Top 10 Best Free Fun Games that Don't Need WiFi

games that don't need wifi on ipad

games that don't need wifi on ipad - win

Stadia vs Luna vs GeForce Now vs xCloud

Hey all...I've been pretty exhaustively trying all the current streaming services. I know this is a Stadia group but I thought if anyone out there is curious about what the experience is like on other services, perhaps you could benefit from a layman's experience using each service and trying to make it my "main" service. Like I said, I'm a layman, not a professional reviewer, so there's a lot of things I'm still learning, but having tried all three of the major services, here's my thoughts.
Edit: Please bear in mind this is not an exhaustive list, just some thoughts based on a couple of months of on and off testing. I'm certainly not trying to sway or influence anyone's purchasing decisions, just giving some general thoughts that might help when trying to decide which service to look into. I know not everyone can get ahold of / rush out and buy all of the devices I have listed here - I happen to work for a tech company so I have a lot more devices floating around than most other people. Your mileage, of course, may vary!
I know there's also Steam Link, but since that requires you to have a PC capable of playing the game in the house somewhere, I'm not considering that a streaming service.
Testing Devices:

Amazon Luna

Notable Games: Control, lots of highly rated indie titles (Blasphemous, Bloodstained, Iconoclasts)
To be fair, I only have about 6 hours on Amazon Luna, but they've been pretty excruciating. My wifi averages about 75-90 MBps, and about half of the games I tried suffered from lag and graphical smear, mostly the Ubisoft+ games. The indie games played fabulously well. Luna is probably the service I have the least to say about. It's $6 a month for Luna on it's own, so it's kindof like the "also-ran" effort - it's cheap, but might be the most forgettable of the bunch. The user interface is better than GeForce Now, worse than Stadia, and unlike Stadia it doesn't seem like Luna can be enhanced with browser extensions.
I have Ubisoft+, so I tried to play Immortal: Fenyx Rising on Luna and it was absolutely horrible. Smeared graphics, dropped frames, input lag, the works. It was the only experience across all of the big three services that was literally unplayable. This seemed to be a problem only with the Ubisoft games, however, I have to stress.
Pros
Cons

GeForce Now

Notable Games: Cyberpunk 2077, Control, Immortals: Fenix Rising, Metro series, Destiny 2 (all paid)
I picked up an nVidia Shield specifically for GeForce now, but my wife and I have ended up using it primarily for Kodi and to watch Netflix more than playing any games on it. I'll just say it straight out - GeForce Now sucks ass. It's a broken, shoddy, inconsistent mess. It's actually WORSE on the Shield than it is on PC, because there are so many times when I needed a keyboard to do anything. I tried playing Immortals: Fenyx Rising on GFN on my Shield which required me to log into Ubisoft+. I'm fine with that, since you only have to do it once...but using the Shield remote that came with my Shield, the on-screen keyboard never popped up, forcing me to track down a second keyboard from in my garage and plug in. After I plugged in the physical keyboard....THEN the onscreen keyboard popped up and just mirrored what I pressed on the physical keyboard. What? Why?
Games are all over the place as well. Witcher 3 was a nightmare - every time you try to play the game, it wants to install the DLC packs onto whatever virtual machine you've been assigned. Then when you can play, it dips so far under 30 fps it's literally better to just play it on a budget PC with Hairworks off.
Plus the Shield ain't cheap - it was like $200 at Best Buy, and didn't include a controller. $100 more gets you a Series S, and $100 LESS gets you a Stadia-enabled Chromecast WITH a solid as hell controller, just for comparison's sake.
Pros
Cons

Google Stadia

Notable Games: Cyberpunk 2077 (paid), Hitman: World of Assassination (Pro), Destiny 2 (Pro), Red Dead Redemption II (Paid)
Stadia is easily the best overall, but it still has its cons. I came to Stadia thanks to Cyberpunk 2077 so I have the most hours played on Stadia of the big three services. Stadia on the Chromecast Ultra seems to me to be the hands down best way to play streamed games currently.
Of all the services, Stadia was the one that felt the least like a "me-too" service and more like a dedicated platform. Almost all of the other services felt like a way for corporations to dip their toe in the water and figure out if there's money to be made, while Stadia feels like someone who really grasps and cares about gaming is at the helm.
Pros
Cons

Xbox Game Pass / Game Pass Unlimited / Gold / Live / Play Anywhere / xCloud / Whatever it's being called these days

Notable Games: Nier: Automata BAG Edition, Dragon Quest XI S, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
Xbox Game Pass gets added to this list on a pure technicality.
So, technically Xbox Game Pass isn't a streaming service, but I include it because on Android, there actually is a "cloud" option for playing your console Game Pass library. The Cloud streaming works surprisingly well, but you're limited to either an Android tablet or phone because it doesn't seem to work properly on Android TV. I've heard you can sideload onto the nVidia Shield, but that was beyond the scope of what I was trying to accomplish with these reviews...I just want something I can pick up and play. So, yeah if you don't mind playing on your phone, Game Pass Cloud is actually probably the best of the bunch in terms of ease of use and game selection. There are so many things I want to play on Game Pass it's actually a little overwhelming. However, I don't want to stare at a 5" screen for hours to do so.
Pros
Cons
Whew! I actually had way more to say on this topic than I thought, I guess. I've probably spent more time and energy on this than I should have, but working from home has given me a lot of time on my hands, so hopefully my experiences can help save someone else some time and effort. Would love some counterpoints as well!
submitted by eldamien to Stadia [link] [comments]

I am 25 years old make $75,000, live in Northern Virginia and work as a Senior Advisory Specialist

