The 2019/2020 season of the Hungary’s National Football League (NB1) – being one of the first leagues to restart play - came to an end on 27 June. If a casual observer (for whatever reason) decides to check out the final standings, he would be not surprised at the first two positions: record-champion Ferencváros defended their title, while regional powerhouse Fehérvár (Videoton) came in second. However, the third place team, Puskás Akadémia FC might seem unusual and one could think that there is a story behind that. Is there a team named after Ferenc Puskás? Did some academy youths make an incredible run for the Europa League qualification? Well, the observer is right, there is a story behind all this, but it’s absolutely not a fun story. It’s a story about how one powerful man’s obsession with football stole a legend, misused state funds and killed the spirit of Hungarian football. (Warning: this is a long story, feel free to scroll down for a tl;dr. Also, I strongly advise checking out the links, those images are worth seeing).
Naturally, political influence in football has been present ever since the dawn of the sport and we know of numerous state leaders who felt confident enough to use their influence to ensure the successful development of their favored clubs – Caucescu’s FC Olt Scornicesti and Erdogan’s Basaksehir are well-known examples of such attempts. However, I fear that very few of the readers are aware of the fact that Puskás Akadémia FC is nothing but Hungarian PM Viktor Orbán’s grandiose project for establishing his hometown’s club as one of the country’s top teams. Considering that Orbán managed to achieve this goal using state funds in an EU member democracy in the 2000s, one might even say that it might be one of the most impressive attempts of cheating your way through Football Manager in real life. Now that Puskás Akadémia FC escaped the desolate football scene of Hungary and is getting ready for the European takeover, I feel that it’s high time to tell its true story.

Part 1: Part time striker, part time PM

Our story begins in 1999 when the 36-year-old striker Viktor Orbán (recently elected as the country’s Prime Minister) was signed by the sixth-tier side of Felcsút FC residing in rural Fejér County. It might sound surprising that an active politician would consider such a side job, but given that Orbán has been playing competitive low-level football throughout his whole life and has always been known as a keen football enthusiast, people seemed to be okay with his choice for a hobby. Orbán spent most of his childhood in the village of Felcsút (population: 1,800), so it seemed only natural that he would join the team after one of his old-time acquaintances became team president there.
Orbán’s arrival to the club seemed to work like a charm as Felcsút FC immediately earned a promotion to the fifth league. The Prime Minister’s busy program did not allow him to attend every training session and game but Orbán did make an effort to contribute as much as possible on the field – there is a report of a government meeting being postponed as Orbán was unavailable due to attending Felcsút FC’s spring training camp. The 2001/2002 season brought another breakthrough for the side as Felcsút was promoted to the national level of the football pyramid after being crowned the champion of Fejér County. Sadly enough for Orbán, he suffered a defeat on another pitch – his party lost the 2002 election and Orbán was forced to move to an opposition role.
No matter what happened on the political playing field, Orbán would not abandon his club. Just before the 2002 elections, Felcsút was surprisingly appointed as one of the regional youth development centers by the Hungarian FA. Orbán continued contributing on the field as well (he had more spare time after all) but his off-the-field efforts provided much more value for the team as he used his political influence to convince right-wing businessmen that they should definitely get sponsorship deals done with the fourth-division village team.
Club management was able to transform the influx of funds into on-field success: Felcsút FC was promoted to the third division in 2004 and achieved promotion to the second division in 2005. Although these new horizons required a skill level that an aging ex-PM is not likely to possess, Orbán regularly played as a late game sub and even appeared in cup games against actual professional opponents. The now-42-year old Orbán did not want to face the challenge of the second division, so he retired in 2005 – but this did not stop him from temping as an assistant coach when the head coach was sacked in the middle of the 2005-2006 season.
Success on the playing field did not translate to political success: Orbán lost the elections once again in 2006. However, this was only a temporary loss: the ruling party committed blunder after blunder and by early 2007 it became absolutely obvious that Orbán would be able return to power in 2010. Now confident in his political future, Orbán opted for the acceleration of football development in Felcsút – by late 2007 he took over the presidency of the club to take matters in his own hands. Sponsors seeking to gain favor with the soon-to-be PM were swarming Felcsút FC, so the club was able to stand very strong in an era where financial stability was a very rare sight in the Hungarian football scene, accumulating three medals (but no promotion) between 2007 and 2009.
On the other hand, Orbán realized the value of youth development as well, and started a local foundation for this purpose back in 2004 that gathered funds for the establishment a boarding school-like football academy. The academy opened its doors in September 2006 (only the second of such institutions in the country) and Orbán immediately took upon the challenge of finding an appropriate name for the academy.
He went on to visit the now very sick Ferenc Puskás in the hospital to discuss using his name, but as Puskás’ medical situation was deteriorating rapidly, communication attempts were futile. Luckily enough Puskás’ wife (and soon to be widow) was able to act on his incapable husband’s behalf and approved the naming deal in a contract. According to the statement, naming rights were granted without compensation, as “Puskás would have certainly loved what’s happening down in Felcsút”. However, there was much more to the contract: Puskás’ trademark was handed to a sports journalist friend of Orbán (György Szöllősi, also acting communications director of the academy) who promised a hefty annual return for the family (and also a 45% share of the revenue for himself). Ferenc Puskás eventually died on 17 November 2006 and on 26 November 2006 the football academy was named after him: Puskás Academy was born.
Orbán shared his vision of the whole organization after the opening ceremony: “It’s unreasonable to think that Felcsút should have a team in the top division. We should not flatter ourselves, our players and our supporters with this dream. Our long term ambition is the creation of a stable second division team that excels in youth development and provides opportunity for the talents of the future.” Let’s leave that there.

Part 2: No stadium left behind

Orbán became PM once again in April 2010 after a landslide victory that pretty much granted him unlimited power. He chased lots of political agendas but one of his policies was rock solid: he would revive sports (and especially football) that was left to bleed out by the previous governments. The football situation in 2010 was quite dire: while the national team has actually made some progress in the recent years and has reached the 42nd position in the world rankings, football infrastructure was in a catastrophic state. Teams were playing in rusty stadiums built in the communist era, club finances were a mess, youth teams couldn’t find training grounds and the league was plagued by violent fan groups and lackluster attendance figures (3100 average spectators per game in the 2009/2010 season).
Orbán – aided by the FA backed by business actors very interested in making him happy – saw the future in the total rebuild of the football infrastructure. Vast amounts of state development funds were invested into the football construction industry that warmly welcomed corruption, cost escalation and shady procurement deals. In the end, money triumphed: over the last decade, new stadiums sprung out from nothing all over the country, dozens of new academies opened and pitches for youth development appeared on practically every corner. The final piece of the stadium renovation program was the completion of the new national stadium, Puskás Aréna in 2019 (estimated cost: 575 million EUR). Orbán commemorated this historic moment with a celebratory video on his social media that features a majestic shot of Orbán modestly kicking a CGI ball from his office to the new stadium.
Obviously, Orbán understood that infrastructure alone won’t suffice. He believed in the idea that successful clubs are the cornerstone of a strong national side as these clubs would compete in a high quality national league (and in international tournaments) that would require a constant influx of youth players developed by the clubs themselves. However, Orbán was not really keen on sharing the state’s infinite wealth with private club owners who failed to invest in their clubs between 2002 and 2010. The club ownership takeover was not that challenging as previous owners were usually happy to cut their losses, and soon enough most clubs came under Orbán’s influence. Some clubs were integrated deep into Orbán’s reach (Ferencváros and MTK Budapest club presidents are high ranking officials of Orbán’s party) while in other cases, indirect control was deemed sufficient (Diósgyőri VTK was purchased by a businessman as an attempt to display loyalty to Orbán).
Pouring taxpayer money into infrastructure (stadium) projects is relatively easy: after all, we are basically talking about overpriced government construction projects, there’s nothing new there. On the other hand, allocating funds to clubs that should be operating on a competitive market is certainly a tougher nut to crack. The obvious solutions were implemented: the state media massively overpaid for broadcasting rights and the national sports betting agency also pays a hefty sum to the FA, allowing for a redistribution of considerable amounts. However, given that the income side of Hungarian clubs was basically non-existent (match day income is negligible, the failed youth development system does not sell players), an even more radical solution was desperately needed. Also, there was definite interest in the development of a tool that would allow for differentiation between clubs (as in the few remaining non-government affiliated clubs should not receive extra money).
The solution came in 2011: the so-called TAO (“társasági adó” = corporate tax) system was introduced, granting significant tax deductions for companies if they offered a portion of their profits to sports clubs – however, in theory, funds acquired through TAO can be only used for youth development and infrastructure purposes. Soon enough, it became apparent that state authorities were not exactly interested in the enforcement of these restrictions, so some very basic creative accounting measures enabled clubs to use this income for anything they wanted to. Companies were naturally keen on cutting their tax burdens and scoring goodwill with the government, so TAO money immediately skyrocketed. Opportunistic party strongmen used their influence to convince local business groups to invest in the local clubs, enabling for the meteoric rise of multiple unknown provincial teams (Mezőkövesd [pop: 16,000], Kisvárda [pop: 16,000], Balmazújváros [pop: 17,000]) into the first division.
Although it’s not the main subject of this piece, I feel inclined to show you the actual results of Orbán’s grandiose football reform. While we do have our beautiful stadiums, we don’t exactly get them filled – league attendance has stagnated around 3000 spectators per game throughout the whole decade. We couldn’t really move forward with our national team either: Hungary lost 10 positions in the FIFA World Rankings throughout Orbán’s ten years. On the other hand, the level of league has somewhat improved – Videoton and Ferencváros reached the Europa League group stage in 2019 and 2020, respectively. Too bad that the Instat-based top team of 2019/2020 Hungarian league consists of 10 foreigners and only 1 Hungarian: the goalkeeper.

Part 3: Small place, big game!

As seen in the previous chapter, Orbán did have a strong interest in the improvement of the football situation Hungary, but we shouldn’t forget that his deepest interest and true loyalty laid in the wellbeing of Felcsút and its academy. Now that Orbán had limitless means to see to the advancement of his beloved club, he got to work immediately. Orbán handed over formal club management duties to his friend / protégé / middleman / businessman Lőrinc Mészáros in 2010, but no questions would ever arise of who is actually calling the shots.
First of all, no club can exist without a proper stadium. Although in 2011 Orbán explicitly stated that “Felcsút does not need a stadium as stadiums belong to cities”, no one was really surprised in 2012 when the construction of the Felcsút stadium was announced. Orbán was generous enough to donate the lands just in front of his summer home in the village for the project, locating the entrance a mere ten meters away from his residence. Construction works for the stunningly aesthetic 3,800-seater arena (in a village of 1,800 people) started in April 2012 and were completed in April 2014, making Felcsút’s arena the second new stadium of Orbán’s gigantic stadium revival program.
The estimated budget of the construction was 120 million EUR (31,500 EUR / seat) was financed by the Puskás Academy who explicitly stated that they did not use government funds for the project. Technically, this statement is absolutely true as the construction was financed through the TAO money offered by the numerous companies looking for tax deduction and Orbán’s goodwill. However, technically, this means that the country’s budget was decreased by 120 million EUR unrealized tax revenue. Naturally, the gargantuan football stadium looks ridiculously out of place in the small village, but there’s really no other way to ensure that your favorite team’s stadium is within 20 seconds of walking distance from your home.
Obviously, a proper club should also have some glorious history. Felcsút was seriously lagging behind on this matter as though Felcsút FC was founded in 1931, it spent its pre-Orbán history in the uninspiring world of the 5th-7th leagues of the country. Luckily enough, Orbán had already secured Puskás’ naming rights and they were not afraid to use it, so Felcsút FC was renamed to Puskás Academy FC in 2009. The stadium name was a little bit problematic as the Hungarian national stadium in Budapest had sadly had the dibs on Puskás’ name, so they had to settle with Puskás’ Spanish nickname, resulting in the inauguration of the Pancho Arena. But why stop here? Orbán’s sports media strongman György Szöllősi acted upon the contract with Puskás’ widow and transferred all Puskás’ personal memorabilia (medals, jerseys, correspondence) to the most suitable place of all: a remote village in which Puskás never even set foot in.
While the off-field issues were getting resolved, Orbán’s attention shifted to another important area: the actual game of football. Although academy players started to graduate from 2008 on, it very soon became painfully obvious that the academy program couldn’t really maintain even a second division side for now. In 2009, Orbán reached an agreement with nearby Videoton’s owner that effectively transformed Felcsút FC into Videoton’s second team under the name of Videoton – Puskás Akadémia FC. The mutually beneficent agreement would allow Videoton to give valuable playing time to squad players while it could also serve as a skipping step for Puskás Academy’s fresh graduates to a first league team. The collaboration resulted in two mid-table finishes and a bronze medal in the second division in the following three seasons that wasn’t really impressive compared to Felcsút FC’s standalone seasons.
It seemed that the mixture of reserve Videoton players and academy youth was simply not enough for promotion, and although Orbán had assured the public multiple times that his Felcsút project was not aiming for the top flight, very telling changes arose after the 2011/2012 season. Felcsút terminated the Videoton cooperation deal and used the rapidly accumulating TAO funds to recruit experienced players for the now independently operating Puskás Academy FC (PAFC). The new directive worked almost too well: PAFC won its division with a 10 point lead in its first standalone year which meant that they would have to appear in the first league prior to the completion of their brand-new Pancho Arena. Too bad that this glorious result had almost nothing to do with the academy - only two players were academy graduates of the side’s regular starting XI.
Orbán did not let himself bothered with the ridiculousness of an academy team with virtually no academy players being promoted to the first division as he stated that “a marathon runner shouldn’t need to explain why the other runners were much slower than him”. Orbán also displayed a rare burst of modesty as he added that “his team’s right place is not in the first league, and they will soon be overtaken by other, better sides”.
The promotion of PAFC to the first division made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. Supporter groups were united in hatred all along the league and not surprisingly, away fans almost always outnumbered the home side at PAFC’s temporary home at Videoton’s Sóstói Stadium (demolished and rebuilt in its full glory since then). One of the teams, however, possessed an extraordinary degree of anger against PAFC: supporters of Budapest Honvéd – the only Hungarian team in which Ferenc Puskás played – felt especially awkward about the transfer of their club legend’s heritage to Felcsút. Tensions spiked at the PAFC – Honvéd game when home security forced Honvéd supporters to remove the “Puskás” part of their traditional “Puskás – Kispest – Hungary” banner – the team answered the insult with style as they secured a 4-0 victory supported by fans chanting “you can’t buy legends”.
Despite Orbán’s prognosis, other better sides did not rush to overtake his team, so PAFC, now residing in their brand new Pancho Arena, came through with a 14th and a 10th place in their first two seasons. Naturally, conspiracy theories began to formulate, speculating that government-friendly owners would certainly not be motivated to give their best against PAFC. However, as the league size was reduced to 12 for the 2015/2016 season, PAFC found themselves in a dire situation just before the final round: they needed a win and needed rival Vasas to lose against MTK in order to avoid relegation. PAFC’s draw seemed to be unlucky as they faced their arch-enemy Honvéd at home, but Honvéd displayed an absolute lackluster effort – fueling conspiracy theories – and lost the fixture 2 to 1 against a home side featuring four academy players. Vasas, however, did not disappoint, their 2-0 victory resulted in PAFC’s elimination and a very relaxed sigh all over the football community.
PAFC’s relegation seemed to be in accordance with Orbán’s 2013 statement, so public opinion supposed for a while that Orbán’s project came to a halting point and the Academy would go on to actually field academy players in the second division (especially as rostering foreign players was prohibited in the lower leagues). However, if you have read through this point, you know better than to expect Orbán to retreat – obviously, PAFC came back with a bang. With a ballsy move, PAFC didn’t even sell their foreign players, they just loaned them across the league, promising them that they would be able to return next year to the newly promoted team. The promise was kept as PAFC went into another shopping spree of experienced players (easily convincing lots of them to choose the second division instead of the first) and easily won the second league.
Orbán – now aware of his negligence – opted for the doubling the team’s budget, making PAFC the third most well-founded club in the whole country (only coming short to his friend’s Videoton and his party minion’s Ferencváros). With an actual yearly influx from TAO money in the ballpark of 30-40 million EUR, PAFC management had to really work wonders in creative accounting in order to make their money look somewhat legitimate. The books were now full of ridiculous items like:

