWL no sale.
(new message, no subject)
Message: Yeah I’ll pass. Good luck. You totally should have mentioned that at the start of negotiations.
FC: What part of my ad that said cash and concealed required was unclear?
Yeah. Fucking mondays.
1630 rolls around and our scar loving jarhead walks in. With his wife. And his children. Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR little munchkins. All without an ipad and disney + streaming to keep them occupied. They're not bad kids, just curious at all the little things I have lying around like lower parts kits, magazines, AAC 51T mounts, stuff like that.
He hands over his ID. I look at the address. It's a city two and a half hours away.
FC: Uh, you're a long way from home.
USMC: Yeah I just moved. I'm putting my new address on this form if that's okay.
FC: You have anything with your new address on it? I can't do anything with ID that's not current.
USMC: It's not expired, it's current.
FC: Where do you live?
USMC: (names address locally)
FC: Then this is no longer current. I need something with your new local address on it.
USMC: Oh then I'll just use the old address on this form then.
FC: That's not acceptable. I need a current government document with your new address.
USMC: Here, I have activation orders and training orders from the army.
FC: That won't work. Government document with your new address.
USMC: Here's my W2 from the DOD.
FC: That's not a government document.
USMC: But the DOD gave it to me! It's FROM the department of defense, which is the government!
(Editors note: Did I mention that I hate mondays?)
sigh
FC: I can call ATF and ask......
USMC: Please do!
(I phone the ATF area supervisor on his cellular device)
ATF: Mr Hayden, how can I help you today?
FC: Barry, I got a funny one. Guy wants to use his DOD W2/activation orders to get his gun since that has his current address.
ATF: Why? Is there a reason he's unable to get an updated drivers license?
FC: That's a good question Barry, let me find out.
(FC puts ATF on speakerphone)
FC: Hey private first class, ATF wants to know why you didn't update your license
USMC: Uh because I've been busy
ATF: Sir, that's not an answer. I was in the military too and I had to change ID's just like you. If I can had to do it you have to do it.
(Barry was a very long time ago a RIO on the F4 Phantom)
USMC: But I have activation orders! and training orders! and a W2!
ATF: Get your license changed over or produce another document for the licensee to process your transaction.
FC: Thanks barry!
I hang up and tell him that's the area supervisor and I'm playing this one the way he tells me. He needs to produce a document compliant with ATF regulations for me to release this firearm.
USMC: Oh by the way there's a guy with my same name that robbed a bank in Detroit last year, I always get delayed anyways.
(sigh)
I type his stuff into the computer and I get a thumbs up from the computer instantly much to his amazement. I fire off a quick email to the guy who owns the scar
Subject: No current ID
Message: your jarhead friend who wants the scar does not have current ID

No deal? Or what's the plan?