I live with my boyfriend, W., but we do not combine finances. Additionally, I would like to put a content warning here at the top: I discuss tracking food and weight loss throughout this money diary.
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance - $19,195 in two 401ks (current and former company) and $18,478 in a Roth IRA (my grandparents set this up and matched the money I made working in high school/college - I'm very grateful that they set this up for me!)
Equity - no equity currently, I rent and do not own a car
Checking account balance - currently ~$5,000 (I try to keep it around this amount)
Credit card debt - $0 (I pay it off every month)
Student loan debt - $9,500 remaining to pay off the loans for my BA in political science (here's hoping I finish it off this year!)
Stocks - $1,190 in stocks from my former company. I also have some miscellaneous other stocks that I was gifted when I was younger and I'm unclear on the value of them (my dad manages them for me)
Savings - $1,500 (it took a big hit while I was unemployed this past summer)
Section Two: Income
Income Progression:
High school (2012-2013) - I worked at a local office supply store making $7.50/hour. I did this for fun spending money a few days a week after school.
College (2014-2017) - I worked two on-campus jobs. The first was as a front desk person at the fitness center beginning at the end of my freshman year; I typically did ten hours a week at this job. The second was as an assistant in our career center, and I did this for the entirety of my senior year; I typically did five hours a week at this job. Both paid $8.50/hour.
Internship (2015-2017) - I studied abroad off-cycle from July to December in Australia, and was offered an internship doing recruitment and operations work at my mom's company after randomly meeting the COO in an elevator and impressing him in a brief conversation. What originally was going to be a five week internship went on to be part-time remote when I was at school, and full-time when I was home for the summer and on breaks. It paid $12/hour and introduced me to human resources and strategy & operations.
Company #1, Job #1 (2017-2018) - After graduating college, I moved to begin working in Washington DC as an associate at a healthcare firm making $40,000/year. I really enjoyed this work and my team, even though there were some times I had to work long hours. I was promoted to a senior associate role after my first six months, which came with a 10% raise.
Company #1, Job #2 (2018-2020) - I decided that, while I liked my role within the company, I wanted to gain client-facing experience. I applied for and moved into a analyst role in a different department at $52,000/year. I was excited about this role because I got to travel and train clients onsite one to three times a month and build up a lot of important business skills. About halfway through 2019, I was told that they wanted to pay me more because they felt my effort outpaced my seniority and was out of the blue bumped up to making $70,000/year. During this role, I was also eligible for up to a 10% bonus based on how my team did.
Unemployment (2020) - Due to COVID-19, my company took a big hit being in the healthcare space. The vast majority of my team was made redundant in June 2020. While a super stressful time, I did get some severance and used it as an opportunity to assess what I really wanted in my next role; I knew I liked being client-facing, but realized I wanted to get back to human resources in some way.
Company #2 (2020-present) - I took my current role as a senior advisory specialist in the fall. I was able to negotiate a $75,000/year salary and a 5% bonus. The work I do is very energizing and rewarding, and I'm hopeful I can stay here for a while and move up the ladder because I like what I do a lot!
Main Job Monthly Take Home:
I make $4380.90 each month after deductions. I get paid twice a month.
Deductions (per paycheck)
· Medical insurance: $29.50
· Dental insurance: $7.50
· Eye insurance: $2.75
· 401k contribution: $156.25 (I plan on increasing this after my student loans are paid off) + 4% company match
Side Gig Monthly Take Home:
I run a book blog on the side, and while I currently don't make any money off of it, publishers often send me advanced reader copies of books! I save a lot of money that way, because I am buying books constantly.
Section Three: Expenses
· Rent: $975 for my portion of the one bedroom apartment that I share with W. I pay slightly more than half because I make more money than he does. All utilities are included.
· Student loans: $500 is the minimum I pay per month because I want them paid off as soon as possible (the minimum monthly payment is about half that). I usually throw extra money towards them when I have a low spend month.
· WiFi and cable: $140.06, which is absolutely ridiculous and I keep saying I'm going to call Comcast and negotiate this down but get lazy and don't. Yell at me in the comments to do this!
· Netflix: $14.88 (I also let my best friend use this)
· Spotify: $9.99
· Hulu with live sports, HBO, Starz, and Showtime add-ons: W. pays
· Amazon Prime: W. pays
· Nail salon subscription: $40 (this is cheaper than the cost of a gel manicure and includes a free gel mani every month plus extra bonuses, which makes this very worth it despite sounding extravagant!)
· Care/of vitamin subscription: $70
· Boxing membership: $179 for unlimited classes
· WW: $15.11 (I'm on a six month deal currently)
· Fitbit Premium: $9.99
· iPhone payment plan: $31.20 (this will end in November for my iPhone 11. I am still on my parents' unlimited data phone plan and have been told I never have to leave, which is a total blessing!)
· Google storage: $2.12
· iCloud storage: $2.99
Additionally, I have an annual payment of approximately $2,750 for my life insurance policy; I have a blend of whole and term life. I am currently not making these payments, as my grandparents created a fund to pay the first several years of premiums as they felt it was important for me to get life insurance at a young age so it could start gaining cash value. I am incredibly grateful for this!
Day One - Tuesday 1/19
7am: My alarm goes off and I am still tired. W. and I cuddle for ten minutes or so before he gets up to make us coffee. We drink our coffee in bed while watching a few YouTube videos from our favorite content creators; the two of us are very into a video game that we play together and consume a lot of content around it.
8:30am: Time to get back into work! We both work from home right now, so we move into the living room together. My inbox is surprisingly empty after a long weekend, so I dive back in to a client request that I didn't finish before closing my laptop on Friday.
9:00am: I have a few morning meetings, so I take a few minutes to get ready. I throw in my contacts and brush my teeth, then get dressed from the waist up in a comfy gray Fortune Ivy sweater and hoop earrings. I make another cup of coffee to keep my energy up.
9:25am: I move into the bedroom to take my meetings. I have a bed tray for my laptop, which makes it feel more desk-like on my bed. I first have a meeting with another member of my team to discuss how we're dividing up a project that we're working on together, followed by two town hall meetings. At some point during my meetings, W. texts me that he ordered an energy drink powder that we've been meaning to try and Venmo requests me for my half ($23). I munch on the last four donut holes we have left over from the weekend for a snack during my meetings and make sure to log what I eat in my WW app.
1:00pm: Out of meetings and in need of a break. W. comes into the bedroom and asks me if I want to go out on a quick walk, which I happily agree to. I throw on Girlfriend Collective leggings, my lucky Rangers sweatshirt, ballet flats, and a freshly washed mask and we head out. After a good 20 minute walk, W. offers to pay for McDonald's for lunch, which is great but definitely not WW friendly. I get a 10 piece nuggets and large fries, and W. gets himself a few burgers. He pays and we take it home to eat on the couch and chat for a few minutes before I have to get on more work calls.
2:00pm: Time for more meetings and project work! I return to the bedroom and call into meetings for an hour, including a weekly meeting I facilitate, and then put my 800th rewatch of Grey's Anatomy on the TV in background while I work.
5:30pm: I log off of my laptop right on time for a Facetime date with my DC best friend, A. We met at my first job and have been close since the minute we met. She just moved into a new apartment and got a new job, so she gives me a tour of the new place and we catch up for about half an hour. After we hang up, I say hi to W. for a few minutes and then go hop in the shower. I do my usual skincare routine (a bevy of Ole Henriksen products, I swear by them) before throwing on comfy clothes and joining W. in the living room.
7:00pm: I throw the Rangers-Devils game on my iPad (I'm a diehard New York sports fan except for basketball) and text my hometown best friend, B., about absolutely nothing while W. plays a video game for a while. I'm not super hungry, so W. heats up leftover tuna casserole for dinner while I just cut up an orange. At some point we mute the hockey game to watch a few episodes of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, our first forray into the Housewives franchise which we've quickly become addicted to. We brush our teeth and make it to bed around 10:30pm.
Total: $23
Day Two - Wednesday, 1/20
7:00am: Usual morning routine: wake up, cuddle, coffee, and videos. I get out of bed to make the coffee this morning.
8:15am: I join W. for a quick morning shower before work starts for the day. I also do my weekly weigh in and I'm down almost another pound! The progress is slow, but that is also the healthy way to lose weight. I mark it down and log my coffee.
9:00am: I text with my mom about today's inauguration while I work. She wants to know if I can hear anything from my place, but besides the occasional sirens, there is no big fanfare yet. I set a reminder on my phone to turn on the news in a bit to listen.
10:45am: I finish up a difficult client request and send it off to their account team. W. gets me a lemon Pellegrino from the fridge for me to enjoy during my 11:00 meeting.
12:30pm: Out of my meetings and we have a new president!!! W. gives me a recap of Biden's speech and I find myself getting emotional after watching the video of Kamala getting sworn in. After wiping away the tears, I throw some chicken, buffalo sauce, and seasonings into our pressure cooker so we can have easy lunches: chicken sandwich and salad for W., chicken quesadilla for me so I can easily measure out how much of each food item I'm using. I log my food and we eat together during a quick fifteen minute break.
2:00pm: After changing out my water bottles (I like to drink out of reusable water bottles over drinking glasses, not really sure why) I remember why I don't like to use this one. I log on to the Hydroflask website and order a 21oz bottle with the sports cap lid ($28.58). I pick a color that's on sale because it's cheaper, find a coupon code for free shipping, and go through Rakuten so I can get 2% cash back. I also figure now is as good a time as any to get dressed since I have to be on camera for my afternoon meetings, so I throw on a camel and black polka dot Papermoon blouse and black Beyond Yoga leggings.
3:45pm: Weekly check in with my manager while I snack on a sliced cucumber. He and I discuss my 2020 review, which he literally had to do for me when I was less than a month in the role, and what my goals for 2021 are. I am setting my intentions on Friday, and I am very excited to think through what I want to accomplish this year. We discuss a few other projects and end a little earlier than expected. A friend of mine is streaming on Twitch, so I put his stream up on the TV while I work on a data project and gift a sub to a fellow viewer ($5.99). I see that someone has put a 4:30-5pm meeting on my calendar for tomorrow, so I have to cancel out of my 4:45 boxing class. Sigh.
5:45pm: I wrap up my work and head out to chat with W. for a bit. We decide to play our favorite video game for a while, so we log in and start playing in duos. We get a win in our very first game! After a while, our good friend N. joins us, so we switch to trios. At some point during what becomes a marathon gaming session, W. makes himself a frozen pizza and I drink the last two Stella Cidres we have in the fridge. Brush our teeth and head to bed around 11pm.
Total: $34.57
Day Three - Thursday 1/21
3:57am: I wake up for absolutely no reason. I hate when this happens. It takes me over an hour to fall back asleep.
7:00am: Usual morning routine, cut a little short for me to get ready for an 8:30 meeting.
10:00am: In desperate need of a break from my work, I log onto Etsy to pick out some cute candles for A. as a little housewarming gift. I have to text her for her new address, which kind of ruins the surprise, but I know how much she loves candles so I do it anyway ($32.86).
1:00pm: I get off of a client call that I shadowed with a member of my team. I have just decided on my focus area, hence why I am trying to get more exposure to the client work here. My teammate and I debrief and agree that I'll continue to shadow the calls that she does with this client so I can see the whole process through.
3:00pm: Out of another team meeting and exhausted from work. My 4:30 meeting cancels, and I'm bummed for a few minutes because I cancelled my boxing class to be in that meeting. But my mood turns around almost instantly - I got off the waitlist for the 6pm class! I text W. so he knows, and he asks if I can make him dinner before I go because he doesn't want to wait until I get back to eat. Fair enough. I agree and get back to work on my data project.
3:30pm: I get an email with the return label for my Fitbit. I've had it for a year and it randomly started giving me a rash on my wrist, so Fitbit is reimbursing me the total amount I paid for it. Customer service at its finest! I send the label to my Fedex store for pickup tomorrow, since I don't have a printer ($0.52).
5:30pm: I wrap up my work for the day and throw on Old Navy active leggings and a tank, tie back my hair, mask up, and head out the door to the boxing studio. It's endurance day and we do eight minute blocks instead of six, so I am dying by the time class is done. After class, I go to Target to pick up a few miscellaneous items we need: half & half, white vinegar, and chocolate peppermint stick Luna bars ($10.64). I mobile order and stop by Chipotle on the way home to grab a dinner of crispy chicken tacos and chips and guac ($16.23).
7:30pm: I stop by the concierge desk on my way back into the building to grab packages I have waiting and to catch up with my favorite concierge. She is a delight to talk to, but busy tonight, so I don't stay too long. Once home, I devour my tacos in about four minutes and then shower before putting on the Laker-Bucks on the iPad while W. plays video games. We migrate to the bedroom after halftime to finish it and are both exhausted that we fall asleep immediately after.
Total: $60.25
Day Four - Friday 1/22
7am: Usual morning routine. After watching two videos, W. announces that he isn't feeling well and is taking a day of PTO. I get him tucked comfy into bed with a movie and start my work day early. I put Grey's Anatomy on the TV while I work.
11am: I am hungry after powering through work all morning, so I place an order for a cheese pizza from Wiseguys ($21.99). A nice quick walk will feel good.
11:30am: I mask up and head out to pick up the pizza, stopping by CVS on the way to get a Red Bull for W., a Diet Coke for myself, and a bottle of Benadryl because I ran out ($27.27). I eat a slice of pizza while watching a bit of a Twitch stream before getting back to work. I also spend some time texting with B., as well as my older sister, C.
1:30pm: Back to back calls. When they're over, I check in on W., who unfortunately only feels worse. He decides to try and nap, and also informs me that he wanted to watch a Marvel movie so he added Disney+ to our Hulu subscription. He pays for that, but I'm happy we'll finally be able to watch those shows we've been missing out on!
4:30pm: Done with my projects and decide to call it a little early today. I appreciate that my manager doesn't particularly care if we stop early when all of our work is done, and I need to go to the Fedex store. I listen to one of my curated Spotify playlists (a lot of Halsey, Taylor Swift, Joan, and Flor are on this one) while I walk there to pick up the label I had printed. As I walk out of the store, several of my music friends start texting me - Halsey cancelled her summer tour. I am bummed because I was supposed to travel and go to several shows with friends. I make a mental note to start cancelling hotel reservations and request my Ticketmaster refunds tomorrow.
5:30pm: Manicure time! I've started doing gel manicures every other week because I have a horrible nail biting habit and this is the only way I can stop myself. I catch up with my favorite nail tech and the salon owners over a glass of sparkling rose. Today we do a nude-pink polish with black and white polka dots. When that's done, I also poke around at the beautiful jewelry they sell and pick out a pair or multicolored acrylic bow earrings. My subscription covers the manicure, so I only have to pay my tip (25% of the service cost) and for the earrings ($24.87). I text W. to let him know I'm on my way home and he asks if I can pick up NyQuil for him. I pop into CVS on the way home to get it ($16.94).
7:30pm: W. and I have a quiet evening, bouncing between a few TV shows and basketball games. We call it an early night and go to bed before 10. Wild Friday!
Total: $91.07
Day Five - Saturday, 1/23
8:30am: I wake up feeling pretty well rested. W. is still sleeping, so I get out of bed quietly and head out to the living room. I answer a few work emails that came in last evening, including a stretch project to present some webinars later in the year! I used to facilitate webinars in an old role of mine, so I'm looking forward to flexing that muscle again. I also submit my Ticketmaster refund requests, cancel some hotel reservations, and peruse my favorite auction website. I spy my dream Louis Vuitton bag (Speedy 40 in canvas and leather) at what could be a steal. I do some mental math at what would be the max I would splurge on it and set a max bid. I'm currently winning and text B. with excitement.
9:45am: W. texts me that he's awake but still not feeling well. I crawl back into bed for some snuggles and ask him what he needs. He wants bagels, so I agree to go out to pick them up if he pays for them. He orders a BEC on an everything bagel for himself and a multigrain bagel with butter for me. I throw on black Girlfriend Collective leggings, a Halsey tee, and my Adidas superstars, grab my mask and jacket, and head out the door. It's a little chilly, but it feels good. It's a quick turnaround to get back with the bagels. W. and I eat them in bed while watching some Real Housewives.
12:00pm: We're still in bed. Oops. We transition into watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and W. orders us some Popeye's to eat throughout the day: 12 piece spicy chicken, biscuits, fries, mashed potatoes, and a large Diet Coke to split. We will heat up leftover Popeye's for lunch someday this week. I embrace the fact that this is not going to be a good WW week for me, and remind myself it's okay to be human and have some indulgent weekends. Progress, not perfection!
5:00pm: W. dials into his weekly virtual D&D session and I decide to solo queue my video game for the evening. I debate having some wine, but decide the fast food was probably enough for my stomach and that I don't need to add alcohol into the mix. W.'s session wraps up around 9:30, so we chat while I clean the apartment a bit before taking a quick shower. I towel dry my hair, toss on some weekly skincare (eye cream and a fancy serum that I'm not really sure what it does, it just makes my skin glowy) before settling into bed.
Total: $0
Day Six - Sunday 1/24
3:00am: I wake up congested as can be. I get two Benadryl and a Zicam from the bathroom, lay back down, and pray for sleep to come.
9:10am: Well, I guess sleep came. I missed the start of the booking window for upcoming boxing classes, but luckily there are still openings in all the classes I wanted. I'm trying to up my workouts, so I decide to try the Wednesday morning class as well. Maybe I'll like being a morning workout person?
11:00am: W. and I both decide to call our respective moms. My mom and I try to talk at least once a week on the phone (we also text every day, I just haven't mentioned it, whoops) and we catch up on random bits of each other's lives for about 45 minutes or so. I tell her about Halsey cancelling tour and we're a bit worried, as we're supposed to see Maroon 5 together later in the year after it got rescheduled from 2020. Hopefully by the fall we'll have herd immunity, though I'm not super positive that concerts will happen. I miss concerts :(
12:00pm: I do a bit of apartment maintenance: taking out the trash, breaking down boxes and taking them to recycling, wiping down the countertops, etc. W. comes out to the living room when his phone call ends and we try to decide what we want to do. W. is still not feeling great, which is worrying, but he has no COVID symptoms. He gets a quick telehealth appointment and is assured that he most likely has the cold/head flu thing that is going around and should stay home to not burden the healthcare system. The doctor assures him that me coming/going from the apartment shouldn't transmit whatever W. has and that while he should stay home until he is feeling better, as long as I'm sanitizing and showering often, I can leave. I'm guessing a lot of people are asking that question since the doctor told him that unprompted, and I'm relieved to know that I won't be unknowingly getting someone else sick.
1:00pm: W. and I decide to order Vocelli's for a late lunch/early dinner: bacon and cheddar pizza rolls and a build-your-own stromboli with bacon, spinach, and extra cheese. I have a GrubHub gift card from Christmas so we don't have to pay out of pocket for this meal. We play some video games together until the food gets here, then pause to eat and watch an episode of Shark Tank. When we finish eating, we go back to gaming because there isn't much else to do while W. is sick.
7:00pm: I move into the bedroom so we can watch the Rangers-Penguins game on my iPad while he plays a different video game and I scroll on my phone. My dad randomly calls me, and I'm worried something happened to my grandpa (he's my last living grandparent and lives alone). Luckily, Grandpa is fine and my dad was just jealous that I talked to my mom this morning while he was out running errands. He's adorable. We catch up for about ten minutes before he has to go. When 8:00 rolls around, we switch over to the Wizards-Spurs game since they're finally playing again and mute the hockey game. Both teams lose and I'm a sad sports fan. We brush our teeth and throw on some Futurama to fall asleep to.
Total: $0
Day Seven - Monday, 1/25
7:00am: Usual weekday wakeup routine. When it's time to get to work, W. decides he'll work from the bedroom so he can continue to rest. We order Starbucks (peppermint mochas for both of us, turkey and pesto panini for him, sprouted grain vegan bagel for me) on UberEats and split the cost because we wouldn't normally have it delivered ($14.87). I listen to calls while I work and get dressed in a bright color Girlfriend Collective set and black Forever 21 active tank to try and offset the dreary weather.
10:00am: Out of my first set of meetings and I run the laundry down to the laundry room ($3.25). I listen to a Twitch stream while I work and continuously check on the Louis Vuitton I'm bidding on. The auction ends tonight at 8pm and I'm still winning!
1:00pm: Still working through projects. I have been outbid past the maximum I set for myself on the Louis Vuitton, which is disappointing but I'm sure I'll get one eventually. I can still dream about it in the meanwhile :)
2:15pm: I take a quick break to package up my old Fitbit and place an order for a replacement. It ends up being free because of my full refund; the only cost is not having a tracker for a week or so. Could be worse! I make myself an energy drink using the powder that we ordered earlier this week to fuel my afternoon meetings with some non-coffee energy.
4:30pm: I throw on my sneakers and mask, grab my gym bag, and head off to boxing. After a few tough client requests today, throwing some punches feels amazing!
5:30pm: Out of class and off to Safeway and Target for some filler groceries. I did a big food shopping last Monday and we ended up doing a lot of takeout, so we don't need much. I get milk, yogurt, frozen berries, ciabatta rolls, frozen popcorn chicken, peanut butter pretzels, and two types of cereal. I text W. to let him know I'm on my way home ($23.70 for my half) and despite the drizzle, it is a refreshing walk.
6:30pm: Freshly showered and time to decide what to do for the evening. I find a movie, Collateral, by doing a reference search for a movie vibe that I loved (Inside Man, if you're curious) but am disappointed to find out it's not available on any streaming service. W. saves the day by telling me we actually own it on DVD but have never watched it, and lo and behold, it's buried in our giant plastic tub of DVDs. Movie night saved! We curl up on the couch and watch the movie with leftover Popeye's.
8:45pm: The movie is done and I'd give it a solid 4/5 stars. While discussing our favorite parts of the movie, we get into a random fight. I find myself getting heated for no reason, take a deep breath, and ask him to explain his side. W. has severe anxiety, and it turns out he had a few anxiety attacks during the movie so he wasn't articulating himself properly. We talk it out and he apologizes; he's made a lot of progress on dealing with his anxiety, but he has a long way to go. Not wanting to end the night on a bad note, we decide to stay up a little later than usual so we can watch some more Real Housewives and feel better by the time we go to bed. Asleep by 11:30.
Total: $41.82
Weekly Expenses:
Food + Drink: $118.71
Fun / Entertainment: $5.99
Home + Health: $68.06
Clothes + Beauty: $24.87
Transport: $0
Other: $33.38
Lastly, reflect on your diary!
This diary was very typical in some ways, and atypical in others. I normally cook a lot more, but with W. being sick I definitely used that as an excuse for takeout, hence why I'm following WW to try and lose weight! I think if I continue to be careful with my spending I can pay off my student loans this year and build my emergency fund back up, so I'm definitely buying less "fun" things in 2021… but if another Louis Vuitton comes around I'll probably bid on it :)
submitted by janmoneydiary to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]