• Construction of a new tea kitchen for youth players for 650,000 EUR
• Construction of a new “sports and conference center” for 40 million EUR
• Employment of a 45 person “cleaning and maintenance staff” for the academy.

Naturally, in the country of no consequences, absolutely nothing happened: PAFC went on with its spending and signed 35 foreigners between 2017 and 2020. They did so because they could not hope to field a winning team in the first league consisting of academy players, despite the fact that Puskás Academy has been literally drowning in money since 2007. This seems to somewhat contradict Orbán’s 2013 promise, stating that “Puskás Academy will graduate two or three players to major European leagues each year”. To be fair, there have been players who managed to emerge to Europe (well, exactly two of them: Roland Sallai plays at Freiburg, László Kleinheisler played at Werder Bremen) but most academy graduates don’t even have the slightest the chance to make their own academy’s pro team as it’s full of foreigners and more experienced players drawn for other teams’ programs.
Despite their unlimited funding, PAFC could not put up a top-tier performance in their first two years back in the first division, finishing 6th and 7th in the 12-team league. Many speculated that the lack of support, motivation and even a clear team mission did not allow for chemistry to develop within the multinational and multi-generational locker room. Consistency was also a rare sight on the coaching side: club management was absolutely impatient with coaches who were very easily released after a single bad spell and there were talks of on-field micromanagement request coming from as high as Orbán.
Even so, their breakthrough came dangerously close in 2018 as PAFC performed consistently well in the cup fixtures and managed to reach the final. Their opponent, Újpest played an incredibly fierce game and after a 2-2 draw, they managed to defeat PAFC in the shootout. Football fans sighed in relief throughout the country as ecstatic Újpest supporters verbally teased a visibly upset Orbán in his VIP lounge about his loss.
Obviously, we could only delay the inevitable. While this year’s PAFC side seemed to be more consistent than its predecessors, it seemed that they won’t be able to get close to the podium - they were far behind the obvious league winner duo of Ferencváros and Videoton and were trailing third-place Mezőkövesd 6 points just before the pandemic break. However, both Mezőkövesd and PAFC’s close rivals DVTK and Honvéd fall flat after the restart while PAFC was able to maintain its good form due to its quality roster depth. PAFC overtook Mezőkövesd after the second-to-last round as Mezőkövesd lost to the later relegated Debrecen side. (Mezőkövesd coach Attila Kuttor was fined harshly because of his post-game comments on how the FA wants PAFC to finish third.)
PAFC faced Honvéd in the last round once again, and as Honvéd came up with its usual lackluster effort, PAFC secured an effortless win, confidently claiming the third place. PAFC celebrated their success in a nearly empty stadium, however neither Orbán, nor Mészáros (club owner, Orbán’s protégé, now 4th richest man of Hungary) seemed to worry about that. While Orbán high-fived with his peers in the VIP lounge, Mészáros was given the opportunity to award the bronze medals (and for some reason, a trophy) to the players dressed up in the incredibly cringe worthy T-shirts that say “Small place, big game!”. Big game, indeed: in the 2019/2020 season, foreign players’ share of the teams playing time was 43.6% while academy graduates contributed only 17.9%.
On Sunday evening, less than 24 hours after PAFC’s glorious success, György Szöllősi, now editor-in-chief of Hungary’s only sports newspaper (purchased by Orbán’s affiliates a few years back) published an editorial on the site, stating that “the soccer rebuild in Felcsút became the motor and symbol of the revitalization of sport throughout the whole country”. Well, Szöllősi is exactly right: Felcsút did became a symbol, but a symbol of something entirely different. Felcsút became a symbol of corruption, inefficiency, lies and the colossal waste of money. But, hey, at least we know now: you only need to spend 200 million EUR (total budget of PAFC and its academy in the 2011-2020 period) if you want to have a Europa League team in your backyard. Good to know!

Epilogue: What's in the future?

As there is no foreseeable chance for political change to happen Hungary (Orbán effortlessly secured qualified majority in 2014 and 2018, and is projected to do so in 2022 as well), PAFC’s future seems to be as bright as it gets. Although consensus opinion now seems to assume that Orbán does not intend to interfere with the Ferencváros – Videoton hegemony, we can never be really sure about the exact limits of his greed. One could also argue that entering the European theater serves as a prime opportunity for making splashy transfers who could be the cornerstones of a side challenging the league title.
However, as all political systems are deemed to fall, eventually Orbán’s regime will come apart. Whoever will take upon the helm after Orbán, they will certainly begin with cutting back on the one item on Orbán’s agenda that never had popular support: limitless football spending. Puskás Academy, having next to zero market revenue, will not be able to survive without the state’s life support, so the club will fold very shortly. The abandoned, rotting stadium in Felcsút will serve as a memento of a powerful man who could not understand the true spirit of football.
But let’s get back to present day, as we have more pressing issues coming up soon: PAFC will play their first European match in the First qualifying round of the Europa League on 27 August. We don’t have a date for the draw yet, but soon enough, a team unaware of the whole situation will be selected to face the beast. I hope that maybe one of their players does some research and maybe reads this very article for inspiration. I hope that the supporters of this club get in touch with Honvéd fans who would be eager to provide them with some tips on appropriate chants. I hope that other teams gets drawn as the home team so Orbán wouldn’t get the pleasure of walking to his stadium for an international match. But most importantly, I very much hope that this team obliterates PAFC and wipes them off the face of the earth. 5-0 will suffice, thank you.
And if this team fails to do that, we don’t have to worry yet. Due to our shitty league coefficient, PAFC would need to win four fixtures in a row. And that – if there’s any justice in this world – is a thing that can’t, that won’t happen. Ball don’t lie – if I may say.
TL,DR
Hungarian PM Viktor Orbán redirected some 200 million EUR of taxpayer money over 10 years to fuel his ambition of raising a competitive football team in his hometown of 1,800 people. He built a 3,800-seater stadium in his backyard, expropriated football legend Ferenc Puskás’ trademarks and heritage and built up a football league where almost all clubs are owned by his trustees. His team, Puskás Akadémia FC was originally intended to be a development ground for youth players graduating from Orbán’s football academy, but eventually the team became more and more result-orianted. Finally, a roster full of foreign and non-academy players came through and finished third in the league, releasing this abomination of a team to the European football theatre. Please, knock them out asap!