My reply is interrupted. Their oldest child admires the batman dollar on my safe. The youngest child is incessantly clicking a spare pilot G2 pen I had on my desk.
Mother: If you click that pen ONE MORE TIME, you are WALKING HOME.
(kid puts the pen down)
Me, whispering to the kid: It's not that far.
(kid picks the pen back up)
Mother scowls at both of us.
I giggle.
I get back to email.
FC: Lets put it this way. You're gonna owe me for this one. Big time.
His wife starts pulling out auto registrations, USAA insurance cards, cable bills, etc with their new address - NONE of which are useful because none of them are government issued. She updates his and her drivers licenses online at the state website and gives me a voter registration printout confirming the update, but that's not a workable document since it's an informational update and not an actual registration.
Customer that owns the scar walks in and witnesses the flurry of kids playing with gun stuff and two grown ass adults trying to make it all work.
It's been 45 minutes of this.
The guy finally gives up and goes on the state website and gets a fishing license and emails it to me. Stacks a big stack of SCAR magazines that NOBODY has in stock to the order and I charge it onto his USAA mastercard. Had I returned to work on a Friday after hours to get an ID that wasn't current, I would have been apoplectic. Now, I'm just mildly annoyed. I can assure you that anyone who has walked through the hallowed halls of MCRD Parris Island should know to have their shit together. This just seemed like some hybrid of cluelessness more than it was an issue of stolen valor. Gun and mags go out the door.
My customer sits down and starts laughing. I look at him totally nonplussed.
1: That was easy, right?
(FC looks nonplussed)
1: An hour worth of work, for $50! That's good! you should do a few of those a day!
(FC looks nonplussed)
1: Really?
FC: You owe me.
I cut him his check and I'm done for the night. I head home.
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too....
Tuesday
Another day, another box of 9mm at $75 each heading out the door.....I'm down to my last 15,000 rds of 9mm. I sold my entire personal stash of Remington UMC at $67 a box. Now that we're into the Federal American Eagle, it's up to $75. People are thanking me for having it available because they've called everywhere.
This morning's "no I don't have it" calls: 380ACP, 30-40 Krag, 6.5 CM, Grendel and Swede, 2.5" .410 slugs, 3 or 3.5" shells and turkey loads.
Now, for the uninitiated: Turkey season is around the corner. ALL the ammo for turkey loads have been purchased by new shooters looking for home defense ammo since last year. Why turkey loads for self defense? That's all the cabelas had....
Come season, there will be lots of very disappointed hunters who were unprepared. Those with ammo will hunt, those without ammo will hunt for ammo, and they will not be successful given the state of the ammunition markets. There is far more money to be made cranking out buckshot and slugs than there are turkey shells.
Package comes in for transfer. Guy has a NJ license. He's just moved here. Has NOTHING with his new address. This is basically a repeat of Monday's SCAR sale. The guy here is ADAMANT that he's bought a home here and he can purchase a firearm without being a state resident.
He's technically right. HOWEVER this is why dealers hate doing things: The gun and sale have to follow both the laws of the state he's in AND the state of New jersey. Now I have to run down all the bullshit that is NJ published ordnances to ensure that this gun is Phil Murphy(TM) approved. For the price of a transfer. BUT WAIT THERES MORE!
The gun is for a BUDDY of his he's giving it to him as a gift when he's down here for a fishing trip in a few days.
https://imgur.com/0cqL7vX
Read that last line.
Yeah. I tell him that it's unlawful for him to dispose of a firearm to a non resident. He's wondering what the fuck to do. He insists on taking delivery. I tell him I need to run it down with the address and everything since his NJ license isn't technically valid since HE NO LONGER LIVES THERE.
The guy bought a double wide trailer here, the trailer park handles all the water, the power, the etc - he does not have any REAL property here. He's insistent that he has a deed for his house. He's holding a bill of sale for a mobile home.
sigh
I tell him we should just get things sent to his friend via an FFL in his state. The guy lines up an FFL and I fedex the gun to the dealer up there. We need ONE UNIFORM SET OF COHESIVE COMMON SENSE GUN LAWS, not one federal set and 50+ subsections on a state level plus NY State HOME RULE BULLSHIT.
I head home early, telemedicine with Dr Kaplan. He's impressed with my progress. I'm not.
There are no songs that have Wednesday that I can think of here
Wednesday, Hump Day
I decide to work from home today. I can take all the phone calls and tell people no I don't have anything from home. I decide to do some early spring cleaning. It's a BEA-U-TIFUL day. The sun is out, nice weather means I can work in the garage for once. I start a load of laundry. Everything starts off fine. I'm sorting through old shot show HK posters when I can smell burning. There's no smoke but I do smell burning. Am I having a stroke? I can't figure it out and I get a load of laundry processed through my carbon neutral solar powered clothes drying system. I start another batch of laundry and hear a massive grinding noise when I should hear the washing machine washing. That burning smell? That was the timer burning up. And I have a full tub of underwear that needs to get done since I'm nearly out. Fuck.
My dad's old toolbox is in disarray. Mine isn't. I quickly grab a few tools. A snap on general service kit is totally overkill, but it's super nice to have EVERYTHING in one spot ready to go. My 1/4 drive ratchet takes apart my washing machine panel with ease. I unplug the timer and hit the electronic bay for a replacement. I find one 2 hours away and they say they can ship immediately on my fedex account. I can get it here tomorrow if they fedex ground it on todays truck. Deal, here's my amex. Email me tracking when it's sent.
One problem arisen, one problem in progress of being fixed. Not bad for before noon.
I get a bunch of stuff stacked up and straightened up and I throw a ton of stuff on facebook marketplace. Old Glock signs and point of sale merchandise like hanging ceiling mobiles, glock pencils, FN pads, FN hats, Daniel Defense stickers and patches, HK pistol racks, some old Colt and Beretta Blue boxes, all that stuff.
People message me about the Colt box. WHATS IN THE BOX they ask.
Well it's an empty fucking box. I made that VERY clear in the description. So what's my witty rejoinder? A youtube link to the scene from Seven with Brad Pitt yelling at Morgan Freeman "WHATS IN THE BOX? WHATS IN THE BOX?!?!!?!"
They are not amused. I think it's brilliant. They ask me what gun is for sale. I tell them it's just an empty box but if they want a gun, here's my info and call me at work during business hours. I'm then told that people selling empty boxes on facebook aren't selling empty boxes, they're selling guns.
This, I did not know.
Armed with this newfound information, I proceed to post more random stuff from my garage for sale in front of a pile of 20,000 rds of 9mm. An old kegerator and some bar equipment my dad had, a Miller Genuine Draft neon sign backdropped with 5 cases of Winchester Q4170 45ACP and 5 cases of CCI Lawman 147gr 9mm. The messages flood in looking to buy my stuff cheap. But I know what I got.
My favorite interaction:
1: hey man, you got anything else for sale?
FC: Tons of stuff for sale!
1: I'm looking for pews.
FC: I got pews, you want to stop by and check out my pews? I got some real nice ones, super nice. Only used on sunday!
1: Yeah man I'm leaving for lunch in 10 min, give me your address
FC: Sure thing! Here's me, be here in 30 minutes!
I continue to clean up my garage and I pull out some of my dad's old auction finds. Under about 200 old polynesian tiki mugs, I dust off some white oak church pews and pull them into the driveway. The guy tells me he wants to see the pews I got, and I point them out to him in the driveway. White oak, great shape - just needs some lemon pledge and they'll be good as new. He calls me a clown, gets in his car and drives off.
What's wrong with these people?
I return to find 254 facebook marketplace messages for people asking me to sell/ship them guns and ammo to all sorts of places and that facebook has suspended my account for violations of their marketplace terms. The offending item? An old Sig Sauer binder that has a P226 exploded diagram on the front. Because firearm parts are not allowed.
I manage to sell on facebook marketplace an old surefire incandescent rifle light, a blue colt mustang box, a few tin winchester ammo signs, some beer neons that belonged to my dad and some soft pistol rugs that I ordered from RSR on clearance. A productive wednesday. My haul nets me after facebook marketplace fees and shipping about $54 on the shipped items and a few hundred bucks in miscellany. I give my business cards to all the folks looking for gun stuff and they seem surprised that I still have ammo and that they've never heard of me. They do all their ammo and gun shopping online and don't do B&M. That's the way things will be in the future.
I head to the tex mex joint for dinner. I chat it up with a very cute blonde that is the manager. She's just moved into a new place after her man chated on her and she ditched that zero. I offer her my stack of bed bath and beyond coupons.
FC: Starting over is expensive. Maybe this will make it a little bit cheaper.
1: Oh my gosh this will save me a bunch of money! Here, your dinner is on me.
FC: It's been a long time since a woman has bought me dinner. Perhaps I should return that favor. Do you like firefighters?
(she cracks a big smile under the mask)
1: I do, but I'm talking to someone right now.
FC: I can see you ditched the zero, but if it does not work out and you want to get yourself a hero - I'm here pretty often. Just ask and I'll take you to dinner at your favorite place.
I manage to get rejected by a woman at the same time she bought me dinner.
That takes talent. I head home, pop some ibuprofen and head to bed. I check my email in bed. There's a tracking number.
PICKUP OCCOURED AFTER FEDEX CUTOFF FOR TODAY, PACKAGE WILL BE TENDERED THE NEXT BUSINESS DAY
You fucking clowns. You had one job. I call fedex and ask them to hold it at the facility 2 hours away. I'll grab it in the AM. They can't even find it. Fuck it. Leave it. I'll deal with it later.
Thursday, I don't care about you
Thursday, or FC makes a new friend!
I head into work a bit early today, as I'm driving down my street, I round the corner and see an older fellow wheeling his trash to the curb. This guy had a '99 Ford F250 extended cab 4x4 with the venerable 7.3 navistar in MINT condition for sale. 129,000 miles, parked in a garage 10 months out of the year. He wanted $16k for this truck and I figured he got tired of tire kickers and lowballs and kept it. I messaged him 3 days after the post went up and I never followed up, I knew the house since I've literally been driving past it MY ENTIRE LIFE on the way to elementary, middle, high school, college and now work.
My passenger window rolls down as I stop right next to the mailbox.
FC: You still got your F250?
1: No! That thing sold in one hour! To a dealer!
FC: Son of a bitch! I wanted that truck, I didn't even know you were selling!
1: Dealer came over in one hour, took a look at it, put cash on the hood, slapped a dealer tag on it and drove it out of here!
FC: Damn! I wish you put a sign on it and I would have stopped.
1: I told my wife I didn't want to sell it to a dealer but my garage isn't big enough!
FC: No kidding. Say, you still got your T bird?
1: My thunderbird? How'd you know I have a thunderbird?
FC: I grew up here! When I was in grade school I'd ride by and you were wrenching on it, when I was in high school, I'd see you wrenching on it from the bus and when I was in college I'd see you wrenching on it on my way home from class!
1: I spent 20 years building that car 2 weeks at a time! You wanna see it?
FC: Well, when you put it that way....
I pull off into the grass. He's got a detached 3500 square foot garage with Snap On's Mr Big not 1 but 2 ben pearson four post lifts. He shows me his thunderbird he's been working on for two decades. We get to talking. He's a commercial alaskan fisherman and he spends 10 months of the year in alaska and seattle running boats. Super nice guy. He asks me what I do for work, and I tell him. He tells me all his friends are scrambling for ammo and he didn't think it was that bad. I tell him it's been that way for about a year. He needs 00 buckshot, 8 or 9 pellet. I just got a small delivery. I tell him I can get him some. I give him my card and tell him call me this afternoon and I'll throw a few boxes in my briefcase and I'll deliver them on my way home. I'm asked about my watch, he's apparently a GMT man as well. We both like fords and stainless GMT's. Nice. He tells me the story about how he accidentally welded the band to his boat in the bering sea while doing repairs with a stick welder.
FC: What do you catch?
1: Pollock, cod
FC: long line?
1: No, trawler..... You know your commercial fishing.
FC: I know my customers.
Impressed at my substantial seafood knowledge, he tells me he'll call me after he checks his safe. I head into work and get some more stuff done.
I get a call from a referral. This guy was busted for selling pot and spent 8 months in miltary prison at Leavenworth. He's wondering if he can still own or have a gun with a bad conduct discharge. I'm not sure. I call my retinue and we agree that it's worthy of research and we should do a bar journal article about it. I love it when a plan comes together.
Doctor lady and her husband come in and their attorney has told them that without a trust, their silencer order will need to be approved by the CLEO of the region. This is why people hate lawyers. I get all their stuff drawn up as they requested with two trusts and interlocking responsible parties. Double the prints and plenty of passport photos all around.
Dead Air is behind on pistons and mounts, as usual but I'm assured by the big man in charge that they will be at wholesalers shortly. I'm so scrambled that I forget to charge her for two cans. No big deal, I'll email her and deal with it when I get her the mounts.
I have a facebook marketplace post up for an old Glock brand Pistol case and some glock brand ear pro. Here's the message:

Hi Will it's John from facebook marketplace I was looking at the glock bb gun and head phones will you show me a pic of the actually glock and does it have a clip and a slide,,??¿?? My old one did but I left it at my apartment I was sharing with friends but I miss having it lmk asap please and thanks sincerely Jeff K.

FC: Lets start here. 1. I don't sell Glock BB guns. 2. I don't have head phones. Were you only interested in BB guns?