I am a 32 year old RN making $57,450, living in rural MN and I get a colonoscopy this week

One day early. Buckle up, it's a long one!
Trigger warning: digestive & anxiety issues, medical procedures
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: PERA account $7,389.65
Equity: roughly $45,000 (house and vehicles)
Savings account balance: $523
'Secret' cash stash: about $800 between us which we pretend doesn't exist.
Checking account balance: $2,318
Credit card debt: $6404.47 🤯
Student loan debt: $30,593.72 for my associate's in nursing and one semester of my BSN which I have no plans to finish.
Current clinic bill: $814. I have about $620 left in my flex account from last year that I need to use so I'll probably pay this off this month.
Section Two: Income
Income progression: It's been pretty straightforward for me. I worked at McDonald's in high school (minimum wage) and came back after one semester of college. I was eventually promoted to shift manager in 2007 (I think $9.50/hr). I got my CNA license in 2008 and started working at a nursing home ($10.65/hr). Gradually increased over the years. When I got my LPN license in 2016, I bumped up to around $16.50/hr. Another bump for my RN license at the end of 2017. I started at $26.50 and now make $28.75 base. I work 12 hour nights so I get $.50 differential from 6p-10p and $1 for 10p-6a. This is considered a joke of a differential btw. We get time and a half on holidays. I do truly love my work but I'm so burnt out. I've been in long term care for so long that I'm not sure how to even do anything else at this point.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: ~$2700, more if I work a holiday or pick up a shift
Taxes: ~$700 Health insurance: $303 (family plan with high deductible) Retirement contributions: 6.5% of my pay HSA: $192.30 Flex: $46.16 Clinic bill payment: $100 Life/STD insurance: $54.42 Christmas account: $50
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: generally $0. I do sell some craft items on the side but I don't hustle.
Child support: supposed to be $531 but I get what I get most of the time.
I am married but we do not have a joint account. B's gross is $41,600/year. He recently started a new job and got a $4.50/hr pay increase. He's also a volunteer firefighter and gets paid once a year from that, although last year's check was only $750. He carries dental and vision insurance for us and has a flex set up, about $170/month.
Section Three: Expenses
Rent / Mortgage / HOA fees: $0. 2 bed 1 bath home we share with my daughter (Z, she's 8) full time and B's stepson (E, he's 14) part time. We own outright.
Property tax: $497 this year, B pays.
Car registration: $206 this year for my car, goes down a bit every year.
Home & car (3) insurance: $237, B pays. We just combined everything a few days ago so we might split this. ETA after getting the first bill, I will pay *$265/6 months* for my car and half of the SUV, about $175/6 months.*
Savings contribution: lol, whatever comes from my round up rule
Debt payments: CC bills $400, B's pellet grill $35 (was a Christmas present). B has no debt.
Electric: fluctuates with the climate, last month was $245!!! We are trying to figure out ways to reduce this. B pays.
Gas: $50 now on the yearly plan, B pays.
Watesewegarbage: ~$60, B pays.
Wifi: $59, I pay.
Cellphone: $290, I pay for 5 lines.
Babysitter: $180
Student loans: in deferment, not making payments
Meds: around $50, paid with flex money.
Monthly subscriptions: Hulu, HBO, Pandora, Design Bundles, razors, Netflix, Apple storage, NYT, Cricut Access, Disney+, Amazon subscribe and save items, my entire life, $250. I pay.
Amazon Prime: $124/year, I pay.
Pet expenses: averages around $100 between food, haircuts, shots and insurance for my youngest pup, I pay.
Car payment: $405.27 for my car. We paid cash for our used SUV in December, and B's truck is old and has been paid off for years.
Groceries: around $400, B tends to grab things here and there and I get the big hauls.
School lunch: free this year! Thanks USDA!
Extracurriculars: Z opted out of any extracurriculars this year due to COVID.
Regular therapy: nope
1/16 Saturday
3:30 AM: I'm awake but I refuse to get out of bed. Cruise Indeed and Facebook for jobs. I recently put in my 30 day notice so I need to find something ASAP. I've put in probably 6 online applications already. Print out two applications, three copies of my resume, and create two cover letters. Why do I have to fill out all my info on an application when they can find it on a resume? Get a year of a resume and cover letter making site for $24.99 because I'm terrible at both. Buy some new Brumates that I don't need $67.93 and see that my yearly Prime payment has been pulled. Watch YouTube and fall back to sleep around 5.
8:20 AM: B crawls into bed after work and snowblowing basically the entire yard. Cuddle for a while so he can leech my body heat before I go upstairs. I need to wash my hair. Fall into an internet hole of Facebook and NYT while lounging with the dogs.
Noon: B comes upstairs. I didn't wash my hair. We need some groceries so decide to drive the hour to the nearest town with a Walmart AND a Menards - it's the 15% off bag sale right now. Throw in some dry shampoo, brush my teeth and get dressed. Change the water jug in our machine (our tap water is sketch), let the dogs out and head out.
1:18 PM: Gas is up to $2.34/gallon. Cringe thinking about filling up the SUV. My car is a hybrid but doesn't like Minnesota winters. B and I debate bringing our cat to the vet during the drive. She has FIV and has been losing weight, but we decide against it as there's not much we can do at this point anyways. She's still happy so 🤷‍♀️
2:34: Check out of Menards. $99.15 on a new door lock with keypad, sanding blocks and paper, disposable condiment cups, and Armor All wipes after 15% off and B's $15 return credit that he forgot to use. B gets LED bulbs, grill brushes, motor oil, a door latch for our porch, something for his brother's toilet and a propane tank exchange. Only saw one guy without a mask, so I'd call that a win.
3:05: $15.98 after coupons at Joann's on more tumbler supplies (e-6000 spray, 5 taklon brushes) and one roll of clearance ribbon. Realize I have my Christmas money in my purse and forgot to use it. B goes to Harbor Freight for more tools he doesn't need and a sporting goods store for a gift card for his best friend's birthday.
3:32: We decide to go to Perkin's, hoping they won't be too busy in the off hour. The hostess is wearing her mask under her nose and I'm so annoyed. I have some weird stomach issue going on, so I just get two eggs and toast. B tells me he should be able to get the first COVID shot this week, and I tell him I still haven't changed my mind (we both already had COVID during an outbreak at our workplace). I've been 'not preventing' pregnancy for almost two years. At this point, I'm too anxious to get the vaccine, and there is just not enough data available on pregnant/TTC women to change my mind. My time limit is my birthday, so if I'm not pregnant by then I'll be getting the vaccine in August. $28.87 +$5 tip.
4:47: Check out of Walmart with wet cat food, pop, milk, butter, Mac and cheese, cereal, snacks for the kiddo, chips, ketchup, tator tots, Gatorade, Hawaiian Punch and deli meat. $88.65. Every time I ask B if we need something, he says we have it at home. Also, no grapes? Usually a Walmart trip sends me into an anxiety attack but the store is pretty empty today.
5:09: My favorite stop of the day: the liquor store. The store at home is so crazy expensive so this is a treat. I get Truly Iced Tea and two different kinds of hard coffee to try for $41.91. B picks up three cases of beer.
5:18: B stops for gas ($37 🥴) and we head for home. Buy some vape juice online, $86.59. Yeah yeah, I know. My gut hurts, I'm super bloated and I just want to nap. We talk about our options regarding my medical procedure that is coming up and decide to try and get it done while we're still on my work insurance. I had a positive FIT test so now I have to have a colonoscopy. I'll end up maxing out the deductible but I'll get it half off if we can pay the bill within 30 days. I'll get my PTO paid out at the end of my 30 day notice, so we should be able to swing it. Not really sure we have a great option at this point as B doesn't want me to take on another payment. He is so anti debt, and I have $6500 in CC debt. We are opposites in so many ways.
6:20: Get home and unload the SUV. The dogs are going WILD. I feel like garbage and immediately get into pajamas. Give the cat a can of wet food and she eats a few bites. I still can't find a type she really enjoys. I also hook up the drinking water fountain I bought for her a few days ago. B installs the new door lock and I'm thrilled to have a keypad again. The old one stopped working a few months ago. Pay an invoice for a bulk order of keychain tassels from a wholesale group, $19. Basically do nothing for the rest of the night.
9:45: I'm falling asleep in my recliner. I decide to do my nighttime routine (rinse face, No7 HydraLuminous Gel Cream, Algenist Complete Renewal Eye Balm) and go to bed in hopes of feeling better tomorrow. I skip brushing my teeth because I'm nursing a ginger ale. Watch some YouTube and fall asleep around 10:30.
Daily total: $478.07
1/17 Sunday
2:09 AM: I wake up for the second time tonight with nightmares. I rarely have them so I'm annoyed. B isn't in bed to cuddle with either. I go upstairs to use the bathroom and find him in his recliner. Realize I forgot to take my meds last night (antidepressant, probiotic, omeprazole, hair skin & nail vitamin, Lysine supplements, allergy pill) so grab those along with two Goli gummies and a lorazepam to help me calm down. My gut still hurts, and I'm so over this. Browse the internet and watch YouTube again to fall asleep.
3:55: Wake up to stomach cramps and know my colon is going to empty itself out. Park myself in the bathroom for half an hour and try not to pass out. I'm not sure if it's just IBS or something worse going on, but I'm glad I'm getting it checked out.
7:17: Still awake. I am stressed by the potential of not having a job for a few weeks, my health, and the current state of everything else in the world. Decide to compound this by opening my NYT app. I am so hopeful Joe can start turning things around.
12:17 PM: I must have finally fallen asleep because B comes down to ask if I want to go to South Dakota today. We check out local case rates by county and decide we are probably safe. We are about the only ones who wear our masks in public over there. I must admit that going through this pandemic feels much different out here in the boonies than it does in the city. We had a large surge in cases for about 4 weeks in November-December, and now we are back down to about 2-3 new cases a day. Our local businesses work hard to keep us safe, in part because they don't want to be known as the place so-and-so got COVID. Ah, small town gossip. We do our part try to support them as we really can't afford to lose any businesses in our area. I shoot a text to Z's dad to confirm I'm picking her up in the morning.
1:28: I finally get out of bed and wash my hair, which is my least favorite chore. I brush it out before my shower, use some Head and Shoulders 2 in 1 to combat my winter dry scalp, finish it off with SheaMoisture Purple Rice Water conditioner. I decide to heat style it today, so I use two heat protection sprays. To brush, wash, condition, brush again, dry and curl my hair takes 1.5 hours. Now I remember why I never do this.
3:30: We hide in the corner of the bar for the meat raffle. I really love coming here because the money they raise goes to local charities. We also have drinks and supper. I get a BLT chicken wrap, and we win 3 free drink tickets. We head out around 6. $50 + $10 tip, this comes out of my Christmas money. B goes to the drivethru on our way home and gets me a frozen hot chocolate. Yuuuum.
8:45: For some reason I can't keep all the school calendar changes straight. Z was supposed to be off tomorrow, but I just realized she does have school. I message Z's teacher to let her know Z won't be there, since she has her yearly physical tomorrow after being rescheduled 3 times. Do a quick nighttime routine, take my meds and head downstairs for YouTube and sleep. Hoping for a decent night of it!
Daily total: $60
1/18 Monday
3:05 AM: I'm awake, but for no particular reason this time. Working the night shift really messes with your sleeping schedule. I must have been snoring because B has gone upstairs to sleep in E's room. I clean the litter box and decide to fire up my laptop and Cricut machine to get some projects done I've been procrastinating. I finish a water bottle for B, a stash jar for a friend, create a couple Valentine's mock ups for my business page and seal some glitter signs. I grab a couple SVGs on Etsy $1.38. My mom sees my Snapchat and we message over the woes of insomnia.
6:20: I have come to the realization that buying craft items and actually using them are two separate hobbies. I lay in bed with the cat and doze.
8:40: Leave the house to go pick up Z. Her dad lives about 25 minutes away. On the way home we stop at Casey's for random snacks, $7.64. The clinic calls and we schedule my colonoscopy for Thursday. I have to get some blood drawn later this morning when I bring Z to her appointment. I also have to have a CT with contrast so I'll figure out when I can get that done as well. I take a quick body shower when we get home.
10:55: Bring Z to her well child check-up. I think they asked us about 100 questions, and some of them were super weird for an 8 year old. She finally gets her flu shot and only spills a few tears. No major issues so that's a win! She does miss a few sounds on her hearing test, but we decide to just watch it for now. I get my blood drawn when we're done with her appointment and talk to the radiologist about my CT. He says my prior authorization hasn't gone through yet and he'll call me when we can get it scheduled. We're both hopeful it can get done tomorrow. Then I talk to the surgical nurse to get my pre-op instructions. Finally leave the clinic around 12:45. Pick up my surgical prep from the drugstore, $52.06 (!!!) from my flex account. Z requests cheese pizza for lunch so I oblige.
1:17 PM: I get a call about a job and set up an interview for Wednesday afternoon.
4:10: I bring Z down to the local salon for a haircut. I can't go in (COVID restrictions) but Z loves the feel of a fresh cut so I don't worry. Her hair dresser is her classmate's mom and my old neighbor. $18 + $7 tip.
6:30: B has a fireman's meeting tonight, so Z and I have mac and cheese per our tradition. B hates it so we usually only eat it when he's gone. I make Z have an apple on the side so we can make at least one good food choice today. The Bachelor is on tonight! I usually hit the Reddit stream but I got a late start tonight so I skip it.
9:05: Make sure Z brushes her teeth and hug her goodnight.
10:20: My oldest (and crankiest) dog just cannot be pleased tonight. She keeps wanting to go outside, but it's cold and snowy and she doesn't like either of those things. Sigh. Do my usual nighttime routine, take my meds and go to bed. Fall asleep around 11.
Daily total: $33.99
1/19 Tuesday
6:45 AM: Success! Finally got some sleep. Good thing I woke up though, because I forgot to set an alarm. I wake up a very cranky Z at 7 and make sure she gets ready for school. We are very fortunate that our school district is small, and Z has been going to school in person, full time, all school year. She never complains about wearing her mask either. I drop her off at 8, then B and I bring our SUV to the mechanic. I think B is dropping me off at home but instead we go out for breakfast downtown. I have a pancake, scrambled egg and side of fruit. I hear the regulars (old guys who come in every morning for coffee) talking about signing up for their COVID shots. This is a good sign! B pays, $16.04 + $3.96 tip.
9:01: I get an email that a hospital position I applied for has already been filled. Dang. It's still snowing, so I plan for a lazy day. B goes outside to snowblow.
9:55: The radiologist calls and tells me we can get my CT completed. We decide to do it right away this morning. I run up to the clinic to grab my contrast drink and set a timer so I drink the right amounts during the right time frames. It tastes like flat, flavored water. My stomach doesn't seem to appreciate it much. Hopefully this doesn't become a problem when I'm in the CT machine.
11:00: Get my CT done. I get an IV in my arm and the radiologist pushes Lord knows what into my veins, but it makes me feel like I wet my pants 🤣 He lets me check out the images when we're done. It only takes about 15 minutes and then I head back home. I sit around with B for a while, then I go downstairs to make a few crafty things and fill an order. I put a couple more things on my business page as well. During this time B brings his truck out to the mechanic and brings home the SUV. They put in a 'Minnesota approved' battery, the repair cost was $220. I offer B half but he declines, saying "let's see what the truck costs first."
2:45 PM: I get so distracted crafting that I almost forget to go pick Z up from school. She gets in the car and tells me she had the best day ever! I ask what happened, and she says she didn't get strawberries at lunch. Oh... she was being sarcastic. She picks up her room and puts away her laundry when we get home. We don't do much this afternoon.
7:00: B makes supper tonight, nothing fancy. A chicken patty for me and corn dogs for him and Z. I'm staying away from roughage to make my life easier tomorrow. Z gets ready for bed and I tuck her in at 8:45. Shortly after, B leaves for work. I go downstairs to work on a Valentine's day order.
Daily total: $0
1/20 Wednesday
12:45 AM: I have spent far too long organizing files on my computer. I call it a night. I look up my CT report and it doesn't show anything urgent or explain why there's blood in my stool. Sigh. Normal routine and bedtime.
7:05: I'm up. IT'S INAUGURATION DAY! B is already in bed. He tells me he has the chills, is nauseated, and his arm is killing him. I tell him his COVID shot is working and bring him some ibuprofen. I wake up Z and she gets ready for school. While I'm waiting, I take a body shower, let the dogs out and feed them. Drop Z off at school at 8, deliver a Valentine's Day order (+$20!) and go home to watch the inauguration while eating mini wheats.
10:45: I watch Kamala get sworn in and I get tears in my eyes. Such a historic moment.
11:45: I make myself scrambled eggs and drink a Dr. Pepper. After this, it's only clear liquids until tomorrow afternoon. B helps me give my oldest dog a haircut. You'd think we were killing her the way she cries. She's been getting haircuts every 2-3 months her whole life and still can't sit still.
2:00 PM: I have a virtual interview. The job sounds so interesting but it involves a lot of travel, and I'm not sure that would work with my family. I pick up Z from school when I'm done. She tells me "happy Joe Biden day!" when she gets into the car. We talk about the possible new job and she's not into the idea of me being gone.
5:00: B leaves to go work on his brother's house. He's been there on and off all week. He also got the night off for his floating holiday. I take my meds early so they have time to get into my system. I mix up the colonoscopy prep: two packets of powder into one liter of water. I make dinner for Z while I'm in the kitchen.
6:45: COLONOSCOPY PREP IS NASTY. Like, the taste of the drink is so disgusting and it's making me nauseated. I know it's important to keep it down, but it's also important to drink it within the one hour timeframe. Uuggghhhhh. It ends up being one hour and 45 minutes. B comes home around 8:30 and gets Z into bed.
9:00: The best way to describe how I feel is early labor. The cramps come and go and are so intense I have to take deep breaths. It's so exhausting I end up falling asleep.
Daily total: $0
1/21 Thursday
12:30 AM: IT'S TIME.
6:00: I slept between bathroom trips, but now it's time to mix up my second liter of prep. Yes, I have to do this to myself all over again. This time, I have to make sure to drink it all within the one hour timeframe.
7:30: Everybody is awake and chaos ensues. Did I mention we only have one bathroom? Z is trying to get ready for school, B wants to shower and I'm, well, you know. I get my entire liter of prep down in 65 minutes. B is still not feeling well from his COVID shot.
8:45: I manage a body shower although I had to get out once for the toilet. I am basically a zombie at this point. B drops me off at the hospital at 9:10. When I get there, they are running behind so I have to wait half an hour before I get into my room.
10:05: My nurse blows my vein and I have a panic attack. We are starting this day off great. A second nurse comes in and gets my IV in right away, thank God. Things move pretty quickly from here. By 10:30, I'm in the OR getting the good drugs. By 11:20, I'm awake enough to remember what's going on and drinking water so they'll pull my IV. The surgeon comes in and tells me they didn't see anything abnormal, but they did take some biopsies so hopefully I get some answers. By 12:05, I'm walking out the door.
12:15 PM: I am absolutely starving. B takes me out for lunch. I have a tuna sandwich and a 7Up. Our total is something around $17. I throw him $5 for the tip.
1:00: We're home. We spend the afternoon watching movies and laying around. My stomach is still pretty upset from all the torture. B picks up Z from school since I'm not supposed to drive yet. When she gets home, she regales me with the tale of getting hit in the face with a hulu hoop in gym. She actually has a fat lip!
5:00: I get a jar of my favorite eye cream on a BST board, $20.
6:00: B heads out to work and I make supper. We have tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches tonight. Comfort food for the win.
9:00: Z has a quarter in her tonight. We play a couple games on her iPad before I stick her in the shower and then in bed. I promptly fall asleep in the living room.
Daily total: $25
1/22 Friday
3:30 AM: Move downstairs to our bedroom.
8:00: After work, B picked up E and they come home. The dogs are frantic. I eat a bowl of cereal and hang out with Z, since she doesn't have school today. We make funny drawings of each other and she reads me some knock knock jokes. I also get two more interviews set up for next week. I head back to bed around noon. I have to go back to work tonight. I have a block schedule: 7 off, 3 on, 1 off, 3 on, 4 off, 3 on. Our pay periods are adjusted for the night shift, so if I work the weekend that's my 36 hours for the week.
4:30 PM: I'm up. I take a shower and wash my hair. B makes pizza for the kids, another traditional meal timing in our house. He leaves for work at 5:30. I am dreading work. I have been exhausted after every shift no matter if it was busy or not. I'm not sure if it's my actual job, or just the night shift catching up to me. Either way, I'm looking forward to a new position. Also, getting ready for work is a chore these days. I use Fog Block on my glasses, then put side shields on. I hook my two masks up to my ear savers. Then I find two bottles of hand sanitizer and two pens to put in my pockets because I always lose one somewhere along the way. I pack my bag (water bottle, energy drink, iPad, shoes, snacks and supper) and start my car. I say bye to the kids and head out at 5:45.
6:00: Work is already a shit show and I just clocked in 5 minutes ago. I'm so annoyed and I just don't want to be here. But you better believe I'm going to suck it up and be happy for my residents. They are usually pretty happy to see me after my long stretch off.
11:45: I buckle up for what's going to be a very long shift.
Daily total: $0
Weekly total: $597.09
Food + Drink: $177.07
Fun / Entertainment: $60
Home + Health: $203.44
Clothes + Beauty: $45
Transport: $0
Other: $111.58
Reflection: This was a normal week considering its events. Obviously I don't usually buy a new door lock, and I typically only stock up on vape juice every 6 months or so. I'm heavily into my depression spending, but with everything going on in the world I've cut myself some slack. I'm only going to live once! *ETA our cat passed away this evening, 1/25. We are very sad but are happy we got to give her a good life for the last 3 years.
submitted by samj732 to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]