•~•~•~•~•~BIG ASS UPDATE~•~•~•~•~•
He came back, he’s been at it again. I was home alone for two nights due to a family emergency and honestly all hell has broken loose, the camera we set up broke (something to do with the wires) stepdad wasn’t very happy about that. Also bit of info about where I live, my home is surrounded by forest, it’s not a big area full of loads of houses each house is separate. There’s 11 houses in my street and this one street is surrounded by forests and you have to walk about 15 minutes to get to the corner shops and it takes about 45 to get to the town. It’s a small area. There’s a few streets but they’re all spread out with a few houses in each one, each street is separated by big bushes and gravel paths.
So, my mam and stepdad left the house on Monday at around 8 so I was left alone for the night, I was keeping myself busy by tidying up and playing on the Xbox. I noticed it was starting to rain pretty heavily so I ran out and started to take the clothes of the washing line, as I was doing that I noticed all my new bras I had hung up for to dry were gone. My undies were gone too, I panicked looking around knowing he had came back, I got all the clothes in and locked the doors and windows.
As I did this the letter box made a squeaky noise (whenever someone opens it and posts it makes a loud squeaky noise) I stopped dead in my tracks knowing it had to have been him. I went over to the letter box and found a note...the note was written in scrawly handwriting and it said
“Hey G-cup, havin fun? I sure am i miss seeing you running I miss watching your tits bouncing your arse looked amazing in those pink shorts last night can’t wait to make you mine gorgeous”
I have a pic and I’ll try to post it
I’m not going to lie, I sat and cried reading the note, I had worn velvet pink shorts the previous night and had gone outside into my garden to put the bins out, so he must have been watching me. I put the note down on the counter and ran around the house locking the windows and closing blinds and curtains. I called my stepdad and explained what had happened and what was going on and as I was talking to him I heard a big crash outside, it sounded like a bin had been tipped over. I peeked through the curtains in the living room and sure enough one of our bins had been moved and placed right outside the window. I ended up calling the police and explained what had happened and they said to call back if he tried to enter the house, they said unfortunately they couldn’t do much due to him not really doing anything wrong. They were also short staffed at that time (my uncle is a cop in my local area and after I rang the cops I rang him and he said the same thing)
After about an hour and a half of no activity I began to relax, I decided to order some pizza (mama loves a bit of vegetarian pizza and garlic) and as I waited I decided to quickly run to the corner shop and get a smoothie a few cooking things and some nibbles. As I went out I obviously made sure I locked the door and I brought my hunting knife I had gotten off my cousin with me just in case, I got to the shops without an issue and got home fine it’s about a 30-35 minute walk there and back, I got inside the house locked the door and got changed and put a plain pair of shorts and a vest top on.
My pizza came and I brought my pillows and blankets down and got cosy in front of the fire and watched a few films (Imma give credit to Jurassic Park and Predator cos omg I love those films) anyhoo as I was sitting and watching them yet again I heard the letterbox open. I paused the film and went and looked at the box only to find another note in the same handwriting, it said...
“Hey babygirl love the outfit you wore today damnnnn g-cup I can tell you don’t need bras you really suit dark red hope you saved me some pizza bet you ordered a veggie it’s your favourite right? With garlic sauce? better save me some”
I read the note and felt ill, I called the police again and they said they’d send a patrol car down which they did and after an hour the car left. I ended up falling asleep downstairs that night at around 11 and woke up at 9 the next day. The whole day went by incident free, my mam and stepdad called to check on me and my uncle dropped by and gave me £60 to spend since my birthday is coming up and that was about it. The real horror began later that night...
I decided to sleep in my parents room since they have a big ass fancy TV and I knew I had to have a RuPaul’s drag race marathon, I got some food and drinks ready and yes I ordered another pizza shoot me now. I locked the house up turned all the lights off and went into my parents room and locked the door and started my sad marathon, about two hours into watching it I heard some weird noises downstairs in the kitchen area. I didn’t pause the show but I did silently walk to the bedroom door and listened to see if I could hear anything else and about 2 minutes later.....CREAAAAAAAK it was the sound of the stairs...I tried to just brush it off as house noises but as I finished that thought ...CREAAAAAAAK I started to wonder if it was something on the stairs.
I stayed quiet, I had my knife with me and my phone and I opened the messages app and made sure I could quickly text my uncle if things escalated. It’s funny but at the time I actually wasn’t thinking of the stalker, I was actually thinking a burglar had broke in (the area I live in had experienced a few break ins with the lockdown going on and the dudes doing it hadn’t been caught) I stayed quiet and again... CREAAAAAK There was another noise coming from the stairs... CREAAAAAK Now it was getting slightly louder which to me meant it was getting closer, now I knew these were footsteps. I texted my uncle telling him I thought someone had broke in, he text back saying
“Are you sure? It might just be house noises.”
I told him I was positive it wasn’t just house noises since it repeated every two to three minutes, which I don’t know about you lot but that to me sounds like someone trying to sneak up a flight of stairs. My uncle said to keep listening and that he was on his way, I decided to turn off the tv and lights so the person didn’t know which room I was in since the door had a small gap which light could be seen from. The stairs have a bend so he wouldn’t have immediately seen the light and he would have to go through each room to find me. At the time I didn’t think it was the stalker I thought it was a burglar, stalker hadn’t crossed my mind, I was worried someone was gonna steal all my stepdads stuff. He’s a tech lover and we have some expensive gym equipment, we have a tap out punchbag (it’s my brothers which was £200 he got it for Christmas) which someone had tried to steal a year ago from our garden. My brother caught them so we ended up letting him keep it in his room.
I stayed quiet clutching my knife and the creaking continued up the stairs, I sat thinking to myself
“If they try to get into the room am I gonna have to fight?!”
I had knife training (uncle and real dad had taught me) and I knew how to fight but in that situation I froze up, I’ve been in some brutal fights and I myself have been stabbed but I didn’t know if I was gonna be able to fight what I thought was a burglar off. I didn’t even know if it was just one person at the time I thought there could have been more than one person here. As I waited for my uncle to come I could hear the steps getting closer until they were at the top of the stairs, I was at the door waiting for the person to come and try to open it but...they didn’t...they went straight towards my room which was the very last room the furthest away from the stairs. I know this because I could hear them walking towards it, the landing had creaky floor boards near my room which is next to the bathroom.
I got confused, I thought that any burglar would start with the first bedroom they could see and work their way to the very last one. This guy didn’t he went straight to my room, I heard the person going through my things, my wardrobe and draws. I heard what sounded like a bin bag rustling, you know that particular rustling noise the black bags make when you put stuff in them? That’s what I could hear just muffled. I heard the person ruffling through my draws and then all the noises stopped and I heard someone sigh, it was a deep sigh. Something about it sounded familiar to me, the person then went back to rummaging around and then eventually it moved from my room to the bathroom. I heard the bag rustling again for a few seconds then it stopped, it went quiet for a bit then I heard something...heavy breathing and low moaning...the dude was mumbling stuff and I could make a few words out, one word he said a few times was fuck. I started to panic a bit wondering what was going and then I realised why the sigh sounded familiar...
IT WAS HIM! THE FUCKING STALKER!!! HE WAS IN MY HOUSE! I just knew it was him and then I started to connect the dots, he went to my room first because that was his true intentions in the first place...the rummaging around was him taking my clothes, my bras, panties anything else he likes. That was why he had a bag! And then I stopped in shock and realised what he was doing...what the heavy breathing and moaning was...I felt sick I felt so sick...he was taking my things to play with his bloody meat rod!!! I messaged my uncle again telling him and asking him where he was and he said he was on his way but that it was gonna take about 30 minutes due to a breakdown...typical I thought to myself...
I then realised the noises had stopped...I put my phone down and moved very slowly and quietly to the far corner of the room and sat down. I couldn’t hear anything, absolutely nothing. Then it happened...
“I know you can hear me, I know you know it’s me Jessie...” he spoke so loudly and with so much authority and confidence it was so creepy...
“Shit shit shit I’m fucked...” was all I could think of...
“I also know summit about you that no one else knows...” he said so much cockiness was dripping off his voice, it was sickening.
What the fuck is he on about?! I thought to myself...I was silently crying at this point...
“I know ya probably thinking Jessie Wtf is he cracking on about? I been watching you a while now babe, i know ya habits so well...I know what you love and what you hate...I know everything!” He said in a sort of low yell I guess.
This is burned into my memory...I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, and the worst part...the part that made me be physically sick is this next bit...
“Am getting impatient now Jess, am fucking sick of chasing ya about and you playing hard to get!!” He shouted but not super loud, he was getting closer to my parents bedroom now.
“Bet ya wondering why I’ve came now, why I’ve picked this particular time to come. Welllllll I’ll tell ya, to put it simply...I know ya periods ended and I know this is around the best time for you to get pregnant...” Had I been able to see him I bet my life he would have been smirking, the way he said it made me ill...he sounded so arrogant it was mad.
I was stunned...fucking stunned...I threw up everywhere...not due to shock but due to the fact he was right...I know it sounds ridiculous trust me I do but he was fucking right!!! I have an app that tracks my periods and it also tells you when you are ovulating and at that time I was and it really was the best time for me to get pregnant!!! I felt fucking disgusted and so violated...I wanted to know how...how the hell he knew this...so I did something stupid...
I shouted to him and asked him how he knew this and this is what he...exactly what he said to me...
“Jess am not thick, I telt ya I know you and I know your habits. I know when ya start ya periods! I know everything Jessie! When ya on the rag you always go out to the town and buy tampons and ya always end up buying facemasks and fruit and veg...ya always gan to Asda to do it!! I told ya I’d be watching you! You didn’t believe me did you?! You always empty ya bin out after ya periods ended as well. Since you put them in the red bin in ya room! You empty it once they’ve ended. I watched you do this I kept track of ya doing this and marked it on me phone!!! SEE?! I DO FUCKING PAY ATTENTION I DO FUCKING CARE AND LOVE YOU! IM NOT LIKE THE HORRIBLE PRICKS YOU BEEN WITH IN THE PAST! I PAY ATTENTION!!!” He was getting angry and he was banging on the door...
I was crying out loud now I felt sick, I was terrified and shocked someone was sick enough in the head to do this...to go this far! I messaged my uncle telling him what the stalker said and what was happening and he said he was about 15 minutes away and to stay in the room. Stalker guy started to bang louder on the door, demanding I open it saying stuff like “we’re gonna make beautiful babies babes...”
I was terrified I had no clue what was gonna happen, I just sat and cried asking him why me? What had I done?
“You ain’t done anything, I just want you...” He said this in such a calm and cold manner it gave me goosebumps...that was the only response I got...after that all he said was gross things about my body “God those tits are so big and juicy” or “imma tap that thick ass Jessie just watch” or “I’m gonna fuck you raw I want you to have my kids baby I need you” he even admitted to wanking over me and he said the pictures he has don’t didn’t do justice...the whole time he was saying this he was kicking the door...
The door started to chip at the bottom, at this point I was screaming and crying and begging him to go, to just leave me alone. I shouted and told him I was just 18 I didn’t want kids, I said I was young and that I didn’t want to go through this or have kids...that didn’t work it only made him more excited. My uncle text me saying he was on his way still but he was stuck and said another officer was coming down but that he’d be about 20 minutes. I was so angry and scared I was in the middle of texting him back asking why he was stuck and what he meant when I stopped and noticed something...
Stalker had stopped pounding on the door...it had gone silent, I gathered up the courage to walk towards the door and I put my ear against it...and nothing...it was silent...I waited for another minute and still no noise. I decided to unlock the bedroom door and slowly open it to see if he had gone. I opened it very slowly and I couldn’t see him or hear anything, so I stepped out of the room and slowly made my way to my room...he wasn’t in there but my room was a mess, he had gone through my wardrobe and draws like I said and had taken all my bras and undies out of my draws. I felt sick but pushed on, I walked out of my room and looked into the bathroom, the bag wasn’t there I had expected to find the bag with my things in but no...it had gone.
I left the bathroom and started to walk down the stairs and yes it creaked and with each creaking noise I cringed and I kept thinking he was gonna hear me and come running at me. He didn’t though, I got down the stairs and slowly walked towards the kitchen and no one was there. I looked into the living room and to my horror he was sitting there...on the couch...elbows on knees...his head down...just sitting...
I gasped quietly but it was loud enough for him to have heard and his head shot up and I could see he was staring at me, the living room curtains were open and so was the living room window (I had shut it, I knew I had shut it) he looked me up and down and stood up and started to slowly walk towards me and I started backing off as he got closer. I ended up backing into a wall like a bloody idiot and he stopped right in front of me and just stared at me. He put his hand on my cheek which is when I noticed he was wearing gloves, leather gloves or at least I think it was leather. He looked at me then looked down at my chest...I was crying not knowing what to do or say...I have never ever felt true fucking fear this intense before and I don’t think I ever will again.
His eyes in the dark no longer looked beautiful to me...they looked like black pits...his long black hair wasn’t tied up like it usually was it...it was flowing down past his shoulders. He wore all black like usual, he had his hood up, and he was staring at me so intensely...I couldn’t move I was so so scared. I know you all probably think I’m an idiot for not shouting or screaming or attacking him but honestly at that moment I was too scared to move, I couldn’t move or speak.
His hand went from my cheek down to my neck, he was tracing my neck and was surprisingly gentle. He then got to my boobs...he put both hands on them and was gently squeezing them...”So juicy...so soft...fuck...” (I didn’t have a bra on since I don’t wear them for bed) he muttered this under his breath. He ended up moving his hands onto my hips, he was so much taller than me and I could just tell he was strong. I finally found my voice and said “the cops are gonna be here soon...if you kill me they’ll catch you...” god I must have sounded like a terrified little kid.
He looked at me, sighed and said “I wasn’t gonna hurt you Jess the only moans and screams that would come from me touching you will be when I’m shagging you babe...” he took a deep breath, put his fingers under my chin, lifting my head up and continued “but if you feel that scared I guess I can wait...but don’t make is wait too long babe cos the longer I wait the rougher I’ll be...” he then let go of me walked back towards the couch, he picked up a black plastic bag presumably with my bras and undies still in and he threw it out of the window (the cops think that’s how he got in, they think he managed to open it and climbed in) and climbed out himself, he took a few steps and turned back and said “I love you and I WILL be back” and with that he took off running with the bag. He ran and I couldn’t see him anymore.
I stayed standing there looking out the window for what felt like forever but it could have only been a few minutes, I shook my self out of the trance I was in and ran to the window trying to see if I could spot him but I couldn’t so I closed and locked the window and pulled the curtains back. I had left my phone upstairs and decided to run back up and get it, my uncle had been texting me and trying to get in touch. I had a few missed calls from my mam and stepdad and cousin, I was in the middle of texting when I heard sirens...
The cops...I was so happy I actually started to cry again I ran down the stairs. The cops came in and a few minutes later my uncle showed up, I told them everything and the took at statement down and started to look around the house but there wasn’t much physical evidence or anything that could help. The only thing they took interest in was the window and my room. My mam and stepdad came home and we went to my nanas for the night while the house was cleaned and searched, I’m back home now and the police are still investigating. The police patrol the area I live in a lot more now due to the risks of him coming back and the fact he could potentially try and rape me.
I’m talking to an online therapist due to what’s happened. I don’t sleep much anymore and I don’t eat, I get flashbacks and panic attacks a lot now. My parents are looking for somewhere else to live now and we’re even considering moving to a completely different area in England all together now.
If more happens I’ll update but I’m hoping it doesn’t, I feel drained. I know all of this seems hard to believe or take seriously but it’s true and honestly? I’m drained mentally and emotionally. If anyone has any comforting advice I’d appreciate it. I could use it right now. Thanks for reading