Ya I was on Facebook marketplace looking for BB c02 pistols

sigh
I go truck shopping online. A guy has a 2011 F250 diesel for $24k. Except it's not a 2011. It's a 2001. I don't know what's more absurd, a 2011 at $24k, when average retail is a shade under $20k or a 20 year old truck selling for half of MSRP.
I'm ready to give up on this. Truck prices are stupid. I check my email. Timer in transit, Fedex has it en route.
I head home and pop a flexiril and head to sleep. The flexeril isn't fixing any of my muscles but manages to knock me the fuck out quite nicely. I need to be up early.
Just got paid, Friday night....
Friday, or FC vs The Washing Machine
As a kid, I always played with my dads toolbox. I took apart tons of stuff and had no idea how to put it back together. Some kids when they're in the tender years made birdhouses and small woodworking projects and it was super fun for them to pretend. Me? I took apart a 1 horse GE electric blower motor my dad short circuited on accident and made a pretend General Electric first generation boiling water nuclear reactor. Which was not really easy to do given the fact that the internet didn't exist in the early 90's. You had to have some modicum of imagination, and in that case your design was neither right nor wrong because nobody could easily prove your design accurate or otherwise. I had effectively built Schrodinger's BWR. I used different colored and sized tapcons and red heads for fuel/control rods if anyone was wondering. I think I can handle the washing machine. Just for good measure I put on my Cal Tech shirt.
As I warm up breakfast, I get an email from a guy named Eddie. He wants to see some 40S&W pistols. I tell him I have a busy morning. I can find some time for him around 10AM if he wants to stop by and I'll have what he's looking for ready.
My fedex guy stops at the Boeing facility first thing in the morning to drop off parts at the loading dock, I know his schedule so I pull up to the dock and hang out there waiting for him. Jeff is right on time and I snag my washer timer. No email back from Eddie so time to head back home to put everything back together. I'm in the middle of buttoning it up when I get a call.
Eddie is standing in my parking lot wanting to check out some 40S&W pistols I have in stock. I tell him all my available inventory on the website and that if he wanted me to have everything ready for him at 10AM, he should have given me an affirmative reply or a phone call. Right now, clean underwear is a priority and Eddie seems to understand this and he says he will chat with me later.
I head back to work. The entire parking lot smells like weed. There's a VW microbus parked on the far side of the lot and I'm downwind of it.
This is not a coincidence.
Wholesale rep tries to sell me $700 complete andersons again with a min order of 50. Pass.
I get a bunch of messages from other dealers looking to buy ammo off me and resell it to their customers at "reasonable" prices and I tell them they are fools for selling stuff cheap. They just don't get it and they'll be out of business soon.
I get a call from a guy wanting ammo. He wants all my 22LR. I tell him the price and he says "I can't make a profit selling it at those prices!"
This is the reason regular people can't buy ammo just FYI.
It's Friday again. I've got another gun show to prep for. New product just rolls in on the UPS truck. A few glocks, a few shields, and for some reason the rep sent me 5 sets of rear MBUS sights instead of 5 front and 5 rear. Ugh. I manage to get a small allocation of 9mm in on this truck as well as 11 boxes of 10mm! This year is looking better by the week!
I get several calls for AAC mounts that nobody has in stock and the owners are totally confused. One guy had a can and was selling a rifle and sold the ONLY mount he owned for that can to the guy buying his rifle for $200.
He was under the impression that you could just call AAC and order another mount for $112. I tell him if I can find what he's looking for, I'll need to buy it for $250 from someone and that it will sell for $350-500 by the time I mark it up. He's super confused as to why everyone is running out and buying AAC mounts and why they can't be ordered. I explain AAC/Remington's two bankruptices in 5 years. He is even more confused. I finally blurt it out.
You had ONE mount for your can. You sold it. There are no other mounts. You have paid a tax stamp for and own a can that YOU CAN NO LONGER MOUNT because you sold them. He now realizes the error of his ways. Nothing I can do about that.
Second guy tells me he sees I have AAC mounts. He needs one for his can. I ask him what model he has. He has to crack open the safe.
1: It's an Advanced Armament Corp Norcross Georgia
FC: That's the manufacturer......
1: It's a.........ZERO ENNN DASH ZERO EFFF EFFF
FC: It's a what?
1: It says on the side ZERO ENNN DASH ZERO EFFFF EFFFF
(Editors note: https://www.advanced-armament.com/assets/products/762-SDN-6.png )
FC: That's not the model.
1: It's not? Then what did I read to you?
FC: That's not a zero. That's the letter O.

1. The number O?

FC: O. As in Oh. ENNNN. Dash. Oh. EFFF EFF.
1: I'm confused.
FC: You just read the directions to take the can ON or OFF.
1: Huh that would explain the arrows wouldn't it......
FC: Yeah. What model do you have?
1: It's an MK13-SD!
FC: You need a 90T ratchet mount.
1: Great! You stock em, right?
FC: Nope.
1: But your website has some, those will work right?
FC: Unless you need 51T mounts, I can't help you.
1: Can you suggest someone that can? I need mounts.
FC: AAC is gone, these mounts may never be made again.
1: Shit.
Not to be out done, I get one more phone call.
1: hey this is brent, I need an AAC mount
FC: What model you got?
1: 7.62
FC: Right, thats the caliber.
1: RS7!
FC: SR7?
1: That's the one! I need an SR 7 mount in 5.56, the one I have is in 7.62
FC: Got four here. $400.
1: I just need one.
FC: That is for one.
1: WHAT? FOR ONE? Why's it so expensive?
FC: Remington went under. These may never be made again. I've been buying up everything I've been able to find so I can run the table.
1: That's a good business move.
FC: Not my first rodeo.
1: Well for $400 I'll just take a mount off a rifle I'm not using and I'll set that up. Thanks anyways.
(90 minutes later, my door swings open)
FC: What can I do for you?
1: I'm brent, we talked about that RS7 mount.
FC: SR7.
1: Whatever. I got this here and it does not even fit! It's for the wrong rifle! I need the right mount, this one is in 5.56 I need the one for the 7.62
FC: Lemme see what you got.
(Looks at package. AAC 90T TAPER MOUNT FH SR-5 5.56 1/2x28)
FC: What are you mounting this to?
1: AR15 in 223
FC: This is the correct mount.
1: No it's not! It does not fit!
FC: Does not fit barrel or can?
1: The can! I mounted it to the barrel and the can won't work! Need the one for the RS7!
FC: SR7
1: Whatever! I have a 7.62 can, this mount is for 5.56 and it's the wrong one.
FC: Who sold you this mount?
1: The gun store across the street from my house.
FC: You live an hour away, why didn't you go there?
1: I did, they don't have this mount in 7.62, I went there first.
FC: And they didn't explain this to you?
1: What is there to explain? This mount is marked 5.56. My can isn't 5.56. It's 7.62.
FC: Oh, so you want the one marked 7.62 in 1/2x28.
1: Exactly!
FC: 7.62 mounts aren't made in 1/2x28, all the 90T mounts are 90T exterior and the threading internally is different.
1: You're wrong.
FC: Please, argue with the guy wearing a caltech shirt.....
1: Prove it.
(I open his package and I grab an SR7 out of the safe. I press the latch down and thread it on)
1: You son of a bitch.
FC: You want to argue with me some more?
1: So what mount do I need?
(I pull out one of my mounts and show him side by side they're exactly the same)
1: Hmmmm. Okay. I must have done something wrong.
FC: There's not a lot of ways to do this wrong, but you found one. Go try it again.
(90 minutes later he calls back and tells me I was right)
What the fuck is with all the AAC people this week that are totally clueless?
But hey, at least I have clean underwear.

Hi all,
I thought I would share my profits for Matched Betting Extra Place Horse Racing for Jan 21. January 2021 has turned into my best month of Matched Betting since I started way back in Summer 2018. This months profits are roughly £4,707. A life changing figure for many and a great figure seeing this is achievable on top of a full time job. Matched Betting is the only decent side hustle I have actually found, compared to doing hundreds of boring online surveys...yuck! (Unless you are a good business person / have 5 lodgers / lots of family money etc.) To see some of my other Matched Betting profits you visit my site: https://cashontheside.co.uk/
I will be investing some of my profits this month in ETF/Shares and putting into house improvements like a new drive way. In addition with Cheltenham horse festival coming up in March, I will be increasing my bank to cover liabilities.
The bulk of my profits came from Extra Place racing, large underlayed winners and BOG (best offer garuntee). Variance was certainly on my side this month and I must have had at least 10 large winners which won upwards of £1600 pounds per bet. As I underlay my bets I made more profit than If I had fully layed of the bets. About 5% of these profits came from low risk casino. After you have completed all welcome offers...in Matched Betting. Ep's become a gold mine...and I truly recommend them to anyone.
Some more of my bets this month illustrating underlayed bets and ep:
https://cashonthesidecouk.files.wordpress.com/2021/02/winnings4.jpg
https://cashonthesidecouk.files.wordpress.com/2021/02/winnings.jpg
https://cashonthesidecouk.files.wordpress.com/2021/02/another-winner.jpg
​
Images of one of my bets illustrative of Best offer guarantee: https://cashonthesidecouk.files.wordpress.com/2021/01/136707133_10159536662702922_8507610622687908137_o-1.jpg?w=544
For those who are starting out on their Match Betting journey in 2021 these sort of figures are achievable to you once you have experience….unfortunately this will not come overnight! I do put a lot of time into it..between 2-5 hours a day, 7 days a week sometimes. For the average person you could earn at least £500 a month.
To learn more about Match Betting please visit my article Boost Your Income with Matched Betting. Alternatively you can start an Odds Monkey free trial where they will teach you step by step and give you the calculators you need: odds monkey trial https://www.oddsmonkey.com/affiliates/affiliate.php?id=64754(affiliate) or www.oddsmonkey.com. (non affiliate)
To those with a little more experience who want to learn about Matched Betting Extra Places you can visit my guide here Extra Place Match Betting tips here or I have copied and pasted it all below.
For those with Matched Betting Experience - my guide and tips to Extra Places:
What is Extra Place Matched Betting?
Extra Places can be a very lucrative technique to learn. Extra Places are available for us to do pretty much every day, increasing the appeal. Extra Place Offers are available to all customers. This means that even if you get gubbed with a bookmaker, in most cases, you can still make money with them by Matched Betting on their Extra Place Offers.
Extra Places are considered an advanced reload offer, as they not risk-free. However once you have gained some experience on more basic horse racing offers, you can start to take advantage of the lucrative profits available. It may sound complicated but as soon as it ‘clicks’, it becomes simple. Essentially we are taking advantage of the bookies and exchanges paying out if the horse you have backed comes a certain ‘place’ in a race e.g. 4th.
Extra Places combined with additional offers such as BOG (Best Offer Guarantee) can mean additional profits. For example, you back a horse at odds of 15 and then the starting odds move up to 23. If that horse wins you win an extra x8 on your bet. You can see some real life scenarios I found of Extra Place combined with BOG below. Depending on the size of the underlay, profits below would range up to £3,000+

What is a ‘place’ in horse racing?