Observations of someone who switched from eero to Ubiquiti/UniFi

I was an eero user for a little over two years and decided to try out Ubiquiti’s UniFi line of networking gear. I’ve had my UniFi setup for about two weeks and thought I’d share my experience.
Motivation: The reason for me moving over to UniFi was not for stability as one might expect. For my eero setup I had a Gen 2 Pro and two beacons and a Gen 2 cupcake that had a hardwired backhaul. So I didn’t experience all of the stability issues that the eero 6 people had (are having). The main reason for me moving was because I wanted more control and insight into my network. Over the last year I’ve gotten into home automation and have accumulated dozens of WiFi light switches, plugs, locks, etc. All in all I have about 60 clients connected to my network at any given time. Managing these clients, seeing what they’re doing, what they’re connected to, etc. was virtually impossible to do in the eero app. And because I had all of these IoT devices, I wanted to make sure they were as segregated as possible from my main network. I thought about using the guest network in eero but that’s an all or nothing network and I still needed to have some targeted connectivity to the main network.
UniFi Setup: My house is not that big (~1800sqft single story) so my coverage needs are not that big. I do have a detached office that I built as my COVID summer project which has CAT6 run to it (the office is what had my eero cupcake). Another important point is that wireless speed is not that important to me. Most devices that I have that need the speed (server, iMac, work laptop, game consoles) are are all hardwired into Ethernet ports in my office.
I decided to go with a UniFi Dream Machine (UDM) as my main router. It includes a gateway/router, a wireless AP, a 4-port switch, and a cloud key controller (the software component that monitors and controls your network). This is placed dead center of the house and provides good coverage for pretty much every room. For my office I got the USW-16 PoE switch to handle all of my servers, desktops, and other hardwired connections. Finally, I got the UAP-AC-IW access point to give wireless connectivity to the office and backyard (this, like most UniFi AP’s, is powered via PoE).
Setting these up was surprisingly easy. I did the initial configuration of the UDM while attached to the eero network and just did a double NAT. I created three wireless networks (main, IoT, and NoT) and initially configured them to be on the same vlan for simplicity sake. I added all of my clients to the new networks and then cutover, removing the eero and connecting the cable modem directly to the UDM. I then installed the 16 port switch (replacing an old unmanaged TPlink switch) in the office, connected everything, and the UDM immediately saw it allowed me to “adopt” it into the network. I then installed the AP in the office and again, it was immediately recognized and adopted.
The most time consuming part by far was getting all of the clients connected to the new network because they were different SSID’s and passwords. Had I kept the same SSID/password as my eero, the whole process would have taken less than hour.
Pros of the UniFi: 1. Control. OMG the control you have over your network is amazing. The ability to create multiple SSID’s and attach them to different networks provides security for the IoT devices that you’re just not sure about. You can create complex firewall rules at multiple levels to make sure traffic doesn’t get in/out when you don’t want it to. 2. Insights: You can easily search on any attribute (IP, name, MAC address) and you see real time stats and info on your devices. You can easily force a device to connect to a specific AP or force a disconnect if you’ve roamed and want your client to pickup a new AP. And you can do this from your phone or computer. 3. Threat Management: if something suspicious either tries to enter or leave your network, it’ll tell you. I gotta say, I was a little freaked out when I saw potential exploits being aimed at my IP (mostly all automated) as soon as I was connected but the UniFi simply drops the packets at the front door. And if it’s a false alarm, you can easily suppress that particular signature without disabling all together. 4. You schedule when you want firmware updates to happen (need I say more?) 5. No reliance on cloud. You can use their cloud service to connect to your network and configure but it’s not mandatory. You can easily turn that off and just have local access. 6. Everything is modular. If I decide I want a WiFi 6 AP, I just have to add the AP. I don’t need to buy a whole new routesystem.
Cons of the UniFi: 1. This is enterprise grade software/hardware in that it gives you more configuration options than you probably need. While initial setup was basic, it does get pretty daunting when you look at all the the things you can do. You do need more than just a basic level of network admin experience to get the most out of it. 2. Stability is a problem for UniFi too. You can tell they jam as much functionality as they can as fast as they can. Not all firmware is rock solid. I updated the switch’s firmware a few days after I had everything installed and I started getting random reboots. After trying to troubleshoot I eventually downgraded the firmware (yes you can do that!) and things seem to be better now. 3. The network stats/insights don’t seem to be that accurate. At one point it said my iPad had downloaded 200GB in less than 5 minutes. 4. Tons of products and it’s not clear what you need. I never thought I’d say it but this is a case where there are almost too many options. Go look at their website and just browse the AP’s...they over 20 different AP’s you can buy. This is partially why I went with the UDM...so I didn’t have to make too many decisions.
Conclusion: So far I’m pretty happy with the switch and I’m enjoying playing around with the new features. As I said it’s only been a couple of weeks so we’ll see if that remains. I have three kids at home doing school so stability is everything to me. I still have my eero hardware and won’t hesitate to go back if things start going south. If you’re thinking of switching and have a knack for networking, I would definitely recommend giving Ubiquiti a try. Just be prepared. If all you want is a turn key, set it and forget it network, I would still recommend eero to all my non-techy family and friends.
submitted by fender4645 to eero [link] [comments]