•~•~•~•~•~BIG ASS UPDATE~•~•~•~•~•
He came back, he’s been at it again. I was home alone for two nights due to a family emergency and honestly all hell has broken loose, the camera we set up broke (something to do with the wires) stepdad wasn’t very happy about that. Also bit of info about where I live, my home is surrounded by forest, it’s not a big area full of loads of houses each house is separate. There’s 11 houses in my street and this one street is surrounded by forests and you have to walk about 15 minutes to get to the corner shops and it takes about 45 to get to the town. It’s a small area. There’s a few streets but they’re all spread out with a few houses in each one, each street is separated by big bushes and gravel paths.
So, my mam and stepdad left the house on Monday at around 8 so I was left alone for the night, I was keeping myself busy by tidying up and playing on the Xbox. I noticed it was starting to rain pretty heavily so I ran out and started to take the clothes of the washing line, as I was doing that I noticed all my new bras I had hung up for to dry were gone. My undies were gone too, I panicked looking around knowing he had came back, I got all the clothes in and locked the doors and windows.
As I did this the letter box made a squeaky noise (whenever someone opens it and posts it makes a loud squeaky noise) I stopped dead in my tracks knowing it had to have been him. I went over to the letter box and found a note...the note was written in scrawly handwriting and it said
“Hey G-cup, havin fun? I sure am i miss seeing you running I miss watching your tits bouncing your arse looked amazing in those pink shorts last night can’t wait to make you mine gorgeous”
I have a pic and I’ll try to post it
I’m not going to lie, I sat and cried reading the note, I had worn velvet pink shorts the previous night and had gone outside into my garden to put the bins out, so he must have been watching me. I put the note down on the counter and ran around the house locking the windows and closing blinds and curtains. I called my stepdad and explained what had happened and what was going on and as I was talking to him I heard a big crash outside, it sounded like a bin had been tipped over. I peeked through the curtains in the living room and sure enough one of our bins had been moved and placed right outside the window. I ended up calling the police and explained what had happened and they said to call back if he tried to enter the house, they said unfortunately they couldn’t do much due to him not really doing anything wrong. They were also short staffed at that time (my uncle is a cop in my local area and after I rang the cops I rang him and he said the same thing)
After about an hour and a half of no activity I began to relax, I decided to order some pizza (mama loves a bit of vegetarian pizza and garlic) and as I waited I decided to quickly run to the corner shop and get a smoothie a few cooking things and some nibbles. As I went out I obviously made sure I locked the door and I brought my hunting knife I had gotten off my cousin with me just in case, I got to the shops without an issue and got home fine it’s about a 30-35 minute walk there and back, I got inside the house locked the door and got changed and put a plain pair of shorts and a vest top on.
My pizza came and I brought my pillows and blankets down and got cosy in front of the fire and watched a few films (Imma give credit to Jurassic Park and Predator cos omg I love those films) anyhoo as I was sitting and watching them yet again I heard the letterbox open. I paused the film and went and looked at the box only to find another note in the same handwriting, it said...
“Hey babygirl love the outfit you wore today damnnnn g-cup I can tell you don’t need bras you really suit dark red hope you saved me some pizza bet you ordered a veggie it’s your favourite right? With garlic sauce? better save me some”
I read the note and felt ill, I called the police again and they said they’d send a patrol car down which they did and after an hour the car left. I ended up falling asleep downstairs that night at around 11 and woke up at 9 the next day. The whole day went by incident free, my mam and stepdad called to check on me and my uncle dropped by and gave me £60 to spend since my birthday is coming up and that was about it. The real horror began later that night...
I decided to sleep in my parents room since they have a big ass fancy TV and I knew I had to have a RuPaul’s drag race marathon, I got some food and drinks ready and yes I ordered another pizza shoot me now. I locked the house up turned all the lights off and went into my parents room and locked the door and started my sad marathon, about two hours into watching it I heard some weird noises downstairs in the kitchen area. I didn’t pause the show but I did silently walk to the bedroom door and listened to see if I could hear anything else and about 2 minutes later.....CREAAAAAAAK it was the sound of the stairs...I tried to just brush it off as house noises but as I finished that thought ...CREAAAAAAAK I started to wonder if it was something on the stairs.
I stayed quiet, I had my knife with me and my phone and I opened the messages app and made sure I could quickly text my uncle if things escalated. It’s funny but at the time I actually wasn’t thinking of the stalker, I was actually thinking a burglar had broke in (the area I live in had experienced a few break ins with the lockdown going on and the dudes doing it hadn’t been caught) I stayed quiet and again... CREAAAAAK There was another noise coming from the stairs... CREAAAAAK Now it was getting slightly louder which to me meant it was getting closer, now I knew these were footsteps. I texted my uncle telling him I thought someone had broke in, he text back saying
“Are you sure? It might just be house noises.”
I told him I was positive it wasn’t just house noises since it repeated every two to three minutes, which I don’t know about you lot but that to me sounds like someone trying to sneak up a flight of stairs. My uncle said to keep listening and that he was on his way, I decided to turn off the tv and lights so the person didn’t know which room I was in since the door had a small gap which light could be seen from. The stairs have a bend so he wouldn’t have immediately seen the light and he would have to go through each room to find me. At the time I didn’t think it was the stalker I thought it was a burglar, stalker hadn’t crossed my mind, I was worried someone was gonna steal all my stepdads stuff. He’s a tech lover and we have some expensive gym equipment, we have a tap out punchbag (it’s my brothers which was £200 he got it for Christmas) which someone had tried to steal a year ago from our garden. My brother caught them so we ended up letting him keep it in his room.
I stayed quiet clutching my knife and the creaking continued up the stairs, I sat thinking to myself
“If they try to get into the room am I gonna have to fight?!”
I had knife training (uncle and real dad had taught me) and I knew how to fight but in that situation I froze up, I’ve been in some brutal fights and I myself have been stabbed but I didn’t know if I was gonna be able to fight what I thought was a burglar off. I didn’t even know if it was just one person at the time I thought there could have been more than one person here. As I waited for my uncle to come I could hear the steps getting closer until they were at the top of the stairs, I was at the door waiting for the person to come and try to open it but...they didn’t...they went straight towards my room which was the very last room the furthest away from the stairs. I know this because I could hear them walking towards it, the landing had creaky floor boards near my room which is next to the bathroom.
I got confused, I thought that any burglar would start with the first bedroom they could see and work their way to the very last one. This guy didn’t he went straight to my room, I heard the person going through my things, my wardrobe and draws. I heard what sounded like a bin bag rustling, you know that particular rustling noise the black bags make when you put stuff in them? That’s what I could hear just muffled. I heard the person ruffling through my draws and then all the noises stopped and I heard someone sigh, it was a deep sigh. Something about it sounded familiar to me, the person then went back to rummaging around and then eventually it moved from my room to the bathroom. I heard the bag rustling again for a few seconds then it stopped, it went quiet for a bit then I heard something...heavy breathing and low moaning...the dude was mumbling stuff and I could make a few words out, one word he said a few times was fuck. I started to panic a bit wondering what was going and then I realised why the sigh sounded familiar...
IT WAS HIM! THE FUCKING STALKER!!! HE WAS IN MY HOUSE! I just knew it was him and then I started to connect the dots, he went to my room first because that was his true intentions in the first place...the rummaging around was him taking my clothes, my bras, panties anything else he likes. That was why he had a bag! And then I stopped in shock and realised what he was doing...what the heavy breathing and moaning was...I felt sick I felt so sick...he was taking my things to play with his bloody meat rod!!! I messaged my uncle again telling him and asking him where he was and he said he was on his way but that it was gonna take about 30 minutes due to a breakdown...typical I thought to myself...
I then realised the noises had stopped...I put my phone down and moved very slowly and quietly to the far corner of the room and sat down. I couldn’t hear anything, absolutely nothing. Then it happened...
“I know you can hear me, I know you know it’s me Jessie...” he spoke so loudly and with so much authority and confidence it was so creepy...
“Shit shit shit I’m fucked...” was all I could think of...
“I also know summit about you that no one else knows...” he said so much cockiness was dripping off his voice, it was sickening.
What the fuck is he on about?! I thought to myself...I was silently crying at this point...
“I know ya probably thinking Jessie Wtf is he cracking on about? I been watching you a while now babe, i know ya habits so well...I know what you love and what you hate...I know everything!” He said in a sort of low yell I guess.
This is burned into my memory...I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, and the worst part...the part that made me be physically sick is this next bit...
“Am getting impatient now Jess, am fucking sick of chasing ya about and you playing hard to get!!” He shouted but not super loud, he was getting closer to my parents bedroom now.
“Bet ya wondering why I’ve came now, why I’ve picked this particular time to come. Welllllll I’ll tell ya, to put it simply...I know ya periods ended and I know this is around the best time for you to get pregnant...” Had I been able to see him I bet my life he would have been smirking, the way he said it made me ill...he sounded so arrogant it was mad.
I was stunned...fucking stunned...I threw up everywhere...not due to shock but due to the fact he was right...I know it sounds ridiculous trust me I do but he was fucking right!!! I have an app that tracks my periods and it also tells you when you are ovulating and at that time I was and it really was the best time for me to get pregnant!!! I felt fucking disgusted and so violated...I wanted to know how...how the hell he knew this...so I did something stupid...
I shouted to him and asked him how he knew this and this is what he...exactly what he said to me...
“Jess am not thick, I telt ya I know you and I know your habits. I know when ya start ya periods! I know everything Jessie! When ya on the rag you always go out to the town and buy tampons and ya always end up buying facemasks and fruit and veg...ya always gan to Asda to do it!! I told ya I’d be watching you! You didn’t believe me did you?! You always empty ya bin out after ya periods ended as well. Since you put them in the red bin in ya room! You empty it once they’ve ended. I watched you do this I kept track of ya doing this and marked it on me phone!!! SEE?! I DO FUCKING PAY ATTENTION I DO FUCKING CARE AND LOVE YOU! IM NOT LIKE THE HORRIBLE PRICKS YOU BEEN WITH IN THE PAST! I PAY ATTENTION!!!” He was getting angry and he was banging on the door...
I was crying out loud now I felt sick, I was terrified and shocked someone was sick enough in the head to do this...to go this far! I messaged my uncle telling him what the stalker said and what was happening and he said he was about 15 minutes away and to stay in the room. Stalker guy started to bang louder on the door, demanding I open it saying stuff like “we’re gonna make beautiful babies babes...”
I was terrified I had no clue what was gonna happen, I just sat and cried asking him why me? What had I done?
“You ain’t done anything, I just want you...” He said this in such a calm and cold manner it gave me goosebumps...that was the only response I got...after that all he said was gross things about my body “God those tits are so big and juicy” or “imma tap that thick ass Jessie just watch” or “I’m gonna fuck you raw I want you to have my kids baby I need you” he even admitted to wanking over me and he said the pictures he has don’t didn’t do justice...the whole time he was saying this he was kicking the door...
The door started to chip at the bottom, at this point I was screaming and crying and begging him to go, to just leave me alone. I shouted and told him I was just 18 I didn’t want kids, I said I was young and that I didn’t want to go through this or have kids...that didn’t work it only made him more excited. My uncle text me saying he was on his way still but he was stuck and said another officer was coming down but that he’d be about 20 minutes. I was so angry and scared I was in the middle of texting him back asking why he was stuck and what he meant when I stopped and noticed something...
Stalker had stopped pounding on the door...it had gone silent, I gathered up the courage to walk towards the door and I put my ear against it...and nothing...it was silent...I waited for another minute and still no noise. I decided to unlock the bedroom door and slowly open it to see if he had gone. I opened it very slowly and I couldn’t see him or hear anything, so I stepped out of the room and slowly made my way to my room...he wasn’t in there but my room was a mess, he had gone through my wardrobe and draws like I said and had taken all my bras and undies out of my draws. I felt sick but pushed on, I walked out of my room and looked into the bathroom, the bag wasn’t there I had expected to find the bag with my things in but no...it had gone.
I left the bathroom and started to walk down the stairs and yes it creaked and with each creaking noise I cringed and I kept thinking he was gonna hear me and come running at me. He didn’t though, I got down the stairs and slowly walked towards the kitchen and no one was there. I looked into the living room and to my horror he was sitting there...on the couch...elbows on knees...his head down...just sitting...
I gasped quietly but it was loud enough for him to have heard and his head shot up and I could see he was staring at me, the living room curtains were open and so was the living room window (I had shut it, I knew I had shut it) he looked me up and down and stood up and started to slowly walk towards me and I started backing off as he got closer. I ended up backing into a wall like a bloody idiot and he stopped right in front of me and just stared at me. He put his hand on my cheek which is when I noticed he was wearing gloves, leather gloves or at least I think it was leather. He looked at me then looked down at my chest...I was crying not knowing what to do or say...I have never ever felt true fucking fear this intense before and I don’t think I ever will again.
His eyes in the dark no longer looked beautiful to me...they looked like black pits...his long black hair wasn’t tied up like it usually was it...it was flowing down past his shoulders. He wore all black like usual, he had his hood up, and he was staring at me so intensely...I couldn’t move I was so so scared. I know you all probably think I’m an idiot for not shouting or screaming or attacking him but honestly at that moment I was too scared to move, I couldn’t move or speak.
His hand went from my cheek down to my neck, he was tracing my neck and was surprisingly gentle. He then got to my boobs...he put both hands on them and was gently squeezing them...”So juicy...so soft...fuck...” (I didn’t have a bra on since I don’t wear them for bed) he muttered this under his breath. He ended up moving his hands onto my hips, he was so much taller than me and I could just tell he was strong. I finally found my voice and said “the cops are gonna be here soon...if you kill me they’ll catch you...” god I must have sounded like a terrified little kid.
He looked at me, sighed and said “I wasn’t gonna hurt you Jess the only moans and screams that would come from me touching you will be when I’m shagging you babe...” he took a deep breath, put his fingers under my chin, lifting my head up and continued “but if you feel that scared I guess I can wait...but don’t make is wait too long babe cos the longer I wait the rougher I’ll be...” he then let go of me walked back towards the couch, he picked up a black plastic bag presumably with my bras and undies still in and he threw it out of the window (the cops think that’s how he got in, they think he managed to open it and climbed in) and climbed out himself, he took a few steps and turned back and said “I love you and I WILL be back” and with that he took off running with the bag. He ran and I couldn’t see him anymore.
I stayed standing there looking out the window for what felt like forever but it could have only been a few minutes, I shook my self out of the trance I was in and ran to the window trying to see if I could spot him but I couldn’t so I closed and locked the window and pulled the curtains back. I had left my phone upstairs and decided to run back up and get it, my uncle had been texting me and trying to get in touch. I had a few missed calls from my mam and stepdad and cousin, I was in the middle of texting when I heard sirens...
The cops...I was so happy I actually started to cry again I ran down the stairs. The cops came in and a few minutes later my uncle showed up, I told them everything and the took at statement down and started to look around the house but there wasn’t much physical evidence or anything that could help. The only thing they took interest in was the window and my room. My mam and stepdad came home and we went to my nanas for the night while the house was cleaned and searched, I’m back home now and the police are still investigating. The police patrol the area I live in a lot more now due to the risks of him coming back and the fact he could potentially try and rape me.
I’m talking to an online therapist due to what’s happened. I don’t sleep much anymore and I don’t eat, I get flashbacks and panic attacks a lot now. My parents are looking for somewhere else to live now and we’re even considering moving to a completely different area in England all together now.
If more happens I’ll update but I’m hoping it doesn’t, I feel drained. I know all of this seems hard to believe or take seriously but it’s true and honestly? I’m drained mentally and emotionally. If anyone has any comforting advice I’d appreciate it. I could use it right now. Thanks for reading
Had to post it on a different post since it’s too big to add onto the original