Quite simply a ‘place’ is the position the horse finishes a race in. For example if a horse wins a race it comes 1st, if a horse comes 2nd its 2nd. In some races with a large number of horses some bookies will pay out if a horse finishes the race in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th position. Horse Racing festivals such as Cheltenham or Ascot are particularly well known for this.

What is an ‘Extra Place’ in horse racing?

Now we’ve understood what a place is in horse racing you may have probably already guessed what an ‘extra place’ is going to be! An ‘extra place’ is where the bookies add one (or more) additional places to their standard place classification on a particular race. For example they may offer to ‘pay 7 places on a race’ instead of the standard 3 places. The ‘extra place’ in this instance cover 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th.
What are my Extra Place top tips?

1. Some of my biggest profits have come from big underlayed winners and BOG. I typically underlay most of my bets by about 20% sometimes more. If you are starting out I would underlay on the place only by about 10% to play it safe until you learn more.
2. Don’t bet on more places than a bookmaker is offering. E.g. If the bookmaker is offering 4 places don’t bet on more than that.
3. Whilst your learning, take horses on implied odds of at least 12 or more on a match of 80%+.
4. Look to keep qualifying losses down. E.g. for £100 profit, £5 ql.
5. Please note, the best odds are typically found between 10 minutes up and to race time. You have to be quick on your ‘toes’…learn to walk before you run etc. Start out on easy horse racing officers before doing extra places.
6. You will need a bank of at least £1000+ for your exchanges, ideally more. The more you have the more of the field you can cover. You can do EP with several hundred in your exchange but you won’t be able to make bigger profits.
7. Be consistent, don’t take risks, don’t chase your losses and learn from matched betting extra place forums.
8. Keep the Odds Monkey up throughout the day...and check for good matches.
9. Use Bookies Boosts to increase your odds and matches.
10. Do not give in to your fear of missing out on offers…Tomorrow is another day.
11. Have at least a dual monitoscreen setup. It is important to be able to see exchange, books and calcs.

How do I find Extra Places offers?
I use the the Odds Monkey Extra Place Matcher to find the best opportunities for profit. The Matcher is explained in the below video.
https://youtu.be/oOKAdiSJidg
I am also a regular visitor of the active Odds Monkey community forums. You can sign up for an Odds Monkey free trial today here today https://www.oddsmonkey.com/affiliates/affiliate.php?id=64754 www.oddsmonkey.com (non affiliate). Odds Monkey provide you with the all guides, calculators etc. I have been a member for over 2.4 years now.
Feel free to get in touch or ask below if any questions.

The reason why all my friends and I stopped playing a while ago is because the complete lack of end game content for online. Sure they add some roles or whatever but you grind that out in however long it takes you, and then you're left at the same point. It took me no time at all to have all the guns customized the way I want, the best horse customized the way I want, ability cards maxed, player customized to the tee, there's nothing to grind. GTAO has the opposite issue, it has too much shit to grind and the options are endless. Couple ideas/issues pointed out below to add some end game content
-can't buy npc driven wagons/carts/customize them, even though all the assets are there.
-player homes
-posse basses
-horse stables
-house furnishings
-more frequent lobby events like hunt this player if they opt X. -horse thievery missions we were teased when u start online
-they could even add cars if they wanted, time appropriate
-non-combat pets to follow u in the world.
-player necklaces
-stealth ability cards for pve
-First silencer came out in 1902, this games been out some years maybe say time has passed and let us buy those
-Muzzle break came out in 1840, let us buy that
-I bet people wouldn't be opposed to a couple heist style events that groups could do.
If they let us buy the npc driven wagons/carts and customize them, buy our own estates, posse hideouts, horse stables and house furnishings that would add a tonnn of grind for people to work on. Wagons could be priced in the $1K-25k, houses could be priced $2K-100K, same for posse hideouts and horse stables. House furnishings would have a wide range. Obviously they'd also have to add more PvE or maybe even PvPvE content for us to play to get said money, but right now there's nothing to bring you back to the game daily other than meaningless nerfed daily challenges..

I put this together for myself because I wanted to document my justification for my investment in PSTH. I thought I would share my insights with the community.
This is not financial advice, do your own due diligence, and don’t put blind trust is someone on the internet like myself.
My Reasons for Investing in PSTH
Largest SPAC in History
$4 Billion raised with the option for an addition $3 Billion ($7 billion total)
High Quality Management Team and Board of Directors
I won’t list all of the names here with the exception of Bill Ackman, but basically, “Bet on the jockey, not the horse”. I don’t know the target but I believe that you don’t assemble such a brilliant team in order to acquire some lame company.
Bill Ackman’s Prior History with a Successful SPAC
In 2012 Bill Ackman’s Justice Holdings purchased a 29% stake in Burger King Worldwide Holdings for $1.4 billion then merged with Tim Hortons to create Restaurant Brands International. Since then, this combination has generated a compound annual return of 19%. This is not the first time that Bill Ackman has been involved with leading a SPAC then improving the business to generate incremental returns.
Pershing Square Capital Management Holdings
Bill Ackman’s Pershing Square Capital Management portfolios only contains 7 companies. He strategy is to buy and hold what he perceives to be the very best. The company that merges with PSTH will be in Pershing Square Capital Management portfolio for a long time. Bill has stated in the past that he likes to spend a lot of time thinking and strategizing so in the few times when he acts it will be well thought out and the right move.
PSTH Structure
Investor friendly structure that discourages buying commons premerger to acquire warrants then selling the commons prior to merger while retaining the warrants. This is discouraged because PSTH is only offering a total of 3/9 warrants (1/9 which was awarded when PSTH.U split to commons/warrants) and 2/9 warrants which you will receive if you hold commons 12 months from the date of the SPAC IPO (July 22, 2020) and 30 days post-merger. Most SPACs require fewer commons in order to get a warrant. So it makes more financial sense for investors playing the commons/warrants game to spend their capital on a SPAC that has a more favorable commons/warrant ratio.
Bill Ackman will not earn the typical compensation for the SPAC merger. His focus is on the investment in the company that merges with the PSTH. The underwriting fees are paid with warrants and are only 2-3% which is very low.
Warrants
Similar to other SPACs, owning common shares of PSTH through merger will grant you warrants. Purchasing a share of PSTH today and holding through when the warrants are redeemable will grant you 2/9 of a share. You need at least 9 common shares of PSTH in order to get a warrant. No partial shares will be distributed. So for example, if you have 9 shares of PSTH you will be awarded 2 warrants. Warrants will be redeemable for $23.00 per share. So if the shares are trading at $30.00 post merger when they are redeemable then your two warrants will be ‘worth’ $14.00 or ($30.00 - $23.00 = $7.00 X 2 warrants = $14.00).
Low Initial Risk
Premerger the financial risk is lower than may other investments due to the initial funds being placed in a trust account. If you do not like the merger candidate than you can sell your shares or redeem your shares for a minimum of $20.00 prior to the merger. Prior to merger, your risk is the difference between the current share price and $20.00. As of this writing PSTH is trading 37.85% above the initial offering price ($27.57). While this seems high, if you look at other popular non-LOI SPACs they are trading over this value. IPOF is at 48.8%, IPOD is at 55.5%, and CCIV is at 128.8%.
Low Float
PSTH has 200 million shares outstanding. The estimate is that almost 70% is held by institutions that will not be selling any time soon. That leaves 60 million shares that are in the pool for us to trade around. I assume there are a lot of individual investors like me that are not going to be selling any time soon, so that 60 million of shares is probably much lower. If we have a Letter of Intent (LOI) announcement there will be a lot of demand for the available shares (which will not be many) and should cause the stock price to soar.
PSTH Includes Successful High Profile and Outspoken Investors
Seth Klarman (very successful value investor) and Kevin O’Leary (Aka “Mr. Wonderful” that is most widely known for his appearances on Shark Tank) have put their trust and money in Bill Ackman.
Promotion of SPAC Merger
Bill Ackman, his management team, and high-profile investors will heavily promote the SPAC merger on TV and online. This publicity will surely put upward pressure on the stock price. Many people do not like to invest in SPAC without knowing the target. Once the target in reviled there will be a new influx of people that are interested in owning the stock and this will also put upward pressure on the stock price.
Deal Announcement Coming Soon
In the Pershing Square Holdings Q3 2020 earnings call Bill Ackman stated “In terms of timing, what we said at the time of the IPO is we said it would take us, we thought about six months to identify a target that we would be in a position to hopefully announce a deal by sometime in Q1 and then close the transaction in the ordinary course thereafter. Nothing that we have experienced to-date suggests that we won’t meet our expected time frame.” The first quarter ends March 31st but the speculation is that the announcement will come prior to the Q4 Pershing Square Holdings call that is scheduled for February 18, 2021.
Summary
Bill Ackman’s reputation is on the line. He has managed to form the largest SPAC in history and has brought together a world class management team and group of investors. My take is that he will only settle for the best private company to take public then work to improve the company and hold it in his Pershing Square fund for a long time. I don’t think you form the largest SPAC in history without a target in mind. I’m not going to speculate who that target is, I believe it will be well worth the wait.
This was for entertainment purposes only and was not financial advice. Please do your own due diligence.
Best of luck to all.