Can an iPad Pro/magic keyboard duo be my sole computer? My experience.

Before you go away thinking, “yeesh another one of these”, firstly there’s a TL;DR at the end. Secondly let me explain why I’m making this post.
I have been wanting to make a post like this for a couple days now, but just now am getting into it. I want to explore the whole idea that an iPad Pro can replace your main computer. I’m going to discuss my specific use case, thought process, purchase and transition, positives and negatives, and finally, my thoughts on this question. I have been using my iPad Pro 12.9” for roughly 6 months now (since July-ish) as my sole computing device and I want to share my long term experience to help other people who might be considering the iPad Pro as their next computer.
And quick disclaimer: this is my experience with the iPad Pro as my main computing device. I understand that there are people who may have had different experiences with it, probably due to different use cases and priorities. But I still feel the need to share a more comprehensive review of this question, as when I was making this decision such information wasn’t super clear about it. And again, if you really don’t want to read this wall of text, there’s a TL;DR at the end.
USE CASE
It bears noting that the idea that an iPad Pro replacing your laptop is a very niche statement. Only certain people with certain use cases can pull it off, despite what apple has marketed. However, to provide context, I will provide my use case. I work as a (new) high school english teacher, private tutor, and middle school educator. I am also a graduate student in my second-to-last semester towards getting a masters degree in teaching and credential. The reason I include this section is to (1) provide context, and (2) provide a disclaimer that not everyone should consider the iPad Pro as their next laptop.
THOUGHT PROCESS
So, after considering my use case, i decided to give it a shot. As a student, the iPad Pro would work similarly to my MacBook, since I was already using pages as my note taker. As a teacher, I thought this wouldn’t affect my workflow by much either, since much of the material we use is cloud based (google classroom/google drive), which were useable on the iPad Pro. The iPad Pro connects to external devices like monitors and printers just as easily as my MacBook. If I opted for the 12.9” I wouldn’t be losing much screen real estate. As for benefits, the iPad Pro is undeniably more powerful and faster than my previous device, a 2015 MacBook Air (i’m not a technical guy so please excuse the unscientific-ness of my statements), I would be getting a touchscreen device, a world class rear-facing camera (for document scanning and occasional picture taking) and also a dang good front-facing camera as well. I’d be buying into the iPhone experience but on a bigger screen, which was an experience that I had spent a lot of time with. In my mind, I was sacrificing almost nothing and gaining a great amount. In fact, I remember saying that the only thing I was losing, was Java Minecraft (lol).
PURCHASE AND TRANSITION
I purchased the iPad Pro (2020, 12.9”, 128GB of storage, wifi only, space grey) mid-July of 2020 for $899.00 (education pricing). To complete the package I also purchased the corresponding magic keyboard and the AirPods Pro, which were discounted/packaged with Apple’s education program (which is great btw, I don’t think people take advantage of it enough). It took a while to ship due to COVID-19, but eventually, all the pieces arrived and I had a swanky new iPad Pro. The initial transition over was not bad at all, the only hiccup was finding a usb-a to usb-c cable that would facilitate data transfer. However, as much as the iPad’s file management could be improved, it wasn’t difficult to use and transferring my files over was relatively painless. I sold my MacBook shortly thereafter for $500. Total cost out of pocket: like $950. Not too bad.
I also purchased a few other accessories to go with it, here’s a list if you were considering it: a collapsible iPad/iPhone stand that can hold my iPad in any useful configuration, HDMI to usbc adapter, a 13” laptop sleeve, a 6ft usbc-usbc cable, 65W power block (with 2 usbc ports and 1 usba port), 2 feet long mousepad, and an ipad portfolio case. Total cost: roughly $35-40, with some being tester products.
POSITIVES, NEUTRALS AND NEGATIVES
POSITIVES
NEUTRALS
NEGATIVES
THOUGHTS ON REPLACEMENT
Can an iPad Pro replace a laptop as your only computing device? The short, fast answer is no. Laptops still have a lot of benefits, mostly functionality wise, that make a laptop still the better choice over an iPad Pro. But the real answer is more nuanced. Of course it is possible to go 100% iPad, but it depends on your use case. If you’re just using it for browsing, media consumption, note taking, even essay writing, it’s great. But once you need some more specific functions, it kind of falls apart. Would I recommend it (as someone who has tried it for 6 months)? Unfortunately, no. The laptop is something that has been worked on for years, and even basic chromebooks have features that are unfortunately missing on the iPad Pro.
Now thats not to say that the iPad Pro is completely useless. In my opinion, until perhaps iPadOS develops further and pushes a couple key laptop features, the iPad Pro is a phenomenal secondary computing device. And by phenomenal I mean absolutely, superbly phenomenal. Its an amazing device that can do almost everything. But until it can hit that final ~10% of functionality that a laptop has, I can’t recommend using the iPad Pro as your sole computing device. And if you currently use a laptop as a secondary computing device, the iPad Pro can definitely replace it.
CURRENT SETUP
With those final thoughts in mind, here’s my current setup. The reason I’m including this is to give an idea of how I use the iPad Pro with my use case. On my desk I have three main pieces that I use for work, and I’ve listed their purposes:
  1. The iPad Pro- I use this as much as possible as my main typing device, I use it to lesson plan, to create documents and powerpoint presentations (through google), and I use for almost all media consumption and gaming.
  2. A HP Envy x360- This is my “main“ computer. I use this mainly as my “teaching window”, it screenshares and webcams my face/teaching through a browser based conferencing app. I also play minecraft on it.
  3. A 24 inch HP monitor- I use this as a third screen. Usually I’ll connect it to my chromebook when I teach for more screen real estate. I rarely connect it to my iPad as it just mirrors it, and that’s not useful to me. Not to mention the monitor when mirroring the iPad just looks horrendous with the black bars on the side.
Knowing this, what would be my recommended setup now for maximum bang/buck? What would I have done in hindsight? A couple of things.
  1. If you’re like me and you really want the iPad experience, go with the 11”. Unless you have some sort of physical condition that requires a 12.9” , or just want to splurge a bit on yourself, the 11” is probably more cost efficient than the 12.9” knowing that it won’t replace your main computing device.
  2. Kept my MacBook Air- or bought a strong, cheaper non-apple laptop for like $400- $500. Or, bought a lower end MacBook Pro.
  3. Monitor stays the same though. If you’ve never owned a monitor, its life changing lol.
Also, I would never use any of the google apps from the app store. Just using them natively off safari is way better productivity wise imo.
CONCLUSION/ TL;DR
For those who took the time to read this all, thanks! And hopefully you found this helpful in some manner.
EDIT/UPDATE: returned the chromebook and bought an actual laptop. HP Envy x360.
submitted by KINGSKLOTH to ipad [link] [comments]

How to get a wired connection?

Hi, I just needed some help and you hope you guys could help me out. I am not good with this stuff so bear with me. Here is some basic information, I am paying for Att 1GB internet and my house is about 1600 Sq ft, and 6 people living in it. I am using ATT’s gateway (bgw320-500) and 2 of their WiFi extenders (Airties 4921). I would say there is about 16 devices connected and most of them are always in use. 6 iPhones , 4 laptops, 2 Apple Watches, 1 iPad Pro, 1 PS4, 1 desktop, 1 fire stick. Most of my family uses zoom and just does web surfing or streams video, not in 4K. The signal strength is great, pretty much 3 bars all around the house. The desktop via Ethernet cable near the gateway gets 950 down and 900 up. On WiFi very near the gateway, my iPhone gets about 500 down and 450 Up. (Side note, these are the speed tests via WiFi on my devices in my room. iPhone XS Max: 120 down 100 up. iPad Pro 18 down 23 up. Laptop: 180 down 185 up. PS4: 60 down 8 up.)
The issue is in my room when I game online, especially during the day. At night the experience is a little bit better. I lag when I game online on my PS4. I play games like Call of duty. I just bought a netgear powerline 1200 and didn’t see a difference, honestly saw a decrease in speed while connect to my ps4. 1 adapter was hooked up to my PS4 and other to the att gateway on the gigabit port. I also bought an asus rt-ax82u router and hooked it up to the gateway, not sure if that was a smart idea. Not sure if the asus router was a smart idea. Since I have a gateway. I also bought an asus zen wifi 6 ax xt8 (2 pack). On its way hasn’t arrived. To my question, sorry about all that, how do I get a fast and reliable wired connection in my room? Or what do I do with all the equipment that I bought? Should I return the asus router? What do I do? I am complete lost and don’t know what I am doing. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated
submitted by Young1561 to HomeNetworking [link] [comments]

I see a lot of various uses of iPads on here, but I'm curious what's the "dominant" use of the iPad on /r/iPad. Strictly tablet, "laptop" replacement (not main computer), main computer, etc. Poll included

I didn't see anything in the rules about not having polls so assuming that's okay: https://www.strawpoll.me/40933972
As for me, my iPad Pro is a laptop replacement, but not a computer replacement. There was once upon a time when I was in college and needed a laptop so I could write applications and code, but now I do that on my work laptop. After graduating, I realized that the only thing I did in general on my laptop was browse reddit and since I already carried my iPad with me everywhere (for reading and when I didn't feel like being on my phone), I figured there was no point in continuing to bring along my laptop and being a onebagger as a traveler kinda influenced me to cut down on what I carry while I'm out and about.
The iPad loads everything faster than my portable laptop (granted I have a fair bit of extensions on there and random shit in the background I don't even know about), has LTE in the event that WiFi isn't available (I don't really like using my phone hotspot), uses the same charger, cable and battery bank as my iPhone (2017 iPad Pro), handles Excel stuff pretty well (which I use for finances and tracking other things), streams games from my home PC pretty well regardless of where I am, and games like Civ 6 and XCOM 2 on iPadOS have me optimistic for the future of iPad games. Anything I need to do that absolutely requires a full fledged PC, I can just remote into my home PC. Since it's my laptop replacement, I decided to pick up the Combo Touch at least.
That being said, it doesn't replace my desktop because not even my laptop could replace my desktop. It's a gaming PC (I do have a gaming laptop but it's a mammoth that requires a literal xbox 360 brick as a charger), home server, and just my main computer in general. At home I have it hooked up to my living room TV and a secondary monitor next to my recliner, something my iPad definitely can't do. Clearly this isn't important outside the home, but inside the home it's pretty important to me. I like big screens when I'm home, and decent sized but portable screens when I'm away.
With that in mind, I'm just curious what the dominant use of everyone's iPad on /ipad is.
Thanks!
submitted by LethalCS to ipad [link] [comments]

I am 25 years old, make $122,000, live in New York, NY and work as a product manager.