I had no intention of ever going back. All these months later, and the Nicki Minaj Experience still haunted me. Still lingered in my dreams and nightmares. Ash and I were only there for a few weeks but what felt like years given the sexual mania.
I felt exhausted from sex both pleasurable and taboo. All of it enjoyable even through the pain. Of course, by the time Nicki let us go, I was more than ready to leave her L.A. pink palace behind for our cozy apartment in Albany, Georgia. Even if Ashley wasn’t. And even if I never did get a biography out of it.
Being a newly-freed sex slave did present some problems. No longer could I rely on the Queen spoiling us. Soon, my book money ran dry. My series of odd jobs from 911 trainee to 7th grade English teacher were predictable disasters. Here I was back to being a deadbeat horror writer. My small, loyal fanbase glad to see me churning out stories… Even if I was struggling to make any real cash. And on top of everything else, my ass was still sore heading into December.
That being said, there were some positives to come out of this most bizarre encounter. I was finally in great shape… From skinny to muscular thanks to Nicki’s physical demands. I’m sure Ashley appreciated it… Not to mention the versatility in the bedroom Onika Maraj coerced out of me.
So yeah, Ashley and I’s sex life was better than ever. More adventurous than ever… And even the NoSleep inspired by our Nicki trip collected somewhat of a cult following. But I was still broke. Still unemployed. And while Ashley could seamlessly blend back into her upper-level HR gig, I felt empty not supporting her as best I could. As best as I should. I was still the clown boyfriend forever chasing horror stardom.
Then there were the flashbacks… Those surreal wild weeks with Nicki forever embedded in my mind. The group sex, the pegging. Everything stayed a movie in my memories.
Of course, no one believed me. Rather my NoSleep story became more famous for its erotic potency than scares. Who knew being held captive by a beautiful talent like Nicki could be seen as torture? Then again, I guess I’d have felt the same until actually living it. Until actually surviving the sex.
With Christmas on the horizon, I was gonna try to move on. Neither the booze nor writing had helped me escape. So fuck it, maybe the holidays would. Only Nicki’s songs were a siren call I couldn’t ignore. Especially since my girlfriend was such a Barb. Every time “Super Bass” or “Bed” swept through me, I was whisked off to the Minaj mansion. Back to that exciting, eerie mess.
And then came the phone call. All on an inconsequential Tuesday afternoon. I was home alone, stuck on our living room couch when the L.A. area code drew me in. I lowered my can of Miller Lite. Knowing exactly who it was…
Conflicted, I stared at my laptop screen. At the latest horror story likely to go nowhere… All while the phone’s buzzing stayed persistent. Tempting me. Finally, I just had to give in.
Nicki’s cackling immediately greeted me. Already she was in Roman mode. “Rawneee,” said that faux British accent.
Surrounded by Ashley’s psychedelic tapestries, I leaned back on the couch. Gazed at our many framed photos from trips to all places random and bizarre… Even one we took with Nicki during that fateful stay.
“Hey,” I replied with a forced chuckle. Struggling to keep calm, I stole another sip of beer. “It’s, uh, been awhile.”
“It’s been too long, baby!” Nicki yelled, her beaming voice and personality shining through. “I’ve been following you but it’s not quite the same.”
“What, you’re stalking me?” I joked.
Like a soothing pink buzzsaw, Nicki’s laughter erupted once more. “Not stalking… I was just thinking about what you wrote.”
“Well, I haven’t heard from any lawyers yet-”
“No, it’s not that! Trust me, I would’ve taken care of your ass by now if that was it.”
“I can only imagine...”
“But I liked it,” the Queen said. Her voice was getting lower. Restrained by real emotions.
“Well, I appreciate it-”
“That’s one of the reasons I wanted to call you,” she continued. “I wanted to talk to you about it some more in L.A.”
Intrigued, I ran a hand through my dark brown swoop. The bangs at the mercy of my nerves. “I don’t know, man. After last time…”
“Come on, Rhonnie!” said Nicki’s sharp response. “We all enjoyed last time.”
I didn’t say a word. Deep down, I couldn’t… The trip was fun after all. Dark, wild, and mysterious. Nothing short of memorable. And certainly fun for both Ash and Nicki.
“You know I’m right,” Nicki continued. “I wanted to discuss your story some more. Your writing‘s phenomenal as always. You know I love your style, man!”
The compliments struck me hard… I couldn’t help but smile. “Hey, I appreciate it.”
“Look, I’ll buy your ticket, you can stay here a few days.”
I hesitated. My green eyes looked toward our pictures. Within the frames, there was Ashley matching my 5’8 slender frame. Her smooth brown skin matched by those gorgeous Trinidad features: an elegant smile, smoldering stare, and immense strength to spare. She was Nicki without the fame, filters, or touch-ups. And considering Ashley’s personality and her own well-endowed chest, I wasn’t complaining. Even with the Queen herself on the line...
“Rhonnie, you know you want to,” Nicki said, her voice persistent but not pleading. Nicki was too confident to beg. Not that she ever needed to. Not with her power.
Finally, I let out a drunken sigh. “Look, last time was great and all, but we got… we got fucking sidetracked.”
“So?” Nicki teased.
“I don’t know...”
“Look, things won’t get that crazy. Ashley won’t be there so I won’t be on you as much-”
I sat up straight, uneasy. “What do you mean she won’t be there?”
Nicki’s soft laugh felt hollow to my nerves. “It’s gonna be like last time! Nothing against her, I love that bitch!”
“I’m aware…”
“We both looovvvee you, Rhonnie,” Nicki added. “But we got business to take care of. Just the two of us, the writing. You don’t see me bringing you and all these other guys up here when I be recording.”
Simultaneously savoring and dreading the memories, I pressed the phone closer to my ear. “Yeah but we saw how that shit turned out. There was no book-”
“It turned out just fine,” Nicki gushed.
I went silent. The reality is Ash had her fun. She trusted Nicki, and I knew she’d let me go…
Here in this inner war, I did the only thing I could do: I finished my beer.
Nicki chuckled. “There’s no reason not to come, Rhonnie. Not like your brokeass has anything better to do!”
I let my own laughter collide into hers. As if we were already there together. Already buzzed. “Well. You got me.” I crushed the Miller Lite can.
“Just bring that ass here!”
A prisoner of Nicki’s, I faced the laptop. The story I was still working on.
“We’ve got some writing to do!” Nicki teased. “We’re gonna work on this together. No distractions, excuses… None of that stuff me and Ashley wanted last time...”
From here, I could envision Nicki Minaj in “normal” mode. Well, normal for this persona. Probably a tight dress, curly long hair. All business and beauty.
“This is just about your stories, Rhonnie,” Nicki said.
“Just my stories?” I questioned.
“Amongst other things…” Nicki replied. “But mostly your stories. You Ashley’s bitch, man. What kinda bitch you think I am taking my homegirl’s bitch?”
Flashing a smile, I nodded. “Fuck it. I’m down.”
“Okay. I’ll keep in touch.”
The nerves returning, I sifted in my seat. “Well, wait, can I like call you back?”
Instead of reassurance, I got that Wicked Witch of Trinidad laugh. “Call me back!? You so funny, Rhonnie!”
“What…”
“This is a burner phone, bitch! I find you, nobody finds me!”
Such a line should’ve scared me. Especially given our history… and Nicki’s wild instability. But somehow, I found it amusing. Fuck it, even cute.
That day, I got the okay from Ashley. In fact, she was excited. A carnal glint crept through her when I told her about the trip. About going back to Nickiland.
“Oh, that’ll be fun!” Ashley beamed. Lying in bed together, I felt her hands squeeze tighter to mine. Ash’s enthusiasm even overshadowing the latest episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. “And she’s paying you! Oh my God, that’s amazing, Rhonnie!”
I adjusted my oversized glasses. The classic Dahmer frames. “Yeah, she called me. She said she missed me.”
Reminiscent of Nicki, Ashley’s personality could change quick. Maybe not as severe… but still extreme. Just from mentioning Onika Maraj, Ash had zipped from exhausted HR boss to drooling fangirl... And now she was all over me.
“Oh, you gotta go, babe!” Ashley yelled. “She obviously likes you! Oh my God, this could be your big break!”
Feeling her tremble in my grip, I watched Ashley lean in closer. Her smile omnipresent. Her body in flames. Possessed by the Queen.
“Yeah, I guess I should go,” my deep voice finally said.
“Just tell her I said hey!” Ashley then gave me a kiss.
“I will.” Still I struggled to match her joy. Or Nicki’s eager euphoria for that matter.
“That’s so cool!” Ash rambled on. “My next vacation, we’re going back!”
“We will, babe.”
Deranged panic struck Ash. She grabbed her fit chest. The chunky stomach only she could see. “Shit, just let me lose this tummy first!”
I hugged her close. “What stomach, weirdo?”
Ashley still squeezed her stomach. Literally grasping at skinny straws to prove her point. “I can’t let her see me like this! Aw, fuck!”
Reassuring Ashley, I kept my arm around her as I pushed her hands away. “Stop it, babe! You’re skinny.”
Ashley turned toward me. The idiotic insecurities still obvious. Even on the model’s frame she had.
“I wouldn’t lie to you about that” I said. I clutched her arm, clinging to the muscles she’d been working on. “You a fit bit.”
Finally, Ashley gave me that gorgeous smile. The one that’d held me captive for almost three years now.
“You and Nicki both got nothing to worry about,” I added. “You’re my Queen.”
Snapping into aggression, Ashley draped her arms around my neck. A lover’s noose. “You bet your ass,” she said in a sly, seductive tone. Her grin got bigger. Yet another personality change was forming… but one I was happy to see.
“I like the sound of that…”
“Fuck, I wanna go back!”
“We will-“ I started.
Like an uncaged animal, Ash lunged in, running her hands up and down my chest. Her touch swift but firm. Feeling along my minor abs coming in… “We had so much fun last time, Rhonnie!” she yelled. We gotta go!”
I watched her hands slide further down. One toward my ass, one toward my crotch. The sheer mention of Minaj had sent my girlfriend into a frenzy… Ash a Barb forever…
“I can’t wait to go back to Nicki’s!” she continued.
I cracked a smile. “I mean we can-”
With a ferocious flourish, Ash slammed me on to the bed. The soft landing somehow got my adrenaline going. My body all hot.
Pinning me there, Ashley smirked upon me. My girl literally so high above me. Not to mention stronger… I couldn’t move. Couldn’t talk. I was fucking dominated…
Ash lunged in toward my face. This was the most sultry and smooth she’d been since L.A. Not to mention the most confident. Her hungry gaze hovered over me. “Here,” she teased. She tore off my shirt in a steamy split second. “Let me send you off on that vacation… the right way!” Ashley added a Nicki purr.
I chuckled. “Sounds amazing…”
“On your knees!” Ashley shouted.
“What-“
Showing off her strength, Ashley flipped me over. Put me right on my stomach. Literally on my knees.
Caught up in the moment, I couldn’t talk. I can’t lie, Ashley was getting me hot. Especially when she did all the work... When it was her turn to channel her rap idol.
I stole a look over at the T.V. At all the drag queens watching Ashley and I’s intense intimacy.
Ash put one hand around my erect dick, the other on my ass. She leaned in behind my ear. No chance at a whisper. “Let me get you ready for the Queen!” she cackled.
By December tenth, I was on the plane. Gone from chilly Georgia to ever-sunny L.A. The few calls and texts from Nicki were vague... Playful but cryptic. All I knew was someone was supposed to pick me up at LAX. I’d asked if it was Kellan but Nicki liked to ramble over my questions…
“I’ll take care of you,” she repeated in a manic mantra. “We’ll take care of you, Rhonnie.”
Rather than the casual warmth I encountered last time, I was greeted by two cold guards. A black man and woman. Both of them beyond attractive in their stylish dark suits and even darker sunglasses. Both of them beyond swoll.
They didn’t say a word. Didn’t smile. Hell, they didn’t even hold my one carry-one bag for me. Instead, I followed them out to a tank of a red SUV. Our short drive feeling longer from both tension and traffic.
None of my casual banter worked. Nor did my goofy grin. Instead, these two were stoic statues. Bodyguard caricatures straight out of a bland action movie. With even less character and charisma than Nicki’s many wax figures.
Through the tense silence, I leaned back. Awkward. The only noise naturally the radio’s Nicki Minaj marathon.
Finally, the familiar iron-pike gate opened. And then we descended upon the Minaj mansion. I kept talking to Ash on the phone, her excitement obvious even through text.
Holding my carry-on, I stepped out. My every move under the watch of a million cameras. They were bigger this time around. Cinematic surveillance...
I followed the bodyguards past the psychedelic pillars. The pink Lamborghini. Right up to the front porch where the Queen herself awaited.
Under Ashley’s guidance, I made sure to dress well. Tight khakis and my cherished green polo. No Dahmer glasses. Ash was sure Nicki would approve.
The fading twilight sun still couldn’t suppress Mrs. Majesty’s radiance. Standing between two towering tiki torches, she had the poise of a Pagan Goddess. The strength of Joan Of Arc. The defiance of Cleopatra.
And best of all, she was herself in the moment. Onika. No gaudy jewelry, her long hair hanging down. Not much make-up. She wore an ugly Christmas sweater featuring her smirking Bitmoji. Her green cargo pants a baggy fit. The type of hipster gear that’d gone out of style in 99 yet worn by Nicki as if she were stealing the red carpet. She was Goddamn beautiful.
I could see Nicki’s sly smile. The glint glowing in those brown eyes.
Now just a few feet away, I stole a glance at the house’s array of Christmas decorations. The wreaths both green and pink. Big bulb holiday lights lining up and down the roof. And yes, a black Santa Claus. Having no snow or cold didn’t hurt the Christmas spirit here. Not on Nicki’s watch.
Nicki waved. “Hey, strangerrr…” she teased.
I started for the steps. “I made it.”
Before I could get any further, the guards ambushed me. Polite enough, I suppose… If not fast and furious. Both the man and woman patted me down in thorough fashion. All to the tune of Nicki’s snorting laughter.
“Really…” I deadpanned.
Nicki walked up to me. “I had to up security, boo.”
Eager hands grasped my ass and dick. I flashed a glare at the guards. Their slick smiles.