Edit: Video to help explain: https://youtu.be/b51ixKZeJUA
Using the outfit force save* you can use the diamond slots machine to slowly work up money, when you hit your first big jack pot use the force save and continue to hit the machine at full bet - likewise if you run out of chips, do the glitch :: it has made me 4mil in about 20 mins (I continued for another hour but didn’t have much luck) I also started tallying my results for the odds and how often you should expect a decent payout**.

• To do this, you want to get a decent amount of chips - about 25-100k does the job and enter the casino, when you get to the slot, change your outfit and this will trigger a save (shown in the bottom right of the screen with an orange circle); wait for this to go and then sit down at the slot. Hit until you lose everything then disconnect your internet (easy to do on PS4, by going to [settings]>[Network]>[connect to internet] turn it off, wait a second then turn it back on) when you load up GTA again, you will be taken to story - from there load into gta online and you will have all the chips you had when you did the outfit change.. Also whenever you win big or have more chips than what you started with, re-do the force save as a kind of checkpoint. {Also set spawn to last location or a penthouse at the casino}

** 2 big wins (3 of a kinds) 66 small wins (getting one or two diamonds) 320 losses (no match or single diamonds) and 0 jackpots (3 triple diamonds) - however I did get a jackpot approx 400-800 spins before I started the tally
Therefore (approximately): you get a decent win every 160 spins.
Thank you if you read all that lol - I did kinda go on and I hope you go make millions!
Edit: once you have about 700k, it may be useful to use this on the horse races by betting on an unlikely horse until you win or lose everything.

Hi Everyone! I like RDO. Yeah, it's flawed. But it's fun! Here's some tips and tricks I wish I knew starting out.
You can loot both sides of a stolen horses saddle bags. Usually over a dollar and an item each side.
You can loot the back lockbox on a wagon. Mostly ammunition.
You can fast travel by pressing escape - online - and selecting a destination
You can press L and queu up to other players story missions
You can repeat story missions by pressing escape, clicking on progress, story missions, and selecting a mission.
You buy dynamite from fences.
Shooting animals in the head gets perfect pelts.
Fishing is mostly casting, clicking once, than pressing F three times to get your slowest reel speed and start reeling in till you get a bite.
This map exists
Treasure maps get you gold very fast.
Legendary bounties are accessed immediately being a bounty hunter, you don't need prestige. Press F at a bounty board for a much better mission.
You can find donkeys to ride around. Flatneck Station and the small farm near Heartland Oil Fields.
There IS a bank heist. You must get low honor, and it's a STORY mission called Kerosene, Tar, and Greed from Samson Finch.
There are boxes you must loot after clearing out a bandit hideout. That's how you get the treasure map if you let the leader go. Kill the leader and loot him to get it that way, but remember to loot your boxes.
The longer a mission takes the greater the reward. I would still just run them for speed, but waiting to sub 5 minutes can be useful at times.
Traders get access to a PVE event where about 10 people defend a cargo train from about 100+ enemies over 3 stations.
A safe bet for weapon upgrades is the navy revolver, the semi auto shotgun, the lancaster repeater, and the bolt action.
You can buy two of the same pistol or revolver.
Out hunting grab a wild or stolen horse, ride it while hunting so it doesn't run when you shoot things, and put an extra carcass on it with your horse following you that also has a carcass. Lasso a third carcass and bring it back to camp. It's quality won't be hurt.
You can ride on the sides of wagons.
Bounty hunter is the path to unlock dodging while on horse.
You can change your walking style by pressing L, going to online options, and choosing a walk style.
You can set up what emotes you use by pressing L, going to online options, and clicking emotes. If you set this up to smoke a cigarette or cigar it will use one of those items on you, give you the effects, and play a much longer animation.
I could think up some more useful things but just realized this is getting a little long.
You can equip one of the stopwatches you pick up off people by pressing B, going to KIT, and selecting the watch symbol to equip one of them. Press Tab, Hit R, and on the right selection you can pull up the watch.
Press G while riding to calm your horse and give it back some of it's stamina.
*Taking your knife out when being caught by a regular lasso will allow you to cut out. Will not work on improved lasso.
*Some moonshine checkpoints have a wagon with a lockbox in the back that guarantees dropping a gold watch, a moonshine and some ammo.
*A lasso and a knife with guarantee a kill at the animals quality level.

First things first: this is not intended to 'whitewash' an epic communication disaster by Google. I am also not here to debate what the news means. There were plenty of threads here and other sources discerning this in great detail. But I am writing this subject to the assumption that the following most commonly accepted interpretation of the news is true:

• The future of Stadia as a consumer product(service) is uncertain.
• Google's cloud gaming tech works and its support and development will continue.
• The tech will be a primarily 'white label' solution, that will be sold (licensed) to other industry players (game publishers and game developers).

So my thesis is that this may be a good thing for the gamers. Currently, the gaming industry is dominated by large game publishing (distribution) platforms. This offers some benefits to the gamers (cheaper prices due to the economies of scale). But ultimately that system is geared towards profit-maximising of those platforms at the expense of everyone else in the chain (smaller publishers, game developers and the consumers). This is why every moderately successful game publisher tries to create and grow a platform of its own, rather than focusing on publishing better games. This is why so many of them now have those stupid 'launchers' on PC and why Valve never made HL3. And the consumer is important only as a commodity, and to the extent that 'commodity' can be kept reasonably happy with the platform.
The result is that for the last three decades, the gamers were held hostage to those publishers fights. Think of console wars; PS vs XBOX; Steam vs EPIC; EPIC vs Apple. Think of ridiculous bundling of specific consumer offerings/products ('subscribe to PS Plus if you want to play games online'). Think of years of suboptimal consumer experience (DRMs, games pulled out of a particular online storefront, inconvenient integrations). Think of bafflingly idiotic current situation around Hitman on PC. None of this benefits us as consumers, regardless of what is your preferred gaming platform. I would also argue that this also adversely affected the quality of games, but this is such a big topic of its own and deserves a separate discussion.
Yes, there is an idea of economies of scale, and whoever attempts creation of this 'walled garden' often tries to entice and appease the consumers by special deals, extra offers and whatnot. Stadia currently, namely its pro subscription are a perfect example of this. But all other already established platforms do the same marketing tricks. Yet this creates two problems for the consumers:
(1) An average gamer never actually has enough time to play those 'free' games. During the last year I 'really' played only four games on Stadia. By 'really' I mean with ~100 or more hours of gametime. Two of these were not even claimed through Pro subscription. I am yet to play at least once most of those freely claimed games!
(2) All those extra benefits are ultimately of no use to the consumer if their preferred platform doesn't win. This is even a fork problem:
(2)(a) In a highly aggressive competitive environment, it may be a 'winner takes all' scenario, where the losing platform just stops existing. This is precisely the threat that Stadia platform is now facing. What difference does it make that I have over 40 games here if I am not sure if in a year or two I will have them at all? Realistically, I may never even get to some of those titles (happened to me before with PS Plus subscription).
(2)(b) Look at the movie streaming market. Remember when Netflix just broke out and how great it was back then? Better than the TV, all at once, just 9.99 per month (cheaper than the TV subscription at the time). But now every big player in that industry wants to make their own Netflix, so the content is segmented. Netflix is not enough, get Amazon Prime, Disney+, HBO Max, get Hulu, YouTube Premium, Peacock and whatever else is out there now.
And this is where the white label solution may be a great proposition, aligning interests of the consumers/gamers, developers and publishers (that don't have aspirations for creating their own all-encompassing 'platforms'), and transforming the industry.
>For the consumegamer, nothing is more liberating than playing a game he wants to play; on any device, at any time, and the way he wants it to play. Curiously, Stadia today doesn't offer this now. You need STADIA to play the game, although it's close, given that there is a free tier. Every other platform offers even more limitations and costs.
>For the game developer, anything not in the cloud presents numerous technical limitations (hardware, porting and optimising for each platform, dealing with game updates, less control over how the gamer experiences the game, etc).
>For the publisher: they have to juggle the byzantine system of licensing agreements with each separate platform and often be at the mercy of their whims/business model, commercial rationale. On top of that, you have to either opt for exclusivity, significantly limiting the audience. Alternatively, you segment your audience by multiplatform or throw extra resources to support cross-platform (if we are talking about multiplayer games). So this ties back again to the challenges for the game developers.
Ultimate white label model removes all these hurdles; it unbundles gaming from the gaming industry. Simply imagine the environment, where if you are interested in a particular game, all you need is to google the title, pay the price and start playing immediately. There would be no need to wait for PS5 to be back in stock, be a member of some odd subscription tier (looking at you Apple, your 'Arcade' is creepy). No risks that your particular console or PC will be running the game poorly, or that your favourite multiplayer game doesn't support cross-platform.
Yes, perhaps there will be fewer games published, and all an average price per game may climb higher (as an individual publisher less likely to utilise economies of scale). But as a consumer wouldn't you prefer to pay more fo one game, but with better quality, replayability and continued developer support, than some vaguely priced packaged offering of 5-year-old indie titles that will bore you after 2 hours? On top of that, if the distribution is back into the hands of the publisher, nothing prevents it from offering a game for download alongside streaming, if anybody still wants/needs it.
So there is that. The market where the white label cloud gaming model wins, promises a great gaming experience to people who just want to play games. There are so many of us, who want more than 'Candy crush', but also cannot justify the investment into all the 'extra' stuff that comes along with AAA game titles.
And perhaps by opting early on for a distributed, multi-party licensing approach to their tech, Google may be positioning to disrupt the gaming industry, rather than create just another competing walled garden.
However, there is one catch: the great unbundled future of ubiquitous cloud gaming also requires that Google (or other existing cloud gaming providers for that matter) doesn’t bet on one horse. I.e. they may enter into (semi)exclusive deal with one, already established platform. (e.g. Sony or Nintendo, or perhaps one of the challenger publishers). This will be unwelcome because and we will back to square one: Several big walled gardens competing with each other, but now just with the cloud gaming option as another enticing option. However, there are enough reasons for optimism here. As much as Google is known for suddenly killing good consumer products, they are equally known for not committing to a single exclusive partner. In fact, they are quite good at developing a backbone systems that then are widely adopted and perfected by many small and big players.
So in closing (TLDR): Stadia white label may do to gaming what Android did to smartphones.*

• Now, it would also not hurt if a tech giant valued at USD162bn had something articulating the same idea, rather than publishing a blog post of mediocre marketing executive.