Section 0: Background
Hi everyone! I’m trying to tailor this a bit more to reflect the UK Money Diary style where I give context on the week before and reflect on it after. I also added in some of the questions from the recent thread about what Refinery29 should ask diarists (see here).
I wrote this the week of Thanksgiving; my partner and I stayed in NYC instead of going home to either of our parents’ homes. We wear masks and stay socially distant when we leave the house. I’m thankful that we live close to a park and live on a block where we know and enjoy talking to our neighbors.
This was a relatively normal week for us during a pandemic, save for me spending a bit more than normal and it being Thanksgiving. We’ve both lived in the city since college and have so-so relationships with our families, so we didn’t leave for “home” when the pandemic hit.
I also just named my boyfriend instead of giving him an initial. He’s the only person I actually saw this week, but the initials always throw me off when I read these.
What do money and success mean to you? What are your end goals?
It helps me to see money as a tool. I never resonate with people who say “money doesn’t buy happiness” because to a certain degree, it does. Money enables me to live the life I want.
I’m pursuing FIRE (financial independence, retire early) and hope to be financially independent (able to live off my investments) by my early 30s. To do so, I save 60%+ of my income per month. I want this because working for 40 years isn’t sustainable for me—I have a very cushy tech job and still get anxiety and rage about waking up every morning to work, the rat race, and being paid inequitably to male peers. I’d like to give myself the option to leave this world as soon as possible.
As an alternative, I could see myself successful if I open a product consultancy, where I advise early-stage startups on product management, what to build for their MVP, and product-market fit. I’m really interested in tech ethics and the questionable practices in venture capital, so I’d love to be in a place where I could be picky about what clients I take and help truly mission-driven businesses thrive. I could see this also working as a small business incubator—why not apply what works in startups to small businesses?
I don’t yet have a firm picture of what I’d like my life to look like when I retire. I’m interested in spending a lot of time reading, traveling to new places for extended periods of time, and potentially writing a book. I get extremely interested in niche topics. Right now if I had to guess, I’d be writing a book about the ways multi-level marketing companies (MLMs) manipulate women.
Are you a spender or a saver?
Definitely a saver. My partner is more of a spender, and we’ve influenced each other well. Seeing him spend money on himself for video games helps me realize I can spend more money on myself for things I just want (see my big purchase for myself this week).
In turn, seeing me save a lot of money has motivated him to up his 401k contribution and overall savings. He’s also interested in FIRE, although I’d say my timeline is more aggressive.
If you could go back in time, what's the one piece of financial advice you would give to your past self?
Learn about investing, look up the terms you don’t know, and start doing it as soon as possible. Ask questions to people you know or on the internet.
On to the diary!
​
Section One: Assets and Debt
Investment Balance
$131,175
Equity if you're a homeowner
N/A, I rent in a HCOL city. No plans to own anytime soon
Savings account balance
$10,270
Checking account balance
$3,433 in checking account for bills
$2,518 in checking account for rent
Credit card debt
N/A. There’s $1,348 currently on my credit cards, but I pay them all off in full each month. My parents signed me up for a credit card as soon as I was old enough and taught me about how important it was to pay in full. In fact, I think this was so hammered into my brain that doing anything other than that each month was never an option. Because of this, I’ve always thought of credit cards as similar to debit cards—only spend money you have.
Student loan debt (for what degree)
I was fortunate to go to college on a full scholarship, including living expenses. I studied psychology and sociology, and I graduated without any student loan debt.
​
Section Two: Income
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $6,570/month
I maxed out my 401k early this year, so for 8 months I was contributing $2,500/month out of my paychecks. That ended in September, so it changed my monthly take-home from about $4,650 to $6,570/month.
Deductions:
Income Progression
I don’t have any other sources of income outside my main job. My partner makes a similar amount to me—about $117,000/year with bonus.
​
Section Three: Expenses
I live with my partner and we don’t have combined finances, but split many expenses 50/50. We use Splitwise to log transactions. He’s more laid-back about being paid back, but I’m much more “I don’t want to owe anyone anything, and I don’t want anyone to owe me anything” (I know, rigid, but I’m working on it!).
Splitwise is nice because it’d be ridiculous to Venmo request each other for a $4 coffee, but we can see how expenses are adding up. If someone has racked up a few hundred dollars of spending for both of us, the other person will cover our expenses for awhile. It works for us!
Rent
$2,200 for a 2 bed, 1 bath apartment in Brooklyn. We split rent 50/50.
Renters insurance
About $7/month for my portion. This covers all our possessions plus my boyfriend’s watches. He pays 75% of it because half of the monthly cost comes from the extra watch overage.
Savings contribution
I try to have about $10,000 sitting in my savings account at any given time, because it makes me feel safe in case of an emergency. I also like the freedom it enables, in case I wanted to leave my job and take a significant amount of time off. This is already at the $10k I want, so I don’t contribute to it monthly.
Investment contribution
It varies but on average I contribute $2,500/month to my brokerage account and Roth IRA (combined).
Donations
I try to donate about $200/month, but it’s pretty sporadic. This month I donated to the Yellowhammer Fund and Northwest Abortion Access Fund. One of my major goals for 2021 is to step up my donations and create an actual strategy around them, potentially involving a donor-advised fund.
Gas/electric
Our gas is $20-25/month and electric is $50/month. I pay gas and Will pays electric, both go in Splitwise. About $37/month total for me.
Wifi
Our wifi is $60/month, which goes into Splitwise—I pay $30/month.
Cellphone
I’m still on my parents’ phone plan—sheesh! This is convincing me that I should Venmo them for it each month.
Subscriptions
I pay for Hulu with ads, $5.99/month. My boyfriend pays for Netflix and we share a Spotify family plan with a couple of his friends, which I chip in $4/month for.
I also pay for the budgeting software YNAB (You Need a Budget) which is $84/year. I only pay it once a year in September.
Medical
I recently had to go to the emergency room for an overnight stay and follow up with some specialists. (I’m okay!) Because of that whole shindig I’m expecting to max out my deductible (and potentially my out-of-pocket-max) right at the end of the year. This will be about $4,000, but none of the claims have come through yet so I’m not sure of the exact total. I have a category in my budget for my deductible, and the rest will come out of my emergency fund.
Physical therapy
This month I’m starting pelvic floor physical therapy for dyspareunia (pain with intercourse).
I’d tried everything the internet suggested (“just relaaaaaax”) before getting the courage to find a new ob-gyn and ask her about it. She had some recommendations, but ultimately physical therapy was the “last resort” option that I’m now exploring.
My new physical therapist comes highly recommended but is out of network with insurance. Each session is $250, and I’ll go once every 2-3 weeks for the next few months as part of treatment. If you’ve worked through this problem (or are experiencing it now!) I’d love to hear your experience.
​
Section Four: Additional Questions
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Absolutely. My dad was the first in his family to attend college and my parents made pretty calculated decisions about where they would live so I could go to the absolute best public school possible. Over 90% of students at my high school attend a 4-year college, and we start talking about it freshman year. To say college was encouraged in my environment is an understatement.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
My dad has worked in finance since I was about 10. He’s always been really knowledgeable about both higher-level economic concepts and the minutiae of personal finance. My family is frugal, too: we clipped coupons and got clothes on super-sale at Kohl’s and Goodwill. I know there was a period of time when he became self-employed and money got very tight for a few years, but the bulk of those worries were largely kept from me.
Did you worry about money growing up?
Yes. While we were comfortable, we lived in such an affluent place that our family was in “the middle class” of the town and it made me worry more about money than I probably needed to. Think The Stepford Wives for context.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
In college, I became maybe 80% financially independent as I had a scholarship and worked part-time during school and over the summer, but I was still on their insurance.
I remember being frustrated in college because even though I knew I was extremely privileged, my friends in college had their parents pay their summer apartment rent and gave them an “allowance” of spending money, and I was “limited” by the options I could afford with the job I had. My dad told me at the time, “This is frustrating but it’s preparing you for actually having to live off the money you make in the near future.” (Great, great advice Dad.)
I’m technically still financially dependent on my parents for my cell phone bill, but otherwise I pay for everything: rent, insurance, utilities, food, therapy, and all wants in the form of clothing, workout classes, etc. I could ask my parents for money if I absolutely needed to, but would use it as a last resort.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
I have an account (mentioned above) that a family friend who’s a hedge fund manager, well, manages. I believe the initial deposit was $1000 over 10 years ago, but that money wasn’t mine either, it’s all a gift. It’s not very liquid—it’d take me several months (and some very good reasoning) to get any of that money withdrawn, since it’s supposed to be for “the future” (which I guess I could argue is now?).
I might receive a small amount of money when my grandmother passes, but it’d probably be around $1-2k, if at all.
​
Day 1 Wednesday, November 25, 2020
8:30am Wake up and shower, take my vitamin C gummies, then make coffee. I wasn’t much of a daily coffee drinker until my offices had it for free, and now I’m definitely addicted. I don’t really care if the coffee is shitty or not, I just put some milk in it and it’s great. Right now I’m trying to drink half or three-quarter cups so I can attempt to pull back my addiction a bit. I log onto work at 9am.
11:30am Eat leftovers from last night for lunch—quesadilla + Spanish rice. There’s an incredible Mexican restaurant by us, and now I am ruined for the tacos, quesadillas and nachos from any other place.
12:30pm Will picks me up in the U-Haul. We’re driving about 20 min away to pick up a butcher block desk he bought off Craigslist, which ends up being from a small office that’s downsizing. The desk is $150 which he pays for. We love the office’s style (and the owner is super nice!) and walk around while he shows us what else he’s trying to get rid of.
We end up buying an extra-large ZZ plant and two side tables from him for an extra $120, way less than we would have paid for the quality elsewhere. My half will be $60, and I’ll split the U-Haul too, $44.51. $82.26
2:45pm That ended up taking a lot longer than we expected! We get back and unload the van, then I bring stuff inside while Will returns the van to the U-Haul location. I jump back onto work—so much for a slow afternoon before Thanksgiving. AWS is down, which powers a lot of our engineering work (and a lot of the internet!) so a lot of our teams are basically twiddling their thumbs. We chat about how to message the outage to customers.
5:45pm Will starts making dinner (braised chicken and veggies) and I sit down to read with a strawberry Chobani, but I end up just reading Reddit and searching for new podcasts to listen to.
7:45pm Dinner was great! Now…ice cream.
9:43pm I remember that my mom sent me ideas for her and my dad’s Christmas presents, so I order on Etsy and Amazon. My dad gets a mug with an Ernest Hemingway quote (“write drunk, edit sober”) ($21.54) and a book on writing ($16.63), and my mom gets this food warming tote contraption she wanted ($43.52). We’ve been paring down Christmases over the years—this year I asked for the Europe version of Ticket to Ride. $81.69
11:15pm I finish up the first episode of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City with some white cheddar Cheez-Its to snack on. After, I start on the dishes from dinner. I listen to the Product Market Misfits podcast while I do dishes—the episode with Kristen Anderson from Catch is great, highly recommend if you’re tired of just hearing stories about stereotypical Silicon Valley tech companies.
Day 1 Total: $166.69
Day 2 Thursday, November 26, 2020
10am Wake up super late since I stayed up scrolling on my phone too late last night. We make coffee and set out for a long walk around 11:15am.
12:05pm At the end of our walk, we swing by our local liquor store and buy 4 bottles of wine (red, white, rose, champagne). Will pays, total is $63.15 for everything. We haven’t had wine in the apartment for ages and I’m excited to have some stocked up. $31.57
12:30pm Get back from the walk, shower, then turn on football. I actually don’t really care about any NFL teams (I like college football a lot more), but it’s such calming background noise for me that I find myself looking for games when I have downtime. We also recently found out that Will’s friends’ dog only has a few months to live, so we order some jerky treats and a squeaky toy for him. $14.07
2:30pm We head out to the restaurant we’re going to for Thanksgiving lunch, a local place a short walk from our apartment. They’re doing a prix fixe menu of the classics—turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green beans, and a phenomenal tarte Tatin with ice cream for dessert.
We eat outside under heat lamps. It’s super cozy. With our bottle of wine and tip the total is $208 (I try to tip over and above the norm because it’s a pandemic and Thanksgiving). My half will be $104.
5:53pm Get back from the restaurant. We have a ton of leftovers which is awesome (I think it’s excessive frugality, but I almost expect to stretch takeout or restaurant meals into two meals). Exchange some texts with my friends about their socially-distant Thanksgiving celebrations.
I turn on the Washington vs. Cowboys game right at the halftime show, which is Kane Brown with the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. They’re all wearing masks (except for Kane) and it’s so odd to see them dancing in masks. I mean, I’m glad they’re wearing them, but it just seems like we could have gone without the halftime show this year.
9:21pm I order contacts from Contacts Direct. I got a new prescription but didn’t have a great experience with the eye doctor, so I’m hesitant about this order—only ordered one box of 90 lenses for each eye instead of a year’s worth of lenses. I’ve been getting headaches pretty frequently, so I’m hoping getting a new pair of glasses and alternating those (instead of wearing my contacts for 16 hours a day, every day) will help. $29.98 after insurance benefits
Day 2 Total: $179.62
​
Day 3 Friday, November 27
8:56am Wake up super last minute, run to sign onto Slack and then start grinding coffee beans. I’m online and drinking a big mug of coffee by 9:10. (So much for half cups.)
10:45am Come up for air from work and grab the stuff to make a bagel. Everything bagels and plain cream cheese are my go-to combo.