“We know how you horror writers are,” Nicki continued.
Equal parts polite and cold, the female guard snatched my carry-on. I watched her stocky frame stand beside the man. Neither of them saying a word.
“We gotta be careful,” Nicki added. She stopped right in front of me. That pretty face a mask for her many warped ideas. “But I’m glad you’re here, Rhonnie. Honestly.”
I nodded at the guards. “Apparently, they are too.”
“I mean can you blame them…” Flashing those pearly whites, Nicki encircled me. Her steps slow, seductive.
Intrigued, I stood in place. Watching a fire spread across Nicki’s expression. A hunger. Nicki was undressing me with her eyes… Admiring me like I was part of her personally curated gigolo lineup. One I was sure she had around somewhere… But I wasn’t complaining.
“Me and Ashley got you looking good,” Nicki continued. “You dress so nice!”
I watched her every move. Relaxing in the perfect weather.
“And you been working out!” Nicki remarked. She stole a grab at my ass. A snug squeeze. “Mmm, got that donk I see!”
“Yeah, I’m finally getting abs…” I said in a humblebrag.
The Nicki gaze honed in on my chest. “I can tell!” She draped an arm around my broad shoulders. Leaned in real close. “Let me get a hug.”
She pulled me toward her. Not so much a hug but suffocation. Nicki’s immense strength no longer a surprise to me… Not after the last trip.
With my celebrity crush just inches away, I tried to suppress the desire. The body heat. God knows those security guards were eating this up… The two of them an enthralled audience. Especially once Nicki started feeling along my chest.
Nicki closed her eyes. Pleasure joining her carnal craving. “I swear you’d be my Zac Efron or Bieber.”
Flattered, I faced Nicki. “I like to think young Kyle MacLachlan…”
Nicki burst out laughing. Uproarious but not sadistic. “From Twin Peaks! Blue Velvet.” She stared me up and down again. Taking her sweetass time. “Oh shit, you ain’t lying!”
“You got good taste,” I remarked.
“Indeed.” With a flirtatious touch, she pushed aside my hair. The swoop. “But I always wanted a Zac Efron up in here.”
I struggled to keep my cool… Goddamn, it was tough.
“So tell me, Rhonnie,” Nicki began. Her smile latched onto me. “Who do I look like?”
I smirked. “Cardi B.”
Laughing, Nicki gave me a shove. “Bitch!”
Playing along, I shrugged. “Hey, you asked.”
“Yeah, but not her sorryass!”
“Well, if you want me to be honest, I’ll go Thandie Newton.”
Much better… Nicki nodded her head in agreement. “I like that.” She glided in closer toward me. Her female gaze beaming. “See, you know you’re shit too.”
Keeping my distance, I looked up. Saw how nighttime now descended upon us. “I had a crush on her back in the day…”
“Like you did with me, right?”
I stole a glance over at the front door. At the wreath smorgasbord. “Yeah,” I replied as I faced Onika. “But that was back in the day. Back when I looked like shit…”
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” Slow but steady, Nicki’s hand brushed against my pants. “Not with that face.”
No matter how hard I could control myself, I couldn’t control biology. I couldn’t control my dick.
Embracing her power and sex appeal, Nicki’s hand strayed toward my erect outline. “Or that D…” she teased.
Yeah, I was conflicted. But somehow, I managed to hold her back. “Okay, uh, maybe we should go inside.”
Nicki just kept that mischievous smile. “What? Our chemistry is that dead to you.” The British Roman Zolanski accent took over. Campaigning for an Oscar, Nicki threw her hands up. The hammy acting in hyperdrive. Given my last visit, I had no idea if she was just being funny… or giving in to madness. “Oh no, darling! What we had was so BUE-TEE-FULL…”
Cringing, I avoided all eye contact. But I had nowhere to turn. The guards only gave me glares… And in the darkness, the Christmas lights further basked Nicki in a most glorious glow.
Lunging forward, Nicki squeezed my shoulders. “You carn’t throw it away, darling!”
I gave a nervous laugh. “You’re something else…”
But Nicki wouldn’t stop. The histrionics consumed her. “Oh, darling! Darling-”
In my hand, my cell phone vibrated to life. A shrill siren interrupting Nicki’s performance.
Like an offended actress, Nicki went quiet and glowered. Gone was the cheer. The charismatic wackiness. In came the dark side of her dominance.
I looked down at Ashley’s text message: I love you! Be safe!
“Hold on!” I told Nicki. Responding out of both love and duty, I began typing up a reply: I love you t
Moving quick, Nicki snatched the phone out of my hands.
“Whoa, what the fuck!” I yelled.
I came face to face with Nicki. The Queen back in her confident element. Back to that grin. “I thought you remembered, Ronald,” she said, her voice back to its precise perfection. Strolling over by the stairs, she twirled the phone. “No cell phones when you’re writing with me…”
I followed her between those warm tiki torches. The gateway to Heaven and Hell. “Can I at least text Ashley back?”
Scoffing, Nicki confronted me. “Now why do that when she knows I’ll take care of you.” Showing theatrical flair, Nicki pulled out the collar of her sweater and dropped the phone straight in. Right into the strongbox of her huge boobs.
“Nice…”
Nicki’s triumphant smile got bigger. Given her sheer size, who knew what else was hiding in those breasts?
“Real classy,” I added.
The familiar snorting laughter hit me. Not that Nicki’s laughter bothered me… regardless of its hideous sound. “Man, you and I know Ashley loves you. She told me!”
“Yeah, but I can’t even text her…”
Nicki gripped my hand. “You’re a writer. You’re self-sufficient!” She started pulling me toward the mansion. Pushed her hair aside to face me. “Just like me.”
We entered her fortress. Nothing had changed too much. Nicki memorabilia was still scattered about. The home bars were glorious. The walls conquered by various portraits of black icons both in entertainment and civil rights movements. The mansion just clean and colorful.
Then I realized how many more cameras there were. Their watchful eyes stayed on me. Glued to my every move. No different than Nicki, I thought...
Of course, the Christmas decorations were even wilder in here. Heavy red stockings hung above an infrared fireplace. The towering Christmas tree wore ornaments gaudier than Nicki’s VMA wardrobes. And I’ll be damned if the living room didn’t have a miniature tree that was nothing more than a tall marijuana plant.
But fuck, it was cold. Shivering, I followed Nicki through the living room. “Can you put on the heat, please?”
Nicki stopped and threw up her arms. “Bitch, it’s Christmas!”
The henchwoman jammed the carry-on straight into my chest, startling me.
“You know I’m gonna do it big this time of year!” Nicki continued.
Recovering from the collision, I watched the two guards go into a small room. One overran by more Christmas lights. From here, I could see the mini dancefloor, a turntable. A narrow staircase tucked away in the back. The Queen had apparently added her own club since the last time I was here. And right now, we had a Yuletide takeover. Whitney’s “Do You Hear What I Hear” reverberated from that room. And all through the house...
I watched those guards go up the stairs. Disappearing further within this castle… But not until the woman flashed me a knowing smile. A flirty wink.
With unhinged pleasure, Nicki squeezed my ass once more. “Come on, I gotta show you more!”
Annoyed, I backed away from her. “Shit, how have you not been MeToo’d yet!”
Nicki let out an uproarious laugh. She pointed a finger at me. Her laughter the wail of a smug banshee. Albeit, a pretty one...
I flashed a smile. “Naw, I’m serious-”
“You think I need to get on the MeToo shitlist!” Nicki joked. She took a confident step toward me. Pointed at her vibrant heart. “Me? Like what about Cardi and Katy Perry, Rhonnie! I don’t see them bitches getting MeToo’d!”
“Okay, you’re right-”
Nicki motioned toward me. “And what about you, Rhonnie. You cute but you’re a weird fucking horror writer, man. Writing weirdass sex shit about me.”
I couldn’t fight back. I even cringed. That barb stung… But at least Nicki’s smile had softened the blow. “Even if what I wrote was true?”
Undeterred, Nicki grabbed my shoulder. “We’ll get to that.”
I gave her a confused look. Only Nicki could be so cryptic and seductive...
Before I could respond, Nicki entered manic mode. She snatched my arm and pulled me toward the kitchen. “We’ve gotta get moving! There’s so much I wanna tell you.”
Clinging to my carry-on, I saw more booze. An arsenal of holiday snacks. Antique snowman cookie jars… More of Nicki’s Yuletide cheer. Rather than blue or white, I was in for a pink Christmas.
Whitney’s majestic voice followed us. The dancefloor’s stereo Nicki’s personal carolers.
“You’re not kidding about this Christmas stuff…” I joked.
“I told you!” Nicki replied.
An eager reindeer leading the way, Nicki guided us into a hallway. A familiar one, sure. I recognized the bedroom doors. The gym. And of course, the fateful “Club Staff” at the end of the hall: Nicki’s personal wax museum. The scene of my wildest sex… Not to mention Nicki’s own dark, twisted, dominant fantasies.
Nicki parked us at “my” bedroom door.
Keeping the conversation flowing, I leaned against the wall. Still recovering from the flight. The returning memories. “I’m guessing you’re gonna do a Christmas album next?”
Nicki chuckled as she opened the door. “I can’t. You know me, rhonnie14.” She smiled at me. “Maybe when I’m all old and washed-up.”
“So never then?” I said, unable to control my flirting.
“Preeeciseleee…” Nicki pulled the door open and waved inside. “After you, boo.”
I entered. Unable to escape the holiday playlist vortex. Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime.”
The room was preserved in the way a grieving parent never changes their deceased kids’ bedrooms. Everything was the same. The horror posters, the movie books. My own desk. Pure Rhonnieworld.
Nicki followed in behind me.
Stopping by the desk, I faced her. “Happy late Birthday by the way,” I said, showing no snark at all. Only sincerity.
Nicki didn’t know how to react. Her body trembled from sentimental emotions rather than excitement. “Aww, thank you…” . “No problem.”
Nicki’s mischievous grin then returned. And so did her ogling. “You owe me some cake…” She stole an enthusiastic glance behind me.
Laughing, I waved her off. “Whoa, cool it!” Yet I couldn’t help but feel delight…
Nicki pointed toward the carry-on. “Just drop your shit and take a shower! I don’t want you with no germs and shit after that nastyass flight!”
“Man, you are paranoid…”
“Cautious,” Nicki corrected.
Now in the bright bedroom light, I got a better view of Chun-Li, Roman, or whatever you wanted to call her. Whatever personality she was today. But the fact is Nicki looked better than ever. Again, still only 5’2 but somehow stronger. She had the heart of a lion, the cool composure of Pam Grier. Sure, the huge breasts and booty were flaunted even in the baggier clothing… but just a few days after her thirty-seventh Birthday and Nicki was somehow still in her early prime.
Nicki pointed toward the hallway. “And try to stay out of the staff room this time.”
The bizarre memories flashed through my mind. I couldn’t hide the smirk. “I’ll try-”
“Don’t go in there unless I tell you.”
“I understand.” Feeling more relaxed, I placed the bag on the ground. Somehow, the room soothed me. Nicki was one Hell of a decorator. “Say, uh, where’s Kellan at?” I asked.
Playing up the melodramatics, Nicki gave me a weird look. “Who!?”
“Kellan. The guy from Trinidad.”
All I got was silence from Nicki. Uncomfortable silence.
Annoyed, my hands went wild. Rhonnie now channeling those same melodramatics. “He was here last time with me, you, and Ashley. You know… Like.” I pointed toward my crotch.
Nicki cracked up. “Oh yeah, I remember! Yeah, he went back to Trinidad.”
“Oh, okay...”
Nicki stepped right up to me. “He said he misses you.”
Cornered by two smiling Nickis, one on smooth skin and the other on hideous wool, I chuckled. “Yeah, I bet…”
“Oh, come now,” Nicki teased. She ran a hand along my arm. “We had fun. The four of us.”
I stayed distant. Or at least pretended to. Not an easy task with the Queen being this… aggressive. I pulled away from her. “But like… what about your husband? I mean…” Now feeling paranoid myself, I stole a glance toward the open doorway. “Is he like fucking here?”
Nicki cracked up. “Zoo? You scared or something, Rhonnie?”
The pressure was getting to me. Both from Nicki’s beauty and this cold Goddamn mansion. “I mean I’m not an idiot,” I said. “I saw you got married which… makes this whole thing even weirder.”
Nicki leaned in closer. “But you still came.” She caressed my face. “Didn’t you?”
I held up my trembling hands. Restraining the rap Goddess. “Yeah, but I thought we were just gonna talk?”
Yet another change happened. Nicki The Comedienne appeared… “Oh, right, to talk,” said a voice going to its deepest, driest depths. And of course, she was talking with her hands. “That’s the only reason I came, Nicki…”
Yeah, she was imitating me, alright. “Nice…” I remarked.
Nicki gave me a slight shove. Given her sneaky strength, I still stumbled back against the desk. “Look, I brought you here for a reason, Rhonnie,” Nicki said, her voice back to its normal tone. “This is about the writing, not just sleeping around and having fun.”
“Okay, that’s all I was asking.”
“And for the record, Kenneth’s not here, alright. So don’t get all scared and tip-toe around like you got a stick up your ass!”
“Dick up my ass?” I deadpanned.
Laughing, Nicki gave me another push. “Stop playing!”
“Alright, so like Zoo’s cool with this?”
“Duh!”
Less worried, I leaned back against the desk. “I mean damn, can you blame me-”
Nicki waved me off. “Naw, he ain’t the jealous type. Not even with your Efron-looking ass.”
“Glad to know!”
Nicki looked me up and down. Simultaneously allurred and amused. “Seriously, you look young as fuck… you sure you’re twenty-eight? I’d be scared I done fucked a High School Musical bitch or something. Y’all’d be MeTooing my ass for statutory rape.”
Basking in Nicki’s female gaze, I stood up. “Well, that sure as Hell didn’t stop you last time.”
Once more, Nicki cackled. Maybe a genuine reaction… or a chance for her to fall against my chest. “You’re so crazy, Rhonnie! Oh my God!” Then all of a sudden, she got quiet. She backed away in an instant. Not from fear but compulsion... Nicki’s mind off to the races again.
“What’s up?” I said.
“Nothing.” The Queen pointed toward the closet. “Just change clothes after you shower, alright!” She started to leave.
“Okay, cool.”
Stopping in the doorway, Nicki faced me. “Meet me in the studio when you’re done. You know the drill.”
I flashed her a thumbs up. “Sounds like a plan-”
Before I could finish, the door slammed shut in one swift slam. I stood there in the tense silence. Nicki was gone.
Link To Part 2
14