Every single time there is ever a post negative about TXT in any way especially on UKO, it usually gets an award whether that be "faith in humanity restored", "I'm in this with you" or whatever. This can even fucking trickle down to negative comments about them too. Even when these comments or posts aren't constructive, when they are rude, they can get awarded.
All I want to say is shame on you, fuck you really if you do this. Y'all pretend you care about hate comments, about idols getting hurt from hate, you throw blame on these mystical knetz and act like international fans are these saviors who love and care for idols. Liars, hypocrites, really.
TXT gets an insane amount of hate, and it has trickled down to hurt the group. Do you guys know that Soobin has talked about how the hate made him change as a person, how he has stopped himself from ever looking at comments online. Do you guys know that Yeonjun has expressed concern over Beomgyu feeling sad several times, funnily enough Beomgyu gets the most hate among TXT in Korea. The fact that Hueningkai has to address fucking rumors about the group not being close because of how much hate they get from anti's for "lack of chemistry", "being unfunny" or "seeming not close". A fucking post on Pann will trend that's so rude about TXT and I'll have to watch and see how it fucking affects them, obviously pann is garbage on earth but some of the stuff they do see. I'm not even touching the surface of the hate. Like Arin and Soobin clearly saw those stupid fucking comments, same with Hueningkai sometimes.
Then internationally fans parrot these same stupid "opinion", especially on reddit, especially on UKO which coincidentally is also garbage on earth. I'll see similar posts on both sites and then see how the stupid version in Korean eventually hurts the group and then people here go on and on about how wonderful reddit is and how there isn't hate or doxxing and how great the users are. Like at least be fucking accountable, at least say well there is hate here, at least get off the fucking high horse.
So to you who rewards those rude comments and negative posts, go on do it, keep feeling smug in your stupidity, feel your idiotic sense of "oh got em~~", drag the group another day, but you don't know how idiotic and spiteful you look. It'll take something awful to happen to a member and even then I doubt you'll stop. So to you who rewards those, fuck you and I hope you at least take accountability. I'm sure the group you stan would love to see your toxicity, but oh wait actually no they'd hate it and they'd probably hate you more for it.
Grow the fuck up. If anything happens to those kids, I bet you'd blame others even then. You're becoming that mystical knetz, and you don't even know it.
Also to anybody who awards any rude post no matter which groups or member the post is about, why. What are you doing with your life really? Is throwing negativity at others, how you feel confident? Does sending hate make you feel better? Wake up and take accountability for your life and its positivity or lack thereof.

Hi all,
I think I hit a brick wall in my genealogy, and I am out of ideas, so I though I would share it here to get other genealogists' point of views and ideas. I'll keep it anonymous but feel free to contact me in private if you want the full details. I am an on and off genealogists, as for a lot of reasons family is a difficult topic for me, especially the side of the family I am currently working on. I am not in contact with anyone on that side of the family that might have details on the genealogy. I (and this family) come from a non-English speaking country, where part of the archives have been digitised but not everything. Also there are no coroners' reports type of sources available from my area (very rural, they didn't bother).
TLDR: I can't find what happened to my great great grandfather - did he die and how? Did he leave? I need some new ideas to find out what happened.
Let's introduce John Francis Red (nickname). Imagine that Red is the most common last name in my county, with John and Francis being some of the most common first names you could get. To make things easier, John Francis usually went by John. So luckily John Red and his brothers (James, William and Peter) were all labourers and lived in the same village, a couple of km away from their native village which made research a bit easier. Unluckily, the archives of that tiny village have only been digitised until 1901. After that, I can only rely on census and national archives (ie military archives). Their son, my direct ancestor, was luckily born in 1898 so I have his birth certificate.
In the 1901 census, John Red and his family lived in a house, with his brothers James and William living on the same street, each with their own families. In the 1906 census, however, both John and James disappeared from the census, with their wives being declared 'head of the house' and unemployed housemakers. Now, I found it weird that both men would disappear like that as they were between 35 and 40 years old, and no children died during that time period so I have ruled out an epidemic. So I wanted to know what happened. As I mentioned before, the deaths certificates are not available online, and with the current state of the world, I can't go to the archives nor ask someone to go for me and get a copy. When I first made this discovery, I was still vaguely in touch with my grandfather so I asked him about it. He was very vague in his answer, only stating that his father (Peter, my great grandfather) was an orphan at 8yo (so roughly around 1906). I am sure he knew more but did not want to say it (it's a long story, but I suspect a family secret on that side of the family for many reasons, and his very vague answer and avoidance of my questions made me think this all smelled a bit fishy), but he died last year so I won't ever have the chance to hear more (not that he was going to say anything anyway).
I recently started looking again, so I started with a local newspaper that was digitised. I first looked at all the mentions of the village between 1901 and 1906, and then at all the mentions of 'Red' per issue. I can't rule out OCR issues, but the digitisation seemed overall fine so I think my search was quite thorough. I did not find anything interesting about my ancestors, despite the newspapers covering all the gruesome stories in the area (way too many reports about rape, suicides, accidents and murders - and hundreds of stories about livestock being stolen), although I learned a lot about the vibrant horse breeding market of my area.
I went back to the census to see if I could find anything. I noted that the last child was born in 1904 (I presume it was John's). Looking at the 1911 census, I saw that James' wife had a child in 1906, so presumably James was still alive around 1905-1906. My last lead was with through the military records. I had already noted on Peter's file made in 1918 that both his parents are declared dead. Peter had an older brother, who was drafted in 1912, so I found his file too and noted that it indicated both parents living in the village, so I would presume alive. However, that older brother (born 1892) was declared as essential family support, so I would presume his income was the main one? The last brother's file, drafted in 1915, indicates that both parents are dead and that he was under the tutorage of another of his uncle (who lived in the village, but not in the same street as his brothers). Unfortunately (though not for them) James had no son old enough to be drafted around that time.
So now I am stuck. I know that John died at some point between 1903 and 1915, and I know that both he and his brother James did not live with their families from 1906. However, it seems unlikely that they died from an epidemic, and since they were both young I would find it surprising that they would both die of a disease of some kind and it would not appear in the newspaper. I can't find any written trace of an accident, or an homicide, or them being sent to prison for some reason. The lady they worked for (possible landowner?) was still around in the 1911 census so although they could have lost their jobs I would guess that they would have moved instead of leaving their families behind? Seasonal migration was not a thing in my area except for sailors (and I doubt they suddenly became sailors at 30-40yo with no previous family history in that trade). So there I am, wondering what to think - did they die? Did they leave their families behind to look for work somewhere else (including very young children and possibly a pregnant wife) and then died? I am also unsure about where to pursue my research. I know I could look for other newspapers but it would be a very long shot to hope that a geographically broader newspaper would cover something that the local newspaper didn't. Since none of these records apart from the newspapers are OCRed, I could also look for them page by page in the hope to find something more, but that would seem like hunting a unicorn on top of a purple mountain.
Anyway, thank you for reading my ramblings on all this, I apologise for the lack of clarity (this story is really disturbing me), and I would love to read your opinions, hypotheses, suggestions, encouragements... Whatever you have! If you have questions, feel free to ask them (although I might only be able to reply to them tomorrow), if you want the non-anonymised details feel free to contact me I'd be happy to send them (I just don't want them linked publicly to my account).
Thanks!
Update: This is getting weirder. I found a transcription of John Red's birth certificate and I noticed a mention in the margin that I hadn't seen the first times I looked at it, indicating that there was a record of him in another town nearby in 1910, with the name of a lady next to it. I figured this could either indicate his death or a marriage. Luckily all the records of that town are available digitally so I was able to check, and turns out, not only was John Red alive in 1910, but he remarried! It is indicated on his marriage certificate that he was a widow, but it would seem he was separated from his wife at least from 1906? And his first wife (my ancestor) died between 1906 and 1910. And James, his brother who disappeared with him from the 1906 census? He was a witness to his second marriage. So I still have no idea why both brothers abandoned their families (because it appears that John Red did leave his children to fare for themselves), but now I know that they did not die in mysterious circumstances. In fact, I know that John was still alive in 1912 when his second wife died. Since I still can't find his death certificate, my best bet is that he died at some point between 1912 and 1918, but for all I know he could have lived until the 1940s.