12:03pm I grab a bag of clothes to drop off at the donation bin and a couple library books to return. The library is about a 25 minute walk so it’ll be a nice lunch break diversion.
12:56pm After the library I stop by the grocery store for some paper towels and sponges, since we’re almost out. Total is $22.62, my half is $11.31
1:09pm When I get home I jump back into work and put the USA vs. Netherlands game on my second monitor. By the 75th minute, the US is up by 2 goals so they start putting in some younger players—it’s fun to see Midge Purce and Sophia Smith play! I also throw some bagel bites in the oven for a quick snack and promise myself dinner will be healthier.
4:23pm I zone out of work and start playing Among Us. I end up playing for over two hours. We open a bottle of wine at some point and I get super tipsy.
6:50pm Turn on the tail end of the Notre Dame vs. UNC game. It turns into Jeopardy, which turns into Wheel of Fortune, which I’m not mad about. P isn’t as into the game shows and leaves to microwave a plate of leftovers from Thanksgiving dinner and play video games.
8:40pm Finally getting hungry after my bagel bites and Cheez-Its this afternoon and make a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers—turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans and cauliflower. Yum.
Will and I end up getting in a tiff about the mess in our apartment so we take a break, cool down and talk it through. I watch a couple episodes of Sister Wives and go to bed around 1:30am.
Day 3 Total: $11.31
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Day 4 Saturday, November 28, 2020
10:05am I stayed up late (again) so it’s nice to sleep in. I play Among Us for awhile and have a couple rounds where I’m the impostor and get some great kills and wins. I run out into the living room and celebrate with Will. We laugh because it’s silly how much we love the games we play. Around 10:45 I start making coffee.
11am We desperately need new sheets because our fitted sheet has a huge hole at Will’s feet (and it’s growing). I search a women’s personal finance group I’m in on Facebook for recommendations and we end up buying a queen sheet set from Belk. Total was $100.71 with their sale. $50.35
1pm I was planning on returning a package to the post office today, but forget it closes at 1pm on Saturdays so I decide to run to Target instead. I have a lampshade to return and want to look for a shower caddy as well. I also have an old iPad to return, which Will tells me I can do at Best Buy. He finds an old iPod and flip phone I can take too.
Take the MTA there ($2.75 for a single fare). When I get there, it’s a madhouse and I remember that I have sillily (is this a word?) decided to come on the weekend of Black Friday. I stand in the returns line for about 15 minutes and get $10.89 back, but ditch the idea of trying to look for a shower caddy. The checkout line looks like 100 people long. -$8.14 because of return
Next I go to Best Buy, but who am I kidding—the line to get in the store is even longer than the Target checkout line. I walk back to the subway and get on to go home. $2.75
2:30pm Since Best Buy was a no go, I search for electronic recycling around me on the way home just to see where I could drop off the devices I have. Apparently there’s an EcoATM not too far from my subway stop. It’s more for selling devices, but if they can’t give you money for something, they’ll recycle it, which is exactly what I wanted. I put each of the pieces in the scanner, and end up getting a whopping $2 total (for Will’s old iPod). Still cool because I was just expecting to recycle it all. I’ll give Will the $2.
2:44pm There’s a Dunkin nearby so I pop in to grab a couple donuts ($2.90). There’s a woman outside asking for money, so I give her $5 cash. $7.90
3:00pm Last stop—our favorite deli is nearby and Will mentioned he wanted to get bacon there recently. I get a 1/2 lb and salivate on the way home. This is one of those things I won’t put in Splitwise because it’s small and because it’s fun to get for P as a tiny little present. $3.50
3:45pm Once I’m home I’m super hungry from only eating carbs all morning so I have a snack of carrots, hummus and some pepperoni. I head back out to drop off a bag of clothes and shoes at a drop box a few blocks away. The neighbors are outside at the park near our house so I stop and chat with them for a few minutes. Their kids are the cutest.
6:47pm For dinner I make a ham and cheese sandwich (panini style with rosemary butter) and more carrots and hummus. I put on another episode of Sister Wives. These people are so fascinating to me—first off, I think the husband is completely full of himself. But I’m also so curious about the wives. There are a lot of talking head testimonials where the parents explain that they’re “oppressed” because they’re different and want to go public so the world can see polygamy as a valid family style (I’m only on season 2).
I know they’re probably playing up the “we love our other sister wives and have so much fun together even without Kody” aspect because people expect sister wives to be catty and hate each other, but I can’t help but wonder why they need to be in plural marriage to get the same friendship they seem to value so much. I also doubt they’d extend the same grace and tolerance they want to people who are “different” because they’re LGBTQ, or “different” because they’re in an open relationship or marriage.
9:15pm I mix together oatmeal chocolate chip cookie batter and put some cookies in the oven. While I’m waiting, I browse Zocdoc for well-reviewed providers—I want to make a podiatrist appointment for a lingering toe issue and an audiologist appointment for a routine hearing screening. I got the idea to make these appointments since I’ll hit my out-of-pocket max with the hospital visit, making them free or very discounted. I make two appointments for next week.
I also lust over a Farm Rio puffer jacket that feels overpriced but I just love. Maybe I’ll buy it tomorrow since they’re having a 30% off sale.
Day 4 Total: $64.50
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Day 5 Sunday, November 29
8:58am Wake up and switch between scrolling on Reddit and playing a few Among Us games. After a bit Will gets out of bed and makes coffee for us.
9:45am Will finishes the movie he started last night and we start on breakfast. We’re making the bacon I bought yesterday, breakfast potatoes with onions, and a fried egg for Will (I can’t stand the taste or smell).
11:00am Yum! Breakfast was great. I watch a couple episodes of Sister Wives and mull over buying that ridiculous but amazing puffer jacket from Farm Rio. I’ve still been thinking about it since last night and I might take the plunge.
1:25pm I get a jolt of motivation to work out and do a 20 minute Sydney Cummings video on Youtube. I heard about it from a recent Money Diary posted here! After it’s done I’m so, so tired. I stretch and unpause my episode of Sister Wives.
2:22pm I help Will move the butcher block slab for his desk out to our backyard. We live on the first floor of a single-family home that was converted into apartments, so we get the backyard too—it’s awesome to have outdoor space in the city. P works on sanding it and applying poly for the next couple hours.
5:07pm Will suggests pizza for dinner and I am always, always down for pizza. I order pickup from the spot down the street—one grandma, one cheese and 2 orders of garlic knots come to $38.60. We’ll have leftovers for tomorrow too. $19.30
5:50pm We pick up the pizza and dig in. While we’re eating we turn on the Chiefs vs. Buccaneers game; Will has a few players on his fantasy team in this game.
6:57pm I sign up to write letters to Georgia residents encouraging them to vote in the Senate runoff elections in January. This is through Vote Forward—I did 20 letters for the general election in November and want to participate again. I’ll print the letters at a local coffee shop since we don’t have a printer at home.
Will sends me this Reddit comment about campaign finance since we’ve been talking about it recently. I decide I’m convinced by the argument and set up a $5 monthly donation to Brand New Congress. $5
8:19pm After texting back and forth with my friend all day, I buy the puffer jacket—so excited. She encouraged me to get it and is pumped for me too. $228.64
I also notice my paycheck has started processing in my checking account (I get paid tomorrow), so I enter the amount in YNAB and budget it all. I earmark about $1500 to go into my brokerage account tomorrow. I won’t include it here as “spending” since it’s included in the overview section above.
Day 5 Total: $252.94
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Day 6 Monday, November 30
8:43am Wake up and turn on my Slack. Will started the coffee process and I finish it up by pouring the water into our Chemex and letting it steep (I know there’s a coffee-centric word for this...).
8:56am I check my Citi card and my YouTube TV trial rolled over—I was going to cancel it this morning, which I thought was the last day. I email support to see if they’ll refund me, because (I promise I’m not just saying this!) I did have a pretty bad experience. The Roku app was glitchy for us every time we watched something. Maybe they’ll feel nice today! $64.99
9:35am After responding to a few work messages, I run out the door to the post office to avoid a long package line. I did the Warby Parker 5-day home try on and have to return my box of glasses today. I found a pair I really like and am excited to get in the habit of wearing glasses again, instead of just my contacts.
Thankfully the line is only a few people long. The employees are also super nice every time I go, so I try to be really pleasant too. The lines are usually long and I’ve seen more than one adult have a fit at this post office. It’s rainy today and I couldn’t find our umbrella, so my flimsy rain jacket gets pretty soaked through on the walk back.
11:35am My podiatrist appointment is supposed to be tomorrow morning, and they call me to tell me since I haven’t hit my deductible, I’ll have to pay out of pocket for the visit. I explain that I’m 100% going to hit my deductible, the claims from the hospital just haven’t processed yet. I ask her to bill my insurance first for the visit, then I can pay whatever ends up not being covered (if anything). She agrees!
Maybe this is standard, but I’ve never had it happen before—even if I haven’t hit my deductible, I’ve always been to offices that bill insurance first, then I pay the remaining balance.
1:05pm Lots of meetings today. I break for lunch and heat up the braised chicken with veggies. It’s definitely on its last good day, so I’m glad I used it up. Still yummy!
2:20pm Woohoo! Get an email that my YouTube TV charge was refunded. -$64.99
Will ran to Home Depot today to buy some tools for his desk and also got a shower curtain liner since ours is ripping. I go to put it up in the bathroom but my arms are so sore—like I got my flu shot type of sore.
5:05pm Sign off work after trying to wrangle a supremely frustrating SQL query. I don’t get it but figure I can ask our analyst team for help tomorrow. Will will have a late night working, so pizza and Sister Wives is in my near future.
While watching, I update YNAB to reflect the end-of-month balances for my investment accounts. I get a huge dopamine hit by seeing my net worth number go up. I’m also anticipating it going down a bit next month because of my medical bills, so I relish the moment.
8:09pm It suddenly dawns on me that my arms are sore because I worked out yesterday. It’s so rare now that I literally forget when I do it. Ha!
9:15pm We watch the Eagles vs. Seahawks game and I absentmindedly play Among Us. I end up getting ...bullied by a person playing it? They get mad that I figured out they were the imposter and start saying all these schoolyard-type digs throughout the next couple rounds, but level 100 of cruel.
I’m embarrassed by how sad it makes me but think maybe it’s a good thing I don’t immediately know what to say to bully people back. Such a weird experience. I end up going to bed around 11:30.
Day 6 Total: $0
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Day 7 December 1, 2020
7:07am Wake up late for my alarm at 7. I’m up a lot earlier today because my podiatrist appointment is first thing. I get dressed in the dark, kiss P goodbye, grab my water bottle and run out the door to the subway by 7:30. $2.75
8:10am Get to my stop and swing by Starbucks before the appointment. I get a vanilla latte and the bacon cheddar and egg sandwich. Total is around $10 but I have a gift card loaded onto my Starbucks app.
My spending here went way down when I switched jobs to an office not close to a Starbucks, and then stopped going into an office at all.
8:30am My appointment goes great, if a little painful when she numbs my toe. I had to get an ingrown toenail removed. I danced ballet and pointe for years so I’m (unfortunately) used to them, but this one was terrible. The doctor and I bond over both being dancers with bad feet and they schedule me for a follow up two weeks out.
She actually says there’s been a rise in these procedures because people aren’t getting pedicures since the pandemic and aren’t cutting their toenails well! Wild.
I look silly on the subway in December wearing Birkenstocks and socks with a huge toe bandage. It looks like one of those cartoon characters who stubs their toe and it becomes 10x bigger than their other toes. $2.75
9:40am I get off at the stop before mine to stop at Rite Aid. I grab Neosporin, band-aids and epsom salt and check my notes for anything else she mentioned about caring for my toe. $12.97
10:00am When I get home, I hop into work and working with our engineers on a promotion for the New Year. I also catch up with Will since he stayed up late last night and I got up early for my appointment. He says he ended up staying up until 3:30am (!!) cleaning up his tools, working on his desk and putting up the shower curtain. I’m floored that he is functional right now after waking up at 8.
12:15pm Heat up the last of the pizza for lunch, along with hummus and carrots.
5:20pm Work is average-paced for the rest of the day. Not doing nothing, not totally over my head. Will puts in potatoes for baked potatoes to have later, which we’ll pair with a salad. We’re getting close to needing a grocery run again, so the meals are becoming more of a mishmash.
We listed a couple things on our local Buy Nothing group last week, so a woman comes by to pick up a wifi router we can’t use anymore. Would totally recommend looking up if there’s a group in your area—they’re usually on Facebook.
6:30pm After dinner I watch more Sister Wives and look up RIP Medical Debt, a nonprofit one of my friends shared for Giving Tuesday. They buy unpaid medical debt from collections, so $1 ends up paying off $100 of someone’s medical debt. I give $50 to the Arkansas campaign, which will clear $5,000 of medical debt.
As Will said earlier today, “medical billing in America is a racket” so I really hope this helps clear a burden from an individual or family. Doing this reminds me to check my insurance portal, which is steadily going up as each separate claim comes in. Ahhhh, modern healthcare! $51.49
At the end of each day please tally up your daily expenses. Then at the end of your diary please tally up all expenses in the following categories:
Total: $719.33
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Reflection This week felt like a big spending week for me. I checked YNAB and since January, I’ve spent about $1600 per month, not including rent—so about $400/week. That’s why this week’s $719 feels so high!
Writing this diary helped me understand how many things I have going for me. I’ve recently been in a huge funk—about my health, my performance at work and my relationships with family, friends and P. Going to the hospital, needing physical therapy to have sex and being in a pandemic will do that to you.
I was able to zoom out a bit and understand how stable and gratifying my life is. That being said, I’m so glad this community exists. I really love it and learning about all your spending and saving habits. Thanks for being here and sharing :)
submitted by throwaway_md765951 to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]