•~•~•~•~•~BIG ASS UPDATE~•~•~•~•~•
He came back, he’s been at it again. I was home alone for two nights due to a family emergency and honestly all hell has broken loose, the camera we set up broke (something to do with the wires) stepdad wasn’t very happy about that. Also bit of info about where I live, my home is surrounded by forest, it’s not a big area full of loads of houses each house is separate. There’s 11 houses in my street and this one street is surrounded by forests and you have to walk about 15 minutes to get to the corner shops and it takes about 45 to get to the town. It’s a small area. There’s a few streets but they’re all spread out with a few houses in each one, each street is separated by big bushes and gravel paths.
So, my mam and stepdad left the house on Monday at around 8 so I was left alone for the night, I was keeping myself busy by tidying up and playing on the Xbox. I noticed it was starting to rain pretty heavily so I ran out and started to take the clothes of the washing line, as I was doing that I noticed all my new bras I had hung up for to dry were gone. My undies were gone too, I panicked looking around knowing he had came back, I got all the clothes in and locked the doors and windows.
As I did this the letter box made a squeaky noise (whenever someone opens it and posts it makes a loud squeaky noise) I stopped dead in my tracks knowing it had to have been him. I went over to the letter box and found a note...the note was written in scrawly handwriting and it said
“Hey G-cup, havin fun? I sure am i miss seeing you running I miss watching your tits bouncing your arse looked amazing in those pink shorts last night can’t wait to make you mine gorgeous”
I have a pic and I’ll try to post it
I’m not going to lie, I sat and cried reading the note, I had worn velvet pink shorts the previous night and had gone outside into my garden to put the bins out, so he must have been watching me. I put the note down on the counter and ran around the house locking the windows and closing blinds and curtains. I called my stepdad and explained what had happened and what was going on and as I was talking to him I heard a big crash outside, it sounded like a bin had been tipped over. I peeked through the curtains in the living room and sure enough one of our bins had been moved and placed right outside the window. I ended up calling the police and explained what had happened and they said to call back if he tried to enter the house, they said unfortunately they couldn’t do much due to him not really doing anything wrong. They were also short staffed at that time (my uncle is a cop in my local area and after I rang the cops I rang him and he said the same thing)
After about an hour and a half of no activity I began to relax, I decided to order some pizza (mama loves a bit of vegetarian pizza and garlic) and as I waited I decided to quickly run to the corner shop and get a smoothie a few cooking things and some nibbles. As I went out I obviously made sure I locked the door and I brought my hunting knife I had gotten off my cousin with me just in case, I got to the shops without an issue and got home fine it’s about a 30-35 minute walk there and back, I got inside the house locked the door and got changed and put a plain pair of shorts and a vest top on.
My pizza came and I brought my pillows and blankets down and got cosy in front of the fire and watched a few films (Imma give credit to Jurassic Park and Predator cos omg I love those films) anyhoo as I was sitting and watching them yet again I heard the letterbox open. I paused the film and went and looked at the box only to find another note in the same handwriting, it said...
“Hey babygirl love the outfit you wore today damnnnn g-cup I can tell you don’t need bras you really suit dark red hope you saved me some pizza bet you ordered a veggie it’s your favourite right? With garlic sauce? better save me some”
I read the note and felt ill, I called the police again and they said they’d send a patrol car down which they did and after an hour the car left. I ended up falling asleep downstairs that night at around 11 and woke up at 9 the next day. The whole day went by incident free, my mam and stepdad called to check on me and my uncle dropped by and gave me £60 to spend since my birthday is coming up and that was about it. The real horror began later that night...
I decided to sleep in my parents room since they have a big ass fancy TV and I knew I had to have a RuPaul’s drag race marathon, I got some food and drinks ready and yes I ordered another pizza shoot me now. I locked the house up turned all the lights off and went into my parents room and locked the door and started my sad marathon, about two hours into watching it I heard some weird noises downstairs in the kitchen area. I didn’t pause the show but I did silently walk to the bedroom door and listened to see if I could hear anything else and about 2 minutes later.....CREAAAAAAAK it was the sound of the stairs...I tried to just brush it off as house noises but as I finished that thought ...CREAAAAAAAK I started to wonder if it was something on the stairs.
I stayed quiet, I had my knife with me and my phone and I opened the messages app and made sure I could quickly text my uncle if things escalated. It’s funny but at the time I actually wasn’t thinking of the stalker, I was actually thinking a burglar had broke in (the area I live in had experienced a few break ins with the lockdown going on and the dudes doing it hadn’t been caught) I stayed quiet and again... CREAAAAAK There was another noise coming from the stairs... CREAAAAAK Now it was getting slightly louder which to me meant it was getting closer, now I knew these were footsteps. I texted my uncle telling him I thought someone had broke in, he text back saying
“Are you sure? It might just be house noises.”
I told him I was positive it wasn’t just house noises since it repeated every two to three minutes, which I don’t know about you lot but that to me sounds like someone trying to sneak up a flight of stairs. My uncle said to keep listening and that he was on his way, I decided to turn off the tv and lights so the person didn’t know which room I was in since the door had a small gap which light could be seen from. The stairs have a bend so he wouldn’t have immediately seen the light and he would have to go through each room to find me. At the time I didn’t think it was the stalker I thought it was a burglar, stalker hadn’t crossed my mind, I was worried someone was gonna steal all my stepdads stuff. He’s a tech lover and we have some expensive gym equipment, we have a tap out punchbag (it’s my brothers which was £200 he got it for Christmas) which someone had tried to steal a year ago from our garden. My brother caught them so we ended up letting him keep it in his room.
I stayed quiet clutching my knife and the creaking continued up the stairs, I sat thinking to myself
“If they try to get into the room am I gonna have to fight?!”
I had knife training (uncle and real dad had taught me) and I knew how to fight but in that situation I froze up, I’ve been in some brutal fights and I myself have been stabbed but I didn’t know if I was gonna be able to fight what I thought was a burglar off. I didn’t even know if it was just one person at the time I thought there could have been more than one person here. As I waited for my uncle to come I could hear the steps getting closer until they were at the top of the stairs, I was at the door waiting for the person to come and try to open it but...they didn’t...they went straight towards my room which was the very last room the furthest away from the stairs. I know this because I could hear them walking towards it, the landing had creaky floor boards near my room which is next to the bathroom.
I got confused, I thought that any burglar would start with the first bedroom they could see and work their way to the very last one. This guy didn’t he went straight to my room, I heard the person going through my things, my wardrobe and draws. I heard what sounded like a bin bag rustling, you know that particular rustling noise the black bags make when you put stuff in them? That’s what I could hear just muffled. I heard the person ruffling through my draws and then all the noises stopped and I heard someone sigh, it was a deep sigh. Something about it sounded familiar to me, the person then went back to rummaging around and then eventually it moved from my room to the bathroom. I heard the bag rustling again for a few seconds then it stopped, it went quiet for a bit then I heard something...heavy breathing and low moaning...the dude was mumbling stuff and I could make a few words out, one word he said a few times was fuck. I started to panic a bit wondering what was going and then I realised why the sigh sounded familiar...
IT WAS HIM! THE FUCKING STALKER!!! HE WAS IN MY HOUSE! I just knew it was him and then I started to connect the dots, he went to my room first because that was his true intentions in the first place...the rummaging around was him taking my clothes, my bras, panties anything else he likes. That was why he had a bag! And then I stopped in shock and realised what he was doing...what the heavy breathing and moaning was...I felt sick I felt so sick...he was taking my things to play with his bloody meat rod!!! I messaged my uncle again telling him and asking him where he was and he said he was on his way but that it was gonna take about 30 minutes due to a breakdown...typical I thought to myself...
I then realised the noises had stopped...I put my phone down and moved very slowly and quietly to the far corner of the room and sat down. I couldn’t hear anything, absolutely nothing. Then it happened...
“I know you can hear me, I know you know it’s me Jessie...” he spoke so loudly and with so much authority and confidence it was so creepy...
“Shit shit shit I’m fucked...” was all I could think of...
“I also know summit about you that no one else knows...” he said so much cockiness was dripping off his voice, it was sickening.
What the fuck is he on about?! I thought to myself...I was silently crying at this point...
“I know ya probably thinking Jessie Wtf is he cracking on about? I been watching you a while now babe, i know ya habits so well...I know what you love and what you hate...I know everything!” He said in a sort of low yell I guess.
This is burned into my memory...I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, and the worst part...the part that made me be physically sick is this next bit...
“Am getting impatient now Jess, am fucking sick of chasing ya about and you playing hard to get!!” He shouted but not super loud, he was getting closer to my parents bedroom now.
“Bet ya wondering why I’ve came now, why I’ve picked this particular time to come. Welllllll I’ll tell ya, to put it simply...I know ya periods ended and I know this is around the best time for you to get pregnant...” Had I been able to see him I bet my life he would have been smirking, the way he said it made me ill...he sounded so arrogant it was mad.
I was stunned...fucking stunned...I threw up everywhere...not due to shock but due to the fact he was right...I know it sounds ridiculous trust me I do but he was fucking right!!! I have an app that tracks my periods and it also tells you when you are ovulating and at that time I was and it really was the best time for me to get pregnant!!! I felt fucking disgusted and so violated...I wanted to know how...how the hell he knew this...so I did something stupid...
I shouted to him and asked him how he knew this and this is what he...exactly what he said to me...
“Jess am not thick, I telt ya I know you and I know your habits. I know when ya start ya periods! I know everything Jessie! When ya on the rag you always go out to the town and buy tampons and ya always end up buying facemasks and fruit and veg...ya always gan to Asda to do it!! I told ya I’d be watching you! You didn’t believe me did you?! You always empty ya bin out after ya periods ended as well. Since you put them in the red bin in ya room! You empty it once they’ve ended. I watched you do this I kept track of ya doing this and marked it on me phone!!! SEE?! I DO FUCKING PAY ATTENTION I DO FUCKING CARE AND LOVE YOU! IM NOT LIKE THE HORRIBLE PRICKS YOU BEEN WITH IN THE PAST! I PAY ATTENTION!!!” He was getting angry and he was banging on the door...
I was crying out loud now I felt sick, I was terrified and shocked someone was sick enough in the head to do this...to go this far! I messaged my uncle telling him what the stalker said and what was happening and he said he was about 15 minutes away and to stay in the room. Stalker guy started to bang louder on the door, demanding I open it saying stuff like “we’re gonna make beautiful babies babes...”
I was terrified I had no clue what was gonna happen, I just sat and cried asking him why me? What had I done?
“You ain’t done anything, I just want you...” He said this in such a calm and cold manner it gave me goosebumps...that was the only response I got...after that all he said was gross things about my body “God those tits are so big and juicy” or “imma tap that thick ass Jessie just watch” or “I’m gonna fuck you raw I want you to have my kids baby I need you” he even admitted to wanking over me and he said the pictures he has don’t didn’t do justice...the whole time he was saying this he was kicking the door...
The door started to chip at the bottom, at this point I was screaming and crying and begging him to go, to just leave me alone. I shouted and told him I was just 18 I didn’t want kids, I said I was young and that I didn’t want to go through this or have kids...that didn’t work it only made him more excited. My uncle text me saying he was on his way still but he was stuck and said another officer was coming down but that he’d be about 20 minutes. I was so angry and scared I was in the middle of texting him back asking why he was stuck and what he meant when I stopped and noticed something...
Stalker had stopped pounding on the door...it had gone silent, I gathered up the courage to walk towards the door and I put my ear against it...and nothing...it was silent...I waited for another minute and still no noise. I decided to unlock the bedroom door and slowly open it to see if he had gone. I opened it very slowly and I couldn’t see him or hear anything, so I stepped out of the room and slowly made my way to my room...he wasn’t in there but my room was a mess, he had gone through my wardrobe and draws like I said and had taken all my bras and undies out of my draws. I felt sick but pushed on, I walked out of my room and looked into the bathroom, the bag wasn’t there I had expected to find the bag with my things in but no...it had gone.
I left the bathroom and started to walk down the stairs and yes it creaked and with each creaking noise I cringed and I kept thinking he was gonna hear me and come running at me. He didn’t though, I got down the stairs and slowly walked towards the kitchen and no one was there. I looked into the living room and to my horror he was sitting there...on the couch...elbows on knees...his head down...just sitting...
I gasped quietly but it was loud enough for him to have heard and his head shot up and I could see he was staring at me, the living room curtains were open and so was the living room window (I had shut it, I knew I had shut it) he looked me up and down and stood up and started to slowly walk towards me and I started backing off as he got closer. I ended up backing into a wall like a bloody idiot and he stopped right in front of me and just stared at me. He put his hand on my cheek which is when I noticed he was wearing gloves, leather gloves or at least I think it was leather. He looked at me then looked down at my chest...I was crying not knowing what to do or say...I have never ever felt true fucking fear this intense before and I don’t think I ever will again.
His eyes in the dark no longer looked beautiful to me...they looked like black pits...his long black hair wasn’t tied up like it usually was it...it was flowing down past his shoulders. He wore all black like usual, he had his hood up, and he was staring at me so intensely...I couldn’t move I was so so scared. I know you all probably think I’m an idiot for not shouting or screaming or attacking him but honestly at that moment I was too scared to move, I couldn’t move or speak.
His hand went from my cheek down to my neck, he was tracing my neck and was surprisingly gentle. He then got to my boobs...he put both hands on them and was gently squeezing them...”So juicy...so soft...fuck...” (I didn’t have a bra on since I don’t wear them for bed) he muttered this under his breath. He ended up moving his hands onto my hips, he was so much taller than me and I could just tell he was strong. I finally found my voice and said “the cops are gonna be here soon...if you kill me they’ll catch you...” god I must have sounded like a terrified little kid.
He looked at me, sighed and said “I wasn’t gonna hurt you Jess the only moans and screams that would come from me touching you will be when I’m shagging you babe...” he took a deep breath, put his fingers under my chin, lifting my head up and continued “but if you feel that scared I guess I can wait...but don’t make is wait too long babe cos the longer I wait the rougher I’ll be...” he then let go of me walked back towards the couch, he picked up a black plastic bag presumably with my bras and undies still in and he threw it out of the window (the cops think that’s how he got in, they think he managed to open it and climbed in) and climbed out himself, he took a few steps and turned back and said “I love you and I WILL be back” and with that he took off running with the bag. He ran and I couldn’t see him anymore.
I stayed standing there looking out the window for what felt like forever but it could have only been a few minutes, I shook my self out of the trance I was in and ran to the window trying to see if I could spot him but I couldn’t so I closed and locked the window and pulled the curtains back. I had left my phone upstairs and decided to run back up and get it, my uncle had been texting me and trying to get in touch. I had a few missed calls from my mam and stepdad and cousin, I was in the middle of texting when I heard sirens...
The cops...I was so happy I actually started to cry again I ran down the stairs. The cops came in and a few minutes later my uncle showed up, I told them everything and the took at statement down and started to look around the house but there wasn’t much physical evidence or anything that could help. The only thing they took interest in was the window and my room. My mam and stepdad came home and we went to my nanas for the night while the house was cleaned and searched, I’m back home now and the police are still investigating. The police patrol the area I live in a lot more now due to the risks of him coming back and the fact he could potentially try and rape me.
I’m talking to an online therapist due to what’s happened. I don’t sleep much anymore and I don’t eat, I get flashbacks and panic attacks a lot now. My parents are looking for somewhere else to live now and we’re even considering moving to a completely different area in England all together now.
If more happens I’ll update but I’m hoping it doesn’t, I feel drained. I know all of this seems hard to believe or take seriously but it’s true and honestly? I’m drained mentally and emotionally. If anyone has any comforting advice I’d appreciate it. I could use it right now. Thanks for reading