1. Field ashigaru-heavy armies. This will allow you to keep costs low. It is not for their spear wall ability, though this is powerful, it is because their cost effectiveness will allow you to make mistakes.
2. Remember, you cannot save-scum on legendary. Something will go wrong, and when you don't need to throw your all-samurai army away in a piss-up, the game is a lot more forgiving, and a lot more fun.
3. Attack first. Be aggressive. All the tables favour the A.I. So, it is up to you to turn them. Build cheap, expendable expeditionary forces to take enemy castles. You'll thank me when your first stack crushes the enemy at your capital in a siege defence, but doesn't have the movement range to counterattack effectively: this usually results in the enemy A.I. using its game-breaking economy and über recruitment slots to field another full stack in two turns. Fuck the A.I. Make sure there's an ambush force in range of the enemy settlement before the enemy begins their assault on your castle. Do this right and you may not even have to fight their army, fingers crossed. (Armies go poof when their last town goes bye-bye.)
4. Which reminds me, fight using your castles. Open field battles, when you're attacking that is, are a piss-up. The enemy A.I. always camps on hills and makes it a life or death struggle (unless you bring siege equipment). Arrow towers are not worthless. Choke points are provided to you during siege defences. Use every layer. Don't underestimate good strategy. You can hold 300 men on one side of the castle with one unit of ashigaru. The enemy has to try and take your towers and your central flag; so, place your ashigaru in spear wall directly in front of your flags. The enemy must run at your ashigaru and defeat them before progressing through the rest of the castle. Utilise the stupidity of the A.I. and break the enemy by making them come to you.
5. If the enemy has archers during castle defences, make them waste their ammo, if there are too many of them, attack first.
6. Cavalry are not good in bulk unless you're Takeda. Four units is too many units. I bolster my generals with a single cavalry unit, which I place on top of my general during deployment, and then lock them together as if they were a single unit. I have one additional cavalry unit in reserve to replace this one; usually, I hide this unit in the woods until I need it. What this does is make my general more weighty. I can now slam him into the lines when they're looking like they're about to tilt in the enemy's favour, which I don't want. This makes him a true support unit, rather than a liability in combat. Yes, your general may die doing this, but you've taken every reasonable precaution, and 60+ additional bodies makes for at least three well-executed charges into the line before things start getting dubious.
7. Abuse the charge animation. Once you set your cavalry to charge something, the animation begins, calculates the charge bonus, and then deals out the corresponding damage onto the enemy unit. Pull them out the moment the animation ends, because by then your horses are useless and caught-up in the dice-roll matrix. Once your cavalry are out, check the line. If your men aren't winning decisively, slam your bolstered general into the same line again and watch it crumble. Your cavalry will be tired, but you've just won the engagement.
8. Reduce your micro-management in battles to three key tools: Infantry core, archers on support, and general-cavalry. If you're fast, throw in a quirk unit: ninjas, firebomb throwers (my personal favourite because they don't require much micro to use and they affect the enemy's morale), or brawlers (marathon monks/nag' warrior monks). Whatever your quirk unit is, min-max it with encampment and skill tree buffs. Otherwise, sorry, but you've wasted time and money acquiring it for the roster. If you're building an army you can't field in three turns, you're fucked.
9. Economy, economy, economy. Get it? Sake dens and markets, sake dens and markets. That's money for your army: not for your navy, not for your nation's well-being and happiness - that's why you're building sake dens - money is for your army. (I had feedback that the fastest way to create a stable economy on Shogun 2 was to take more towns. Personally, I think this is a bad idea, because it exposes you to the borders of other clans. More about that later.)
10. Use your agents. None of them are shit or under-powered or any of the mumblefuck-none-sense people put online when they don't know how to use them. Monks fuck. Walk them through the enemy's territory and past their capital and into their back lines and wololo those bastards into an early revolution. 33% chance is a 1/3 chance, and if the cost of inciting unrest is only 500 gold... I'll take that bet. This fundamentally weakens your enemy and cuts off their supply lines: which causes the A.I.'s diplomacy to go haywire. How can Takeda be trading with Hojo if I just made their border provinces into grey states? That's right, they can't. Break their relationship first, then bribe them to turn on one another. If you've made them hard enough for you, they'll do it. There you go. You just crushed one of the hardest clans without fighting a battle on the open field! See? Monks fuck. Monks can also demoralise the enemy and inspire your troops with morale bonuses. If the enemy stack has no general to recover from this loss, this is deadly. You will win the encounter on morale alone.
11. Which reminds me: diplomacy, diplomacy, diplomacy. Think it doesn't matter? Actually, I made Hojo destroy Takeda as Oda, and Imagawa-Tokugawa, and then made Kyoto spit on Hattori, and Hatano clash with the Ikko Ikki: all whilst I sat back, lining up my troops. When the time was right, I sent my armies to take the provinces I needed to execute my Kyoto-plan. Thank you, machine-learning.
12. Have a plan. Choose territories for their perks (+accuracy bonuses, blacksmiths, resources, gold mines, schools and libraries), not for their availability. If you overextend... Good luck. Just be aware you can't take back coming into contact with the other clans. The more isolationist you are about your affairs, the better.
13. Your borders are your worse nightmare. Connect with too many clans too quickly and you enter the death-brawl of which there's no escape. Enjoy your war of attrition. Tzu states that there is no instance of a nation benefiting from extended period of war, and yours won't either. Your economy will be shitting bricks by turn fifteen and you'll be playing in -134 income hell. The game isn't fun this way. It isn't fun because you thrust your fist out into the unknown and hell answered back.
14. Back to agents: Ninja. Ninja fuck harder than anyone's ever fucked. They can redirect enemies and make them go crying home to baba. Sabotage everything in sight during the first few turns of their lifespan. But do not sabotage things belonging to the clans you want to like you, because if you fail, and you will, -20 or even -40 to diplomatic relations. -40 will convince most clans that you're a threat and that you need wiping off the map. Dump points into assassination. Protect your ninja with +5%/10% chances to escape unharmed if they fail in their attempts, and take every +1 to assassination that RNG sweetly offers. Take 33% chances on enemy Daimyo. I've wounded the Oda more times than I can count with these odds and sent his army running back home. And remember, on Legendary, nothing can be taken back. Every attempt might be your agent's last: get used to it. I see a lot of people saying ninja are 'too expensive to maintain'. But what else are you spending money on other than recruiting ashigaru and upgrading vital infrastructure? ... Right? Nothing. People who say this can't run a half-decent economy because they're too busy building archery dojos instead of sake dens.
15. Metsuke are too expensive to maintain, admittedly. They should not be used to bribe, unless you're doing an 'all-out Metsuke offensive.' By this I mean using Metsuke instead of Ninja to send armies back at the A.I, badminton-style. But personally, I don't see this as cost effective. Instead, Metsuke should be used to spy on strategic choke points to watch out for enemy agents, and to bolster the profitability of rice dens. Did you know that if you put Metsuke into provinces with markets, that the growth and economy of those provinces goes up? They can also protect your Daimyo or top-tier generals from being assassinated by enemy Ninja; and I highly recommend putting one in each of your core armies. Trust me: it sucks to lose your five-star general to a suspicious death on turn 60, especially when the game auto-saves at the beginning of each turn. Bye-bye Stand and Fight. Bye-bye Ashigaru Commander. Farewell Night Attack. Hello sadness.
16. For Sieges, have ranged superiority from the off-set if you're the attacker. Six bow ashigaru will melt most armies inside of their fort. On my Chōkosabe play-through, each unit had 200+ kills by the end of the siege. I do not find siege battles intimidating when I know I'm coming in with more archers than the opposing army, because I can and will surround them, can and will out-trade them, and then when they're weak and tired from trying to avoid my arrows, that's when I send my yari ashigaru in to take advantage of their failing strength. One unit of bomb throwers on the gate of your choice will blow it to shreds and allow spear-wall after spear-wall to penetrate their defences. The A.I. will blob the gate: perfect, that allows your remaining archers to menace them. If the enemy army has bow samurai, do not attack the wall they're stationed at. You will get fucked because the A.I's bow samurai is always god-tier, and yours fling kaka in comparison until they're high ranked. Instead, place an infantry reserve unit just out of range of that wall, and the A.I. will station most of their archers at it and... wait, allowing you to haemorrhage the fort from an opposing angle. Don't bother moving the reserve unit into range of the enemy archers, not necessary, they'll stay there as long as you stare back at them menacingly. Target priority is: generals, infantry, bows. If you kill them off in that order, you can afford to get impatient and rush the walls, because bows can't stop yari ashigaru from getting in. Finally, if your bomb throwers have spare ammo, launch it at any stubborn archers manning the walls: they will quickly get the point and relocate elsewhere.