Wife's family offering to pay for her to build/purchase a new PC (Budget: $5000)

Edit: Thank you all for the responses! I just realized how many upvotes this post had haha—my wife and I really appreciate everyone's input! We're taking note of everything you all are saying, and if we have specific questions for anyone's suggestions, we'll ask in the next day or two. Thank you all for the wonderful advice!
My wife's family has offered to pay for her to get a new PC rather than giving her gifts this Christmas, and they said there is no hard price limit. They said "doesn't matter if it's $1000 or $3000", but we know that PCs have the potential to get quite expensive if you go all-out, so we're saying the highest we want her build to be is ~$5000 (though we're completely fine if it's lower than this, and we're fine if it's higher as long as we understand why it needs to be in order for her to do what she wants).
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What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
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What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
No set budget from the family paying for this. We would say roughly $5,000 but would love any information even if it's substantially highelower.
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When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
ASAP. This is meant to be her Christmas gift from family and they would ideally like for her to have the PC on Christmas day (though it's fine if it's late).
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What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc\)
Need: Tower (unless it's an all-in-one PC), OS, monitor that can be drawn on with a stylus and that supports touch sensitivity, stylus that supports touch sensitivity, and anything else that isn't mentioned in Don't Need below that we may not know about.
Don't Need: Mouse, Keyboard, Mousepad, Webcam, headset/microphone, ethernet cable.
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Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
British Columbia, Canada.
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If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Razer Huntsman Keyboard
Razer Atheris Wireless Mouse
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Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
No, she will not be overclocking. She gets stressed out if her current computer's fans start spinning fast (quiet fans/coolers when making suggestions please!).
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Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
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What type of network connectivity do you need? (Wired and/or WiFi) If WiFi is needed and you would like to find the fastest match for your wireless router, please list any specifics.
Wired - already have the ethernet cable set up and will just be replacing her stationary laptop with this new PC. Would definitely be nice if we have the option for WiFi just in case it's ever needed, but we plan on it being wired at all times.
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Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
or:
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Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
Yes. Not sure which Windows 10 package (Home, Pro, etc.) makes sense for what she wants to be doing though, so she would love insight from you all on this.
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Extra info or particulars:
She is currently curious if a Microsoft Surface Studio 2 would be a good fit for what she's interested in doing (although she has not been able to see/test it in person yet), but she's also curious if it would make more sense to build a PC for this.
She is currently drawing on a ~two-year-old iPad 9.7-inch using ProCreate and the first generation Apple Pencil.
She is currently modeling/building her VR game on a ~2015 HP Omen gaming laptop using Blender and Unreal Engine 4.
submitted by Jetsplit to buildapcforme [link] [comments]

I believe my sister is being severely manipulated into isolate. Possible mental illness. Help

Note*\* This was originally posted in RBI but it was suggested to me that I post it here. You can read any other comments and things there.
Hey ya'll, this may be a longer post that I'll explain the best I can, so stick with me here. Not sure if this is the right subreddit, so feel free to direct me elsewhere. But PLEASE read until the end. I need help. I am out of options and ideas.
My family and I are genuinely concerned and there seems to be no apparent solution, and it seems to be becoming a very serious issue.
Some background from my perspective...circa 2013: This has been developing for probably about ~10 years at this point. The sister (now 31F, then 22) we are worried about I'll call "B." Well, about 10 years ago, I was about 13 (now 23F), and B was living at home with my parents, brothers, and I while she was finishing up her degree. B has always been one of the more outgoing people in our family, always going on dates, going out with friends, and almost always out of the house. She was never a trouble maker, truly just social. She loved to study abroad and travel, too. She would always be the one to suggest going out to eat with the family, playing games, going to see movies, go to church, etc. I truly think her life goal was just to be loved by a godly guy, have kids, and live an amazing life. (This is all important later). Well, anyway, as the younger sister who did anything her older sister said, B confided in me with things she didn't want to tell our parents.
Enter: potential (most likely) manipulative and abusive boyfriend.
B told me one day about this guy that she met online. She had done quite a bit of online dating (keep in mind this was before Tinder and Hinge existed), so this was nothing out of the ordinary. But, B told me that she didn't think our mom or our family would like him because he was black, so she asked me to not say anything. I, of course, loved that I was in on the secret, so of course I didn't say anything. Never had any reason to. Now, our family is not racist. Maybe our southern aunt and grandpa to some extent, but our family would definitely be welcoming of a significant other of another race. However, B has always been sort of dramatic and stubborn, likes to hyperbolize, and has a bit of a victim complex. Anyway, she told me she met him on an online dating site, and kind of a sketchy sounding one at that. I don't quite remember the name, but it wasn't Match or OkCupid or any of the mainstream ones. I expressed that it sounded kind of sketchy, especially because he only had one low quality photo of him on his page, and she told me that he has said he has to keep a "low profile" because he "worked for a top secret and exclusive level of the government" and can't give out much of his information at once, or else he would be in danger or in trouble or something along those lines. So...yeah, I know. Big catfish vibes for sure, but he truly had her convinced of this.
So, a short while had passed, maybe a few weeks or so, and B calls me into her room all excited and shows me all these gifts this man had sent her. A brand new iPad, jewelry, clothes, you name it. She said he could afford it all, again, because of his so-called top secret military job, and she was eating it up. He even sent me, the little naive 13 year old, an Amazon gift card as a thanks for "keeping their secret," which would've been really cool at the time had it not given me an extremely weird feeling. Because...you know...it's super fucking sketchy. Anyway, she didn't explicitly tell me much after that, other than answering a few questions I asked about if she was ever going to get more photos or video call him or meet him in person one day, all to which was a resounding no because, again, "his top secret military job that apparently doesn't allow anyone to see him or know where he lives because he's that important" or whatever. Ok, fine, get catfished for all I care. I figured she'ed eventually figure it out the more he pushed it off. Boy was I wrong.
Eventually, maybe a few months later after she graduated college, B got a job teaching in a small town nearby us, about 40 minutes away, and moved out on her own. This ended any sort of conversation we ever had about this man, but my family and I still frequently visited B, as well as her coming to visit us, in her time on her own. However, while working there for about 2-3 years, her environment and school admins became aggressively toxic to the point where she quit, and found a new job down in Texas. My family now theorizes that she became so entangled with this boyfriend because of her truly shitty situation and stress with work, which led her to be so vulnerable to be taken advantage of and lied to. (Again, she just wanted to be loved by a godly guy, and he had been telling her that he was Catholic and wanted all the same things she did, yadda yadda yadda). By the next time we saw her right before she moved to Texas, she finally started to tell our family about this guy, probably only because she was now wearing a promise ring from him. He had promised her that as soon as he got out of his "top secret military job" that he was going to come live with her, they'd get married, have kids, and love the Lord together, blah, blah, fucking blah. So, she was hooked, and now moving over 1,000 miles away from us. (Side note--my mom didn't tell me this until recently, but she was genuinely terrified that that would be the last time we ever saw B, because all of us knew how weird it was that she never met him, saw him, or called him, and now she would be far, far away from any family.)
Moving forward, our family always got together for Christmas, and B would come each year during the summer as well since she was a teacher and obviously her schedule allowed that. She loved being with family during the holidays. However, as the years went on, her personality shifted quite a bit--very subtly at first, and then more drastically into recent years (which I'll touch on later). She would hardly let us come visit, especially my other older sister who lived in Houston who asked her constantly. The only time I recall seeing her apartment is when my mom and I went to Texas for some testing I needed to do in my junior year of high school. While we visited her, I asked her, without my mom, about the boyfriend because she was still wearing the promise ring. I asked her if they'd met, how he was, when he was going to be done with his job, and so on. She said they had met once in person and that she still didn't know when he would be done, but she was willing to wait no matter how long because she knows he is the one for her and that, I quote, "If I have to choose between my man and my family, I'm going to choose my man every single time." ...Which kind of came out of no where since no one was asking her to choose, but I digress.
Now, moving into present day...this is where things really start to get extremely weird and convoluted, and where my family and I realized something needs to happen, and soon.
So, probably about 3-4 years ago, we all started to notice B becoming very, very protective over her cell phone. She wouldn't let anyone touch it, look at it, and held it very close to her while she texted on it. She then proceeded to tell us that she no longer wanted us to text or call her or be a part of family group chats because "she doesn't use texting" and it "interrupts her classroom when we try to contact her or send messages during the day." We tried to explain that you can, you know, put your phone on silent or vibrate, but she instantly became very hostile and said that we needed to stop. She always has her phone sounds turned on, and as soon as she gets in incoming message, she immediately drops what she is doing do pick it up and respond. She never, ever responded to or contacted any of us from that moment on, with the exception of my mother's cell and or our home landline. None of us, besides my mom, would ever hear from her during the year (besides holidays when she was with us in person). The only way we could ever speak to her is if we called her from our mom's cell or the house landline.
Here's a list of other recent things we began to notice while she was with us for holidays, or just other facts about what we know of the situation, I'll be as brief as possible so this doesn't go on forever:
Now this is the most confusing and interesting part of the story that I discovered:
One time, this past summer (2020), she left her phone on the counter while using the restroom, so I looked at it, and shockingly, her messages were open. Huge freaking jackpot. I'm all for respecting people's privacy, but this all has been too damn weird for me to not look. I was definitely rushing and totally wish I would've taken photos, but she was going to come back any moment. Here's what I saw:
So, now, here we are. This shit is super fucked, and we don't know what to do. We have had many failed attempts to talk to her, all of which are abruptly shut down. My mom has even sent her a burner phone with instructions on how to contact us. I don't know if we just aren't being aggressive enough, but again, we don't want her to suddenly leave and never hear from her again. At this point, my other siblings and I have all sadly accepted that it's likely we will not have her as part of our lives for long, especially as we all get older and start our own families, but how can we include her if she is so shut off from us? It just seems like classic abuser manipulative bullshit to me, but I don't know what to do. I wish I could hack her phone somehow and just see what's in those messages more closely. Or smack some sense into her, because not one healthy relationship functions like this, so I have no clue why she has fallen so hard into this. Or if there's something more sinister going on. We are all so sad. We love our sister, and we don't want her to waste the best years of her life being a recluse to society, which she basically has at this point since this start when she was 22 and she is now almost 32. There's probably a lot that we don't know, either, which makes it worse.
So what do you think? Is he blackmailing her? Threatening to kill us? Is her phone bugged?
What should we do?
Any and all thought or suggestions are welcome. Thanks for getting this far. I will make edits if necessary to clarify.
EDIT: Clarifying a few things...
It has been brought to my attention that you cannot delete messages on Google Hangouts, so unless I am wrong about the app they use, or if they use the "foldering" technique and are on the same account, I am unsure. Again, I have only ever been able to briefly look at her phone while unlocked. I once thought they used WhatsApp, but most recently am pretty sure I recognized the Hangouts icon.
She truly does act pretty normal and like she used to a good chunk of the time. She plays video games with us, cooks with us, quilts, etc. Even when I've called her (on my mom's phone) she always answers and is alert and cheery, but again, the conversation is limited to 30 minutes, which is why I theorize a bugged phone.
The church we attend is the Catholic Church. So no "religious leader" or anything of that sort. However, she does often ask my mom clarifying questions about the faith and what we believe, all of which would usually be pretty common knowledge for a Catholic who attends church every week and makes it a priority. Also, she does believe in some very odd end-of-the-world things that revolve around the catholic faith but are not confirmed by the Catholic Church in any way, but she chooses to believe them anyway, so take that as you will. IMO she does not follow the Church teaching correctly.
An additional detail I forgot to add: She has told me that their relationship "is a chaste one," and has mentioned "eventually" getting married to him. Again, adding to a narrative of extremest faith and things of that sort, so I assume if they ever have met, they don't have sex. (Which is weird because idk any guy who would be in a relationship for 10 years and not want to have sex or attempt to get married). I do know she had sex a decent amount up until the point of meeting him, so not sure if she feels some sort of guilt, but any truly healthy Catholic relationship does not function this way...or any relationship every for that fact.
Mental illness & schizophrenia is definitely not out of the picture. I suffer from PTSD and depression, and I know how difficult it can be to be confronted out it. It feels embarrassing, and you can't controls those emotions. This is why we are unsure of how to proceed. With the limited time we get to see her, it's unlikely she would willingly go to a therapist due to the fact she won't even leave the house for anything other than church. Not sure if we should confiscate her phone and keys while we attempt to speak to her or what.
My oldest sister and brother are beginning to get very angry about the situation, which I believe is out of fear of the unknown, being shut out, and all that, so I am wary of having a big conversation because emotions run high in our family because we never learned how to express emotions or talk about difficult subjects when we were growing up. Definitely something we need to work on, but it's very easy for us to get defensive and avoid these situations without regard for each other.
submitted by jmoney_throwaway to AskPsychiatry [link] [comments]

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