•~•~•~•~•~BIG ASS UPDATE~•~•~•~•~•
He came back, he’s been at it again. I was home alone for two nights due to a family emergency and honestly all hell has broken loose, the camera we set up broke (something to do with the wires) stepdad wasn’t very happy about that. Also bit of info about where I live, my home is surrounded by forest, it’s not a big area full of loads of houses each house is separate. There’s 11 houses in my street and this one street is surrounded by forests and you have to walk about 15 minutes to get to the corner shops and it takes about 45 to get to the town. It’s a small area. There’s a few streets but they’re all spread out with a few houses in each one, each street is separated by big bushes and gravel paths.
So, my mam and stepdad left the house on Monday at around 8 so I was left alone for the night, I was keeping myself busy by tidying up and playing on the Xbox. I noticed it was starting to rain pretty heavily so I ran out and started to take the clothes of the washing line, as I was doing that I noticed all my new bras I had hung up for to dry were gone. My undies were gone too, I panicked looking around knowing he had came back, I got all the clothes in and locked the doors and windows.
As I did this the letter box made a squeaky noise (whenever someone opens it and posts it makes a loud squeaky noise) I stopped dead in my tracks knowing it had to have been him. I went over to the letter box and found a note...the note was written in scrawly handwriting and it said
“Hey G-cup, havin fun? I sure am i miss seeing you running I miss watching your tits bouncing your arse looked amazing in those pink shorts last night can’t wait to make you mine gorgeous”
I have a pic and I’ll try to post it
I’m not going to lie, I sat and cried reading the note, I had worn velvet pink shorts the previous night and had gone outside into my garden to put the bins out, so he must have been watching me. I put the note down on the counter and ran around the house locking the windows and closing blinds and curtains. I called my stepdad and explained what had happened and what was going on and as I was talking to him I heard a big crash outside, it sounded like a bin had been tipped over. I peeked through the curtains in the living room and sure enough one of our bins had been moved and placed right outside the window. I ended up calling the police and explained what had happened and they said to call back if he tried to enter the house, they said unfortunately they couldn’t do much due to him not really doing anything wrong. They were also short staffed at that time (my uncle is a cop in my local area and after I rang the cops I rang him and he said the same thing)
After about an hour and a half of no activity I began to relax, I decided to order some pizza (mama loves a bit of vegetarian pizza and garlic) and as I waited I decided to quickly run to the corner shop and get a smoothie a few cooking things and some nibbles. As I went out I obviously made sure I locked the door and I brought my hunting knife I had gotten off my cousin with me just in case, I got to the shops without an issue and got home fine it’s about a 30-35 minute walk there and back, I got inside the house locked the door and got changed and put a plain pair of shorts and a vest top on.
My pizza came and I brought my pillows and blankets down and got cosy in front of the fire and watched a few films (Imma give credit to Jurassic Park and Predator cos omg I love those films) anyhoo as I was sitting and watching them yet again I heard the letterbox open. I paused the film and went and looked at the box only to find another note in the same handwriting, it said...
“Hey babygirl love the outfit you wore today damnnnn g-cup I can tell you don’t need bras you really suit dark red hope you saved me some pizza bet you ordered a veggie it’s your favourite right? With garlic sauce? better save me some”
I read the note and felt ill, I called the police again and they said they’d send a patrol car down which they did and after an hour the car left. I ended up falling asleep downstairs that night at around 11 and woke up at 9 the next day. The whole day went by incident free, my mam and stepdad called to check on me and my uncle dropped by and gave me £60 to spend since my birthday is coming up and that was about it. The real horror began later that night...
I decided to sleep in my parents room since they have a big ass fancy TV and I knew I had to have a RuPaul’s drag race marathon, I got some food and drinks ready and yes I ordered another pizza shoot me now. I locked the house up turned all the lights off and went into my parents room and locked the door and started my sad marathon, about two hours into watching it I heard some weird noises downstairs in the kitchen area. I didn’t pause the show but I did silently walk to the bedroom door and listened to see if I could hear anything else and about 2 minutes later.....CREAAAAAAAK it was the sound of the stairs...I tried to just brush it off as house noises but as I finished that thought ...CREAAAAAAAK I started to wonder if it was something on the stairs.
I stayed quiet, I had my knife with me and my phone and I opened the messages app and made sure I could quickly text my uncle if things escalated. It’s funny but at the time I actually wasn’t thinking of the stalker, I was actually thinking a burglar had broke in (the area I live in had experienced a few break ins with the lockdown going on and the dudes doing it hadn’t been caught) I stayed quiet and again... CREAAAAAK There was another noise coming from the stairs... CREAAAAAK Now it was getting slightly louder which to me meant it was getting closer, now I knew these were footsteps. I texted my uncle telling him I thought someone had broke in, he text back saying
“Are you sure? It might just be house noises.”
I told him I was positive it wasn’t just house noises since it repeated every two to three minutes, which I don’t know about you lot but that to me sounds like someone trying to sneak up a flight of stairs. My uncle said to keep listening and that he was on his way, I decided to turn off the tv and lights so the person didn’t know which room I was in since the door had a small gap which light could be seen from. The stairs have a bend so he wouldn’t have immediately seen the light and he would have to go through each room to find me. At the time I didn’t think it was the stalker I thought it was a burglar, stalker hadn’t crossed my mind, I was worried someone was gonna steal all my stepdads stuff. He’s a tech lover and we have some expensive gym equipment, we have a tap out punchbag (it’s my brothers which was £200 he got it for Christmas) which someone had tried to steal a year ago from our garden. My brother caught them so we ended up letting him keep it in his room.
I stayed quiet clutching my knife and the creaking continued up the stairs, I sat thinking to myself
“If they try to get into the room am I gonna have to fight?!”
I had knife training (uncle and real dad had taught me) and I knew how to fight but in that situation I froze up, I’ve been in some brutal fights and I myself have been stabbed but I didn’t know if I was gonna be able to fight what I thought was a burglar off. I didn’t even know if it was just one person at the time I thought there could have been more than one person here. As I waited for my uncle to come I could hear the steps getting closer until they were at the top of the stairs, I was at the door waiting for the person to come and try to open it but...they didn’t...they went straight towards my room which was the very last room the furthest away from the stairs. I know this because I could hear them walking towards it, the landing had creaky floor boards near my room which is next to the bathroom.
I got confused, I thought that any burglar would start with the first bedroom they could see and work their way to the very last one. This guy didn’t he went straight to my room, I heard the person going through my things, my wardrobe and draws. I heard what sounded like a bin bag rustling, you know that particular rustling noise the black bags make when you put stuff in them? That’s what I could hear just muffled. I heard the person ruffling through my draws and then all the noises stopped and I heard someone sigh, it was a deep sigh. Something about it sounded familiar to me, the person then went back to rummaging around and then eventually it moved from my room to the bathroom. I heard the bag rustling again for a few seconds then it stopped, it went quiet for a bit then I heard something...heavy breathing and low moaning...the dude was mumbling stuff and I could make a few words out, one word he said a few times was fuck. I started to panic a bit wondering what was going and then I realised why the sigh sounded familiar...
IT WAS HIM! THE FUCKING STALKER!!! HE WAS IN MY HOUSE! I just knew it was him and then I started to connect the dots, he went to my room first because that was his true intentions in the first place...the rummaging around was him taking my clothes, my bras, panties anything else he likes. That was why he had a bag! And then I stopped in shock and realised what he was doing...what the heavy breathing and moaning was...I felt sick I felt so sick...he was taking my things to play with his bloody meat rod!!! I messaged my uncle again telling him and asking him where he was and he said he was on his way but that it was gonna take about 30 minutes due to a breakdown...typical I thought to myself...
I then realised the noises had stopped...I put my phone down and moved very slowly and quietly to the far corner of the room and sat down. I couldn’t hear anything, absolutely nothing. Then it happened...
“I know you can hear me, I know you know it’s me Jessie...” he spoke so loudly and with so much authority and confidence it was so creepy...
“Shit shit shit I’m fucked...” was all I could think of...
“I also know summit about you that no one else knows...” he said so much cockiness was dripping off his voice, it was sickening.
What the fuck is he on about?! I thought to myself...I was silently crying at this point...
“I know ya probably thinking Jessie Wtf is he cracking on about? I been watching you a while now babe, i know ya habits so well...I know what you love and what you hate...I know everything!” He said in a sort of low yell I guess.
This is burned into my memory...I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, and the worst part...the part that made me be physically sick is this next bit...
“Am getting impatient now Jess, am fucking sick of chasing ya about and you playing hard to get!!” He shouted but not super loud, he was getting closer to my parents bedroom now.
“Bet ya wondering why I’ve came now, why I’ve picked this particular time to come. Welllllll I’ll tell ya, to put it simply...I know ya periods ended and I know this is around the best time for you to get pregnant...” Had I been able to see him I bet my life he would have been smirking, the way he said it made me ill...he sounded so arrogant it was mad.
I was stunned...fucking stunned...I threw up everywhere...not due to shock but due to the fact he was right...I know it sounds ridiculous trust me I do but he was fucking right!!! I have an app that tracks my periods and it also tells you when you are ovulating and at that time I was and it really was the best time for me to get pregnant!!! I felt fucking disgusted and so violated...I wanted to know how...how the hell he knew this...so I did something stupid...
I shouted to him and asked him how he knew this and this is what he...exactly what he said to me...
“Jess am not thick, I telt ya I know you and I know your habits. I know when ya start ya periods! I know everything Jessie! When ya on the rag you always go out to the town and buy tampons and ya always end up buying facemasks and fruit and veg...ya always gan to Asda to do it!! I told ya I’d be watching you! You didn’t believe me did you?! You always empty ya bin out after ya periods ended as well. Since you put them in the red bin in ya room! You empty it once they’ve ended. I watched you do this I kept track of ya doing this and marked it on me phone!!! SEE?! I DO FUCKING PAY ATTENTION I DO FUCKING CARE AND LOVE YOU! IM NOT LIKE THE HORRIBLE PRICKS YOU BEEN WITH IN THE PAST! I PAY ATTENTION!!!” He was getting angry and he was banging on the door...
I was crying out loud now I felt sick, I was terrified and shocked someone was sick enough in the head to do this...to go this far! I messaged my uncle telling him what the stalker said and what was happening and he said he was about 15 minutes away and to stay in the room. Stalker guy started to bang louder on the door, demanding I open it saying stuff like “we’re gonna make beautiful babies babes...”
I was terrified I had no clue what was gonna happen, I just sat and cried asking him why me? What had I done?
“You ain’t done anything, I just want you...” He said this in such a calm and cold manner it gave me goosebumps...that was the only response I got...after that all he said was gross things about my body “God those tits are so big and juicy” or “imma tap that thick ass Jessie just watch” or “I’m gonna fuck you raw I want you to have my kids baby I need you” he even admitted to wanking over me and he said the pictures he has don’t didn’t do justice...the whole time he was saying this he was kicking the door...
The door started to chip at the bottom, at this point I was screaming and crying and begging him to go, to just leave me alone. I shouted and told him I was just 18 I didn’t want kids, I said I was young and that I didn’t want to go through this or have kids...that didn’t work it only made him more excited. My uncle text me saying he was on his way still but he was stuck and said another officer was coming down but that he’d be about 20 minutes. I was so angry and scared I was in the middle of texting him back asking why he was stuck and what he meant when I stopped and noticed something...
Stalker had stopped pounding on the door...it had gone silent, I gathered up the courage to walk towards the door and I put my ear against it...and nothing...it was silent...I waited for another minute and still no noise. I decided to unlock the bedroom door and slowly open it to see if he had gone. I opened it very slowly and I couldn’t see him or hear anything, so I stepped out of the room and slowly made my way to my room...he wasn’t in there but my room was a mess, he had gone through my wardrobe and draws like I said and had taken all my bras and undies out of my draws. I felt sick but pushed on, I walked out of my room and looked into the bathroom, the bag wasn’t there I had expected to find the bag with my things in but no...it had gone.
I left the bathroom and started to walk down the stairs and yes it creaked and with each creaking noise I cringed and I kept thinking he was gonna hear me and come running at me. He didn’t though, I got down the stairs and slowly walked towards the kitchen and no one was there. I looked into the living room and to my horror he was sitting there...on the couch...elbows on knees...his head down...just sitting...
I gasped quietly but it was loud enough for him to have heard and his head shot up and I could see he was staring at me, the living room curtains were open and so was the living room window (I had shut it, I knew I had shut it) he looked me up and down and stood up and started to slowly walk towards me and I started backing off as he got closer. I ended up backing into a wall like a bloody idiot and he stopped right in front of me and just stared at me. He put his hand on my cheek which is when I noticed he was wearing gloves, leather gloves or at least I think it was leather. He looked at me then looked down at my chest...I was crying not knowing what to do or say...I have never ever felt true fucking fear this intense before and I don’t think I ever will again.
His eyes in the dark no longer looked beautiful to me...they looked like black pits...his long black hair wasn’t tied up like it usually was it...it was flowing down past his shoulders. He wore all black like usual, he had his hood up, and he was staring at me so intensely...I couldn’t move I was so so scared. I know you all probably think I’m an idiot for not shouting or screaming or attacking him but honestly at that moment I was too scared to move, I couldn’t move or speak.
His hand went from my cheek down to my neck, he was tracing my neck and was surprisingly gentle. He then got to my boobs...he put both hands on them and was gently squeezing them...”So juicy...so soft...fuck...” (I didn’t have a bra on since I don’t wear them for bed) he muttered this under his breath. He ended up moving his hands onto my hips, he was so much taller than me and I could just tell he was strong. I finally found my voice and said “the cops are gonna be here soon...if you kill me they’ll catch you...” god I must have sounded like a terrified little kid.
He looked at me, sighed and said “I wasn’t gonna hurt you Jess the only moans and screams that would come from me touching you will be when I’m shagging you babe...” he took a deep breath, put his fingers under my chin, lifting my head up and continued “but if you feel that scared I guess I can wait...but don’t make is wait too long babe cos the longer I wait the rougher I’ll be...” he then let go of me walked back towards the couch, he picked up a black plastic bag presumably with my bras and undies still in and he threw it out of the window (the cops think that’s how he got in, they think he managed to open it and climbed in) and climbed out himself, he took a few steps and turned back and said “I love you and I WILL be back” and with that he took off running with the bag. He ran and I couldn’t see him anymore.
I stayed standing there looking out the window for what felt like forever but it could have only been a few minutes, I shook my self out of the trance I was in and ran to the window trying to see if I could spot him but I couldn’t so I closed and locked the window and pulled the curtains back. I had left my phone upstairs and decided to run back up and get it, my uncle had been texting me and trying to get in touch. I had a few missed calls from my mam and stepdad and cousin, I was in the middle of texting when I heard sirens...
The cops...I was so happy I actually started to cry again I ran down the stairs. The cops came in and a few minutes later my uncle showed up, I told them everything and the took at statement down and started to look around the house but there wasn’t much physical evidence or anything that could help. The only thing they took interest in was the window and my room. My mam and stepdad came home and we went to my nanas for the night while the house was cleaned and searched, I’m back home now and the police are still investigating. The police patrol the area I live in a lot more now due to the risks of him coming back and the fact he could potentially try and rape me.
I’m talking to an online therapist due to what’s happened. I don’t sleep much anymore and I don’t eat, I get flashbacks and panic attacks a lot now. My parents are looking for somewhere else to live now and we’re even considering moving to a completely different area in England all together now.
If more happens I’ll update but I’m hoping it doesn’t, I feel drained. I know all of this seems hard to believe or take seriously but it’s true and honestly? I’m drained mentally and emotionally. If anyone has any comforting advice I’d appreciate it. I could use it right now. Thanks for reading
Part 1 has already been posted I couldn’t add this to it