17. Toppeth-Tippeth: Bomb throwers can follow your yari ashigaru through the main gate, and toss bombs into the enemy's ranks over the heads of your infantry. I really didn't think this would work when I first tried it, because I figured the narrowness of the gate would cause my bomb throwers to report their line of sight as 'blocked': rendering them useless. Turns out no, actually, they're pretty happy to line themselves up on the ramp, swing their grenades, and launch them into the enemy blob. Yes, you will lose men: bah. But the enemy's morale will break long before you run out of reserves, especially with all their generals dead already. It's also fun as fuck. Boom... boom... boom.
18. Katana infantry fuck, but only under the right circumstances. I've found having one or two in reserve to be really advantageous. They are absolutely class for flanking or going in with the second wave during sieges. Fresh and eager, and up against tired defenders, they will melt. But inspired? They will fuck on everything. Best of all, katana infantry fight to the last man (because bushidō), and because the A.I. loves to field spears, they always have the advantage. The only drawback is that they're expensive to maintain, and therefore they should only be used this way in the early to mid game, if at all. Lastly, they're dumb-good in siege defences. Put them on the walls, away from the enemy archers, and whoever's coming up isn't coming up for long. I never have to worry about the walls I've assigned my katana to. They're just too good at holding the battlements due to their superior melee stats.
19. Once your armies have been fielded, hold an economy of around 500/1000 koku. If you don't use it, this will just keep adding to your war chest. It's not a lot, but in three or four turns you will accumulate enough wealth to put together an ashigaru army in a pinch, or bribe an ally to join a war. \Smacks lips.* Nice.*
20. You can body block stacks from entering your territories and delay them for at least three turns before they can reach your capital. The way you do this is by taking a single unit of yari ashigaru, placing it on a choke point on the campaign map, and then when the enemy is forced to attack it, you retreat. And then you play this game with the enemy's avatar until you've rallied your forces. You can also do this by inciting a rebellion stack. This is a big dick move, and has saved my ass many'a time. If you also have Ninja, you're laughing. It'll be five turns before the enemy can get to you. In five turns I can throw an expendable army at them from the god-damn barracks.
21. In field battles, do not use all your units at once. By this, I mean don't commit everything to one assault. Put four ashi' up to take the enemy charge. Flank with two ashi' on either side. Move your archers around. Harry them with your cavalry. And if you have samurai, use them to take out the key players. Commit in units, not in bulk. Yes, your main line will be chewed apart while you adjust, but who cares? You can recruit two/three ashigaru next turn. Expend the expendable, preserve your veterans. If your initial commitment breaks and surrenders... good! Now the enemy has to reform and turn around: usually into a line of no-dachi. Banzaiii!!!
22. If your objective is to win every battle with no casualties, start praying. Most sieges on Legendary end up in most of my army routed, and only my generals and a single unit of tired yari ashigaru left, with all my archers either out of ammo, or about to be. I always lose two units to critical losses, but then I can always recruit them back next turn. The rest of my army limps back to rejoin me another day, despite taking severe losses from enemy archers/the gate. Game's pretty forgiving when you commit to siege battles, use that to your advantage.
23. You can force the enemy to attack your main army by putting it on a choke-point on the campaign map. The A.I. will have to come through you to get what it wants. Sadly, the A.I. can also be a huge puss', calculate unfavourable odds, and never bother to attack you as you straddle the border to your territory like an asshole, forever. In this case, either go into ambush stance, or make a play. Defensive battles in the field are preferable to attacking, always. The A.I. will come to you, and you can choose anywhere on the map to make your stand. This leads to easy and fun battles, even on legendary, where you can set-up your men in ranks on hills, between valleys, in villages, and around bridges. Battles where you're on the attack always end the same way: by baiting and switching, which is not fun (... to me.)
24. I was wrong in my previous iteration of this guide about Katana Cavalry — Katana Cavalry do fuck on single player. They're absolute killing machines, actually. Not a game goes by where my Katana Cavalry don't rack up 400+ kills each. The way this is achieved is by waiting until all enemy units are engaged, then flanking with your cavalry. After that, leave them in. They are not charge units. They are sure, steady killers. Let them have their fun. Only pull them out if they're directly engaged by spears. The best upgrade you can give them is +2 armour, also.
25. Light Cavalry should always be your top killers on the field in the early-mid game. If you're not leaving those early battles with 200-300 kills per Light Cavalry unit, you're doing something wrong. Adjust your game accordingly.
26. Bow samurai are great on castle walls, but questionable in the field. I'd rather have two units of bow ashigaru any day of the week.
27. Yari Samurai are okay, but I always disband them on turn 1, then use the additional income to recruit other, cheaper spears. The enemy cavalry runs at your line during deployment, they're so dumb. Don't waste money on fielding a unit that's built to counter something that tends to counter itself.
28. For extra income, you can sell military access, but do so strategically. On average, I can sell 5 turns for 500-750. 10 turns for 1250-1500. And 20 turns for 3000 koku++ upwards. I do this when I want to upgrade essential infrastructure, like gold mines. But you must be wary of doing this on legendary, as you create a dialogue with potential enemies that wraps you up in red tape should you decide to attack them before the peace-bond made between you runs out. And sometimes it can take a very long time for this to happen (30+ turns if you settle for a 20 turn deal). This is huge because if you decide to attack before the timer runs out, then you'll suffer from diplomacy penalties with all the other clans you've come into contact with so far. On some campaigns, this can really hurt you. e.g. Piss off the Hojo as Oda, and Takeda will march on you early (because he's programmed to want your territory). That's not good, really not good. Likewise, as Shimazu you may want Tachibana or Chōkosabe on your side to buffer the northern clans. Well, not if you go cheesing Ito and betraying alliances with the Otomo. If you act the prick on legendary, you're asking for trouble. If your diplomacy window reads hostile, hostile, hostile, and you're not the Ikko-Ikki or a Christian clan, then you're doing something wrong. The game sets you up with natural enemies and natural allies, but you can break the mechanics and side with clans who're designed to inherently hate you, as long as you keep their attention fixed elsewhere via correct use of military access. Beware, selling military access to aggressive clans will cause them to come into your territory and devour your vassals, forcing you to make awkward decisions; and I'm certain you didn't just sell Date military access so that he could come and cause issues for you left and right: so, better to avoid this altogether. Be cautious about the fronts you're engaging with, TL;DR.
29. Vassals are worthless, even as buffers. You can't sell them military access and most of the time you can't encourage them to wage war, and if they can't be depended on as allies, then they're useless as allies. And they will betray you, they'll betray you because the game makes it impossible to keep them happy because you're demanding military access from them in return for protection, when they should be the ones protecting you. Only they don't because they're fucking dumb and can't be coerced into attacking who you want them to attack. So, don't take the settlements you don't need, and occupy them peacefully if you do.
30. Which brings me to ONAH! ... Honor is very important (unless you're the Ikkō-ikki or the Ōtomo). Low honor causes rebellions in your back lines. Low honor means clans hate you :-). Low honor makes it so that when you take a new city, the new city will whine turn after turn unless you have a general with the '-6 to resistance' trait, really good Metsuke, or a spare army to shut them up. (Psst. Recruiting men just to put down rebellions means less koku and negative economic growth.) This game literally makes you pay for your mistakes. There aren't many clans that can afford to be honour-less on legendary, not unless you want stacks of pissed-off armies marching into your territory every couple of years. Did you know that if you gift 150 koku to your super-powered feudal overlords, you get +3 to your diplomatic relations with them? Do this every other turn and you'll have +20 in no time. +20 is enough to dissuade them from attacking you: as long you have an active trade deal going and are giving them plenty of military access.
31. Be in it for the long game. Let others weaken your enemies for you, it is not so good to wage war before you are sure that you have the advantage.
32. Special shout-out to these units for being worth the koku: Yari Ashigaru (150+ kills on average). Bow Ashigaru (100+ kills on average). Naginata Warrior Monks (250+ kills on average), Katana Cavalry (350+ kills on average), Katana Infantry (200+ kills on average), Kisho Ninja (150+ kills on average). Tadakatsu's Tetsubo Warriors (200+ kills on average).
33. On Siege Defence, Matchlock Ashigaru are God.
34. Have fun. Legendary's great because it is fast-paced and consistent. You'll rarely have more than a couple years of peace, enjoy it while it lasts.
35. One last battle tip: use the terrain. Even a slight incline gives your ashigaru an advantage. A slight incline for the enemy marks your death. Zoom in, check where you are actually positioning your forces, and do not make the mistake of fighting on fatal ground. The reason why I lose so many armies to inferior opponents is because I think the A.I. is ha-ha dumb. It is ha-ha dumb. But it is also committed to attacking. If you march onto unfavourable ground, and you allow the enemy to attack you on it: his strategy is superior. Watch as your lines break. Then zoom in afterwards and realise: you just marched your entire army onto some really weird and obnoxious inclines that made holding the line difficult for your ashigaru. Woopsy. 'Woopsy' on legendary could cost you the campaign.
36. Good luck, my dudes. Great game +10 years on, and still one of my all time favourites!!! Wahaha!